by Marie Force
As he walked down the long, dark driveway that led to the road, he felt shredded. He should’ve cut his own damned hair the way he had many times in the past. If only he’d done that, he wouldn’t now have to live with knowing she existed, so close and yet so far from him. It’s not that he expected women to fall at his feet in gratitude for having gained his attention. But these things weren’t usually all that complicated for him. He liked women, women liked him. Everyone had fun. It was that simple.
So how had everything gotten so bloody complicated? Between Missy’s meltdown and Chloe’s rejection, Finn’s head was spinning.
He thought about calling Ned, but decided to walk home, mindful to keep an eye out for cars coming in either direction on the dark road. As he walked, he relived every second with Chloe, trying to make sense of it. But nothing added up. He knew she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her, so why wouldn’t she give him a chance?
It’s not you, so please don’t think that. You are amazing and wonderful, and if things were different…
If things were different. What things? He wanted to scream from the frustration and confusion.
Though it was late, and his brother was probably asleep, Finn called him anyway.
Riley answered on the first ring. “How’d it go?”
“The next time you get a big idea, keep it to yourself.”
“Oh damn. She wasn’t glad to see you?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know! I don’t fucking know! She’s as into me as I am with her, but she says the timing isn’t right, that she’s dealing with some stuff and it’s not me. I’m wonderful and amazing. What the fuck does that even mean, Ri?”
Finn heard a rustling sound and then Nikki came on the line. “Tell me exactly what she said.”
Finn went through the entire conversation, Chloe’s words permanently seared into his memory. He told her how Chloe had wanted to fool around—once—but that was all she’d wanted. When he stopped talking, he waited for Nikki to say something. “Nik?”
“I’m sorry, Finnbar. I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s great. Just great.”
“Do you want to come over? You shouldn’t be alone when you’re upset.”
“No, I don’t want to come over, but thanks for asking. Go to bed. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.”
Finn ended the call feeling more dejected than he had before he called them. If Nikki, one of the wisest, coolest women he’d ever known, couldn’t explain this to him, who could?
* * *
Nikki handed Riley’s phone back to him. “We should go over there.”
“It’s almost midnight, and we all have to work in the morning.”
“He’s really upset.”
“He said he doesn’t want company.”
“Because he doesn’t want to inconvenience us. We can stay there tonight so he doesn’t have to be alone.”
Riley moaned. He’d been asleep when Finn called, and now he had Nikki imploring him with those eyes that could bring him to his knees. Riley sat up, rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. “Let’s go.”
Ten minutes later, they left Eastward Look, which they had spent the winter renovating, and headed out on the dark winding road that led to town.
“Go that way,” Nikki said when they reached a three-way intersection.
“Why?”
“A hunch.”
Riley took the right-hand turn that would take them into town the long way, around the island’s north end.
Nikki sat up straight, her eyes peeled.
“What’re you looking for?”
“Your brother. Ned took him there, but how much you want to bet he’s walking home?”
“At this hour? He’ll get himself killed.”
“Not if we get there first. Hurry up.”
Riley pressed down on the gas and made quick time getting to the west side.
“That’s where Chloe lives.” Nikki pointed to a driveway. “Start looking for him and slow down so you aren’t the one to run him over.”
They went another mile before Nikki said, “There!”
Riley brought the truck to a stop next to his brother, who was dressed in dark clothes. He leaned forward so he could see around Nikki. “Do you have a death wish?”
“Nope.”
“Get in the truck, Finn.”
“I told you not to come.”
“This is all Nikki’s doing, so make it easy on us both and get in the truck.”
Finn got in and slammed the door.
Riley directed the truck toward town, pulling up to Finn’s house ten tense, quiet minutes later.
“You guys can go. I’m okay.”
Nikki got out of the truck. “We’re not leaving.”
Resigned to losing more sleep, Riley followed them inside.
Finn flopped on the sofa.
Nikki went into the kitchen, got a beer out of the fridge, opened it and brought it to Finn. Then she sat in front of him on the coffee table. “What can I do?”
“Nothing. I’m fine. It was a thing. It’s not going to happen. I’ll get over it.”
Riley thought about the merciless way Finn had busted his balls when he was first with Nikki, and how he’d wanted to punch him half the time. Now he’d give anything to see his brother happy. Funny how that worked. Even when Finn was driving him crazy, Riley wanted only the best for his lifelong best friend.
“Maybe I could talk to her,” Nikki said.
“Please don’t. That’s not going to help. But I appreciate the offer.”
“I hate to see you hurting.”
Finn’s face lifted into a small smile. “Thanks, Nicholas. But I’ll survive. In other news, Missy has been blowing up my phone like a crazy stalker since I told her we’re not getting back together.” Finn looked at his phone. “We’re up to two hundred texts and sixteen voicemail messages. So far.”
“Why don’t you block her?” Riley asked.
“I did. She’s using other people’s phones. I keep blocking the numbers and then a new one pops us.”
Nikki gasped. “Holy crap! Who does that?”
“People who can’t take no for an answer,” Riley said. “Do you think you need to get the cops involved?”
“God, no. No cops. She’ll give up when she realizes she’s not getting anywhere. She’s the least of my concerns.”
Having seen her in action in the past, Riley didn’t agree that Missy would give up on Finn without a fight, but he kept the thought to himself. For now anyway.
“You guys can go home. I’m really fine. I swear.”
Nikki patted Finn’s knee. “We can stay here tonight.”
“No need for that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Means a lot that you guys came looking for me.”
Nikki hugged him. “We’ll check on you in the morning.”
“Sounds good.”
Riley tried to think of something he could say to make Finn feel better. “I know it seems hopeless now, but don’t give up.”
“I am giving up. She’s made her feelings clear. I have no choice but to respect them.”
“I’m sorry it worked out this way.”
Finn shrugged, projecting indifference that Riley saw right through. “I’ll get over it.”
“Get some sleep.”
“Thanks again, you guys.”
As Riley ushered her out the door, Nikki said, “Call if you need us.”
“I will.”
Riley held the passenger door for her, and when she was settled, he leaned in to kiss her. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Taking such good care of my brother.”
“I love him.”
Riley smiled, his heart full to overflowing with love for the incredible woman who would be his wife before much longer, not that she knew that. Not yet anyway. “And I love you.”
�
��I want this to work out for him so badly. I want him to be as happy as we are.”
“He’ll get there, babe. In his own time.”
“I wish he wasn’t leaving us.”
“I do, too. Maybe if he can convince Chloe to give him a chance, he’ll stick around.”
“Wouldn’t that be awesome? I’m overdue for a haircut…”
“Nikki, don’t get involved.”
“Who said I was getting involved?”
Riley eyed her shrewdly. “I know that mulish look of yours.”
“Are you calling your girlfriend a mule?”
“Don’t change the subject, and stay out of Finn’s business. I mean it.”
She smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes at him. “Yes, dear.”
Riley closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side, hoping she listened to him and stayed out of it. But even as he had the thought, he knew she would do anything she could for Finn. While he appreciated and enjoyed the friendship between her and his brother, he hoped she didn’t do anything to make things worse for Finn.
That would truly suck.
Chapter 13
In the morning, Chloe dragged her aching body out of bed an hour earlier than usual to shower and prepare for an appointment with Dr. Lawrence at the clinic. In addition to the usual aches and pains, her chest hurt today, too. Who knew that broken hearts actually ached? As she showered, did her hair and makeup and consumed the first of two cups of coffee required to jumpstart her day, Chloe kept reliving the scene with Finn last night. She hated that she’d hurt him and left him confused. However, she hadn’t yet figured out how to talk about the diagnosis she’d recently received after a frustrating yearlong dance with doctors and specialists and blood tests and baffling symptoms that hadn’t added up until they finally did.
Rheumatoid arthritis, an often debilitating, horribly painful condition that would eventually leave her if not completely disabled, then partially. It had been just her luck that the condition had first appeared in her hands, which immediately put her livelihood in jeopardy.
Three weeks ago, she’d finally received a definitive diagnosis and had spent just about every minute since then reeling as anxiety and fear took over. How would she work if her hands didn’t work the way they were supposed to? How would she support herself if she couldn’t cut hair? How would she afford the health insurance that she desperately needed if she couldn’t keep the salon open? Though she did well enough on her own, she didn’t make enough to hire someone to cover the winter months when business dropped off significantly.
And then there was the possibility that RA was just the start of it as autoimmune disorders tended to pile on. In an online forum, she’d read about a woman who had fourteen different autoimmune conditions in addition to RA.
The info had left her so freaked out, she’d stayed offline ever since.
For her entire adult life, since she aged out of the foster system at eighteen, Chloe had relied on no one but herself to get by. Unlike other young people she had befriended over the years, she had no family support system to fall back on. Her foster family had been kind to her and they were great about keeping in touch, but they lived in Alaska now, so she didn’t see them very often. She didn’t have a family support network like other people had and had tried not to dwell on that reality too much as she made her way in an often unkind and unforgiving world.
Coming to Gansett, becoming a business owner and finding the home of her heart had been the best thing to ever happen to her. She had found a life that satisfied her. But now that, too, was in jeopardy, as her illness would require specialists and possibly care that couldn’t be provided on a remote island.
She was twenty-nine years old and staring down a terrifying and uncertain future.
Which was why she’d told Finn that they couldn’t happen, even if she wanted him more than she’d wanted any man. Ever. It wouldn’t be fair to start something with him now, when everything was topsy-turvy in her world. In addition to her fears about her livelihood, the thought of no longer being able to draw, something she’d enjoyed since childhood, broke her heart.
Chloe fed Ranger and let him out in the backyard to do his business, watching as he struggled down the little ramp on legs that didn’t work the way they used to. The two of them were quite a pair. When he was safely on the grass, she went into the bathroom to add another coat of mascara to complete the pulled-together look she showed the rest of the world. Cool, competent, stylish, even if she crumbled on the inside. No one needed to know that, least of all the adorable guy who’d set her heart to fluttering the minute he stepped into her world.
Was that only a couple of days ago? It seemed she’d known him so much longer. Sending him away had been the most painful thing that’d happened since she lost her parents. She’d lived long enough by now to know the kind of connection she’d had with him didn’t come along every day, especially when you lived on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean.
A sob erupted from her throat, startling her.
“No. I’m not going to cry over him. I’ve already got enough to contend with. I don’t need a self-inflicted wound on top of everything else. That’s enough.”
Despite what she told herself, tears filled her eyes anyway. She blotted them away with a tissue while giving thanks for waterproof mascara. She had a feeling she was going to need it again before today was over. She’d gotten through worse things than losing a man who’d never been hers to start with, and she would survive this, too.
Determined to face the day without allowing her emotions to get the better of her, she let Ranger in, got him settled and headed out for her appointment.
David Lawrence had been an absolute godsend in the year since her hands had first started giving her trouble last summer. At first it had been a twinge of discomfort in her wrists and then her fingers. Within a couple of months, her hips, knees and ankles were protesting the long days on her feet at work, and her hands were swelling and aching fiercely.
When anti-inflammatory medication hadn’t alleviated the pain and swelling, David had referred her to a rheumatologist on the mainland who’d put her through more tests than she could count, all of them coming back inconclusive. Her RA factor had been negative, which had prolonged the mystery, but she’d learned that could happen even when you had the disorder.
In the end, the diagnosis had devastated her. The medication prescribed to alleviate the symptoms was also a chemotherapy drug and left her feeling sick to her stomach most of the time. Fiona, the local pharmacist, knew about Chloe’s diagnosis due to the medications she needed, but she and David were the only ones on the island who knew. Wanting to protect her business for as long as she could, Chloe had decided to tell no one else until she had to.
That plan had been working out well until Finn McCarthy came strolling into the salon, setting off an intense yearning for something—and someone—she couldn’t have.
As she drove to the clinic, she knew that sending him away had been the right thing to do. He had his whole life ahead of him and could have any woman he wanted. He didn’t need to be saddled with someone who might end up disabled within a decade, if it took that long.
David and the rheumatologist had painted a rosier picture—new drugs and treatments were making RA much more manageable than it had been in the past, which was great news, but that didn’t change the reality for her. If her hands didn’t cooperate, she couldn’t work, and if she couldn’t work, she ran the risk of losing her livelihood and her health insurance. Unfortunately, her hands had been getting worse instead of better, even with the powerful drugs.
She walked into the clinic and gave her name at reception. After taking a seat in the waiting area, she tried to look at a magazine, but it didn’t hold her attention. In the weeks since she’d gotten the diagnosis, she’d had trouble concentrating on anything other than work. She hadn’t read a book or watched a TV show or movie, all things she usually enjoyed. It was like her brain refu
sed to focus on anything other than fear, anxiety and pain. At the same time, she tried very hard not to think at all about the illness, dwelling in a state of denial that kept her from taking to her bed and curling into the fetal position.
Since that wasn’t an option, denial had been working pretty well. But meeting Finn had made denial impossible. How could she justify starting something new with a great guy when she had a massive cloud of uncertainty hanging over her?
Chloe prided herself on being truthful and open in her dealings with people. Keeping such a thing from Finn while getting more involved with him would be like lying to his face.
“Chloe.”
Katie Lawry’s cheerful voice roused Chloe from her unsettled thoughts. Though Katie must’ve wondered about Chloe’s regular appointments at the clinic, she’d never asked if everything was okay, and Chloe hadn’t shared her diagnosis. With Katie’s wedding coming up soon, she had enough going on.
Besides, keeping her business to herself was second nature to Chloe after being on her own for so long.
Katie led her into an exam room. “David is running a few minutes late, but he’ll be right with you.”
“Thanks, Katie. How’re things in wedding central?”
“We’re down to seating charts and final fittings. Home stretch. All I can say is thank God for my mom and Laura. They’ve been keeping me sane.”
“The big day will be here before you know it.”
“I can’t wait. My brothers and sisters will be here soon, and there’s just so much to look forward to.”
“It’s very exciting.” Chloe felt dead inside. What did she have to look forward to? Nothing after last night.
“Thanks for being part of it.”
“I’m delighted to have been asked.”
“I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Sounds good.”
Katie closed the exam room door, leaving Chloe alone again with the merry-go-round of thoughts that kept her awake at night, churning with fears and scenarios that fueled nightmares when she did finally fall asleep.