The creak of the sitting room door opening drew his attention away from this perplexing question. Kate entered the room, passing through a ray of sunlight that streamed through the window as she did so. His breath caught in his throat. She was lovely, and he wanted to look at her every day for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to leave her again.
She smiled a rather diffident greeting and then wandered around for a moment, pausing to rummage through the desk. She stopped in the middle of the room, looking slightly lost.
He returned his gaze, if not his attention, back to his book. Officially, they still weren’t on full speaking terms, and he wasn’t yet ready to try once more to smooth things over with her. Not if she was just going to reject him again, and he had no doubt that was exactly what she’d do. Yet despite what he assumed her feelings were, she’d been uncharacteristically demure since he’d arrived. In fact, she’d smiled, nodded and agreed with every statement he’d made in the past week—and he’d said some pretty bizarre things just to test her. Who was this docile woman? He couldn’t quite figure it out. He supposed he could attribute this change to the scare she’d been through, but she’d been through plenty of scares before and had always come away swearing at him. He didn’t like this change at all, in fact. She wasn’t acting like herself; she was acting like…well, he wasn’t sure what, really. She even dressed a bit differently, and she seemed to have developed several strange habits in his absence, like the pianoforte (she didn’t seem to realize it was badly out of tune) and knitting. Generally speaking, he didn’t approve of women who filled their time with such practices. Speaking specifically, however, he found these habits—and knitting in particular—rather distressing in his wife. If she ever returned to normal she might turn her knitting needles into weapons at whim.
He tilted his head, an interesting thought suddenly occurring to him. Perhaps she was with child. Knitting was an indication of pregnancy, wasn’t it? It was possible, even if he hadn’t really contemplated the prospect before. He looked at her curiously. She didn’t seem to be any bigger. Had she been craving any odd foods? He couldn’t recollect.
“I can’t find my embroidery,” she announced, still standing in the middle of the room and speaking to no one in particular.
He sighed. “Pity.”
“Have you seen it?” she asked, the barest hint of impatience entering her voice.
“Do you miss it that much?” Ben asked, enjoying the prospect of a fight. As far as he could tell it was the first time he’d managed to rile her since his return. He did like to rile her.
“No, but I need it,” she replied, giving him a rather sour look.
“That’s completely illogical. You don’t need it. Maybe you lost it on purpose.”
“I didn’t, Ben.” She looked around the room with displeasure. Of course she didn’t miss it, but she was still working on it. All in all, she felt that her attempts at becoming more ladylike, serene and composed were working wonderfully. She still felt a certain distance around her husband, but she supposed that it would only take time. He hadn’t fled back to London yet, had he? Wasn’t that proof enough? And yet why was he being so provoking? It was as if he liked it when she argued with him.
She found some knitting in the desk instead and took a seat across from him. She forced a pleasant smile onto her face.
“It is your birthday soon.”
Ben didn’t realize she even knew when his birthday was. He just lifted a brow and kept his attention on his book. He could see she was getting seriously miffed now, and if he looked up at her she’d see the gleam in his eyes and the grin threatening the corners of his mouth.
She rose from her seat and crossed the room to stand before him. She dropped a lumpy, amorphous woolen object into his lap.
“Am I to understand you made this?” he asked, looking at it quizzically.
“It is a scarf,” she explained, trying hard to keep her temper under control.
“I’m glad you told me,” he said. “Did I need one?”
Kate could have kicked him. “You could just say thank you, you know. I tried.”
Her face was turning red. He loved it. “Well, don’t try. Since when have you taken up knitting anyway? It’s a bloody ridiculous habit to adopt having avoided it for so long. What’s come over you?”
Kate imagined taking a thread and needle and sewing the bed sheets around him one night while he slept. That’d show him trying. He was trying, trying both her nerves and her patience. “I realize,” she said very slowly as if to a simpleton, “that I’m not very good at it—”
“This is true.”
“—but I am trying to improve. It is about time I learned…I may need these skills in the future.”
“What possible future situation would require this scarf, Kate?”
“Well, we’ll have children someday—”
“Will we?”
She blushed and looked away, feeling deeply humiliated. Why did he have to make this so difficult? Couldn’t he see how hard it was for her already? “All right, perhaps we won’t. But if it did happen…well, I really ought to set a proper example, particularly if we have any girls. I ought to be a role model for them, and I ought to be able to teach them this sort of thing so…so they don’t turn out like me.”
Ben’s eyes flashed in annoyance. He laid his book down on his lap and stared at her. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Well, nothing, but…” She trailed off. His expression was downright intimidating. “Never mind.”
She turned angrily to leave the room, not wanting him to see her lip quiver. Obviously he hadn’t been contemplating the possibility of children, and she’d do best not to dwell on it either. But just as she reached the door, his words made her stop.
“I wouldn’t mind a’tall if any girls we might have turned out like you, Kate. I wouldn’t even mind if our boys did, either. You’re braver and more intelligent than just about any man I know. What would make you think such a thing?”
She turned around slowly, saying nothing. She was still battling back tears. He couldn’t possibly mean it.
“Come here.”
She shook her head. All she wanted to do was hide. She’d never felt the fool to such a degree before. This was what she’d wanted, though, wasn’t it? How many times had she told herself that she was willing to suffer any embarrassment if it would bring him back?
“Come here, Kate,” he repeated. “Please.”
Slowly, she walked back to him. She stopped just in front of his chair, and he reached out to hold her hand. “Kate, I didn’t marry an empty-headed woman who’s good at sewing and flower arranging and…well, not much else. When you heard me saying those things to Richard Hastings I was only trying to gauge whether or not he was innocent. By making it known that I had you well in control it would also become known that you were no longer vulnerable. But for God’s sake, Kate, I have no delusions about controlling you. I know I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to, and that’s not what I want. My wife is clever and amusing…perhaps a bit bossy and impetuous…and she’s honorable and kind. Would you even believe I admire her?” he asked, pausing to watch her cheeks turn delightfully pink. “If you were the type of woman to spend your time knitting and gossiping around the tea table, I’d never have asked you to marry me.”
“But you didn’t ask me—”
He pulled her gently onto his lap. “Do shut up, you fool. Yes, I did.”
She shook her head. “You wouldn’t have asked if it hadn’t been imperative. You had no choice.”
“I would have eventually. I’m afraid it was fate, my dear.”
“Oh.” For a moment the only sound in the room was the ticking of the mantel clock. She couldn’t meet his gaze; she felt at once vulnerable, shy and deeply aware of his body, his heat. She’d imagined him saying these words so many times that they somehow didn’t seem real. Instead she looked at her hands, clasped nervously in her lap.
“Do you know something els
e, Kate?” he asked.
“What?” she asked, looking up, searching for answers in his face.
“I haven’t regretted it for a single moment.”
She didn’t really know what to say to that. She still didn’t know if she could believe him, but she wanted to, desperately. Was it possible? “I highly doubt that.”
“It’s true. There were times, maybe, when I questioned both your sanity and mine—”
She smiled despite herself, and a tear ran down her cheek.
“—but I’ve never doubted that I love you,” he said, brushing it away with his finger.
She was silent for a moment. “What?”
He squeezed her and held her close. “I love you, Kate. I think I’ve loved you since the moment you opened the door that night…well, nearly a year ago. There I was, exhausted and expecting to see my surly ogre of a best friend, but I saw this gorgeous vision instead. I tried to stay away from you, but I couldn’t. I know I haven’t always acted as I should have. I’ve made a muck of things, Kate. All you need to say to make me a happy man forever is that you forgive me.”
She’d longed to hear these words. She loved him, with every fiber of her being. Tentatively, she said, “I’ve made a muck of things, too. I’m so sorry.”
“Well…I suppose you’ve not always been perfect. But I forgive you.”
She smiled, her customary cheekiness slowly reinstating itself. He loved her, did he? How marvelous. “Mary once told me she thought you were my guardian angel.”
“What a patent falsehood. I don’t believe you for a minute.”
Her smile grew. “She did. When I first told her about the way you managed to appear in my life at every moment of crisis.”
“This was before she thought I was trying to murder you, I presume,” Ben said with a smile of his own. Mary had been exceedingly kind to him since his return and he knew that she’d think the world of him until her dying day.
“It’s true, though,” Kate insisted. “How on earth do you do it?”
Ben hadn’t the faintest idea, but he quite liked the idea of being her guardian angel. No one had ever accused him of being an angel of any description before and it made him feel rather like a new man. He hoped he’d have many chances to rescue her in the future.
“So,” he asked slowly, nuzzling the soft skin beneath her ear, “when are we having these children? Shall we start today?”
“I’m sorry?”
He rose from his seat, bringing her with him. “How many did you say? Eight? Nine?”
She squealed in delight. “Where are you taking me?”
“Wife, I think I’d like to take you upstairs with me,” he said, carrying her purposefully across the room.
“What—now?” She pretended to look shocked. “It’s midmorning. What will the servants think?”
“I am not made of stone, madam.”
He opened the sitting room door and headed for the staircase with her cradled in his arms. He paused before mounting it. “By the way, Kate,” he asked, looking down at her, “is there nothing you’d like to tell me?”
She gazed up at him, her eyes sparkling with happiness. Of course she loved him. That was no revelation. She’d known she was hopelessly besotted since, well…since she’d thrown a glass of water at him for insulting her at the age of eleven. Goodness, that had been over thirteen years ago and not much had changed. But for the moment she didn’t answer his question, reveling in the power her answer held. He loved her and cared deeply that she loved him, too. He loved her just the way she was and didn’t want to change her.
“You know how I feel,” she said finally.
“Do I?”
“Of course you do.”
“Well, would you like to tell me anyway, my dear? If you don’t I might accidentally drop you. Then you’d have to walk up all these stairs.”
“I love you, Ben.”
He leaned down to kiss her hard on the lips and then proceeded to carry her up the staircase.
“My lord?” she asked when they were about halfway up.
He halted to look down at her in question. “My lady?”
“Perhaps tomorrow we might walk to my office together and have a look at a few things? There’s a problem I’ve been trying to work through these past months and I believe I could use your help. I should warn you it’s very cluttered in there but I…I might be able to find a bit of room for you at my desk.”
“Are you certain, Kate?” he asked, his eyes showing his concern. “I’m more than happy to do whatever I can to help you, but only if you really want it.”
“No, no, really, I’m sure. I need the help and you’re as competent as anyone else would be. I’m sure you’ll be perfectly good at it.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Competent? Good? Madam, I have my own business to devote all my attention to if that’s your attitude.”
“What I meant to say was that you’re the most brilliant and perfect husband on earth. And I trust you completely.”
“You trust me?” He was more moved by those three short words than he ever would have thought possible.
“Well, of course I do. I love you, don’t I? Now, are you going to carry me up these stairs or not?”
“I’d be delighted,” he said, and up they went. At the top of the staircase they disappeared down the hallway, and a moment later the sound of their bedroom door closing could be heard throughout the house. It was just the bang of a door—it wasn’t that expressive—but for anyone listening it was the conclusive sound of a happy ending.
Epilogue
September 1818
“George?” Kate asked hopefully. She was sitting up in bed, a teacup resting on her very large tummy. Ben sat up at the foot of the bed, facing her.
He looked unconvinced. “Umm…Georgina?”
She shook her head. “No, no…what about Robert? After my brother, of course. He’d like that.”
“Roberta.”
“No, Ben, I’m certain it’s a boy. He takes after you already…demanding food at all hours, kicking me in my sleep—”
“This is why I’m certain it’s a girl,” Ben replied, gently taking hold of one of her feet and placing it in his lap. “She takes after you already.”
“If it’s a girl, surely I wouldn’t be this large. I’m practically a…a whale, an elephant…”
“The Royal Pavilion,” he supplied.
She frowned at him. “You needn’t exaggerate. I’m not that big.”
He smiled back roguishly and began tugging at her stocking. “Size is not proof, darling…for example, I hear you were a large baby.”
“I was always graceful,” she claimed, pretending to be offended: she’d been, according to her father, a monumental ten pounds. “But anyway, we must come up with a name quickly. I think he’ll arrive any day now. I hope so—I feel like I’m about to pop.”
“I have a second cousin called Hercules, if you’re so certain it’s a boy. Hercules, future Viscount Carlisle…what do you think?”
She rolled her eyes at him. They probably wouldn’t decide on a name until the very day their child was born, and even then she wasn’t confident they’d be in complete agreement. She changed the subject. “Are you sure you’re ready for our arrival later this week?”
“I have told you many times, fatherhood does not worry me. My own father has written me several relevant letters over the past months and I am prepared for anything. Croup…teething…have we found a nurse yet?”
She smiled. “No, no, I didn’t mean the baby, Ben. I meant Robert and Charlotte. They’ll be here at the end of the week, remember?”
He sighed, tugging one last time at her stocking. He began slipping it off her foot. “I’m ready for that, too, although I’m not sure I welcome the intrusion just yet. I’ve been very much enjoying having you all to myself.”
“Well, they want to be here when the baby arrives, and we’ve yet to see our new niece. My brother writes that Charlotte’s gotten even b
ossier since Maria was born. She no longer has any patience with him at all…keeps telling him that now they’ve a real baby in the family he’s no longer entitled to act like one. Harsh words, but you know how he is…always losing things and expecting her to find them—”
“His life sounds far too domesticated at present—I’ll have to liberate him. Perhaps I’ll take him shooting.”
Kate snorted. “He doesn’t mind being domesticated a’tall. Besides, he’ll probably shoot himself in the foot…and speaking of his erratic aim, he won’t be shooting at you for any reason, will he?”
Ben began working on her other stocking. “Not unless Charlotte truly has driven him mad since the birth of their child. As I’ve told you, Kate, Robert’s forgiven me completely. He knows how happy I make you…now that you’ve finally come to your senses, anyway…and besides, he recognizes you’re a difficult woman to please.”
“I’m not so difficult.”
He began kissing her toes. “And I’m tenacious. I can take it…in fact, I very much enjoy the effort it takes to…please you.”
Kate leaned back, closing her eyes with a contented sigh.
“We never had a honeymoon, you know,” he said between nibbles. “Perhaps when Robert and Charlotte leave we can travel a bit. How would you like that?”
Kate opened her eyes, a slightly worrying thought entering her head. Before marrying her, Ben had spent much of the year traveling around the globe; since their marriage, he’d remained in Dorset, with only the occasional trip to town to check on his own business. It wasn’t a very interesting life. Was he beginning to find it tedious? “We’ll be returning to London soon,” she suggested hopefully.
“Yes, well, I’d hardly call that a honeymoon.”
“No, I suppose punishment is more like it,” she responded wryly but then, more seriously, “I do hope you’re not bored here.”
He raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Could I ever be bored when I have you to entertain me?” His fingers began to trail along her now naked calf.
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