“You’re all mixed up. I took advantage.”
He was already standing as she wobbled trying to get her panties on. He steadied her.
She couldn’t help the reflexive flinch. It wasn’t him; it was what he was saying. There was so much potential between them. God, that was an idiotic thought. The thing they’d started could only end badly. He stepped back, pulling ever farther away.
“The timing sucked. We both need to think about things before jumping into a physical relationship like that. It shouldn’t be a rebound or some sort of revenge.”
“Please, Drew. Don’t worry about it. It was probably exactly what I needed in that moment.” She wanted him to shut up. She’d needed comfort, commiseration. Instead, he made her feel pathetic. But a revenge fuck? She wasn’t like that. He turned what they’d done into something wrong and illicit.
“I’m sure what you needed to do was talk. Instead I was all over you.”
Her sweats finally on, she was tying the knot at her waist as she looked at him. “Yeah, I needed to talk, but don’t beat yourself up.”
“Do you want a drink?” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen.
“No. Thanks.” She needed to get out. It hadn’t been a revenge fuck, but it was most certainly a rebound thing. Deluding herself into thinking she’d come over to comfort him, the truth was, she’d needed a man to tell her she wasn’t a complete loser. She’d needed Drew to tell her. But he was part of the whole mess. They weren’t any good for each other. Not now. “I’m sorry, Drew, I need to go. You’re right, this isn’t something we can help each other with.”
She already had the door open, then she bent down to grab her flip-flops from the floor where they’d fallen when she’d wrapped her legs around his waist.
“Alexis, that’s not what I meant,” he was saying as she closed the door on him.
She didn’t want to hear. She’d heard far too much tonight. She couldn’t take one more fucking rejection. Not now. Without stopping to put her flip-flops on, she sprinted along the sidewalk to her driveway. She’d left all the lights blazing. Funny, she hadn’t remembered turning them all on, as if she’d been wandering the rooms in a fog after Logan left.
Her purse was on the kitchen counter where she’d left it when Logan said they needed to talk. Her cell phone was inside. She speed-dialed him.
He didn’t answer. Her belly crimped with the knowledge that he was with Cat and probably wouldn’t take her calls. So be it. She left him a message. “I’m putting the house on the market tomorrow. I’ll call you with the details.”
She’d have to get a lawyer tomorrow, too. There were procedures to follow; she had no clue what they were. She didn’t think Logan would try to screw her over in the settlement. God, that thought made her laugh; he’d already screwed her over. Whatever. She was sure he’d want out as quickly as she did.
She needed to lance the pain. She needed to move on. She needed to forget. And she sure as hell couldn’t stay in the house next door to Drew.
Chapter Nineteen
Final. The papers were signed. Six short months, and now he was a divorced man. Legally free.
Overhead, dark clouds rolled in as Drew made his way through the parking lot to his car. March and April were usually wet months in the Bay Area. If he was lucky, he’d make it back to work before the rain started. He had his Monday staff meeting to prepare for, and he needed a bite of lunch before he dug in.
“Drew.” Cat had always had a way of calling his name that resonated along some cord inside him. He was afraid she always would.
She’d told him she had a last couple of questions for her lawyer, implicit in the statement was that she wanted to talk to him. He hadn’t waited. But he turned now. “It’s going to rain, Cat. I’m in a hurry.”
She was out of breath, as if she’d run after him in her high heels. She was still pretty, still perfectly put together. “I wanted to know if we could be friends. Since it’s all over.”
“Friends,” he said, considering the word. The divorce had been amicable, everything right down the middle, the house sold, the furnishings divided equably. “Trouble in paradise already, so you have to run back to me?” he asked.
Something flashed momentarily in her gaze, but she quickly covered it with a sad look and a shake of her head. “Everything’s great.” Cat was living with Logan. He’d signed his freedom papers two weeks ago, another amicable divorce, all so civilized. “That’s not why I want to be friends,” she said, almost plaintively.
She and Logan weren’t going to last. It wasn’t bitterness or wishful thinking. Drew found he didn’t really care how it ended for them. He simply knew in his gut that when the newness wore off, they’d tire of each other, then they’d start lying. Or perhaps they’d have an open relationship, dating other people, fucking other people.
Drew had yet to start dating. He had yet to have sex with another woman since the night Alexis ran out the door.
“We always got along so well,” Cat said when he didn’t answer. “I hate to lose that connection.”
Connection? He wanted to laugh, but only smiled faintly instead. “That’s the thing I admire about you, Cat. You know how to make living in Lalaland work for you.”
Her shoulders drooped. “Oh, Drew, please don’t be bitter.”
“I’m not.” It wasn’t a lie, at least not much of one. “Before we can be friends, we have to be honest with each other. Now we’re divorced, the truth can’t make any difference. So I need to know.” He left it hanging.
She actually brightened as if she thought an answer to whatever question he asked meant they’d be friends, or whatever it was she really wanted from him. “Of course.”
“When did you start fucking Logan? Before Tahoe?”
She shook her head, the high ponytail she’d put her hair in swishing back and forth. “In Tahoe. With you. I swear it.”
He was an engineer, his mind analytical, and he’d had a lot of nights to think. “That’s not all of it, though, is it.”
She pursed her lips, her pert breasts rising. “I’d looked.” And she’d wanted.
Drew waited.
She shot out a harsh breath. “We thought it would all be fine if we did it as a foursome. Then everybody would be happy, and no one would feel left out.”
“We?”
She pouted. He used to find that sexy. “Yes, Logan and I talked about it,” she admitted. Then, understanding his look, added, “Yes, before Tahoe.”
“So you and Logan figured it would be fine to fuck each other if all of us were doing it?”
She flipped out her hands with a touch of exasperation. “Well, it was okay. You loved it when you were DPing me.”
She didn’t understand that had been the beginning of the end. When he realized he didn’t like her kissing Logan. “Weren’t you afraid I’d like sex with Alexis too much?”
She shrugged. “Logan said she wasn’t a real firecracker.”
They had indeed planned the seduction, deciding the things they’d each say to get the legitimacy they wanted, permission to fuck. “Alexis was a firecracker, just not for Logan.”
“Are we going to play tit for tat, Drew?” A sharp breath gave her nostrils the slightest flare.
“No. I just don’t want you to denigrate her.”
She softened her lips with a smile. “I wasn’t. Logan and I are both sorry it happened. We didn’t think we’d have feelings.”
“But when you started having feelings, you sure as hell didn’t stop doing it.” He doubted her definition of feelings was the same as his, though.
She gave him a typical sheepish look, her eyes a deep, sad brown. “I know. I’ll never forgive myself.”
He didn’t believe that look for a moment. She was still trying to manipulate him. “Which is why you need me to forgive you.”
She put a hand on his arm. “Please, Drew.”
He looked at her hand, then raised his gaze to hers once more. �
��Do you know the only difference between you and Logan, and Alexis and I?”
She dropped her hand and shook her head, the ponytail bouncing. “No. Tell me.” She thought the answer would be her expiation.
“When Alexis and I had those same feelings, we did stop.”
“You and Alexis?” she echoed.
“Yeah. Me and Alexis.” He remembered the last time he held Alexis, kissed her. That night had been both momentous and bad timing. So good and so bad. Neither of them was ready. Though, to be honest, he’d never asked her if she was ready.
“Cat, we can’t be friends. It’s not possible, not because I’m still angry or bitter. We just don’t have anything in common. We’re too different. We always were, but I didn’t realize a marriage can’t survive like that.”
“But Drew—”
He held up a finger. He’d always let her have the last word. Not this time. “If you need forgiveness, then consider yourself forgiven. But that’s all I’ve got to give you, not friendship, nothing else. Now I’ve gotta go. There’s somewhere I have to be.”
There was someone he needed to see. It couldn’t wait until after his meeting. He suddenly realized he’d left it far too long already.
* * * * *
It was just starting to rain as Alexis dashed across the parking lot. Whew, made it. These days she did a lunchtime speedwalk around the lagoon out by Shoreline. She didn’t like the gym, but walking toned her muscles, got her heart rate up, and eased any lingering tension from the morning’s activities. She’d bought a condo closer to work and dropped her commute time to fifteen minutes.
Entering the lobby, she headed for the ladies’ room. There were lockers and a couple of shower stalls in addition to the lavatories.
“Hey, Alexis, you’ve got a visitor.” George at the front desk pointed to the small vestibule behind a half wall and a row of potted plants where visitors could have coffee while they waited. “I told him I wasn’t sure when you’d be back.” George leaned over the counter and whispered, “He’s been here half an hour.”
She looked down at her sweatshirt and leggings. Damn. They’d seen better days. Not to mention the perspiration. She needed a shower. “Who is it? A vendor?”
George wasn’t the one who answered. “Not a vendor.” Her visitor had risen from a chair and looked at her over the wall.
His deep voice was like warm chocolate drizzled over her skin and licked clean. Drew. His dark brown hair was cut shorter than she remembered, and he looked so damn edible in a white shirt, red tie, and black pants.
She, on the other hand, looked like crap.
“You looked perfect, Alexis.” Ever the mind reader, always knowing what she was thinking and feeling, he rounded the wall. “Got a few to talk?”
He’d already been waiting half an hour; she couldn’t use up another fifteen minutes for a shower. “Sure. We can go to my office.” She led him up the stairs. “Is everything okay?”
The last time she’d seen Logan, when the divorce was finalized, he’d said Cat was wrapping things up with Drew soon. She should have had an emotion then, that day in the lawyer’s office with Logan. Anger, sadness, hurt, blame, something. Yet the biggest emotion had been relief that she didn’t have to deal with it anymore. She could start over.
And she was so totally aware of Drew close behind her now.
“Everything’s fine,” he answered her question. “I saw Cat today.” He followed her into the office, closing the door. “Nice digs.”
“It’s small.” She sat behind her desk because standing made her nervous.
“Big enough.” He took the chair opposite. “I’ll get to the point. Cat and I signed the divorce papers today.”
She had long since admitted her intense feelings for Drew. They’d gotten mixed up with finding Logan and Cat in bed, hearing Logan say he was in love with Cat, and good-bye babe. Then having sex on her hands and knees in Drew’s hallway. Cat’s hallway. It was so messed up then. Now, there were just the memory of those feelings about Drew.
“Logan mentioned it when I saw him.” She wasn’t sure what Drew’s divorce had to do with her, though. He’d made it clear that night that he couldn’t deal with a relationship. It hurt, but she understood. She was over it now, bad timing all around.
“I asked Cat a question. I wanted to ask you the same one.”
Her skin prickled, and she felt short of breath. “Sure.” Only she wasn’t so sure.
“Do you know the difference between us and them?” His eyes were so dark, so serious, as if her answer were the most important thing in the world to him.
But she didn’t get it. “No,” she whispered.
He dipped his head, glanced down a moment, then at her again. “They acted on their feelings. And we didn’t.”
We. He said we. He knew how she’d felt. He’d felt the same. But she still didn’t know exactly what that meant.
He rose, rounded her desk, stood over her. “I’m not sure I was in love with you then. I had to get through this, to understand what happened, and I had to be done with Cat. I had to have you be done with Logan. But now I know I’m in love with you. I need to know if you still have the same feelings or if I killed them that night.”
She rolled back her chair and got to her feet. Away from him. Because he smelled so good, she couldn’t think. And she hadn’t taken her shower yet. God, this was so strange, she’d thought everything was over. Then she laughed.
“What?”
She tapped her head. “Just a stray thought.” He popped back into her life, and she knew none of the feelings were gone. She’d been hibernating. “Even when Logan was walking out, I was thinking about you. I felt guilty about that.”
He touched her cheek. She remembered how he’d kissed her that night, cupped her chin, and pushed her up against the wall.
“I hurt you,” he said softly. “I handled everything badly. Fucked you, then told you it was a mistake.” A step closer, he wrapped his hand around her nape.
“I’m all sweaty,” she murmured.
“You’re perfect. I love hot, sweaty sex And I was wrong. The only thing that wasn’t a mistake was touching you, having you, right there in the hall. Without that, I wouldn’t have made it through.” Leaning down, he rubbed his nose against hers, touched his lips to her mouth. “But I ruined it afterward. I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”
Her heart was hammering so loudly, she almost couldn’t hear him, but her body drank in every touch.
“I love you,” he murmured. “I need a chance to make up for what happened.”
He was so beautiful. For the first time, she didn’t have to feel guilty for how she felt about him. “I’m all sweaty but I want you to kiss me anyway. Because I love you, too.”
“Yeah.” He smiled. Then he kissed her, parted her lips, and tasted her. It was so damn sweet, she felt tears as he backed off to take a breath. “It’s just you and me. No threesomes, no foursomes, just us. I never want to share you with anyone. You’re mine.”
Rising up on her toes, she wrapped her arms around him. “Just us. Always us.” Then she kissed him the way she’d always dreamed of.
# # #
Kinky Neighbors Wrap Up Discussion!
Thanks so much for all the support on Kinky Neighbors! I’m so glad all of you enjoyed it. If you haven’t read the whole story, skip this discussion, because it’s totally a spoiler. Go back to the March 14th blog where it all starts!
As I mentioned last time, I thought I’d tell you a bit more about writing the story. When we lived in our old house, some neighbors down the street both went through a divorce, and the husband of one of the couples had an affair with the wife from the other couple. The two couples had been very friendly, BBQs, card games, making the rounds of the wine festivals together, biking, etc. Then the affair began. As I recall from all the neighborhood gossip, that went on for about six months before they were discovered, and of course, all hell broke loose. I decided to write about the feelings of betrayal
that kind of thing causes, not just the affair, but that it was with such a close friend. And how do the spouses who were cheated on feel about each other after something like that? After the divorces, everyone moved away, and as far as I know, the couple who had done the cheating didn’t marry each other, and the other two spouses moved out of the area.
Now, I took literary license and added the whole swinging thing, because, after all, I’m an erotica writer! Of course in adding that element, it really changed things from the original neighborhood gossip, especially because I’m all about the HEA. Someone had to get together in the end!
I specifically chose only Drew and Alexis’s point of view to tell the story, because to me, they were the “hero” and “heroine.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if many of you knew from the beginning that those two would end up together! Cat and Logan were pretty devious, making little remarks all the way through to direct Drew and Alexis where they wanted them to go. My main goal with the story was to get you, the reader, to feel the growing emotions between Drew and Alexis, and thus make the betrayal feel even bigger in the end.
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