by Jemma Forte
‘Jessica,’ Angelica gasped, having finally spotted her standing awkwardly in the corner, half-hidden by a potted palm in a Chinese vase. ‘It’s so good to see you,’ she said, hurrying across the dining room, a touch self-consciously. Even the most blasé guests were gawping at her, the men relishing this unexpected sighting of Heavenly Melons, the women scrutinizing her for signs of ageing which they could later dine out on.
‘It’s good to see you too, Mom,’ Jessica replied, feeling frumpy by comparison in her jeans and simple cotton shirt. Angelica kissed her warmly on both cheeks. She was eager to sit down and didn’t want to be stared at longer than was necessary, so was glad when they were swiftly shown to a table.
‘Graydon Matthews will be joining us,’ Angelica informed the waiter in her French-accented voice. ‘So please keep an extra place setting, thank you. Now, how are you, Jessica? Tell me everything. I want to know what you’ve been up to.’
Jessica tried to keep any feelings of hurt at bay. She hadn’t seen her mother for ages and yet she had to bring her awful boyfriend?
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Angelica, having picked up on the sulky expression that had clouded over her daughter’s face.
‘Nothing. Where is Graydon anyway? Didn’t you come together?’
‘He had to use the bathroom. You don’t mind that he’s here, do you? It’s just that when I said I was meeting with you he was so excited about seeing you.’
‘Right,’ said Jessica, though she didn’t believe a word of it and suspected he wanted to keep an eye on Angelica. Jessica had always got the impression that Graydon was vaguely controlling of her mother, in a passive-aggressive kind of way that was hard to pinpoint.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have?’ Angelica continued, her French accent more pronounced than ever. ‘I’m sorry if it has annoyed you, Jessica, but I would just love you to get to know each other better.’
‘Why?’ asked Jessica, somewhat disingenuously.
‘Why do you think?’ replied Angelica lightly. ‘Look, I know you don’t like getting attached in case things don’t work out, but I think this time they will. I hope so anyway. Most people consider Graydon to be a pretty good catch, you know. He’s hard-working and he really looks after me. He is a good man.’
‘Is he?’ her daughter replied, aware of how much her mother wanted her approval, yet still not convinced. Taking advantage of Graydon’s absence, she couldn’t resist adding, ‘It’s just I never see you having much fun when you’re with him.’
‘Well, I laughed my way through one relationship and look how that turned out,’ joked Angelica bitterly. ‘Sorry,’ she added more gently. ‘Look, I know Graydon’s not funny like your father but he has other strengths that are probably more important.’
Like the ability to grow hair out of every orifice, yet still be balding?
‘He is very dependable.’
‘Right,’ said Jessica.
‘Anyway, enough of all that, I want to know how you are,’ said Angelica, desperate not to get off on a bad foot. ‘How long do you see yourself staying here? I have to admit I was a little sad that I had to find out about your plans to come to England from Jill.’
‘Er, isn’t that a bit hypocritical? You’ve been in Morocco for ages,’ said Jessica. Angelica had been filming a low-budget French movie in Morocco for the past couple of months and it had been a bad period in terms of contact even by her standards.
‘Yes, but you always had a number for me, so you could have rung. In fact, I only assumed you didn’t because …’
‘Because what?’
Angelica sighed. As ever, her daughter held the moral high ground. She really had no right to assume anything or to expect anything from her. She’d given up that right years ago. ‘I’m sorry. Let’s start again, shall we? Tell me what made you decide to come here.’
‘OK,’ replied Jessica, feeling stressed. ‘Well, I suppose initially I just needed to get away from LA. Stand on my own two feet for a while, if you know what I mean.’
‘Of course,’ nodded Angelica.
‘Plus Dulcie’s getting married and she’s so taken up with the wedding and everything …’
‘Well, it’s a big day for her, non?’
‘Yes, but you have to ask yourself why she’s going ahead with it when she’s only known him a year.’
‘Maybe she loves him?’ suggested Angelica.
‘I’m sure she does, for now,’ retorted Jessica, ‘but does that mean she should be rushing into an institution that’s doomed from the start?’
‘Not for everyone.’
Jessica stared at her mother in frustration. How could a woman who wasn’t even on speaking terms with the father of her child, and who was seeing someone who clearly didn’t respect her, think she was in a position to dispense advice? ‘Anyway,’ she said, deciding to change the subject, ‘it’s got nothing to do with that. I just felt like I needed to come here and live more normally for a while.’
Angelica couldn’t help it. An entirely reflex action, she looked around, her gaze encompassing their luxurious surroundings.
‘What?’ said Jessica, irritated by her mother’s reaction. ‘It’s not like I’ve taken a suite or anything, and they’ve given me a discount and stuff.’
‘I didn’t say anything,’ soothed Angelica, ‘please calm down.’
Jessica didn’t reply. She knew she was behaving abominably. Despite the London setting, it seemed this encounter was going to be like every other time. Honestly, nobody had the ability to transform her into a truculent teenager like her mother did. ‘I know this is a plush hotel, but I am trying. Pamela and I even took to the streets to try and find a job yesterday. Not that we had much luck.’
‘Pamela? You mean your aunt Pamela? Edward’s sister?’
‘Yes, we’ve been hanging out. She’s really sweet actually.’
Angelica tried to look enthusiastic as she nodded her head in agreement, though in truth she herself had experienced another side to her sister-in-law all those years ago. Back then, Pam, just like everyone else, had cast her as the villain and made sure she knew it.
Jessica narrowed her eyes. ‘What? What have you got against Pam?’
‘Nothing,’ replied Angelica swiftly.
‘There’s something. I can tell,’ Jessica persisted.
‘It’s nothing … really, it was all a long time ago now,’ said Angelica. ‘Anyway, you are right, she is a nice woman so I’m glad you’re getting to know her better. I remember she and Bernard wanted children very badly. Did she ever have any in the end?’
Jessica shook her head.
‘That’s a shame. She would have been a great mother, I’m sure.’
This remark seemed to hang in the air between them.
‘I’m even using a different name here,’ said Jessica, manfully trying her best to dispel any awkwardness. ‘I’m really serious about doing things on my own.’
‘I’m very proud of you, Jessica, really I am. And what name are you using?’
‘Bender.’
‘Oh,’ said Angelica in surprise. Hearing her ex-husband’s real name after all these years was a bit of a shock. It was a name they’d worked very hard to bury, so it seemed terribly ironic that Jessica had brought it back from the dead.
The waiter approached the table. ‘Can I get you anything, ladies, or would you prefer to wait for Mr Matthews?’
‘That’s fine, we can order now. I would like two poached eggs, please,’ said Angelica, ‘and some wholegrain toast with butter and black tea. Jessica?’
‘An omelette, please, and some herbal tea.’
The waiter scribbled down the order.
‘Where is Graydon anyway?’ asked Jessica suddenly. ‘He’s been ages.’
Angelica looked faintly embarrassed and seemed reluctant to answer until the waiter was out of earshot. ‘He’ll be along soon,’ she muttered.
‘But didn’t you say he’d gone to use the bathroom? He’s been such a long time
.’
Angelica sighed a little tensely. ‘Just drop it, Jessica.’
‘What?’ she asked in all innocence.
Angelica tutted then waited a beat to make sure no one could hear before answering. ‘Come on, Jessica, I told you about Graydon’s little problème, didn’t I?’
‘Er … no,’ said Jessica, not sure she wanted to hear about it now either.
‘Really? I didn’t tell you about his toilet … issues?’
‘Issues?’ Jessica asked blankly.
Angelica looked Jessica directly in the eye, as if weighing up how much to reveal, then leaned across the table. ‘Actually, I am at my wits’ end about it. Graydon has an “issue” about “going” in public places.’
‘O-K then,’ said Jessica, hoping she’d leave it there, but now she’d started, Angelica wasn’t in such a hurry to drop the subject.
‘I’m completely serious. He’s had it since he was a child. Then, when he does feel able to go, he has these rituals, you know? He has to be completely naked. It’s quite bizarre.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘He has to take every scrap of his clothing off, even his watch, before he can … perform, which is fine when he’s at home, but when we are out it can present real problems.’
Jessica was aghast and for a second wondered if they were talking about the same thing. ‘Are you serious? Are you trying to tell me Graydon has to take all his clothes off in order to take a shit?’
‘Ssh,’ flapped Angelica. ‘Don’t be like that, Jessica. It really is a terrible affliction for him. His therapist says he suffers from genuine anal retention.’
Jessica’s face crinkled in a mixture of amusement and disgust.
‘If you’re going to be immature about it then let’s not discuss it,’ said Angelica, regretful that she’d bought the subject up. ‘Let’s talk about something else. How is your father?’ she asked, her tone changing so imperceptibly that anyone other than Jessica would have missed it.
‘Fine,’ said Jessica, still smothering the desire to laugh.
‘Is he doing anything for his birthday?’
‘A party.’ Whenever talking to either of her parents about the other, Jessica had learned that it was best to keep detail to a minimum. A monosyllabic art she’d perfected over the years.
‘Oh, well, that will be nice,’ Angelica replied unconvincingly. In reality she looked like she hoped a plague would visit it. Then, ‘I’ve really missed you, Jessica …’
Jessica tried to say ‘me too’ but it was as though her tongue was suddenly glued to the roof of her mouth. ‘Well, you know where I am now,’ she said lamely.
‘And I really didn’t mean to have a go at you about – ah, look, here’s Graydon now.’
Jessica looked over and, sure enough, there he was, looking as self-important and studiously macho as ever. Graydon Matthews was a powerful businessman from New York who ran the marathon every year, played squash three times a week and started each day with a cold shower. Despite these and many other macho pursuits, he was also a fastidious man who couldn’t bear mess or for anyone, or anything, to look less than perfect. At times this resulted in him coming across as a little ‘queeny’ or precious, an image he most certainly was not trying to project. Unless he was working out, Graydon always wore suits, along with specially made shoes with built-in lifts concealed inside them. Graydon Matthews’s height did not match up to the scale of his ego and the day he’d realized he was never going to be more than five foot eight had been the worst of his life, surpassing even the death of his father in terms of the pure grief he’d experienced. His favourite actor was Tom Cruise.
Despite all of this, his burly, hirsute yet slick presence commanded a certain amount of respect from those around him, although now Jessica knew he’d been freaking out in the toilets for the last half hour, naked, while trying to take a shit, she wasn’t sure she’d ever see him in quite the same light again.
‘Ladies,’ Graydon said smoothly, kissing Angelica on the cheek before ruffling the top of Jessica’s head. Jessica noticed that all his fingers possessed an individual patch of black hair, just below the knuckles. She hoped he’d washed his hands.
‘Great to see you, Jessica. Are you well?’
‘Fine, thanks,’ she replied robotically. ‘You?’
‘Not bad, actually. Though very glad your mother’s finished filming in Morocco. It was far too hot for me over there and I wasn’t terribly keen on the food.’
‘I can imagine,’ agreed Jessica. ‘I bet you had to be careful not to get an upset stomach?’
‘Ah,’ said Angelica swiftly, ‘breakfast is here, wonderful. I’m starving.’
‘Eggs again, darling?’ said Graydon as the waiter placed the plates in front of them. ‘You really must stop ordering them all the time. They’re so bad for your cholesterol and fattening too. You know what it’s like, I’m sure, Jessica. A girl’s got to watch her figure, especially when it’s such a pretty one, eh, honey?’ he said, reaching under the table to do who knows what to Angelica.
‘Right,’ Jessica said weakly.
‘Well, hopefully in my new movie people might be able to look past my figure for once,’ Angelica said slightly testily.
‘Oh, of course,’ said Graydon. ‘No need to get all touchy now,’ he said, giving Jessica a conspiratorial little wink, which had the opposite to the desired effect and made her want to slap him.
‘Oh!’ exclaimed Angelica suddenly. ‘I totally forgot, Jessica. I have a little gift for you. I was sent this the other day, but I don’t think I will be able to go because I’m off to LA in a couple of days. I’ve just found out that the studio want to do a few pick-up shots and –’
‘You didn’t tell me that,’ whined a dismayed-looking Graydon. ‘When?’
‘Soon, but just for a bit,’ Angelica explained.
‘But I won’t be able to come,’ he protested. ‘You know I have that big deal coming up and I have to be in New York to tie it up.’
‘Well, that’s fine,’ said Angelica impatiently. ‘Anyway –’
‘But I want to support you,’ he persisted.
Jessica sat on her hands.
‘You do support me,’ said Angelica, smiling at Graydon reassuringly while clearly wanting to focus on Jessica. ‘But if you can’t come then c’est la vie. I will survive, I’m a big girl, now …’
‘Well, I just think I should be there for you, darling. For one thing, I’m not too sure I like the cut of that director’s jib and also I –’
‘Maybe you could discuss this later,’ Jessica heard herself suggesting coolly. ‘It’s just I haven’t seen my mom for such a long time.’
‘Oh, gosh, of course,’ said Graydon, looking wounded. ‘Am I being a terrible hog?’
‘Anyway,’ said Angelica, looking utterly mortified by how things were going. ‘This is for you,’ she said, retrieving a thick cream card from her clutch bag and handing it across the table.
Jessica looked at it without much enthusiasm. It wasn’t that she wanted to be rude, it was just that, no matter how old she got, liking her parents’ partners as much as they did was an impossible task. You might not be able to choose your family, but at least the freaks you were related to came from the same gene pool. When her parents split up, however (as if that wasn’t hard enough to deal with), random strangers sporadically joined the family. To the point where sometimes she felt like she was playing a lottery, only one she hadn’t been asked if she’d like to buy a ticket for. Over the years she and her dad would be ticking along quite nicely, thank you, then suddenly, bam, he would meet someone else. The next thing she knew she was expected to break bread with, go on holiday with or (possibly the most stressful scenario) spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with a person she was hardly acquainted with. On the rare occasions she did take to someone it wasn’t worth it anyway, because the next minute the relationship would be over. As a result, she’d stopped bothering. In fact, these days the only thing she knew about he
r parents’ partners for sure was the uncomfortable truth that they were having sex with her mom or dad. Jessica shuddered.
She often thought it would help somehow if she could remember what her parents had been like when they’d been together. If she could remember them making each other miserable, as they inevitably must have, maybe it would be easier to appreciate why their new partners suited them better. As it was, she’d seen plenty of old video footage of Edward and Angelica together, but in it they looked passionately and happily in love. Then again, so did lots of famous couples who behind closed doors, she knew for a fact, hated each other’s guts.
Finally she registered what her mother had just given her. It was an invite for a private shopping session at Jimmy Choo. Though in this case ‘shopping’ was a euphemism for ‘take whatever you like for free’.
‘Thanks for this,’ she said half-heartedly.
‘I thought you’d be excited,’ said Angelica. ‘The current season is wonderful, one of their best yet, but because I can’t make it I phoned and told them to expect you instead.’
‘Is someone being a little ungrateful?’ interjected Graydon, entirely unnecessarily.
‘I’m very grateful, thanks,’ said Jessica tetchily. He should be grateful she hadn’t asked him how his shit had gone. ‘I shall look forward to …’ She trailed off. A lady had just charged into the dining room and if she hadn’t known better she could have sworn it was her auntie Pam. Oh, gosh, it was her auntie Pam.
‘Jessica,’ the older woman yelled, having spotted her. ‘Yoo hoo, it’s me, they said you were in here. I rushed over in a taxi because I’ve got some news …’ As she approached the table, however, it was her turn to trail off.
‘Oh,’ said Pam, looking shocked as she finally registered who was at the table. The woman she hadn’t seen for twenty-three years. The woman who’d broken her brother’s heart and abandoned her own child. The woman she’d never forgiven.
‘I didn’t realize you were going to be here,’ she said stiffly, as two spots of colour appeared on her cheeks.