by Jemma Forte
‘Jessica, come in, Jessica, can you go to channel three please, it’s Kerry.’
‘Hi,’ said Jessica cheerfully, having switched over to channel three so that they could speak in private without the whole crew listening. ‘Go on.’
‘We’ve got a bit of a situation here. Can you come straight away?’
‘On my way,’ replied Jessica, before hurrying the short way through the corridors to Kate Templeton’s dressing room where some kind of drama was clearly occurring.
Kate Templeton had brought her own make-up artist with her for the day, a skinny, frantic-looking woman in tight jeans, an oversize Stella McCartney T-shirt and Converse trainers, who was rifling through her huge canvas professional make-up kit bag in a manner that suggested she’d lost something.
‘Ah, there you are,’ said Kerry. ‘Jessica, this is Ali, who does Kate’s make-up, and this is Vivienne, Kate’s manager,’ she said, indicating a livid-looking woman who was immaculately dressed but looked like that could change any time soon when she ripped off her blouse and turned into The Hulk. ‘Anyway,’ Kerry continued, looking tense and widening her eyes in an attempt to convey to Jessica how grave the situation was, ‘I need you to phone the car firm right away, please. Poor Ali here thinks that some of her products must have slipped out in the back of the taxi, one of them being Kate’s absolute favourite lipstick. I need you to get that car back here asap. Kate’s in hair at the moment so we’ve got a bit of time and I thought I could make up some excuse about why she needs to have her briefing before make-up.’
‘No worries, I’ll call now,’ said Jessica calmly, who had only just noticed Paul standing in the corner, clearly getting ready to brief Kate Templeton. ‘But, Kerry?’
‘Yes?’
‘Are you sure Robbie hasn’t got the same lipstick in his kit?’
‘Checked already,’ hissed Kerry out of the side of her mouth.
‘Checked what?’ said an instantly recognizable voice. A coiffed Kate Templeton had just snuck into the room, looking lovely even without a scrap of make-up.
‘Nothing,’ said Ali, looking as though she was having a mild coronary.
‘Kate, let me introduce you to our chief writer, Paul Fletcher …’ said Kerry.
Jessica slunk out of the room and into the corridor, shaking her head briefly, so amazed was she by the histrionics, before quietly phoning the car firm.
‘Hello, I was wondering if you could help me …’
Five minutes later and Jessica had managed to glean that the driver had found the lipstick but had knocked off for the day and was on his way home to Brighton. If he turned round he’d be late for his own ruby wedding anniversary. Jessica immediately said not to worry. It was a question of priorities, after all. Let’s face it, they were only talking about a lipstick. She went back to the dressing room where Kate Templeton was chatting away with Paul. Jessica noticed primly that he suddenly seemed to be at his most charming.
Just then Kerry spotted her and started miming thumbs-up signs at her to find out how things had gone, but Jessica saw no reason not to address things head on. A stupid lipstick had gone missing and, from what her dad had said about Kate, no one had any reason to feel nervous as one might with certain other Hollywood divas.
‘Um, excuse me, Kate,’ Jessica said confidently. ‘Hi, I’m Kerry’s assistant. I’m afraid on the way over here your favourite lipstick fell out of Ali’s kit bag into the car.’
‘Oh,’ Kate said, looking mildly perturbed and very surprised at being addressed directly by a stranger – something that had ceased to happen ever since her first couple of movies had been such a success.
‘So I rang the car firm and …’ At this point she noticed Kerry’s face had gone an alarming shade of puce. Jessica turned a fraction to see how Vivienne was doing. Her expression was one of pure rage. For the first time she wondered if she was doing the right thing. Maybe she should, in fact, be riding a horse bareback to Brighton to get this lipstick as a matter of life and death? She tried to keep things in perspective. Tried to remind herself that Kate was only human.
‘… the driver could come back …’
‘OK, great,’ said Kate.
‘But he was already halfway to Brighton for his ruby wedding anniversary, so I said not to worry.’
Everyone in the room except Jessica and Kate seemed to hold their breath. By now Kerry was positively wide-eyed. Paul looked bewildered. Vivienne looked like she wanted to kill someone with her bare hands. Everyone waited to see what the actress would say.
‘Oh, good for you,’ Kate said finally. ‘That would have been crazy. It’s only a stupid lipstick. I mean, it is my favourite, but I bet your guy here’s got hundreds. Why don’t you go and have a look, Ali?’
‘Right,’ said Ali, looking relieved and like she might be about to cry.
‘Great,’ said Jessica matter-of-factly. ‘Now, can I get anyone a fresh drink at all?’
‘But what were you thinking?’ Kerry demanded to know later, once filming had wrapped and they were back in the office having a quick debrief.
‘I just figured she wouldn’t want to ruin someone’s day because of a lipstick,’ reiterated Jessica. ‘I knew she would be cool about it and, if she hadn’t been, I had Plan B to fall back on.’
‘Which was what?’ Kerry spluttered, looking across to Luke and Paul for support, but they weren’t taking a great deal of notice. Kerry tutted. She didn’t know whether she should be telling Jessica off or giving her a pay rise. It had been very confusing watching someone so inexperienced deal so calmly with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars.
‘If she’d freaked out I would have offered her some free Jimmy Choo stuff,’ Jessica explained. ‘Actresses love getting stuff for free.’
‘Where did you say you worked again in LA?’ piped up Paul. He hated to admit it, but he was horribly impressed by the new girl’s no-bullshit attitude.
Jessica blushed for the first time that day. ‘In an agent’s office.’
‘I thought you said you interned at Fox Films?’ said Kerry.
‘Oh, yeah, I … did,’ she mumbled, kicking herself inside.
‘Look,’ said Kerry, ‘the bottom line is, you really helped me out today, which I absolutely appreciate. However, in future tread carefully with these people because another actress might not have reacted quite so reasonably. I know it’s hard to comprehend but they don’t exist in the real world like we do. I mean, had that been someone like … Caroline Mason, for instance, she would have hit the roof. Aren’t I right, Paul?’
‘Yes,’ he agreed, nodding his head.
‘Still, thanks for what you did. You were kind of brilliant, as was Helena, which was also down to you,’ said Kerry grudgingly. ‘Though I’m not sure my heart can cope with the stress of wondering what you’re going to do next week.’
Jessica grinned. She could tell deep down Kerry was pleased with her and that she may even have impressed Paul slightly, possibly an even more satisfying feeling.
‘One more thing,’ said Kerry, before going to leave. ‘Don’t even think about offering celebs free stuff, because when you can’t produce the goods we’ll just look stupid. Besides, if we really could get our hands on free Jimmy Choos, Natasha wouldn’t let anyone leave the building till she’d got her own hands on them.’
‘Right,’ said Jessica warily, feeling drained and grateful that show day only came around once a week. What a day. ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’
17
The next day, Friday, was one of those unusually hot, gorgeous, sunny afternoons in London when the city’s workforce pray their boss will let them leave work a bit earlier than usual. Luckily for the production team of The Bradley Mackintosh Show, their boss wasn’t around to enforce, allow or veto anything. So the majority of the office had decamped to the pub by four. Their early arrival at The Boaters by the river in Hammersmith meant they’d nabbed some outside tables and the weekend was getting off to a great start.
‘On days like this,’ Isy said thoughtfully, looking so relaxed that unless you’d spotted her mouth moving you’d be forgiven for thinking she was asleep … or dead, ‘you can understand why London’s got so much going for it in terms of culture.’
‘What are you on about?’ said Natasha, pulling down the straps on her vest top as she basked in the afternoon rays, face turned to the sun.
‘Well,’ said Isy, ‘if it was hot like this all the time, then nobody would ever feel like doing anything, you know? Whereas when it’s cold and raining you can’t avoid thinking, can you? Your brain doesn’t melt and you can be arsed. I mean, right now, I feel like a hot, lazy, fat sloth, who wants to sleep in a tree and drink beer.’
‘Do sloths drink beer?’ asked Luke, managing to ignore the fact it was baking hot by continuing to dress the same way he did all year round, in black jeans, a white shirt, a mod-style, single-breasted grey jacket and a black trilby. Thankfully he wore this trademark combination completely unselfconsciously so looked good, as opposed to like he was trying too hard.
‘Dunno,’ said Isy, closing her eyes and drifting off into a sun-induced stupor. ‘But I’m a sloth for sure and I love beer.’ Then, in an action that somewhat startled the rest of the group, she flung herself forward, her plan being to rest her head on the small, round aluminium table that they were all crowded around outside the pub. ‘Fuck,’ she said as head and table made contact, instantly hurling herself back again while clutching her head and pissing herself laughing, all at the same time. ‘Flipping table’s boiling. I’ve burnt my forehead.’
‘Doofus,’ said Luke, lighting a cigarette before offering the packet around.
Vanessa and Paul accepted one immediately, but Kerry hesitated. ‘God, I’d love one to wash down this spritzer, but I’ve been so good …’
‘Oh, don’t,’ beseeched Jessica quietly. She was perched next to Kerry and up until now had been happy just to sit and listen to the group’s banter. ‘You’ll regret it later if you do, you really will.’
Natasha sneaked a look at Vanessa, but Vanessa – who genuinely liked the new girl – refused to be drawn in.
‘If you’re a sloth then, Isy, what sort of animal am I?’ asked Luke, dragging deeply from his cigarette.
‘Koala,’ she answered like a shot, while rubbing her forehead. ‘Natasha’s a wolf, Vanessa’s a lizard and Paul’s a bear, a grizzly one.’
‘Freak,’ said Paul good-naturedly. ‘Hang on, what about Kerry?’
‘Dog,’ said Luke. Kerry kicked him hard under the table.
‘She’s not a dog,’ said Isy indignantly, as if Luke had just uttered the most nonsensical thing she’d ever heard in her life. ‘She’s a woolly mammoth.’
‘Give me strength,’ said Kerry, not really perturbed at all. The sun had zapped any real strength of feeling about anything.
Meanwhile, Paul was in a great mood. Yesterday’s show had gone brilliantly and had managed to run completely smoothly without Mike’s presence. He knew it was wrong to take such a delight in this but he couldn’t help his feelings towards the man. When you’d worked as hard as he had to get to where he was in life, it was somewhat galling to work for someone who, as far as Paul was concerned, had had less of a helping hand up, and more of an arm and a leg.
He supped his cold pint, considering whether or not to cash in on his great mood and ask Natasha for a date. She’d been her usual self this week, a bundle of increasingly mixed messages, but unless he put himself on the line he’d never find out for sure if she regretted ending things between them. She was complicated, but then, wasn’t everybody? He knew his best friend and flatmate Luke would disapprove, but Natasha was gorgeous and, as far as he was concerned, unfinished business. What was the worst that could happen? She could say no … actually, that would be pretty dreadful now he came to think about it.
He looked across the table. Kerry and Luke were deep in conversation so the new girl had been left to her own devices. Yesterday she’d turned out to be a bit of a revelation, so unfazed was she by the celebs. At the time he hadn’t known whether her direct approach with Kate Templeton was incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, but it had worked out, so he guessed she’d played it just right. Jessica was very pretty too. Not quite as pretty as Natasha and yet there was something about her he was drawn to. He probably shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss her as a Californian airhead. She definitely had things to say for herself.
‘All right?’ he said now, and quite sweetly she blushed. They should ease off her a bit. He knew she was intimidated by him and Luke so it wasn’t really fair to tease her so much. ‘So did you enjoy yesterday? You looked like you did.’
‘Yeah, it was really great, thanks,’ replied Jessica, pleased to have been asked. She meant what she’d said too. Being a part of yesterday’s organized chaos had been a real buzz.
‘I must say, your approach on how to treat celebrities surprised me, though to your credit I’d say you helped prevent a three-act opera unfolding there. I think being spoken to so logically was quite the novelty for Kate Templeton.’
‘I know,’ agreed Jessica. ‘It’s kinda sad when you think about it, because she seems pretty down to earth.’
‘I still say you were lucky,’ said Kerry, butting in. ‘Like I said before, if that had been someone less reasonable you could have ended up with egg on your face.’
‘Sure,’ agreed Jessica, ‘but Kate’s awesome so I don’t know why anyone would be intimidated by her.’
Natasha narrowed her eyes. ‘And I don’t know why you wouldn’t be.’
‘I know what you mean, Tash,’ said Kerry thoughtfully.
Jessica looked away. She’d have to be careful. For her to continue being a ‘normal’ girl, an experiment she felt like she was finally starting to get to grips with, even to enjoy, it was essential her identity remained a secret. She could only imagine the fuss the truth would cause and she was enjoying being taken at face value for a change.
‘Who did you sound like when you said “awesome”?’ mused Vanessa in her strong Scouse accent.
Jessica frowned. She desperately wanted to decipher what Vanessa had just said, but it was no good – her accent was just too pronounced. All she could make out was a load of ‘k’s and other guttural sounds emanating from the back of her throat. She may as well have been speaking Urdu.
‘I beg your pardon?’ she asked hesitantly. Asking Vanessa to repeat everything was starting to get embarrassing.
‘I said, who do you sound like when you say “awesome”?’ repeated Vanessa slowly.
Jessica started to sweat. ‘Sorry?’
‘WHO DO YOU SOUND LIKE WHEN YOU SAY “AWESOME”?’
No. Still no clue, but she couldn’t face asking her to repeat it again so took a gamble. ‘Er, yeah, I guess,’ she tried hopefully. To her horror, Vanessa looked perplexed. Paul chuckled.
‘She sounds like Britney Spears or someone,’ Kerry suggested helpfully. ‘That’s who you sound like when you say “awesome”.’
‘Oh, right,’ Jessica said, wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing, and whether she would ever be able to understand the nuances of her workmates’ banter. Still, at least she’d figured out that their constant bickering wasn’t meant in an aggressive way.
She looked at Paul. She had yet to have a conversation with him where she didn’t feel like she was being assessed, but he was certainly charismatic and very clever. In fact, she found herself gravitating towards him more and more. There was something about him that … fascinated her and when he smiled his eyes crinkled up in such a sexy way. In fact, she’d found herself constantly striving to say something he found interesting or entertaining for one of these smiles alone. She could certainly tell why so many of the girls in the office liked him. Vanessa blatantly had a soft spot for him and she suspected Natasha had him on her radar too, though it was hard to know for sure. Still, Jessica had already decided there was no point fancying him herself. He would be far too much l
ike hard work. Plus there would be no point, given that a fling with him could never amount to more than a holiday romance. Though she would love to know if his legs looked as strong as they appeared through his jeans and when he’d leaned over to get something yesterday she’d caught a glimpse of an eye-wateringly flat, muscular stomach.
Jessica gave herself a little shake, blaming the sunshine for making her mind and indeed her libido run away with itself, refusing to consider that she’d never had the same problem at home in LA, where it was sunny every single day …
‘I’m going to get another round,’ said Paul, standing up. ‘Let me buy you a pint, Jessica. Watching you drink fizzy water makes me nervous. It doesn’t seem right on a day like this.’
She laughed. ‘Thanks, but remember I said I don’t drink beer.’
‘You’ve said lots of things,’ he replied. ‘Most of them nuts, but it’s been five whole days now, so it’s high time you got to grips with our culture, which means drinking beer.’
‘I’d rather not,’ she said, feeling bullied. ‘I’m going for a run in a minute so I’ll stick to water, thanks.’
‘You’re going for a run now?’ exclaimed Isy, her jaw slack with amazement.
‘Yeah, actually I’m going to run home, because I couldn’t go for one yesterday, it being show day.’
‘Wow,’ said Isy loudly, looking as deeply impressed as if Jessica had just told her she’d won gold at the Olympics or climbed Everest in her lunch break.