by Toni Aleo
“That wasn’t what I was expecting.”
I nod. “Yeah, it wasn’t.”
“Should we try again? ’Cause that felt like kissing my brother.”
I cringe. “I shouldn’t be alarmed that you open-mouth kiss your brother, right?”
Her face wrinkles in a grin. “Seriously.”
Seriously? Okay. I pull her hard by her hips against me and capture her mouth with mine, but as soon as our lips touch, I know there is no chemistry.
I pull away, and she sighs. “This isn’t going to work.”
“Nope,” I say gently. “I’m sorry.”
“I think we’re too close.”
“Yeah.”
“Because I think you’re so fucking hot.”
“Right back at you,” I agree with a smile. “But there is nothing here.”
“Nothing.”
I’m a little worried about her feelings, but thankfully, she smiles and then kisses my jaw. I feel awful but, at the same time, relieved. She pats my chest and then walks away. I watch her for a moment, and then I look for Ally. I guess I’ll head out, but I want to tell her first. I look to the spot where she was dancing with Taco, but she isn’t there. It only takes a second for me to find her in the corner at a little chess table. I make my way through the crowd, and she finally glances up at me as I get closer. Her eyes are soft and a little sad. I’m unsure what is wrong, but for my sanity, I don’t ask. I can’t exactly kick Taco’s ass here. I’ll get jumped since he’s friends with the whole lacrosse team.
I look down at the chess pieces and then back to her green gaze. I want to leave, but I don’t want to leave Ally here. I glance back at the chessboard and shrug. It will make us look like losers, but I doubt either of us cares.
On an exhale, I ask, “Wanna play?”
Chapter Eleven
Ally
As I sip my wine cooler, I can’t help my wandering eyes. I shouldn’t be watching Asher and Angie on the dance floor, but it’s hard not to. Asher came ready to impress with his hair brushed to the side and freshly shaved. He’s wearing his contacts, and of course, I miss his glasses. I hate that he wears those stupid things. He looks so much better with his thick frames. The jeans he has on are tight on his thighs and hips. He’s wearing a light blue tee with a dark blue sports coat. I happen to think he looks dreamy. The way Angie is looking at him, I think she thinks he does too.
I hate how much that hurts. I should be happy for both of them. Asher is great, and he will take good care of Angie. Angie is a doll, she’ll be good to him, yet my chest burns with bitterness.
I want to be in his arms.
I want to be under that gray gaze.
And then, unfortunately, I watch their lips meet.
My eyes drift shut as I lean forward on my legs, scrolling through Instagram. I have a strong will, and this secret I’m keeping is good and hidden, but even I can’t handle seeing that. I’ve only felt his lips on my cheek, but even so, they are soft and tender. I’ve dreamed of his kisses. Would he be rough or sweet? I want nothing more than to know. More than I need my next breath, but I won’t utter a word.
I fight back the tears. I know Asher said there was no spark, but that he would have a hard time resisting her. She is smart and so stunning. I love her, even if I want to kill her because of my jealousy. I shouldn’t even care. I have Taco… Though, he’s getting high with a couple of his friends. He says he’s changed, and sometimes, I feel like he has. He’s been very sweet, but he knows I don’t like him getting high. Especially here on campus. Everyone knows he is with me, and knowing my luck, I’ll get drug tested and have to deal with all that. I’ll pass, but it’s still embarrassing. I don’t want to set that kind of example for my team. I feel someone watching me, and I look up to see Asher walking toward me.
“Wanna play?”
Moments later, Asher is looking down at me. His eyes are darker, his lips parted, as he points to the chess table. I drop my legs to the floor and tuck my phone in between my thighs. I’m unsure what is happening and where Angie went, but I won’t pass up the opportunity to hang out with him. Might as well get my time in because I know Angie won’t let me be close to him the way Jasmine did. Mostly because Angie doesn’t want to sleep with me. Wish all his girlfriends would want to sleep with me, then I wouldn’t lose him as my bestie.
Wow. Not a thought I ever thought I would have.
I nod, my lips curving. “Sure.”
He sits down, crossing his ankle to his knee as I turn to the table. He moves his piece first, and then asks, “Where’s TacoFuck?”
I roll my eyes. “He’s off with his friends.”
“I’m sure that amazing smell is coming from him,” he says, sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Yup, he got some stuff from California.”
“How wonderful.”
I quirk my lips as I move. “Looked like you and Angie were having fun.”
He lets out a long breath. “Yeah, I think she belongs on a pole, not a volleyball court.”
I snort. “Yeah, she has always been the best twerker out of all of us.”
He looks up at me with his brow raised. “You guys twerked together?”
I grin. “Oh yeah. We wanted to join that Russian twerk team. Posey and I are awful, but Shelli and Angie are real good at it. But you know who’s the best? Amelia.”
He blinks. “Thanks…now all I see is all of you twerking.”
“Yup, and we only wore sports bras and thongs.”
He looks playfully pained. “You guys were committed.”
“So committed,” I laugh as I move. “So, where is the future Russian twerker?”
He exhales heavily, looking all kinds of disappointed. “Yeah, that’s over.”
I try to hide my excitement. “Oh. Why?”
He shakes his head. “Absolutely no spark.”
Relax, Ally. “Really? None?”
He meets my gaze. “She said it felt like she was kissing her brother.”
I cringe. “You used tongue, didn’t you?”
He nods. “Yes. I’m still disturbed.”
I hold in my laughter. “That sucks.”
He shrugs. “Eh, I wasn’t really into her. She’s cool as hell, but the whole knowing her my whole life thing just didn’t work.”
“Oh.” Another mark in the column of why I will never open up about my feelings. “Y’all were cute together.”
“Yeah. She’s hot as hell, and so am I, but I guess looks don’t give sparks.”
“I could have told you that,” I say in exasperation. “Also, you sound like a dick.”
Asher’s eyes widen. “I do not.”
“I thought looks would be enough,” I say, mocking him in his voice. “You’re not like that. Don’t try to lie to me,” I insist and he grins.
“You think you know me, huh?”
“You know I do.” Our eyes meet, and his grin grows, flashing his white teeth at me. I’ve always loved the little tilt of his right canine. He wanted to fix it when he was younger, but I convinced him not to. I don’t know why, but I love it.
“Fine. You’re right.”
Before I can agree, Angie comes up beside me. Her face is pale, and she looks as if she is going to cry. I stand up immediately. “You okay?”
She averts her eyes. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to head back.”
I slide my hand in hers. “What’s wrong?”
“Just sick. I don’t know. I want to go.” I search her eyes, and it feels like something is off. I’ve never seen her sick before, so I have no clue if she is lying.
“Okay, I’ll walk with you.”
“I’ll walk with both of you,” Asher says then, cupping Angie’s shoulder, but she shakes it off. If her action bothers Asher, he doesn’t show it. Concern swims in his gray eyes as he says, “You sure you’re okay?”
She nods, and I can tell she’s fighting back tears. I wrap my arm around her waist and guide her out. On the walk back to th
e dorm, no one says anything. Angie is breathing hard, but she doesn’t cry. She doesn’t hold me or even lean into me; she just walks, almost in a trance. It freaks me out, but I give her space. I know when I don’t feel well, I don’t even want people to look at me, so I get it.
When we reach our dorm, Angie stops in the doorway. “I’m good. You can go back.”
I narrow my gaze. “I can stay with you.”
She shakes her head. “No, I want to be alone.”
I blink a little, put off by her directness. “Okay. Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Text me if you need me.”
“I will.”
She shuts the door, and I bring in my brows. I glance up at Asher, whose expression matches mine. “That was weird.”
“Really weird. You think we should leave?”
I shrug. “She wants to be alone. I’ll text her in a bit.”
“Okay. Are you going back?”
“Yeah. I should meet back up with Taco.”
His expression changes to frustration. “Okay. I’ll walk with you.”
He wants to say more, but I don’t want to hear it. We start down the hall and out of the building. The cold air is brutal, my legs are freezing, and I realize I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to sit in the corner as Taco mingles. He is all about the party scene, and at one time, I was too. But now, I’d rather just hang. Alone. With snacks.
“You okay?”
I glance over to find Asher watching me. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Then don’t.”
I shrug. “But Angie wants to be alone, and I really should go back since Taco and I are trying to make things work.”
“You shouldn’t have to try. They should just work,” he says, and I roll my eyes.
“Not now, Ash.”
“Fine,” he says gruffly. “Why don’t we go check out my new condo?”
I look up at him. “I thought you weren’t getting the key until this weekend?”
“I went and got it today from Shelli. I move in this weekend.”
“Cool,” I say, and then I shrug. “Sure. Let’s go.”
He seems pleased, and so am I, if I’m honest. We turn left and head to the parking lot where my car is. Once we’re on the road, Asher asks, “Hey, you got any snacks?”
“I have peanuts in the console.”
He grimaces. “I’ll wait. Maybe Aiden left something behind.”
I snort. “You’re still scared of peanuts?”
He gives me a blank look since I know good and well the answer to that. “They can grow in your gut.”
“Ash, come on. They can’t,” I insist, but he’s convinced. He watched this video on Facebook for a start your own garden thing, and he is convinced that things that start as seeds or have them inside will grow in his gut and come out his asshole. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. “The acid in your gut kills them.”
“Nope. I’m good.”
I can’t contain my laughter. “You’re insane.”
He doesn’t care, and I love that about him. He doesn’t care what people think; he is who he is. I run through the McDonald’s drive-thru for him, and we’re done with our food before we reach his new condo. Aiden is swanky, so of course, his condo is too. After parking and Asher showing his ID, we ride the elevator up to his new place.
“This place is not you.”
He grins. “I know, but I feel kinda glamorous.”
“They’ll probably kick you out when you set up your collectibles.” I snort.
He nods. “I know. Especially when I put my Star Wars parking zone sign on my door.”
I beam. “Yeah, you might want to resist hanging that.”
Asher grins at me. “But then how am I supposed to meet other Star Wars fans?”
“Asher, you don’t have to advertise for them. The Force brings y’all together.”
He points to me, his grin growing. “You’re right. How dumb of me.”
“And you say the Force is strong within,” I tease, and then the elevator door opens, our laughter spilling out. We head down the hall, and Asher unlocks the door, letting me in first. I am taken aback when I see the place is still full of furniture. “I thought they moved out?”
Asher shuts the door behind himself. “They did. Aiden was going to rent it out to any new guys on the team, so he and Shelli left their stuff and bought new.”
“Oh, well, that’s cool and good for you since you gave Jasmine everything.”
“You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?”
I shake my head as I drop onto the couch. “Nope. It was dumb.”
He shrugs as he moves through the condo, checking things out. “It was,” he calls to me. “But it was quicker and easier.”
“It was. I’ll give you that,” I say as he comes back into the living room. I pull out my phone to see a text from Taco.
Taco: Where you at?
Me: Angie wasn’t feeling well, so I took her home. I couldn’t find you.
Taco: Oh, okay. Where are you now?
I hesitate. If I tell him I’m with Asher, he’ll freak.
Me: I took Asher home.
Taco: Are you coming back?
Me: Probably not.
Taco: OK… Wanna go to dinner Saturday?
“No.”
I look up to see Asher reading over my shoulder. “Rude!”
He laughs as he comes around the couch, falling beside me and reaching for the remote.
Me: I have that fitting for my cousin’s wedding, but I’ll be free after that.
Taco: Cool. Pick me up at seven.
“He’s such a loser. Can’t even pick you up.”
I glance back to him. “Says the guy who is being chauffeured around by me?”
He shrugs. “I’m getting a car this weekend, thank you.”
I roll my eyes as I text Taco back.
Me: Sure. See you then.
I tuck my phone into my purse and lean back on the couch as Asher puts on I Am a Killer. It’s our new obsession on Netflix. Plus, he wants to make sure he stays ahead of Emery. I don’t know why he thinks she’ll be a murderer. She’s tough and crazy, but I think she’s awesome. “I’m worried about Angie.”
He nods. “Yeah, that sucked. Have you texted her?”
“I did when we were in the drive-thru, but no response.”
“When you’re sick, you’re the same way,” he says, and I shrug.
“True,” I agree as I put my feet underneath me. “Sucks you two didn’t work.”
“Eh, I’m okay with it. I’ll find me a lady I have sparks with.”
And I’ll hate her.
I sigh as I lean my head against the couch. I’m exhausted. “Are you staying here tonight?”
He nods. “Yeah, I already took off my shoes.”
I laugh. “You can put them back on.”
“Nope, too lazy.” He sinks deeper into the couch, and I smile. “You gonna stay?”
“Here?”
“No, outside.” I narrow my gaze at him. “Yes, here. Jeez. I figured with Angie not feeling well and wanting to be alone, you’d stay here.”
Duh, not because he wants to bang my brains out. Get it together, Ally. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess? What? You don’t want to?”
“It’s not that at all. I just know Taco will have something to say.”
“Who the hell cares?” he says simply. “He knows there is nothing between us but a loving, caring best friendship.”
Yeah, apparently everyone knows that but me. “Yeah.”
“We’ll watch TV, find some snacks, and chill.”
Sounds like the perfect evening to me. “Sounds good.”
But it isn’t good, it’s torture. For the next three hours, we eat, we watch TV, we discuss the murders on our show, and I feel like I’m falling for him even more. It’s just so effortless. The distance when he was gone was good for me; it made it easie
r to ignore my feelings. But now, spending time with him and seeing his grins, smelling his cologne, and being within touching distance, it’s more than hard. It’s almost agony. I wish feelings could be shut off. I wish I could just look at him and see my very close best friend who would do anything for me. Problem is, when I look at him, I see a future. I see us having a place together, getting married, adopting a few dogs, and then having kids.
But I know all he sees is his best friend.
I really fucked up by getting close to him, but in my defense, I didn’t have a choice. None of us Assassins kids did. We were stuck together, and we’re all friends. All close. While everyone knew about Shelli’s huge crush on Aiden—and teased her relentlessly—I made sure mine wasn’t ever noticeable or even a possibility. I did such a good job of hiding my real feelings that no one but my mom knows. It’s frustrating. Not with him—I’m not frustrated with Asher—I’m frustrated with myself because I have the power to change it all.
But I’m a coward.
When the last episode ends, Asher shakes his head and looks at me. “I bet when Emery is on this show, Stella will be the one who does her makeup.”
My stomach hurts, I laugh so hard. “Stop!”
“Seriously,” he says with wide eyes. “You’ll see.” He clicks off Netflix and goes to Hulu. “Wanna watch Catfish?”
“Sure.”
But unbeknownst to me, the episode he turns on is one where the girl best friend is catfishing the boy best friend. As the episode plays, I’m in knots, while Asher doesn’t even seem to care. I watch in horror but also in hope that he’ll turn to me and tell me he loves me. It’s a long shot, but a girl can dream. Soon, I’m wondering if maybe I should catfish Asher. Find out if he likes me in that way and then make my move.
But then I remember my life isn’t a reality show, and more than likely, I wouldn’t get a happily ever after. I’d get a “I lost my best friend because I’m dumb and brought him on national television to expose my love.”
“That is crazy.”
I whip my head to him. “Yeah?”
“Heck yeah. If she had just been honest and told him, she wouldn’t have needed to hide. They spent so much time apart, all because she wouldn’t tell him.”