by Albion, Rex
Valkerry looked slightly taken aback, and Roxy seemed a bit startled. “Wait, I really do want to order something,” the warrior woman said.
“I’ve already got your order, madam,” the wench said.
“You mean, you really do have Double Stuffed Cream Pies?”
“Yes, they’re our second most popular dessert.”
“Really, why?” Valkerry said, with morbid interest.
The wench sighed and came back to the table. Leaning down she whispered conspiratorially, “Because, madam, ten times a day, someone makes that joke, and eight times a day, we sell some double stuffed cream pie. It was our cook’s idea. Honestly, it is delicious though.”
Valkerry eyeballed her for a long moment and then smiled broadly. “Touché! If it’s as good as you say, I’ll be leaving a big tip.”
“Thank you, madam,” the wench said. “Enjoy your stay.”
“I’m just wondering what you stuff a cream pie with,” Tom mused.
“Something nice and firm. A banana perhaps?” Valkerry hazarded. Roxy snorted and covered her mouth with her hand. Valkerry grinned.
“I think she got you there. That wench had you eating out of the palm of her hand,” Vandal said.
“If she’d asked nicely, I’d have eaten out of anything she wanted me to,” Valkerry quipped. “Did you see the legs on her?” she hissed at Roxy.
Roxy shook her head. “Really?” asked Valkerry, incredulously.
“I’m sorry, did she have legs? From down here, all I saw was massive boobs and her nostrils,” Roxy said.
Vandal laughed for a solid minute, until Roxy elbowed him when people at nearby tables started to glare at them. He reigned it in and kissed her on the forehead.
“I’m not sure if I’ll like the cream pie or not, but the food here is pretty outstanding,” Valkerry said.
“I’m sure it’ll be delicious although I suspect four is more than we need,” Roxy said. “I’m only little, and I don’t need double stuffing.”
“I tell Tom that too, keeps his confidence up,” Valkerry said. “But I’m going to leave the room anyway so I’m not feeling too full this evening. I haven’t forgotten our plans.”
“Plans, Valkerry? Whatever do you mean?” Roxy asked innocently, sipping her drink.
“Did all that paddling make you forget our duel?”
Roxy squirmed in her seat, “Oh, maybe it did. Silly me. What were the terms of the duel again?”
“The losers are the ones who can’t concentrate on what they’re doing, because they’re too busy listening to the others,” Valkerry said.
“How will we know?”
“Trust me, if we stop to listen to you two, you’ll know,” Valkerry said.
The wench returned with a colleague, and presented four huge plates, each with a mountain of pink sponge, and whipped cream on it. Vandal looked at his dish sceptically.
“So, where’s the double stuffing? Is there a filling inside?” Valkerry asked. The wench smiled and turned Valkerry’s plate through ninety degrees.
“There, that’s the correct angle, and now for the finishing touch,” she said, lifting a cover off the fifth plate they’d put on the table. It had concealed eight peeled bananas and a pot of double cream.
Valkerry was looking at her plate full of sponge and whipped cream, with a bemused expression, trying to figure it out, as the second wench adjusted the other plates to match. The dishes were quite lopsided, not a traditional sponge shape or a slice of a cake or anything.
It got a lot clearer when the wench who’d sold Valkerry their famous Double Stuffed Cream Pies, picked up one of the bananas and dipped the end in the thick cream. Then slowly and carefully, she slid the cream end into a hole in the pink sponge, above which was a sprinkling of chocolate shavings in a triangle. She repeated the motion, slipping another creamy banana into a hole a few inches below the first.
Valkerry stared at it for a few seconds, while the two wenches performed the same finishing touches to everyone’s. Roxy was blushing profusely and covered her hand with her mouth, Vandal noted, even as Valkerry laughed out loud.
“That is fucking amazing! I love it,” she howled with laughter.
“I know the cook will be pleased to hear it,” the wench said.
“It looks delicious, does life imitate art I wonder? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Rose, madam, and I wouldn’t know about that,” the wench giggled.
“What time does your shift end?” Valkerry asked her.
“Midnight, madam,” Rose giggled.
“If you can find some more bananas, and cream, you could come to my room, and we could find out,” Valkerry offered. Roxy’s mouth dropped open in shock.
Rose chuckled and tilted her head. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. We’ll see.” She sashayed off after that and left them all to it.
Valkerry nodded to herself, “She’ll bring me bananas before the week is out, I’d bet ten gold on it.” She seemed disappointed when no-one took her up on that.
Vandal stared at his dessert and prodded it with a fork. The pink sponge was sculpted to look like the parted thighs of a woman. The triangle of chocolate shavings her pubic hair, and the bananas were slipped into both holes. It was crude, thoroughly ridiculous, and judging by the look on Tom’s face, the sponge was quite good.
Roxy pulled the bananas out of hers and held one up. “Do you want to save this for later?” she asked Valkerry. The warrior woman stuck her tongue out and Roxy giggled. Then she dipped her head and licked the cream from the holes the bananas had filled.
Valkerry was crying with laughter by the time Roxy lifted her head again and innocently asked, “Do I have something on my face?” Vandal tried some of his sponge, while he tried in vain to keep a straight, stoic face in light of her antics, but he couldn’t manage it.
Eventually, having established that the sponge was remarkably delightful, he could stand it no longer and buried his face in his own dessert, gobbling up the cream covered banana and chowing down on the sponge.
Roxy ended up casting her heal over time spell on Valkerry, because she’d actually pulled a muscle in her side laughing so hard and couldn’t move without wincing. Vandal was glad he hadn’t drunk any of the local cider that Roxy had warned him off, or things might have got out of hand.
It was much later in the evening than he’d expected when, after using every napkin on the table to clean their faces, he and Roxy made their excuses and went up to bed.
“We’ll settle the bill and be right up,” Tom said.
“Yes, don’t start the duel without us!” Valkerry said.
“We won’t,” Vandal said.
“No seconds allowed,” Roxy giggled.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“That’s a particularly filthy look you have on your face,” Vandal said. Roxy was eye-fucking him from the bed as he stripped off slowly.
He was carefully folding and hanging up his clothes, making her wait to tease her. Roxy’s clothes were simply flung on one of the humble armchairs as soon as she got in the room.
“I’m just imagining what you’re going to do to me, big boy,” Roxy said, as her fingers toyed with her slick lips.
“Oh, and what do you imagine that will be?”
“Maybe me riding you like a curvy green cowgirl?”
“Is that what you want?” Vandal asked as he approached the bed.
Roxy pondered that and shook her head, “Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps you’re going to lick my pussy until I scream, and then fuck me deep missionary style?”
“I might do that, I might very well do that,” Vandal agreed.
“You could fuck my face, I’d like that,” Roxy suggested. “You could bury your cock in my mouth and pump your seed down my throat. That would be yummy.”
“Do you think we’d win the competition like that?” Vandal asked.
“You’d have to really be loud when you enjoyed it,” Roxy said. “We’re more likely to win if I’m the one maki
ng the noise.”
“That means you’ll have to wait for me to fuck your face, Roxy,” Vandal said. “For the time being, we need to keep those pretty lips free so that you can express yourself.”
“Unfortunately,” Roxy agreed. “What’s to be my fate then, my lord?” She smiled up at him eagerly, her thighs spread wide as she teased her clit with her fingers.
“I can’t help thinking that your attitude seems to have caused trouble all day, and you've been so very vulgar too,” Vandal pointed out.
“I’m sorry, have I been a bad girl?” Roxy asked hopefully.
“You have and I think you know what that means,” Vandal agreed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and tapped his lap.
“Punishment for Roxy?” Roxy pouted.
“That’s right. Come here over my lap, and get what’s coming to you,” Vandal said.
Roxy pulled her hand back and put her fingers to her mouth, sucking them clean.
Vandal sighed and shook his head slowly. “Filthy girl. That sort of behaviour isn’t helping you.”
The goblin giggled and sprang from the bed, disappearing behind him, and then making her way around the end of the bed, so she could climb up over his lap. She knelt on the edge of the mattress, and then laid herself over him, giggling when she saw the state of him.
“Oh, my lord, your manhood is so big,” Roxy giggled.
“You are so going to get it,” Vandal growled, stroking the inviting curves of her plump green buttocks. Roxy wriggled and moaned as she settled into a comfortable position, knees on the mattress to the right of Vandal’s thighs. She made sure her bottom was nice and high, and her back completed the arch down to his left side, with her breasts pressed against his left thigh.
Then she held up something she’d concealed from him as she got in position. It was the black leather paddle that Hilda had given him. Where had she found that? That’s why she’d taken the roundabout route behind him and all the way around the bed then.
Vandal took the paddle, “What’s this for?”
“I’ve been very bad, my lord. I know I have and you’re going to have to punish this bad girl until she screams,” Roxy said, looking back over her shoulder at him. “The paddle should make it easier for you to discipline me.”
“It’s not going to be easy for me, Roxy. Do you think I want to hurt this beautiful bottom? Hmm? To make it sting so fiercely? But what else is a High Priest to do with such a naughty Priestess, I ask you?” Vandal sighed. “Very well, I shall use the paddle. You are right, perhaps it will make this easier and at the least, save my palm from getting bruised.”
“Thank you, my lord. I apologise in advance if I’m a bit noisy,” Roxy said.
“I don’t want to hear any melodramatic wailing, young lady,” Vandal warned her.
“I assure you, my lord, there won’t be any affectation on my part,” Roxy said. “The paddle has the most peculiar effect on me. It’s such an effective tool for disciplining a goblin.”
“How fortunate it’s what we have available then.”
Roxy gave him a look that seemed appropriately nervous and bit her lip to really sell it. “They’ll probably even hear my shame next door.”
“You should have thought of that, before you were naughty,” Vandal said. “I can already hear them enjoying pleasure, can’t you?”
“Yes, my lord,” Roxy admitted.
“You could be moaning with pleasure like that, if you were a good girl, but instead,” he growled, “I must do this.” The first whack of the paddle sounded loud to Vandal, and he flinched a little, worried that it was too much.
“Ow fuck! That hurts so good, my lord!” Roxy cried out. Her cheeks clenched a couple of times, and she moaned softly, her head flopping down.
Vandal nodded, and put his left hand on her neck, steadying her, then gave her another. Again, she yelped loudly and again she moaned as if he’d stroked her somewhere intimate.
With each following slap of the paddle on her bare flesh, he got a similar response and soon he saw the glistening evidence between her puffy lips that she was aroused by the treatment.
It wasn’t long before a little rivulet of Roxy’s juices dripped down his thigh and he continued to paddle her bottom until it flushed pink, even through her green skin. The tips and edges of her long, goblin ears did the same thing, and her elbows as well. He knew her cleavage would be flushed with her arousal too.
Roxy was just as vocal as she’d promised, and it certainly didn’t seem too melodramatic, even if it was part-performance and part natural response. One day, he resolved to ask her about her previous experiences. He knew she was kinky, and more experienced as she’d told him as much when they’d first met.
That had been her whole reason for needing to be rescued, to match her up with someone suitable. What he hadn’t known was that he was a suitable guy. If anyone had asked him before he became Vandal, he’d have protested his innocence.
It wasn’t that he didn’t have thoughts along these lines, but he couldn’t have pictured having a woman like Roxy, who wanted, even needed a spanking and loved to suck cock quite so much.
Well, he had pictured it alright, just as a fantasy while he was lying in bed after he struck out at the local bars, or after a date that didn’t go well because he couldn’t pretend, he liked the same music or food.
Vandal was a new man though. Vandal had a sexy goblin girlfriend with a submissive streak a mile wide and a dirty mind. Vandal could spank her and feel her juices running down her leg. Vandal could make her scream, to compete with the equally dirty couple next door. Vandal was a lucky, lucky bastard.
“I think you’ve had enough,” he said, eventually.
Roxy snivelled, seemingly on the verge of tears, although her pussy looked fit to explode with need if it didn’t get some direct attention soon. “Yes, my lord. If you say so. Thank you, my lord. I promise I’ll be better tomorrow.”
Vandal put the paddle aside and took a firm grip of her hair with his left hand, then roughly pushed his right hand between her thighs, cupping her between the legs. Roxy gasped and squirmed against him, and he allowed her to think he was going to pleasure her like that for a moment or two.
Then he brought his dinner plate sized left hand under her body, to rest against her breastbone, and hoisted the comparatively tiny woman up, bodily heaving her off his lap and dropping her on the mattress.
Roxy squealed in surprise and collapsed in fits of laughter. “My lord! What big strong hands you have.”
“All the better to manhandle you with,” he growled wolfishly as he shifted over to his knees and took a hold of her waist, lifting her hips up. Roxy was ass up, face down with her head turned to the right, looking toward the door of their compact room.
It was the fantasy equivalent of a serviceable chain hotel, in terms of fixtures and fittings and he badly wanted to re-enact this in The Red Lion as soon as they could afford it. But there, of course, they wouldn’t be able to hear Valkerry and Tom through the walls.
He was fine with that kind of competitive sport, but he wasn’t sure if he could enjoy being in the same room for such things. That seemed likely to be a whole different kettle of fish.
When he used the swollen crown of his cock to tease her wet lips, Roxy moaned and tried to push back against him, eager to be filled but he denied her. “My lord, what a big member you have.”
“Member?” Vandal laughed.
“Manhood?” Roxy ventured. “John Thomas? Hard on? Big throbbing slab of man meat? Big stiff cock?”
“Stop, you’re killing me!” Vandal laughed, smacking her ass as he tried to rub his man meat against her clit. No, man meat was just never going to work for him.
“Mmm,” Roxy moaned. “My lord, it’s so big. What a big stiff cock you have,” she tried again and that worked much better.
“All the better to split you open wide with, my dear.”
“You would never dare, your horrible wolf! I shall be rescued.”
Vandal drove himself slowly inside her, and she moaned loudly but she was thrusting back against him too. “There’s no-one coming to rescue you, goblin. Who do you think you are, a sweet, innocent princess whose hero will save her from the big bad wolf?”
“Really? The Brothers Grimm? That’s cheating,” Valkerry shouted through the wall, her voice breaking with laughter as she protested, while Tom did his best to match Roxy moan for moan.
Roxy moaned as he began to pound into her, and took a moment to recover her breath, “The goddess Amoria will save me from your big strong thighs and washboard abs, monster!”
“You think your goddess wants to save you?” Vandal laughed heartily as he slammed himself into his woman’s delightful pussy.
“I’m a priestess, and I have her blessing!” Roxy bragged boldly. “Ugh. You’re so big and strong, I fear you are no common wolf, but a werewolf!”
“You finally realise one of the secret powers of my big cock, eh? It won’t save you, and neither will Amoria!”
“Yes, she will,” Roxy shouted. “Wait, what do you mean one of your secret powers, werewolf bastard? Why are you laughing?” Vandal was laughing, because he was enjoying improvising this theatrical display for Valkerry and Tom to be awed by their incredible acting talent, and the lusty sounds Roxy made as he ploughed her. The feeder line Roxy had given him was too good to pass up on.
“Because, I have knowledge that you don’t have,” Vandal boasted.
“Really, what could that be?” Roxy moaned.
“I am blessed by Amoria too!” Vandal announced as his cock began to spasm inside her, filling her with gouts of hot cum. Then he cast his Refractory Refresh spell because he wanted to keep going.
Roxy gasped as she felt him pulsing inside her. “I feel your holy seed filling me, but how can it be? Is the goddess testing me? Can it be true?”
“But it is true, my lusty goblin. Our union was foretold and serves the goddess, which is why you feel compelled to come so loudly, don’t you?” Vandal said. “To come at the same time as me. Come now, goblin.”
“Yes, yes, I didn’t realise, but it’s true. It’s all true,” Roxy howled. “Goddess Amoria is in me, and I feel my climax rising.”