That scared him enough to make him jump.
“Sorry,” I said, sighing. “I took East for a walk and, despite how big this city is, Adam just had to drive by. He proceeded to tell me how worried he was since I wasn’t returning his calls, and scolded me for being with you. I am now refusing to wear his clothes, which leaves very little to choose from in my suitcase.”
Sneaking another peak, he grinned.
“Fine by me,” Nate said. “I am going to go shower, maybe accidentally turn up the air in my post-workout, hangover stupor…”
Nate played up his journey to the bathroom with antics which only made me smile despite how tired the previous night’s activities and my anger had made me.
“I’ll be fast,” Nate said.
When he tumbled back down the hallway, his fresh scent was intoxicating which made the worry dissipate from within me. With a button down shirt in hand, he wrapped it around me before pulling me in for a soft kiss.
“I’m not making any promises,” Nate said, his eyes glazing over as he slipped away. “Especially after last night, but this may protect you from my wandering eyes.”
“Thank you,” I said, watching him button it all the way down. “I could tell that was a first for you, which surprises me.”
“It was beautiful,” Nate said, not giving anything away. “However, I barely remember it. You should reenact it tonight.”
“Or you could return the favor,” I rebutted. My brows furrowed as worry rushed back to the forefront of my mind. I saw Nate’s face soften. “I haven’t felt alive in a long time.”
I could tell that he was beginning to understand just how fragile I was. I may be all smiles and giggles, but the truth is I felt empty. Sometimes, a girl just needs a man to fill her back up.
“You shine bright like a diamond,” Nate said, kissing my forehead. “You shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone has secrets right now, Molly, and that’s OK. All I can promise you is that I won’t let you slip away. At least not without a fight.”
“I love you, Papa,” I said before turning into him to hide my face.
“I love you more, sweetheart,” Nate said, before cuddling me for the rest of the afternoon.
I woke up in Nate’s arms hours later. Lifting my head, I saw that we were still sprawled out on the couch with my body on top of his. One of his arms was cradling his head while the other was graciously cupping my bottom.
That realization instantly aroused me.
“Oh,” I moaned. “I fell asleep.”
“You’ve been out for a while,” Nate said, scooting me up his torso to draw me nearer.
“I guess I can’t go as hard as I used to,” I said. Nate looked at me as if he expected it before running his fingers down my back. Each graze gave me chills and made me press deeper into him.
“You don’t hear me complaining,” Nate said, nuzzling his face into my hair. “It gave me a chance to look at you. You’re so peaceful when you sleep.”
“I’m sure that was all you were looking at,” I said, drawing my arms in to shield myself.
I heard Nate’s chuckle before drifting off once more.
“Nate?” I whispered timidly before working up the courage to shake him. I had woken up in his bedroom at 3:23am and hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep since. “Nate?”
I placed my hand on his naked shoulder blade and gently massaged it between my fingers. Thoughts had been racing through my mind for the past hour and I couldn’t risk waking up tomorrow not remembering the questions I had.
I watched his mass stir across the bed as he drew in a deep breath. Each muscle along his back flexed as he turned over to face me.
“What is it, sweetheart?” Nate said deliriously. “What time is it?”
“It’s late,” I said, shyly, melting into my pillows to hide my face. “I am sorry, I couldn’t sleep.”
“It’s OK,” Nate said, lifting his arm beneath the covers to graze my side. When his hand met my bare skin along the start of my leg, I realized my leggings had been removed. Sitting up, I looked for them. “I took them off. I didn’t want you to get too hot.”
“I don’t know if I feel comfortable,” I said, pulling the button-up closer to my body.
“Ah, I’m…” Nate said, getting up. He began frantically searching for them in the dark. The combination of streetlights and moonlight gave justice to every one of his body’s curves as he bent down. “Um….”
I could see the silhouette of what he was so desperately trying to hide as he searched. His briefs, which already gave his ass and groin justice, were stretched to their max to make room for his engorged bulge. I couldn’t look away, mostly because I was impressed but also because I was mentally congratulating Armani for how well their underwear faired.
“I found them,” Nate said, handing them to me without looking my way. By the look on his face, I could tell he was embarrassed. When the pause after I had put on my leggings had become too long, he spoke. “I feel like I did something wrong.”
Those words lifted me off of the bed to him. Pulling him back down on top of me, I whispered in his ear as his weight calmed my being.
“You did no such thing,” I said, kissing the side of his head. I let my nails wander his scalp before speaking again. “Remember the message you left me, week twenty-four?”
It took a while for Nate to response. After sitting up on his elbow and placing a hand on my stomach, he agreed by giving me his full attention.
“You said you cried on set for me,” I said. My hand caressed the side of his face. “Why would you do that?”
I felt a tear roll down my hand and a chilling silence creep over the room. I suddenly felt bad for making such a big deal about the leggings and for sleeping the day away. I pulled him into me so that I was buried under his weight – where I had longed to be since the moment I saw him.
“Because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you,” Nate breathed. He whined in my ear and my heart shattered within my chest. “And that’s why I kick myself for pushing you past your limits this weekend.”
“Aw, Papa, come here,” I said softly before calming him with a series of tender kisses that told him I couldn’t live without him either.
Chapter 24
The next day was somber. After only having enough time for breakfast and a movie, I packed my bags wishing I could have one more day with Nate in this new world – a world in which life wasn’t swarming around me. Instead, it was flowing with mine in harmony.
As I watched Nate set my bags in the truck, all of his bulky muscles contorting in view, I bent down to pet East, who was jumping up and down on my leg begging me not to go.
The car ride to the airport was just as depressing. Nate and I sat in silence, our hands being the only part of us communicating as they lay interlaced between the seats.
“I know you must feel so… hollow right now,” Nate said, parking in the airport lot. “And I am really scared of pushing boundaries too far. I didn’t mean to upset you last night.” I let out a sigh and tightened my hold on his hand. “I literally thought about you every single day, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the day I can take you all the way again. I don’t want you to feel bad for telling me what you do and don’t want. Just know that I can give you all of the things others do and more.”
“If this is about Adam, Nate,” I said, remembering his reaction to the new clothes and the drive-by. “You should know that I am not that shallow and materialistic. I just wanted to get back at him. It was the wrong way, but there is a long, long past-”
“I know,” Nate said, cutting me off. “I’ve been asking around. I’m fine with that, but I want to be the one that provides for you.”
“I appreciate that,” I said, becoming perturbed. I hated having to be taken care of. “But I can handle myself.”
“There I go again,” Nate said, throwing his head in his hand. “You’re such a hard act to follow. I’m not trying to take anything away from you. I’m just as
scared to fall for somebody as you are. Just because I am who I am doesn’t mean I’m invincible. I’ve had my heart broken too.”
I caved at his words. I had never thought of his situation that way. I had always assumed that people who had everything in life were happy. Who wouldn’t be? You have money, a name, a career, your health, a dog, friends, and a place to live.
“After I met you, I knew I would never be the same,” Nate said. “I know this is strange and rarely works out, but I want to make it work. I’m sitting in front of you with my heart on my sleeve, Molly.”
“I know,” I whispered, tugging at his arm so I could hold him close. “I realize that now.”
“I don’t care that we didn’t get to do all of the things that I wanted to on your short vacation,” Nate said, kissing the top of my head. “It only gives me another reason to fly you out here again. I understand how tired and fragile you are, and really, I couldn’t have asked for a better three days. I got to hold you, which is something I hadn’t done in months, and I got to introduce you to my best friend.”
I cracked a smile when I realized he was talking about East.
“I love you,” Nate said, resting my head on his shoulder so that he could turn his to kiss me. “And I will be coming to see you soon.”
“How soon is soon?” I whispered, afraid to even ask. I bit my lip while I waited in fear for his answer.
“Soon enough,” Nate said. I kissed him again as my eyes fluttered shut. But just like every other time, one kiss turned into another and soon I was placing his hand on the waist of my silk dress. As his hands wandered up to the peak of my breast, I felt them hesitate. “Do you ever wear a bra?”
“I’ve kind of reasoned that I no longer have to fear gravity,” I said, feeling them become aroused at the attention.
“I like that assumption,” Nate said.
“You know, they say you are supposed to lose sensitivity with surgery,” I cooed sweetly as I nibbled on his lip. “But I am happy that it’s not the case with me.”
Nate lingered on my lips as he fought his own temptation. As his reason won, I watched him pull away clearing his throat. I saw the frustration cast a shadow across his face before he got out of the car.
“Where are you going?” I said playfully.
“I’m getting out of the confines of my tinted windows before we do something you might overthink on your plane ride back home.”
I got out and met him at the edge of trunk.
“And why would I regret anything?” I said.
“Because I just told you I wished we could,” Nate said, frantically setting my suitcases on the ground before slamming the trunk with a little too much force. He threw on his sunglasses to shield him from recognition. “I can see you complying with my wishes to make me happy, which I don’t want. I’m happy whether we do or don’t.”
I raised my eyebrow before extending the handle on my suitcase and rolling it up the sidewalk.
“Well, you can mark my word,” I said loudly so that my voice would carry with the wind. “I will find a way to defile that car at some point.”
I saw Nate grin in a window’s reflection before I watched him follow me as far as security would let him.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Nate said, before blowing me a kiss and turning away.
Chapter 25
My life fell back into its old motions as soon as the plane had hit New York soil. Despite being tired and feeling sick to my stomach with every other twirl, I picked dancing back up. I practiced eight hours a day with the help of my friends and an abundance of coffee, even stepping in to tutor my old classes. I was getting back in the swing of things and building up muscle little by little despite the persistence being the worst thing for my health.
I talked to Nate every few days and received the heart-warming text at the most random times. Due to the time zone and work schedule difference, I would wake up to my tri-tone in the middle of the night. When I read Nate professing his love in a new string of words each time, I could no longer feel irritated. However, I would be lying if I said the loneliness wasn’t slowly making my heart its new home.
Each communication seemed to have another hour, which later turned to a day and then a couple days, creep in between it. Furthermore, no matter how much I talked, Skyped, and texted, nothing could fill the void I longed for the most – his touch.
“That’s it, Lily,” I said, doing the routine with her to the beat of the music. “You got it. See? I knew you would.”
“You are so negative,” Lily said, playfully. “Your arrogance is throwing the whole room off balance.”
As everyone hit the last step at the close of the number, I saw smiles meet my eyes through the mirror.
“When you have seen the things I have,” I told her while packing up. “You can be too.”
I watched everyone grab their things before heading out the door. I was surprised when I saw that someone was trying to make their way in.
“Miss Sharpiro?” he said. He had an Edible Arrangement in his hand along with the biggest bouquet of colorful flowers.
“Yes?” I called across the dance floor.
“Special delivery,” he said before setting it down on the nearest table and exiting through the double doors.
Picking out the card from the middle, I mouthed the words as they swooned my desolate heart.
For the girl who loves food, and for the woman who shines day in and day out.
Love Papa and East
I smiled to myself, touching each pedal like I know I wasn’t supposed to. This was the first time I had heard from him in over eight days.
“Those are Forget-Me-Nots,” Lily said, scaring the life out of me as she peered around the bouquet.
“Yes,” I said, flustered. “Yes, I know.”
“Among other things of course,” Lily said, scrutinizing the bouquet.
“Such a strange combination,” I said.
Lily let out a laugh and plucked each flower one by one from the bunch.
“My grandparents own a flower shop in Soho, if you remember,” Lily said. “Forget-Me-Nots mean I will remember you forever. Gladiolus, strength of character. Sunflower, admiration. Red tulip, a declaration of love.” She grabbed her bag and turned on her heel. “It doesn’t seem like such an odd pairing now, does it?”
That would have been a true assumption if he had followed up with a phone call or a surprise visit. Instead, he continued to keep me, what felt like, a world apart and I had no idea why.
Chapter 26
I stirred my simmering rice around the pan and set the spoon back in its holder. As I watched everything steam in front of my face, my thoughts wandered back to Nate. I hadn’t spoken to him in days mostly because of his work schedule and this was the third day in a row that he had stood me up on our Skype call. Despite his efforts to stay in touch as much as possible, this was beginning to be harder than I first thought. I missed him tremendously, and the thought of the word “soon” only made me resentful.
He had lied when he had said it, but who wouldn’t have? I know he didn’t want to break my heart, but I was still in my most fragile state of mind. I needed someone now more than ever. When he had flown to see me in the hospital, I was unconscious so there was no recollection of how long the days in between his visits were. I couldn’t help but be a little angered that, after I got better, his work came before me.
I need you, I texted before sitting down to eat another meal by myself.
Each bite I took in silence pierced another hole in my heart. After five weeks, there were now so many that it was becoming difficult to pretend everything was OK. So, when I heard music fill my ears from outside of my window, I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt.
As the acoustic chords wafted up to my floor, I set my fork on my plate and climbed into my circular balcony.
Below, Adam was strumming his guitar and looking straight at my window. Passersby were furiously snapping pictures while screaming, but as our
eyes met I knew he wasn’t interested in pleasing them. For once, all of his attention was on me.
He stood up and sang each word with conviction, as if they were the last he would ever sing.
“Oh I had a lot to say,” Adam sang. Each one of his fingers plucked the strings gently as if he was touching the most fragile thing in this world. “Was thinking on my time away. I missed you and things weren’t the same.”
His breath let the words linger in the chilling wind before being swept away down the avenues.
“I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry your blue,” Adam sang. As his eyes glistened with purity, I couldn’t help myself. “I’m sorry about all the things I said to you and I know, I can’t take it back.”
He took a step towards me as he pushed fans out of the way.
“I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go ‘round, and I just wanted to say…”
The guitar left his hands and swung behind him, leaving him with open arms. He blew me the most heartfelt kiss before his grand finale, complete with his signature high notes.
“I’m sorry.”
I pressed my hand to the window in recognition of his poured out heart on 7th Ave and watched him turn up the street. His hands filled his pockets as if their contents would be taken out from under him as well.
It took four days for me to cave. My heart lunged out of my chest as I hit send, and I felt the crippling vulnerability I had felt years prior until he responded.
I suppose I have been very rude to you, what with you helping me get back on my feet and everything.
When I didn’t receive a response, I sent another even though I knew his game through and through. He always did this – made me feel guilty so that I would come crawling back. However, this time it was my fault. I had seen his “anonymous” checks being deposited into my account despite our refusal to speak to each other, and I had never once thanked him.
Baby, I’m sorry. You know where to find me if you choose to give me a chance to explain.
Manhattan Muse: A Contemporary Romance Page 9