I tried and tried, but I couldn’t remember any of his reactions. I was so lost in myself then to care. This was surely the end, and with that thought I dry heaved once more.
When my convulsing stopped, I brought myself to terms with the truth. Wearing my vulnerability on my sleeve, I realized that, like every time before this one, I had thrown out something good in my life for something continuously bad.
That thought drove me back into dissociation. I heard the knocks at the door, and the calling of my name. I heard the lock being broken and the footsteps roaming my apartment. However, I didn’t care. I stayed inside the closet as everything in my apartment was overturned in hopes of finding me. When it didn’t provide positive results, the body left and silence was restored.
Chapter 30
A light knock sounded at the door once more hours later. It rapped three times before pausing. I could feel the tension through both of the doors between us and instantly knew who it was. However, I didn’t get up when it rapped again, and again. I wasn’t brave enough. Luckily, he was.
Opening the front door, which had been broken from my other intruder, I listened as his steps hit the floor softly, and called my name.
“Molly,” Nate said, stopping in the kitchen. Using his senses, I saw his boots cast growing shadows on the closet door before it opened. Peering up at him, I saw his mouth drop open before he knelt down and sat next to me Indian style. “Hey, how are you?”
I saw him look at my vomit and was surprised when it didn’t faze him. When he didn’t receive an answer, he turned his attention back to me.
“I’m really sorry about blowing up on you like that,” Nate said, swallowing hard. I could tell my state alarmed him by the way he timidly brushed my cheek in a tender caress. “I wasn’t mad at you, I was just afraid I was going to let my anger get the best of me like years prior. It’s the main reason I became Buddhist.”
When he didn’t hear a response, his hand moved to settle on my kneecap. Through the fabric of my blankets, I felt his thumb rub its length in soothing, even strokes. I let out a shaky breath.
“I just remember when you ran to my room terrified that night after our first big fight,” Nate said. “I wanted to show you the same respect.”
He was so calm, with the ability to restore vitality and hope in me with the simplest of touches. It begged me to speak my first words in hours.
“I feel like an idiot,” I whispered as my eyes ached shut.
“You are not an idiot,” Nate whispered back. The warmth of his palm was eradicating my cold exterior. “You don’t deserve to be treated as an accessory.”
“That’s all I am,” I said, thinking of Adam. “That’s all I ever was. He plays me like a fiddle and I let him. But this… this was the first time he went this far.”
Taking my hand in his, Nate raised it to his lips ever so slowly.
“While I don’t like the guy,” Nate said, every ounce of hatred pooling onto each word. “I don’t think he meant for this to happen.”
“Why are you so calm?” I said, changing the subject. This peaked Nate’s interest. “Aren’t you going to yell at me? Tell me that it’s over? Make me feel as if I lost the best thing I would ever have?”
“No,” Nate said immediately. His answer was stern and confident. “Because those aren’t the truth.”
As I took in his words, I met them with a chortle.
“You’re a sucker,” I said. “I don’t even remember everything I did, but I know that it wouldn’t be alright with anyone.”
There was a long pause before he rose to his knees to scoop me out of the closet. Cradling me into his lap, the light from my balcony cascaded over my face. I shielded my eyes by burying my face into his neck.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Molly,” Nate said, holding me close. “I’ve made a bunch of them. They are inevitable, and I can’t for the life of me blame you for everything that happened when I played a big part in it as well.”
“Don’t, Nate,” I said, trying to escape his grip. When he gently reeled me back in, I knew I would have to endure this conversation. “You always do this. You take blame for everything. Buddhist or not, it’s not plausible when it’s obvious that none of this would have happened if I didn’t try to win him back because of some stupid love game I have been playing for the past three years of my life.”
“I didn’t return your texts because I thought you needed space,” Nate said, a shadow of guilt making his face home. “I didn’t fly out to see you every time I became sick to my stomach with the thought of missing you because I wanted to give you a chance to assimilate back into your life. I didn’t tell you how much I needed you because I didn’t want to make you dependent, a quality you are so adamant against. But I now know that that was, once again, the wrong approach.”
“I would have assimilated if I hadn’t been guilt tripped into thinking someone was paying for me to get back on my feet while I was in love with someone else,” I said. I watched as my heart poured out of my sternum and stained my shirt. It gasped and sputtered in my lap as the silence chilled us both until a pair of lips broke the silence across my forehead.
“That was my money,” Nate whispered, before kissing the top of my head once more.
“Ah, crap,” I sighed.
“See?” Nate said. “My fault. I paid anonymously because I knew you wouldn’t accept it if you knew whose it was.”
“As if my disability checks weren’t enough?” I said, a little disgusted. “As if you didn’t think I could pay my rent on my own?”
“It’s not like that at all,” Nate said. I tuned him out as I got up and went to my kitchen table. Opening the center, I pulled out the contents I had been hiding inside of it. Taking as much as I could hold, I dumped it in his lap where I had been sitting.
“Here,” I said. “That’s fifty grand, from my bartending, ‘stripping,’ and miscellaneous gigs. While it’s not everything you have given me, seeing as I haven’t received one bill for my medical expenses, I still owe you. But at least I can sleep a little more soundly tonight.”
“Molly,” Nate said, getting up and letting the banded money stacks hit the floor. “Molly, listen.”
“No,” I said, flinging my wrists out of his grip with the little energy I had left in me. I was growing weak and tired, but it wasn’t stopping my anger from bubbling inside of me. “No, I’m done listening to people.”
He let me go, and gently folded my wrists to my sides. Shocked, I stood in front of him confused. Adam would have never let me go.
“I didn’t do it to make you feel incapable or worthless,” Nate said ever so softly. “I did it because, to me, you are priceless and while my parents think I am a fool with a fleeting career, I say what better way to spend my fortune on a life that I can’t live without.”
Turning to leave, I watched as he moved swiftly to the door. While a part of me wanted so badly to kill him for making me feel dependent, a part of me couldn’t let him leave.
“Wait,” I said. Walking to the table, I pushed it back together before patting it. “A man’s got to eat.”
“It’s OK-” Nate started.
“Stop,” I said, pointing my finger at him before grabbing the pans. “I have to make up my debt somehow, and since you won’t accept cash I have chosen a lifetime of fine dining. I’ll be your personal chef if I have to.” When he complied and closed the door, I looked him in the eyes for the first time. “Let me go clean up so I can kiss you.”
Chapter 31
I washed every nook and cranny of my body three times. The hot water scolded my skin until it was burning bright red. When I stepped out, I looked like a different woman – one I didn’t even recognize in the mirror. Staring at her reflection, I peered into her tiresome eyes which housed nothing but pain.
Drying myself, I vowed to stop beating myself up for not being perfect. My entire life has revolved around an unrealistic fantasy of a glossy lifestyle with no hardships or pain. However, I realized
that other people weren’t the problem. I was so caught up in how everyone portrayed me that I didn’t stop to look at how I was portraying myself.
Lowering my makeup brush, I housed it back in the case and walked into the kitchen. I brushed my teeth and tied a bandana as a head band before strutted out of the bathroom. However, my new found confidence slowly faded as I saw red spots painting the kitchen floor and a grown man stumbling with tissues to his nose.
The kitchen was a mess, with its contents scattered across the counters and drawers half-opened. I took a deep breath before I spoke.
“What just happened?” I said, panicking.
“Nothing,” Nate said, standing upright. “I just had a nose bleed.”
“Don’t start lying to me now,” I said, standing in shock. “You will kill your streak.”
“I didn’t lie,” Nate said, holding back anger. Every muscle of his body contracted as he seethed. “I really do have a nose bleed.” Grabbing more tissues, he threw his bloody ones in the trashcan. By the looks of it, that was the only place he had been hurt. That didn’t shock me since he was built like a door. He had won.
I let out another sigh and let my hand find my wallet.
“I’m running to the fish market,” I said, nervously. “Don’t leave. I mean it, put water on the stove and clean this up. I’m going to faint.”
“Son of a bitch,” Nate uttered under his breath as I exited down the blood-splattered staircase and out the door to spit out a blood clot on the sidewalk.
I had walked around the block with my heart in my throat. I was petrified at what I had just seen, and a little on edge about how it had turned out. I couldn’t deny that I had been aroused at the sight of Nate’s battle wounds after fighting for my love, but I was scared at what Adam would have done to me if Nate hadn’t been there to block his blows.
Carrying my game back up to my apartment, I walked in to find an immaculate kitchen sans Nate’s convulsing frame. As soon as he saw me, he quickly tried to pull himself together, but he was too late. I had seen the tear streaks and heard the light sobs. I quickly dropped the shell fish in the sink and ran to him.
“Hey,” I said, running my hairs through his perfect military cut. It prickled my palm as I made each strand stand on end. Nate calmed below me when my lips met his cheek. His hands met the back of my thighs and pulled in to him.
“I’m not as strong as you are mentally and emotionally,” Nate said. I felt his body relax underneath mine, and became a little more aroused when I felt his bulge placed perfectly beneath my heat.
“Well,” I said, letting my fingernails trickle down his chest. “I’m not as strong as you are physically.” My hands stopped at his beltline after my fingers looped inside the waist of his boxers. “I’m not sure what would have happened if you weren’t here.”
I heard his breath becoming shaky and a raspy voice take center stage in front of my own lips.
“I was just thinking that,” Nate whispered.
I couldn’t look him in the eye, mostly because I didn’t know how to thank him for what he had done. Nuzzling my cheek against his, I felt his hot breath pool on my neck.
“We can’t all be perfect,” I said. “All we can do is try, and I think you show great restraint every day for what I have put you through.”
“You are as perfect as they come to me,” Nate said, tightening his grip on my body and running his hands across the small of my back.
“See, I don’t know about that,” I said, letting out a giggle. I could sense his confusion in the pause before I spoke again. “I read some of your interviews and it seems like I am missing the one thing you enjoy most about women.”
I felt his hand creep subconsciously to cup my rear, like all of the other times I had caught him in the act, and I let a smile stretch across my face.
“It’s just… it’s just,” Nate said, flustered. His hand flew away from the crime scene. “My hand fits there nicely.”
“Uh huh,” I said, giggling. I pressed my body into his when I saw his face grow bright red. “I made you forget about everything for a second.”
Brushing my thumb across the freckles lining his neck, Nate cleared his throat before returning his hands to support my back.
“That you did,” Nate said, sheepishly. “You know, I never did get that kiss.”
Once again, a smile found my mouth home. I let out a light laugh and ran my thumb across his lips.
“Well, you have impeccable timing,” I said, getting up and moving to the stove. “Too bad the water is boiling.”
Nate sighed in frustration before succumbing to my five course seafood feast, complete with lobster tails, salmon steaks, and crab cakes.
Chapter 32
After dishes had been stowed in the dishwasher and the apartment had been aired out, I climbed onto Nate’s lethargic body sprawled out on my couch. The tension had peaked after forking each other’s food into mouths. A lot can be said through actions, and I found that sitting in silence with Nate across from me was the best company I had ever had in my lifetime.
“You have to learn to slow down,” I said, still chipper as I chewed on the mint garnish from our dessert.
“I can’t when everything is so good,” Nate said. He promptly sat up and planted a kiss inside the crook of my neck. Feeling me crumble on top of him, he let out a soft moan. “I think I found your sweet spot.”
“No,” I whined. I couldn’t help but flirt. My insides were churning with desire. I was vulnerable, confused, confident, and scared all in one. I just wanted someone to treat all of my symptoms in one high dosage, and Nate’s love was the only medicine that was strong enough to do that.
It trickled through my nervous system, plummeted through my veins, and brought tingling sensations to all the right places. Pressing my groin into his, I pushed him back down on the couch and gave him the kiss he had waited three hours for. I wanted to reward him for his courage, his strength, and his restraint even in the hardest of circumstances I had put him through.
“I don’t deserve you,” Nate said, looking at me in awe. In his eyes, I saw admiration. “All those things I said in the interviews make me look like the biggest liar, but I couldn’t be happier right now, in this moment.”
“You are the man every woman dreams of,” I said, as my hand gently grazed his chest once more. “The one who never lies.”
My lips enveloped his in a passionate kiss, again and again. After my tongue had explored every inch of his, I kissed my way down to a new growing length to explore. Peeling his shirt off of him, I was greeted by a mass of un-waxed chest hair of which I tossled in between my fingers. It was the color of sand and soft to my touch.
“I should have-” Nate said, swallowing hard.
“I like it,” I said, looking into his eyes as I took his nipple in my mouth and gently tugged. I watched his eyelids flutter and felt a mass grow beneath me.
“You know,” Nate said nervously as I inched closer to where his body was begging me to go. “The lock on the door is still broken.”
I laughed somewhere along the edge of his pants. I watched as his stomach flexed and sunk in with each of my soft licks and kisses.
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” I said while unbuckling his belt.
“I don’t have a problem with adventure,” Nate said confidently as he peered towards my balcony window. “I just don’t want to share you with Manhattan.”
Taking his hand in mine, I led him into my bedroom with a skip in my step.
“That’s fair,” I said sitting on the bed as he closed the door behind him. When he had made his way over to me, I slipped his pants off of him before he could push me back against the bed. “But I think they would be staring at you.”
I continued licking and kissing the areas I hadn’t covered after I had been interrupted, and felt Nate’s anticipation grow with each press of his hips against my face. Placing my hands on the back of his thighs, I felt his muscles spasm as they tried to hold h
im up. I massaged his ass as I took one of his jewels in my mouth.
I heard his moan greet my ears and he didn’t stop with the generous sounds of appreciations when my tongue ran the length of his member before engulfing it inside my moist, enclosed lips. They looped back and forth, up and down, in even tugs as my tongue fluttered across every inch of its length. I slowed when I felt his body about to collapse in ecstasy, but finally let him have his moment of bliss after three close calls.
His warm seed slipped down my throat and he watched in pure admiration as I licked my lips. Grinning, I watched the animal come out in Nate as he tackled me into the sheets to have his way with me. It was as if we were on the same wavelength, because everything that followed was perfect and what I wanted – what I needed.
His lips tumbled down my neck in slow, even bites. They cascaded down my back and touched every vertebrae in my spine. His teeth peeled off my shirt and leggings, revealing my lacy thong hugging my hips and arching back.
Burly, strong hands crept up my sides to cup my breasts as his mouth explored my bottom. I felt his tongue swoop in the tender space below my wet opening, and it was then I crumbled in his supporting hands.
With one hand full of amble fingers, Nate teased around my erect nipple in continuous circles and light strokes to the underside of my left breast. The other hand was preoccupied at my hip. One finger ran the drag of my thong as a tongue pressed against my warmth.
I quivered as he did it again and again until his finger had met the place his mouth was caressing oh so well. I let out a gasp and it was then that I realized I had lost myself.
“Sshh, baby,” Nate whispered, his hot breath feeling divine against its new location. “Papa’s going to take care of you.”
I cooed as my legs gave out with another sweep of his tongue across my panties. Jutting out my ass, I arched my back so I could cup his chin behind me. I felt his finger run across my moist lips and we both sighed in pleasure. As he patted my pussy through my lace once more, I couldn’t take it anymore. I let out a whine.
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