by Layla Silver
The alarm on my phone went off. I snatched it from the other side of the desk and looked at the reminder. “I have to go.”
“Appointment?” Micah asked, shuffling through the papers surrounding him.
“At the surrogacy agency,” I confirmed, standing up. That got his attention. “Celeste and I have another consultation and round of papers to sign. Stuff about her birthing plan.” I gave him a rueful half-smile. “Any advice?”
He considered a moment with the same thoughtful expression he applied to resolving challenges with our trickiest clients. Finally, he said, “play the long game.” He gestured between us. “We’re wolves, Nathan. When we mate, it’s forever. She knows you belong together, even if she doesn’t like it right now. She’ll come around, but she has to do it in her time. Don’t rush her.”
“Right.” Frustration settled in my chest, but I made myself nod. “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The drive over to the agency was pleasant enough, but I couldn’t help the restlessness that swelled inside me. Micah was right. Wolves mated for life, and I knew in my bones that Celeste was my mine. She had loved me once, as devotedly as I had loved her. She had known me better than anyone except maybe Micah.
How could she not see that what I’d done had hurt me as badly as it had hurt her? How could she still refuse to see that I’d had no choice but to leave? What else did she think I could have done? Taking her with me had been impossible. It would have been the height of cruelty to show up on her doorstep without warning and rip her away from everything she had and knew and cared about. And for what? Life without your pack was dangerous and uncertain. I had no guarantees—barely even any hopes. I’d done the best I could. I still was.
It wasn’t enough, though. It had never been enough. She’d kept her distance since I got back, refusing to even consider reconciling. She’d watched from afar as I struggled through my father’s illness and death and the chaos that followed.
And yet there was a part of me that still couldn’t wait to see her. A stubborn, love-sick corner of my heart that was happy I’d have an excuse to be in the same room with her today, even if things were strained between us.
Regardless of what either of us wanted, she was still my mate, and the wolf inside me would never, ever deny it.
You can’t go in thinking that, I told myself. The baby has to be your priority now. No matter how much of a train wreck my relationship with Celeste might be, the baby did not deserve to suffer for our mistakes. It needed a safe, stable, and loving home, and I was responsible for that. I wouldn’t screw it up.
I held onto the resolve as I parked and strode into the building. Victoria knew me by name now and had my ID badge waiting. Elton was showing another couple around, and I waved to him on my way to Dr. Carlton’s office.
Celeste was already there. “I have to use the cream you recommended religiously,” she was saying when I entered. “Or it sometimes itches fiercely. You were right about the yoga classes, too.”
Her hand caressed her belly, and my eyes riveted to the movement. She had always been slender, but now her body looked … fuller, all around. Her curves had softened and filled out, and there was a distinctive bump where she carried the baby. She turned her head to look at me, and all I could think of was that she actually glowed.
“Nathan,” Dr. Carlton greeted warmly. “Come and have a seat. Celeste and I were just discussing the latest test results.”
“Is everything all right?” Anxiousness gripped my gut as I crossed the few steps and took the empty chair beside Celeste.
“It’s fine,” Celeste assured me. She was smiling, and it took me aback. She’d been so angry last time we spoke. “The baby’s been very active.”
“Really?” I couldn’t help the awe in my voice. How could I not marvel? Our baby was developed enough to be active now. And Celeste was smiling at me, everything about her genuinely cheerful.
“All tests have come back in the green,” Dr. Carlton confirmed, drawing half my attention back to her. “Size and weight are on track, and Celeste’s blood chemistry came back clean. No excess proteins or sugars and no deficiencies. The baby’s heart rate and positioning are exactly what we’d expect at this point in gestation.”
“That’s good,” I said, overwhelmed. “That’s great, actually.”
“It is,” the Doctor agreed, smiling.
“Oh!” Celeste said suddenly. She pressed her hand to her belly. “He’s kicking.” She looked at me, and there was something almost shy in the way she caught her lower lip between her teeth. “Did you want to feel?”
“Yes!” I said immediately.
She reached out and took my hand, laying it on the taut skin of her bump. After a second, I felt an impact on my palm. I felt my eyes go round.
“He’s been like this all morning,” Celeste said fondly, looking down at where her hand rested over mine and shaking her head. “He’s going to be hell to keep up with, I can already tell.”
I felt like I’d been whacked over the head. “It’s a boy?”
She winced. “I’m sorry! I was going to ask if you wanted to know. We just found out this morning.”
“No, I—” I caught my breath, staring at her belly as the baby kicked again. My son. I swallowed hard, emotion swamping me. “I’m glad you told me.”
“The next pack Alpha, I understand,” Dr. Carlton said.
I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. I had a son. I’d have loved a daughter just as much, but knowing the sex made everything instantly more real.
“You must be pleased that you can choose paint colors for the nursery now,” the doctor teased.
I laughed, trying to ignore the watery edge to it. “The nursery is done,” I confessed, finding my voice. I pretended not to notice Celeste’s instant interest or the way it made my heart leap. “Forest green and butter yellow,” I reported. “Nature colors. Neutral and soothing. At least according to everything I’ve read.”
Dr. Carlton nodded approvingly. “Wise decision,” she praised.
I bit my tongue to keep from telling Celeste she could come over and see it if she wanted. She was happy, and I wanted to bask in it, not spoil it. She’d clearly decided to pretend that what had happened between us had never occurred, reverting to the tentative peace we’d had when we’d first agreed to this deal. It felt like an olive branch and a fresh start. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted most, it was too precious a chance to pass up.
Very reluctantly, I withdrew my hand from her belly. “So,” I said, clearing my throat and leaning forward to prop my elbows on my knees. “Tell me about the birthing plan for our son.”
Chapter 12 - Celeste
Liam kicked, and I snuck my hand down to press against my swollen belly, careful not to move the rest of my body. Katie’s cousin Sarah was busily brushing cosmetics on my face, and I didn’t want anything to smudge. Sarah’s twin, Mary, was chattering away at Katie as she did the bride’s makeup, and I was grateful not to have to participate in keeping up the conversation.
Can you feel the excitement, Sweetheart? I thought to my baby. He kicked again, and I had to work not to smile.
Technically, Nathan had the right to name the baby without any input from me at all. But he’d stopped me on the way out of the agency after we’d signed the last round of paperwork. He’d seemed almost shy when he asked if I had an opinion about naming our son Liam.
“It means resolute protection,” he’d told me seriously, walking me to my car.
“Appropriate for the future Alpha who is already protecting our pack,” I’d agreed.
Nathan’s expression had gone serious. “It’s my promise to him, too,” he’d said, firmly. “I’ll take good care of him, Celeste. Always.”
How could I not agree to that? Since then, I’d taken to calling Liam by name when I talked to him, which I did constantly. He was an active little boy, and I’d read that talking to him was good for his development, so I did it as much as possibl
e. Mostly, it was mindless narration of what I was doing, but I told myself the specific words mattered less than my baby knowing I loved him and was paying attention.
Occasionally, I couldn’t help but critique his food choices, too. Today was the perfect example. Despite needing all the sleep I could get before Katie’s wedding, I’d been forced to drag myself out of bed at 3 a.m. because of a ravenous craving for pickles and marshmallow fluff. I’d told him in no uncertain terms that the entire situation was ridiculous, but there hadn’t been any help for it. By the time Sarah had started my make-up at 10 a.m., I’d been deeply lamenting my inability to consume caffeine. A triple-shot latte would have made all the fuss so much easier to deal with.
For all that I would be happy to be done with cravings and food restrictions and the other inconveniences of pregnancy, a tiny part of me had started to dread my approaching due date. I wasn’t afraid of the birth—we had a solid birthing plan set up, and Dr. Carlton would be there walk me through it.
It was just that once Liam was born, he wouldn’t be wholly mine any more. I loved talking to my son. I loved knowing every little detail about him, as far as it was possible at this stage. Once he was born, he would belong primarily to Nathan. I might not be there to hear his first words or see him take his first steps. I wouldn’t be there when he woke in the night fussing or to sing him a lullaby before bed. I’d known when I’d signed the agreement that it would be that way, but it had all been so nebulous. Distant and detached. As my due date approached, it felt very, very real, and more than a little heartbreaking.
“There,” Sarah announced, happily. “All done.”
I pulled myself back into the moment. Katie needed all of my attention right now.
“Thank you.” Getting out of the chair was more of an ordeal than it should have been. For all that I hadn’t put on that much weight, my center of gravity had shifted dramatically, and pregnancy was wreaking hell on my balance. Still, I managed without mishap or the need for help and excused myself. I needed to make a restroom run and then check in with the best man to make sure all of the men in the wedding party were on time and properly dressed. Being a Maid of Honor was an incredible amount of work, and I would never have done it for anyone but Katie.
After verifying that everything else was going smoothly, I returned to the room where the other girls were getting ready. Other members of the pack were already arriving, and I navigated my way through quick hugs and waves of welcome, determined not to get sidetracked.
I didn’t see Nathan, although I knew he would be arriving any minute if he wasn’t there already. Most likely, he was checking on Katie’s father, making sure everything was in place before the ceremony started like a supportive Alpha. Comfortingly, the awareness that I would see him at some point during or after the ceremony didn’t send my stomach fluttering in nausea or panic. I’d spent hours with the agency counselor working through my feelings.
With her gentle guidance, I’d been able to accept that Nathan and I had made a mistake having sex when we did. We’d both been complicit in that choice, lost in the heightened emotions embroiling our pack and the surrogacy. Carrying guilt or resentment about it forward would be unhealthy for everyone. Putting it behind me had been difficult, but worth it. The last time we’d met at the agency, I’d seen the way Nathan responded when I was open and welcoming. It had been beautiful and exactly the type of relationship I wanted our son to be born into. Whenever I saw him today, it would be fine.
I made it back to the room just in time to see Katie getting out of her chair, make-up finished and flawless. She was beaming and practically vibrating with energy.
“Did you see Leo?” she asked, grasping my hand. “Is he here?”
“Of course, he’s here!” I swatted her arm. “He looks very nice in his tux, and he can’t wait to see you. Come on, get your clothes off so we can get you in your dress.”
For all that I never intended to make another wedding dress in my life, Katie’s was a masterpiece I was proud to say I’d created. It fit her like a glove on top, and the frothy skirt and long train made her look like a princess. I patiently fastened every tiny fabric-covered button up her back while her cousins teased her about the fun she would have when Leo unfastened them that night.
Finally, with Katie perfectly dolled up, I sent her off to take pre-wedding pictures with the women in her family and got myself into my own dress. It was a tea-length periwinkle blue number—one of those dresses you know you’ll never wear again in your life, but it made her happy. For my part, I was just pleased I could still get into it. Luckily, it was an Empire waisted style, and I’d been able to ease the seams a bit to accommodate my expanding belly. Another few weeks, though, and I might not have been able to make it work.
I collected Katie again in time to get her in position before the processional started. Certain everyone was in place, I accepted the arm of the best man and awaited our cue. All eyes were on us as we stepped through the church’s main doors and began our measured steps down the aisle.
One pair of eyes rested on me with a weight that I felt more than all the others combined. Nathan.
I met his eyes boldly for just a second, and the focus in them took my breath away. He looked every inch the Alpha: tall, strong, and intense. Quickly, I darted my gaze back toward the front of the church, my heart fluttering.
The best man relinquished me at the dais, and I helped Katie’s cousins arrange her train and then took her bouquet so she could clasp hands with Leo. The two of them stared rapturously at the priest as he began to speak, and I let my gaze drift back out over the assemblage. Nathan still had his eyes fixed on me, their green depths unfathomable and patient.
I felt myself flush and quickly tried to brush the reaction off. I got hot easily these days. Increased metabolism, Dr. Carlton said. It was just that. I was not blushing over Nathan’s attention. I wouldn’t. We’d done so well the last month, getting along like adults. I couldn’t ruin it with childish vapors.
Still, as the priest droned on, my eyes kept drifting back to the father of the child I carried. We’d never planned a wedding for ourselves. We were wolves. We didn’t need one. But oh, how different things would be right now if I’d taken him back when he first returned. If I’d been able to trust him with my heart, Liam might not be our first child. We could be here as a couple with our own little brood. Nathan could be waiting for me when the festivities were over, his strong arm there to escort me through the exhausting reception that awaited and see me safely home tonight when I was dead on my feet. We could have the house we’d dreamed of.
I had the inexplicable urge to burst into tears. That had become a regular occurrence, compliments of the rampant pregnancy hormones perpetually ravaging my attention and emotions, but this was a wedding. I would not have a breakdown in the middle of Katie’s special day. Scraping together every last bit of my control, I swallowed the urge to cry and kept my composure.
I also stuffed down all of my absurd thoughts about being here with Nathan as mates. I had shut down his every attempt at rebuilding what we had, closing those dreams off just as surely as he had when he left. The thought hit harder than I’d expected, leaving me unexpectedly exhausted and numb.
The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur.
I was distantly aware of Katie and Leo kissing, the guests cheering, and the fanfare of processional music. Mechanically, I allowed the best man to take my arm and lead me back down the aisle with the rest of the wedding party. I went through the motions of posing for endless wedding pictures on autopilot.
The limo ride to the country club where the reception was being held was miserable but blessedly short. After that, I was relieved to find there was little for me to do. I helped Katie out of her complicated wedding gown and into a strapless, glittering party dress. Then she all but glued herself to Leo, leaving me with no more supervisory duties.
With the best man following Sarah around like a besotted puppy, I had no one to entert
ain. I was grateful because nausea set in as I was zipping Katie’s dress into its protective garment bag. Slipping out of the changing room, I headed to the bar and got a glass of ginger ale, hoping it would help. The ballroom hosting the reception opened onto the lawn and guests had spilled out in all directions. There were two dance floors, multiple bars, and round dining tables everywhere. The air inside was oppressively stuffy, and I slowly made my way outside, clutching my drink and hoping the fresh air would help.
It was a gorgeous summer day, but the sun beat down directly on the gathering, and I felt suffocatingly hot. Past the dance floor, I could see the small lake the country club boasted and the tiny white gazebo positioned beside it. I tried to head for it, skirting the dance floor. Surely, it would be cooler at the water’s edge. I relinquished my drink to a side tray when I got too lightheaded to keep it reliably upright in my hand.
I guessed I was halfway to the gazebo when my vision started to blur. My steps faltered, and a spike of real alarm shot through me.
“Celeste.”
Nathan appeared out of nowhere, and I was so relieved to feel his steadying hand on my shoulder that I leaned into the touch without thinking. He caught me as I sagged, one arm sliding around my waist, the other cradling the back of my head, holding me securely against his chest. I breathed in his familiar, masculine scent and felt myself relax into the safety of his hold.
“Are you all right?” He tipped my head back a little, searching my face with worried eyes. “Is something wrong with the baby?”
“Fine,” I croaked, guilt stabbing at me for having worried him. “Just … so tired.” It was mortifying to say, and more words poured out even as I desperately tried to shut up. “The rehearsal dinner ran late, and then Liam was up before three. We had to have pickles and fluff, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I miss coffee, and it’s hot, and my head hurts, and I—I’m sorry.”
He didn’t say anything for a second, and my humiliation deepened. He must think I was terrible. That I wasn’t taking care of our baby at all.