“What are you doing here, Casey?” Duke greeted roughly.
Luke climbed out of the car and tried to look evenly into the taller man’s eyes. “I came to see Lenny,” he answered as confidently as possible.
“She’s not here,” Duke replied flatly. Luke saw a flicker of something in his eyes he couldn’t place. Either Duke was glad to see him or he was going to punch him in the nose.
“When will she be back?” Luke refused to be intimidated.
Duke’s jaw worked under his skin before he finally relented and gestured for Luke to come into the house.
When he walked into the warmth of the Lodge, he noticed how empty it felt.
“She left.” Duke said as he hung up his coat and proceeded to the kitchen.
“What do you mean, she left?” Luke followed him, feeling his world crash around him. He'd waited too long.
“I mean, you didn’t call and she went to Alaska.” Duke took out some milk and poured two glasses, offering one to Luke. “She’s not here. She’s gone.”
“When is she coming back?” Luke’s memory banks fired and he vaguely remembered having a conversation with Lenny that she was in Alaska. But he hadn’t been sure if that memory was real or just a dream.
“Don’t know.” Duke took a drink of milk. “You should’ve called.”
“I know,” Luke responded, feeling more defeated than he had all week. She was even further away now.
“Where in Alaska?” Luke suddenly asked. Why not? He had the money and the time. Why couldn’t he just go there? It didn’t matter where they were when he told he loved her, she just needed to hear it.
“Valdez. With a bunch of other people.” Duke's face was unreadable. He was obviously just as pissed at Luke as the rest of them.
Luke thought for a few minutes before speaking again. “I don't know what to do. I'm so backwards and turned around without her. I love that woman with everything I have. I can't stop trying until I'm positive she knows that.”
Duke nodded once and tried to hide his smile behind another drink of milk. “This might be salvageable after all, Casey.”
***
It had been an amazing week. Getting up early, fresh rides all day long with the best in the sport, Lenny couldn’t ask for more. She’d hardly had time to think about Luke, much less be surprised when he didn’t call her back. He had been very drunk. He’d probably forgotten the whole conversation. It was just as well, Lenny thought, they should give each other some space to move on. As impossible as that seemed.
The snow had started to come down in thick waves sometime in the middle of the night. Nick met everyone in the Lodge the next morning and explained that the current storm system moving through might last a couple days. His words were met with groans and complaints. But nothing could be done. They had to wait out the weather and then they’d be able to tackle the mountains again.
The first day of the storm, everyone gravitated to the Lodge and played pool or watched TV. It wasn’t so bad. The group was growing closer and more tight-knit and the age gaps weren’t as apparent anymore. But by day two, people were going a little stir crazy.
Lenny was watching a very dodgy game of darts between Ben and Trucker when Shane took a seat next to her on the couch.
“I was wondering if we could talk?” He asked gently.
Lenny turned sideways to face him. They were relatively alone. The Lodge was buzzing but no one was close enough to overhear a casual conversation.
“Sure,” she answered sincerely. She and Shane had gotten along better during this trip than they had the entire time they’d known each other. The awkward tenseness that she had expected was nonexistent. He had been nothing but friendly and encouraging. It was as if their ugly breakup and following confrontation a few weeks ago had never happened.
“I guess, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.” Shane’s amber eyes were pulled down at the sides in regret, taking Lenny off guard. “I feel terrible about what I did to you. You were always so amazing to me and I really hurt you.”
Lenny had no idea Shane had wanted to have such a serious conversation. It was as good a time as any, Lenny supposed. She had a few things she’d been wanting to clear up herself.
“Why did you stick around for so long after the accident? You could’ve just moved on.” She searched his eyes as he looked back, unblinking.
“Because I was really hoping maybe you did forget what Cody and I had done and we could pick where we left off.”
“But there were other girls, Shane…not just Cody.” Lenny reminded. Her previous anger had evaporated weeks, ago. It had been replaced with acceptance and curiosity.
“Yeah, I was a horrible boyfriend.” Shane acknowledged. He looked at her earnestly. “But, I think I did love you, as much I was capable of at the time.”
“What does that mean?” Lenny asked, her eyebrows pulling together.
“I didn’t love you like you deserved.” Shane’s eyes were serious and sad. “But I learned a lot from losing you. And I hope, someday, I can be your friend again.”
Lenny studied his face, he had gotten older when she wasn't looking. She had known Shane for a long time. They had a history, not a great one, but it was there nonetheless. She had never seen him more genuine and her heart changed in that moment. She decided to let go of the past.
“I forgive you, Shane.” She reached over and laid her hand on his forearm. He looked up at her, relief creeping into his gaze.
“I didn’t ask you to,” he responded softly, his voice full of hope and wonder.
“No, but we both needed me to.” Lenny gave him a crooked smile and moved to sit closer to him on the couch. He hesitantly put an around around her shoulders as she hugged up next to him.
“Thank you, Lenny.” He rested his chin on the top of her head and she smiled. They couldn't go back and fix everything, and they would never be more than friends. But at least they could be friends and that meant more to Lenny than she had realized.
She glanced over as Nick sat down nearby and started a conversation with those at the bar.
“The storm is actually getting worse.” Lenny overheard Nick telling Smitty and Serge. “We may have to move the kids into town till it passes.”
And that’s exactly what happened. Nick announced a few hours later to pack up what they needed and they piled into a caravan of cars and trucks and headed to a hotel in Valdez.
***
The hotel was nearly empty from other travelers and the group all got their own rooms on the same floor. It was almost like a college dorm, Lenny thought ruefully. Hopefully they would all behave themselves. Snowboarders forced to stay indoors sue to inclement weather? Probably not.
She decided to explore downtown Valdez and took Ben, Shane, Shelby Lynn and Travis in tow. They went in and out of little shops and stores, sometimes buying trinkets for family back home. They ate at a small restaurant that served fresh fish and lobster caught in the Sound.
They were walking back to the hotel when Travis pulled the groups attention to a small music store. They entered and casually browsed the various merchandise. CDs, vinyl’s, t-shirts, posters; every band imaginable. Lenny was flipping through a stack of old records when a familiar song started to play on the speakers overhead.
She froze, listening to the first few notes on the guitar carefully, it couldn’t be…could it? Then a low, gravelly voice started in with the lyrics she knew by heart. It was her song. The song Luke had written for her. It sounded a little different, the whole band was playing, it was no longer acoustic. Lenny swallowed hard and looked around for the store’s clerk. Spotting him near the register she slowly made her way that direction, trying to not draw any attention to herself.
“Excuse me,” she flashed her most persuasive smile. The pudgy, curly haired clerk straightened up as she spoke. “I was wondering what the name of the track is that you're playing right now.”
“Oh…uh,” he held up a case, “It’s Double Blind Study�
�s new single, Need. Just got it today.” He handed the case over to Lenny for her to examine.
She carefully took the plastic case and turned it over, her hands shaking. It was a stock photo of the band, nothing she hadn’t seen a million times.
“It’s weird, right?” The clerk said with a laugh.
“What do you mean?” Lenny looked up at him with a soft frown.
“Well, just that guy,” he pointed to Luke on the cover. “He writes this song for his girl and then goes off and cheats on her.”
“What are you talking about?” Lenny felt a hollowness in the pit of her stomach.
The clerk pulled a tabloid out from under the counter and opened it to the pictures of Luke making out with a random girl. Lenny couldn’t help but stare. She felt someone come up behind her but she didn’t acknowledge them.
“I wonder if it’s a ploy to get more publicity,” the clerk continued. “He’s been all over TV and radio this week pushing their single and downplaying these tabloid pictures.”
Lenny was skimming the article for any mention of her. She knew she shouldn’t. She felt dirty for even looking at this piece of trash like it was a legitimate news report but she couldn’t stop herself. Yes, she was mentioned: Lenna Evans, former Olympian, humiliated by Casey’s addiction to sex and booze has been in hiding for weeks. Well, that wasn’t true. Alaska was far away but she wasn’t hiding.
“In every interview he’s all: This song is for the love of my life. I mean every word blah blah blah.” The clerk was enjoying his own Luke impersonation.
“C’mon, Lenny,” a strong voice said from next to her. An equally strong arm hooked around her waist and pulled her towards the door. “We have to get back.” Shane addressed the clerk, “Thanks, man. You got cool stuff here.”
Lenny felt numb as she walked back to the hotel next to Shane. Her head was swirling with the pictures from the tabloid of the girl on Luke’s lap with her tongue down his throat. Her hands had been twisted in his hair...the same way Lenny used to twist her fingers in it.
She felt knifed, gutted, a sinkhole where here faith had been. It was so much more than what she had felt the night she had walked in on Cody and Shane. She had been forgotten.
She wasn't sure how she made it all the way to her room and got her key out of her back pocket.
***
Shane took the key from her and opened the door, helping Lenny inside. He gave a reassuring look to the rest of the group who had been watching with worried faces.
“We’ll see you guys downstairs for dinner.” And he went inside Lenny’s room with her.
She was rummaging through her luggage for some clean clothes. Having gone from lifeless to angry in the millisecond he wasn't looking.
“You okay?” He asked apprehensively.
“Sure! Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Lenny snapped, throwing her clothes on the floor and rifling through them again.
“I’m not sure what to say, except I’m sorry.” Shane tried to offer comfort.
“That’s rich, coming from you!” She scoffed openly. “I have great taste in men, don’t I? I guess it’s true, you all want the same thing. I didn't put out so he replaced me.”
Shane frowned, about to protest. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say. She had a right to be angry, especially with him. Lenny suddenly took off her shirt and flung it to the floor. She kicked out of her jeans and slid on a pair of shorts. Shane stared for a second before he averted his eyes. She grabbed her running shoes and quickly laced them up.
In only her sports bra and running shorts Lenny headed to the fitness center downstairs. Shane followed, unsure of what else to do. Lenny let herself into the weight room and immediately started her old routine; heavy weights, heavy squats, heavy presses. Shane recognized it right away. It was part of her physical rehab after her accident. But she was lifting way heavier than she had before. She was clearly going for complete muscle fatigue.
“It’s a good song,” Shane wasn’t sure why he felt the need to defend Luke. Probably cause the guy wasn’t there to defend himself.
“It’s a great song,” Lenny grunted, “Stupid me for thinking it was about me.”
“How do you know it’s not about you?” Shane countered, knowing he was walking a line that might end up with him getting smacked.
“Oh please. It’s just another way to make money. If it was special it would have stayed special and not been sold.” She dropped her dumbbells with a thud. “It’s fine. We’re not together. He can screw whatever tramp he wants.”
Shane watched her sweat for a few minutes and then decided it was best to leave Lenny alone. He didn’t go far. He sat out in the lobby with one eye on the door and the other on the TV. Maybe Luke Casey would make an appearance on ET or something and fill in some of the blanks.
Shane had been sitting in the same chair for almost two hours when Nick joined him.
“She still in there?” Nick asked, having been filled in on the basics by a very concerned Shelby Lynn.
“Yep.” Shane sighed and tossed down the magazine he’d been reading. “She lifted for nearly an hour and now she’s running on the treadmill.”
“You try talking to her?” Nick asked.
“Sort of. Didn’t go well. I’m a little afraid, not gonna lie.” Shane pursed his lips.
Nick sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.
“I called Duke…this is gonna get worse before it gets better.” Nick spoke slowly, like he was afraid of the next few words he had to say.
Shane narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“Luke’s on his way here. His plane landed hours ago and I already checked…he’s booked at this hotel.”
Chapter 22
Victorian Machinery
Lenny’s skin was dripping with sweat. Her face was contorted and pinched as she pushed the maximum speed and incline on the treadmill. Her hair had almost completely broken free of the restraint and stuck in thick, sweaty tendrils to her bare shoulders and back. Salty streams ran into her face, blurring her vision and stinging her eyes. She didn’t even bother wiping it away. Her lungs burned and her legs were on fire but she pushed on. She had to keep going. At least until she was numb and couldn’t feel the hurt that was buried deep inside her.
It wasn’t fair. Every muscle fiber in her was screaming, trying to break free from the feelings that threatened to overtake her. She had done the right thing. She had to call it quits with Luke. One of them had to make the sacrifice. One of them had to be the grown up and see their situation for what it really was. Her breathing intensified with her thoughts. If she would have stayed, it could have only ended badly. He would have resented her for changing his life around and she couldn’t bear the thought of him looking at her with regret in his eyes.
She felt the sweat running in rivers between her shoulder blades. She breathed heavy out of her mouth, sending sweat spewing on the display of the treadmill. She should’ve known better. She should have protected herself and never gotten involved with him. This was her fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was his job to write songs that squeezed the soul of the listener. She shouldn’t have let herself think she was special. She was a temporary muse. A convenient inspiration. And now that she was out of the picture he was free to do whatever with whomever he chose. Isn't that exactly what Ashton had told her? She was replaceable.
The hollow pit in Lenny’s stomach tightened as the pictures flashed in her mind again. This would be a lot easier for her to handle if she didn’t have to remember every single thing in perfect detail. Her photographic memory was hell at times. This being one of them. Those images would never leave her mind. Just like she would never forget the things Shane and Cody had said to her. The same way she remembered the accident in vibrant color with all the special effects. It wasn’t fair. No one should have to carry a burden so heavy; to see the one man she had ever loved in the arms of a random woman.
Shane reente
red the fitness room and took a seat on the weight bench. He clasped a towel in his hands on his lap and patiently waited. Lenny glanced at him and saw that he wasn’t going to leave until he talked to her. She jumped to the sides of the treadmill and shut it off. Shane tossed her the towel and she wiped the sweat off her face.
“Feel better?” Shane asked, his face and voice tense.
“No,” Lenny shot back. She walked over and stood in front of him. She’d pretty much had enough of everyone’s bullshit.
“What do you want, Shane?” She confronted contentiously.
“Nothing.” Shane remained tactful, “Just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m awesome.” Lenny said sarcastically and strode to the door. Shane hurriedly got up to follow her.
“I don’t need a babysitter, Shane.” Lenny snapped. What she needed was this stupid storm to clear and a high vertical.
She felt Shane's large body pressing too close and turned around to tell him to back off when she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes narrowed as a familiar shape came through the front doors and approached the desk. She’d recognize that saunter anywhere.
Without thinking, she marched in that direction; Shane hot on her heels. He was saying something to her but she wasn’t listening. All her thoughts and the adrenaline from her intense workout drowned him out. Hell hath no fury, right?
“What the hell are you doing here?” Lenny confronted Luke. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared deeply at him. She had controlled her voice to keep from shouting but there was no mistaking the edge in her words.
***
Luke was shocked to see Lenny at the hotel. He thought he’d have to drive inland when the storm cleared. It had been difficult enough just getting from the airport to Valdez in the blizzard. He was tired and discouraged and he wasn’t prepared to see Lenny. Especially with the fury with which she was greeting him.
Learn to Fly Page 35