I fucking hated myself.
I grabbed my phone off the desk and texted Cleo. Is Derek home?
Minutes passed, and she didn’t text back.
Then an entire hour passed, and there was still no answer.
That was unlike her…really unlike her.
I called Patricia directly since Cleo was unavailable.
“Hello, Mr. Hamilton. How are you?” She had a perky voice that was still professional, but she had a warmth that reminded me of Cleo.
“Is Derek home?”
“Yes. He’s working on his homework at the table. I made him sliced apples with peanut butter. Would you like to talk to him?”
“Uh, sure.”
She put him on.
“Hey, Dad.” Derek was cheerful like usual, like Patricia wasn’t off-putting. “When are you going to be home?”
“At dinnertime. How was school?”
“Good. We painted today. I painted the cabin with the trees covered in snow.”
“That sounds really nice. I’d like to see it when I get home.”
“Can we stay at the cabin for Christmas?” he asked hopefully.
I noticed he never asked about his mother. It was like he already knew. “What about Uncle Tucker and Grandma?”
“They can come.”
I chuckled. “What about all the nice decorations Cleo put up?”
“We can’t bring them with us?”
She could do anything…but not that. “No. But maybe we can go to the cabin during your Christmas break.”
“Yes!”
“Keep working on your homework. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, little man.” I hung up then immediately looked at my phone, hoping for a response from Cleo. Now, I wasn’t worried about Derek, just her. I called her…and it went to voice mail.
I hung up and stared across my office, feeling worried. She was capable of taking care of herself and she was probably just busy with a client, but she usually sent some kind of response like I’ll call you back or I’m in a meeting. The fact that she said nothing…troubled me.
I grabbed my phone and called the main desk.
Matt answered. “Trinity Concierge. Matt speaking.”
“Hey, Matt. It’s Deacon Hamilton.”
“Hello, Mr. Hamilton. How can I help you?”
“Is Cleo around?”
“No, she left a while ago. Doctor’s appointment.”
I didn’t know she had a doctor’s appointment. “Oh…alright. Thank you.” I hung up then stared at the phone on my desk, surprised she had an appointment and didn’t tell me about it. We told each other everything.
But then I remembered that her health was a private matter, that it was none of my business what was in her medical chart or medical history. All those HIPAA violations came to mind as a physician.
But still, I worried.
She was young and healthy, so it was probably just a routine checkup. Nothing to worry about.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
When I came home, Derek was at the dining table with a new instruction book. He was drawing his own pictures with a sharp pencil, sketching like an artist, trying to copy the picture on the page.
I shed my coat by the door and carried my bag to the dining table. “What are you working on, son?”
“Patricia got me a sketchbook, so I’m learning how to draw. Look.” He held up his picture.
“Very nice.”
Patricia came out of the kitchen and set the plate at my seat, grilled chicken with rice pilaf and veggies. “Since he’s so good with the coloring book, I thought it would help for him to learn perception, dimension, spacing. He’s so good at math and writing, so I thought we could hone those artistic skills.” She turned to Derek. “Honey, let’s put everything away because it’s dinnertime.”
“Cleo isn’t home, and I’d like to wait for her.”
“She texted me and said she’s on her way up.” Patricia went back into the kitchen to retrieve the other plates.
Derek obeyed her instruction and put everything away and carried it to his room.
She returned with two other plates and then a bottle of wine and glasses. “I hope you had a lovely day, Mr. Hamilton. It’s time for me to head home.” She smiled before she excused herself from the condo.
The interaction was a little weird, but she didn’t make annoying chitchat and she excused herself the second I was home. I didn’t ask her to cook, but if the food was good, then I didn’t care.
Cleo walked in a moment later, wearing a long-sleeved sweater dress with a puffy neck. Her hair was pulled back, and she wore knee-high boots, sexy as hell. Her heavy purse was under her arm, and she set it on the entryway table before she moved farther into the condo. “Hey. Something smells good.” She seemed normal, like nothing happened at her doctor’s appointment today.
“Patricia made dinner.”
“Well, it smells like she did a good job.” She walked to me then smiled, like she was happy to see my face when she walked in the door. Her arms moved around my torso, and she moved into me to kiss me, her hands holding on to my back.
I squeezed her back, but I couldn’t resist, I gripped her ass through the dress since Derek was out of the room.
She chuckled against my lips and swatted my hand away. “Deacon…”
“He’s gotta learn.”
She rolled her eyes and turned to the table. “Where is he?”
“Putting his stuff away in his bedroom.”
“I need some water. I’ve been running around all day, and I’m so dehydrated.” She went into the kitchen and filled up a glass from the fridge then set it next to her wine. “How was your day?”
“I was in my office all day. Paperwork.”
“Maybe we should get started on getting you more organized.”
“Yeah.” I stared at her face, seeing her diamond earrings, the beautiful complexion that highlighted her eyes. Her father’s watch was on my wrist, and now my collection of fancy Omegas and Rolexes was abandoned in my drawer. It was a cheap brand, but I wore it anyway because it was more valuable than my other stuff. I only took it off went I went to sleep, showered, or went to the gym. But other than that, it was always on my wrist. “I got worried when you didn’t text me back, so I called the front desk. Matt told me you had a doctor’s appointment today.”
Her posture immediately changed, going from loose and relaxed to rigid. That beautiful look on her face was gone, replaced by a glimpse of fear.
“I didn’t mean to pry,” I said quickly. “I just… You always text me back.”
“I didn’t have any reception. But it looks like you talked to Patricia yourself, which is great.” Her mood returned to what it’d been before. “I’d like you two to get along. Because you can reach out to her directly.”
Patricia seemed nice enough, but I hated getting to know new people. That was probably why it took so long for me to realize my feelings for Cleo. I hardly ever liked people. So, when I was in love with her…I didn’t even realize. “So…is everything alright?” I knew I should back off, but as a physician, I just couldn’t. I needed to know it was a routine checkup that resulted in negative findings.
She grew uncomfortable again. “Yes, everything is fine.”
I was terrible at these kinds of interactions, but I could tell something was off. Her behavior was different. She wasn’t soft, transparent. “Baby, are you sure? Because I feel like—”
“I’m fine, Deacon,” she said quickly. “Really.”
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t. Something was wrong. If it were something else, I could let it go. But if it were her health or her life, it would torture me until I got to the truth. I could technically access her medical records even though that was a huge violation, but that would be such a breach of trust that I would never forgive myself. “Look, I lost my father to cancer, and I see a lot of patients of all ages who get sick. I know it’
s none of my business and I’m sorry for pressing, but I need to know you’re okay. Please tell me you’re okay.”
Instead of growing angrier, she slowly softened, starting with her eyes and then the rest of her body. “I’m perfectly healthy, Deacon. There’s nothing wrong.”
I saw the sincerity in her eyes and knew she told the truth, that she wasn’t sick, that she wasn’t carrying some illness she was too scared to tell me about. I released a deep sigh, grateful that I was overreacting. “Alright.” I pulled out my chair and sat down.
Derek came into the dining room. “Hey, Cleo.” He gave her a quick hug as he passed.
She ran her fingers through his hair as she smiled down at him. “Hey, honey. How was school?”
“Awesome.” He crawled into the chair across from her and then looked down at his food. “No pizza?”
I shook my head. “There will never be pizza.”
He sighed and clumsily cut into his chicken with the child’s knife he used.
Cleo smiled at him before she sat down and started to eat. “How do you like Patricia?”
“She’s nice,” Derek said. “I like her.”
“Good,” Cleo said. “She is really nice.”
“She’s a lot nicer than Mom,” Derek said, moving his food around with his fork.
That made me sad, that someone we’d hired off the street was better than his own mother. That didn’t make me feel better about Cleo’s hire. It made me feel terrible. After dinner, I would talk to him about Valerie’s departure, which was tomorrow. I’d put it off until the last minute because I’d been dreading it.
“Did Mom already leave?” He cut into a piece of meat and placed it in his mouth.
I stilled at his question, trying to figure out exactly what he meant by that. “What do you mean?”
“I know Mom is moving.” He kept eating his dinner like this news didn’t bother him, like he’d known as long as we did.
Had he overheard Cleo and me talking? That didn’t seem possible. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “I hear Mom and Jake talk about it all the time.”
Now I’d completely lost my appetite. I’d been overjoyed when Cleo told me she was healthy, but now that happiness instantly disappeared. I felt a lot of emotions at once, but what I felt the most was anger. Valerie talked about her plans so nonchalantly, careless to his sensitive ears.
Cleo stopped eating too, staring at Derek like she didn’t know what to say.
I guess we would have this conversation now, not later. “Derek, what exactly did your mother say?”
“Something about moving to Landan,” he said as he pushed his food around.
“London,” I corrected.
“Yeah,” Derek said. “That place.”
“Well…” Fuck, what did I say? “That’s true. She is moving.”
Derek kept eating, his head down.
“You’ll stay here and live with me full time.” In my heart, I knew this was better for him. Even though I worked a lot, I would give him a better life, a more colorful childhood. I actually enjoyed spending time with him, doing things with him. I could help him with his homework, his science projects, anything he needed. “I’ll always be here. Cleo too. And we also have Patricia. Grandma and Uncle Tucker are just down the road.”
“I know,” he said. “We can go to the cabin all the time, go the planetarium, go to the beach house…”
He seemed to be taking this really well. “Derek.”
He kept eating.
“Derek, look at me.”
He dropped his fork and raised his chin.
“Your mother may be moving, but she still loves you. You know that, right?” It didn’t matter if it was true or not. Valerie had shown her true colors. But it was better for Derek to believe she did.
“Yeah,” he answered.
“And you know you always have me and Cleo.”
He nodded. “When you left, I knew you still loved me.”
It wasn’t the same, but he didn’t understand that.
“But this is what I wanted,” Derek said. “Mom makes you sad. She makes me sad too.”
I was angry with Valerie for leaving, but maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe I should be thanking her for stepping aside. “Yeah?”
He nodded. “But when I’m with you guys…I feel happy. Even when you say I can’t have pizza or we can’t go to the ice cream parlor, I’m happy.”
I released the painful breath I’d been holding.
He shrugged. “Mom and I don’t really do anything together. She tells me to stay in my room and do my homework, and she watches TV or does these weird things on a pink mat.” He grabbed his fork again. “I want to stay with you, Dad. You’re way better than Mom.”
Normally, I would tell him not to say anything like that, but I couldn’t find the energy. Maybe Tucker was right. Maybe Cleo was right. Derek didn’t need both of us to be happy. Maybe this was for the best. Without Valerie’s bad energy and her selfishness, we could have a quiet life, a drama-free life. And Cleo could give him everything he couldn’t get from me, a woman’s touch. “I’m really happy you’re going to be here with us, Derek.” My hand moved to his shoulder, my fingers giving him a gentle squeeze. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me.” My hand went to the back of his head, cupping his small neck.
“I know, Dad.”
“I love you…so much.” I leaned over the table and pressed a kiss to his forehead, feeling my eyes water. He was the only person in the world who could make me weak like this, make me express emotion through tears. I loved Cleo with all my heart, but it still didn’t compare to what I felt for him. He was the reason I was human, the reason I had a heart, the reason I was capable of love at all. If I’d never had him, I probably wouldn’t ever have been able to feel anything for Cleo.
Derek watched me. “I know you do, Dad.”
I tucked Derek into bed and sat at the edge, my hand resting on his heart, feeling it beat gently.
Derek looked up at me, wearing his space pajamas, so small and innocent.
I would get to do this for as long as he would allow me. He would change, turn into a teenager, and we would probably butt heads. Then he would turn into an adult, be anxious for independence, and run out the door to college.
But at least I got to experience that.
Why wouldn’t Valerie want to?
I’d have to talk to him about sex, make sure he knew how to be gentle, understood consent, to always wear a condom. There would probably be times when he would hate me for whatever reason, and I would have to deal with it.
Raising him was still a privilege.
I was grateful I got to have it.
With Valerie’s absence, it would just be us, but I knew I could be what he needed. I could love him enough to make up for his mother’s indifference. I could be a mother and a father. I could fill the void his mother’s absence might cause. I was up for the challenge.
“Why are you sad?” he whispered.
My eyes shifted to his, impressed he could read people’s moods so well. I was getting better at it, but I was still pretty terrible. “I’m not. I’m just…really grateful that I get to see you every day…and watch you grow up.” When I’d moved to New York, I was so devastated to leave my son behind. It was like a bullet hole that wouldn’t close. “You’re my best friend.”
“I am?” he whispered.
I nodded.
“Can you have more than one best friend?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. Because Tommy…I think he’s my best friend.”
I smiled. “I’m okay with sharing you.”
“Good. And isn’t Cleo your best friend?”
I nodded. “Yeah…she is.”
“I really like Cleo.”
“Yeah, I really like her too.”
“Are you guys gonna get married?”
This was why I loved him. We could have conversations despite his young
age. He didn’t quite grasp adulthood, but he was mature enough to understand some of it. “Yes. Someday.”
“Why don’t you ask her now? She lives with us.”
“You think I should?” I asked with a smile.
“Yeah. She already lives with us, and she’s really pretty.”
I chuckled. “She is pretty, huh?”
“She looks like a Disney princess.”
I chuckled again. “She does.”
“You want me to ask her for you?” Derek asked. “Are you too scared?”
That was when I was reminded he was just a young boy. His intellect was caged by his age. “I’m not scared, Derek. But thank you for the offer.”
“Tommy likes this girl in our class. He was too scared to talk to her, so he asked me to do it for him. So, I’ve done this before.”
I laughed. “I didn’t realize you had so much experience with this.”
“Yeah. I’m pretty good.”
“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” I patted his chest. “Good night, little man.” I leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead. “Love you.”
He closed his eyes. “Love you too, Dad.”
I turned off the lamp then left his bedroom. I turned off the lights in the condo as I went, making it to the bedroom where Cleo was already under the sheets. I shed my clothes, set my alarm, and then got into bed.
She turned to me, giving me a sad look. “You think he’ll be okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think he will be.”
Her condo was packed up, her furniture sold, and now the place was bare.
I thought it was best to leave Cleo behind for this, so Derek and I went to the condo alone. Thankfully, Jake wasn’t there either.
I’d probably rip out his throat.
She kneeled and talked to Derek. “I’ll call all the time, just the way you and Dad used to do.”
“Okay,” he said. “How far away is London?”
“It’s across the Atlantic Ocean, so about a seven-hour flight.”
“That’s as far away as California.”
She nodded. “True. I’m sure your dad will bring you to visit sometimes.”
Nope.
Derek wasn’t as verbal as he usually was. Not being around Valerie for a few weeks seemed to make him awkward, like he didn’t know how to interact with her.
The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless Book 4) Page 12