“Okay,” I say, still not really getting it.
An uneasy silence settles between us, and I think about Saxon rocking up to my house and something I hadn’t registered before pops into my mind. “How did you get a key to my house?”
Saxon glances over at me sheepishly before quickly looking back to the road. “Nate gave me a key for emergencies when you guys bought the place. When I heard you weren’t answering the phone or door I figured I might need to use it.”
I nod as I take in his words. “Who told you I wasn’t answering the phone or door?”
Again he has that look, like he’s embarrassed almost. “Jeanie called me this morning, freaking out and saying I needed to come and check on you. She said you weren’t answering anyone’s phone calls or their attempts to visit and see if you were all right. I’m sorry for invading your privacy, but she was really worried, Brooke. I couldn’t tell her no; you know what’s she’s like.”
I make the most un-ladylike snort. “Yeah, I bet she was really worried; worried I wouldn’t make it to the club this weekend.” I say in my most sarcastic tone. “Besides, it was only her calls I was ignoring.”
“What?” Saxon asks in confusion.
“Do you know that old batty bitch called me up a few weeks ago and started talking about setting me up with someone from the club? Can you believe that?”
Saxon’s face tightens and his eyes shift from me to the road, but he doesn’t answer.
“Two months, Saxon. Two months after my husband, her son, passes away she is talking about setting me up. She’s fucking crazy.”
He shakes his head as if he can’t believe it. “So that’s why you’re ignoring her calls?”
“Yes. I don’t have the strength to be nice to her, and it’s better than me saying something I might regret.”
“Fair enough. How about I call her after coffee and tell her you’re okay and you’re going to call her in the next few days?” He asks, but it’s more like he’s telling me.
I take a deep breath. “Sure.” But I won’t be calling her.
I look out the window as Saxon pulls into the parking lot of the coffee shop. Once he has parked, we both open our doors and I grab my purse, which has ended up by my feet.
As I climb out of the small sports car, Saxon is running around to my side to grab my door. He releases a frustrated sigh. “Calm down, I’m not fragile.” I scold him.
He raises an eyebrow at me and it’s so cute, I can’t help but laugh. “Okay, well not physically fragile, anyway.”
“Come on.” He rolls his eyes at me.
He opens the coffee shop door for me, and I duck inside and wait for him to shut it and lead the way. I follow him to a back corner booth and sit down onto the seat as he slides in opposite me.
Picking up a menu, I soon realise I have no idea what any of these items are. I’m not a big coffee drinker and there are seriously more than twenty drink choices, and that is just the coffee. It doesn’t even include the smoothies, juices, or shakes.
Saxon’s eyes are on me as he places his menu down after deciding what he wants. It’s during times like these I miss Nate. He would know what all these drinks were and would know what I would like.
I decide to take a stab and place my menu on the table while looking at Saxon.
“What would you like?”
“A caramel flan latte please.” I reach under the table for my purse.
“I got it,” he says as he stands to place our order.
I grab my phone and automatically open my Facebook app. It’s an old habitual response when I’m looking for something to keep me busy. As I’m scrolling through my newsfeed, I take note I haven’t been on here since Nate’s car accident. I can see the red notification notice telling me I have one hundred and fifty-three new notifications. I know what they are, and I have no wish to see them. All well wishes and I’m sorry for your loss messages, I’m sure.
I quickly close the app and throw my phone back into my purse. I’ll have to deactivate my account when I get home.
Saxon returns, sitting down across from me, and gives me an easy smile. “I ordered a cheese and tomato toasted sandwich and a muffin as well. You look like you need it,” he says with no humour in his voice and a blank expression.
My eyes widen and then move down to appraise my appearance. “Do I look that bad?”
“You’ve lost a lot of weight, Brooke. Your eyes are all sunken in, and you’re pale.”
“Gee, thanks, what a charmer you are.”
“I’m not here to charm you,” he says with the same blank expression.
I wish I knew why he was here. Why did he feel the need to drag me out? I was fine. “So… this place is nice. I’ve never been here before, have you?” I ask as I scan the room to avoid his stare. The other diners filling the large and open room with talk and laughter.
“Yes, a few times.” He doesn’t take his eyes off me as we sit in silence for several minutes.
“For someone who wanted to take me to coffee to talk, you don’t have much to say.” There is indignation in my voice.
“What do you want me to say? Yes, it’s a nice place.”
I’m getting angry and my frustration is rising. “Say what you came here to say.”
“When are you coming to work in the office?” his reply is instant.
“I’m not sure exactly. I don’t feel ready yet. Is there a problem? Do you need me there?” I ask, knowing full well there is nothing he could need me for.
“No. It’s all under control and running as it should. I think it would be good for you to get out of the house and spend time getting your mind off things.” Yeah right. “Learning the business and getting to know how to run it is going to take a lot of work, and it’s not going to be easy." Sure, and then you’ll get out of there as soon as possible.
God, I’m being a massive, selfish bitch, and I know it. It’s not his fault he wants to move on. He isn’t doing anything wrong by trying to do so and I should let him.
“I’ll think about it,” I whisper.
Saxon’s solemn face turns into a wide grin. “That would be great, Brooke. I think it will be good for you, and I know Ruth misses hearing from you. Maybe now she won’t hound me every day to see how you’re doing.”
“I said I would think about it,” I state with more anger in my voice than is needed. I hate how he assumes this means yes.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’m happy you’ll think about it.” His face drops and so does my stomach.
Thankfully his phone rings and pulls us both out of the awkward moment I created. He glances down at it and doesn’t pick it up right away. Almost like he doesn’t want to talk to the person on the other end, yet he wants the distraction from our tense moment.
Finally he places the phone by his ear. “Saxon Reed,” he answers in a business tone. “I’m in a meeting right now… I told you I’m unable to see you tonight. I have that business dinner… I told you no… Look I have to go… I’ll call you later… Okay, bye,” he growls before throwing the phone onto the table.
Wow, cold. “Who was that?” I ask before I can filter my brain-to-mouth function.
Saxon raises an eyebrow at me, and a slight smile curves his lips.
“Sorry, habit,” I utter as I look away embarrassed.
“It was Amber.” I quickly look back to him, surprised he’s even entertaining my nosiness, and he’s using a tone like I should know who Amber is.
He answers my unspoken question. “Remember? You met her at that cancer charity dinner we attended?”
Thinking back to the last event Nate and I attended, I somewhat remember Saxon’s date. In my defence he has never dated anyone for longer than a few weeks, and Nate and I have never met the same girl twice.
“The tall blonde,” he says, trying to push my memories along.
I tilt my head and give him a really look. “Gee, that narrows it down. Aren’t they all blond? Blond, tall, and fake boobs?”
; Saxon looks down sheepishly. Shit. I have no filter today. It’s been a while since I’ve been around people. “Sorry, that was terrible of me. You have to excuse me as I haven’t been myself for the past three months.” I laugh, clumsily trying to lighten the mood. He gives me a sad smile. “Hang on. Did you say the cancer charity dinner? That was, like, four months ago. You’re still seeing her?” I ask in shock.
He shifts in his chair and just nods, and I can tell he doesn’t really want to discuss it. Luckily for him the waitress comes over then with our two coffees.
As she reaches the edge of our table, her gaze trails across Saxon’s face and then down his chest and arms. There is an uncomfortable silence as she stares at him, and I can tell he is getting more and more embarrassed, looking at me from under his bowed head.
When the waitress doesn’t stop her ogling I feel bad for him and decide to step in. “Thanks so much. You can just put them down here,” I say in my sweetest voice.
My words finally bring her out of her daydream state. “Yeah, sure, sorry. I’ll be right back with your food,” she says as she turns to walk away.
I look to Saxon with a smug smile. He rolls his eyes at me, and we both burst out laughing. “Just drink,” he says while trying to stifle his smile.
I laugh again as I reach for my caramel flan latte. My goodness, it looks unreal. There is whipped cream on top with caramel sauce swirled all through it. I take a sip and close my eyes. Oh my God, how have I not heard about these before? “Mmm, so good.” I open my eyes to find Saxon staring at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. “What?”
He shakes his head and picks up his coffee as I shrug my shoulders.
We sit and eat for another hour or so while discussing general topics like the business, Ruth, and other staff I know there. We discuss Jeanie, my parents, and mutual friends we still have in common from college.
It’s quiet on the ride home, and I can see the concern in Saxon’s eyes. As we pull up in my driveway he turns towards me. “Will you be all right?”
I think how nice it was at coffee, talking like normal people, about normal things. It was like he had forgotten I was falling apart and treated me as an equal. Now it was back to fragile Brooke. I sigh loudly. “I’ll be fine, Saxon.”
“You’ll think about it?”
“Yes, I’ll think about it.” No, I won’t.
“You’ll call Jeanie?”
“Yes, I will.” No, I won’t.
“Okay, Brooke. I’ll talk to you soon then.”
Thank God. I open my door and as I’m stepping out I turn back towards him. “Thanks for the coffee and getting me out of the house.” I shut the door and then lean in the window. “And thanks for making me shower.”
Saxon’s face breaks into a grin. “You’re welcome.”
Turning around, I head for my door. Letting myself into the house I head straight towards the couch, throwing my purse on the floor as I go. Going out for coffee really takes it out of a person when one hasn’t left the house for so long.
As tired as my body is, my mind is wide awake. I think about going to work in the office, if I could really do it at the moment, if at all. Even though I wasn’t going to even consider it, and I told Saxon I’d think about it just to please him, it’s the only thing on my mind all night.
Rolling out of bed, I have to drag myself to the coffee machine. I barely slept last night thinking everything over. Wondering if I could really do this? Was I ready to move forward? Thinking about everyone I’d have to face at the office, all the sad stares and awkward conversations I would have to endure, made me remember why I had locked myself away for three months.
Lying in bed last night I realised I wasn’t only stopping myself from moving forward, but I was stopping everyone else as well. I was holding Saxon back from leaving and doing something on his own. My parents had postponed their three-month European getaway indefinitely. Rachel had been offered a job across the country, and she didn’t even consider going for an interview.
I’ve been selfish and ridiculous. By going into the office I wouldn’t be leaving Nate behind; I would be continuing his dreams and keeping his memories alive. I know he would’ve been so disappointed if he could have seen me during the last three months. Knowing how Nate was so understanding and considerate of my feelings, I’d made excuses and told myself he would understand.
I’ve been immature. Saxon is suffering too. Others are grieving, and I’ve only thought of myself.
I figured these revelations would bring me some peace, but unfortunately the excitement and nervousness then took over and consumed me. Now I couldn’t wait to start my new life. A life? I would have a life.
As I wait for the coffee to brew I look at the clock on the oven: 6:30 am. Being a Saturday it was probably way too early to call Rachel, but I didn’t care. She would understand. I wanted to get things moving before I chickened out.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and head to the bedroom to retrieve my phone.
It rings several times before I hear a mumbled response. “Brooke?”
“Rach, what’s up?”
“Brooke, are you okay? What’s wrong?” There is shuffling and I assume she’s sitting up in bed.
“Nothing’s wrong. I was just calling to see if you wanted to go shopping today and I didn’t want to miss you before you made other plans, if you haven’t already.”
“I don’t have any plans today,” she says sceptically. “What kind of shopping are we doing?”
“Clothes shopping. I’m going into the office on Monday, and I don’t have many office outfits. I mean, I have a few nice outfits, but I think they scream charity lunch and Sunday mass more than successful career woman. I need more outfits like yours. You always look sexy yet sophisticated. I need your help with this,” I ramble on and throw it out there as casually as I can even thought my hands shake with nervousness. I don’t want her to make a big deal about it.
“What?” she screeches. Okay, so distraction didn’t work. “You’re going into the office on Monday? What, like full-time? You’re going to run Argo?”
“Oh my God, Rach, calm down.” I laugh. “Yes, as of Monday I’ll be working full-time at Argo.”
“What happened? Did I miss something?” she asks with wonder in her voice.
“Nothing. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I’m ready to move forward.” I pause. “Saxon came over yesterday and took me for coffee. He asked when I was coming into the office and said he thought it would be good for me. It got me thinking and I realised it’s not just me I’m holding back: it’s you, Mum, Dad, and Saxon. I need to take control; I’ve had my way long enough.”
“Brooke, what are you talking about?”
“Everyone has put their lives on hold for me, to look after me. Saxon is staying at Argo so I don’t have to worry about it. Mum and Dad cancelled their trip to stay and look after me. And you didn’t even consider that job offer because of me.”
“You’re right, Brooke,” she sighs. “I didn’t take that job because of you, but it wasn’t to stay and look after you. I couldn’t leave you. Even if Nate was still here I couldn’t leave you; you’re my sister, my family. I stayed because I need you, not because I think you need me. I think you’ll also find that when you take over Argo, Saxon won’t be running off as quickly as you think.”
“Life goes on, Rach, whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking of what could've been. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I’m lonely here; there’s nothing for me here. I have to move on,” I say, ignoring her last comment.
“I agree, babe, and I’m so proud of you. Just don’t do it because you think you’re holding us all back. Do it because it’s where you want and need to be.”
“I think it is,” I breathe out.
“Then I’ll pick you up in an hour. I’ll bring some breakfast with me,” she says with a smile in her voice.
“Thanks, Rach. See ya soon.”
Finishing my coffee out on the balcony while enjoying the early morning sounds, I think about taking this huge step. I smile to myself; I know how proud this would make Nate. I can see his wide grin and the sparkle in his eyes. “Yeah, babe. You’re right again, as always.” I laugh to myself and shake my head as I make my way to the bathroom to get ready for a full day of shopping.
Before I know it, Rachel and I have eaten the bagels she brought and are walking through the doors of Park Plaza Shopping Centre.
The shopping centre is quiet and still as not many people are here this early. The only noise coming from shop assistants unlocking and setting up, and it soothes me to not feel overwhelmed on my first time back in a while.
As I go to enter the higher end dress shop I feel Rachel’s hand on my arm stopping me. I turn to look at her, and she has her serious face on.
“Before we get caught up in shopping, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’re doing the right thing, and I know this is going to be such a positive step for you.” She gives me a sad smile. Rachel is rarely serious, normally avoiding these sad moments.
“Thanks, Rach. I’ve got a good feeling about this, too.”
“Although I’m pretty pissed off it was Saxon who rode in on his horse and saved the day. Where has he been for the last three months? Wanker.”
There she is. I laugh. “Rach, I think it was just a coincidence he arrived at the right time. I was ready; I just didn’t know it yet. Although, I did have another crying episode in front of him.”
“Come on, no thinking too hard about it. Let’s shop,” she says, pulling my hand and dragging me into the first shop, stopping all thoughts of Saxon and the connection I feel to him.
In no time at all Rach is at the racks, pulling clothes off from all different directions; skirts, pants, dresses, suits, shirts, jackets, and blouses… I barely have a chance to browse before she is dragging me to the changing room, shoving me in and throwing piles of clothes at me.
Hanging them all on the hooks provided, I begin to change. The first outfit I try is a three-quarter slim-fitting grey skirt and sleeveless white blouse. As I go to walk out the changing room and look in the mirror, some high black heels come flying at me. “Try those on too,” Rachel demands.
Wherever You Will Go Page 5