“Yes. And?”
“What could such an AI evolve into?” Zack asked.
“You don’t mean…” She started, and then stopped, her cartoonish eyes attentive, blinking in a friendly pattern which revealed nothing.
“I mean what if there’s a sentient, self-aware AI with a neural network attached, a project which connects Google and Apple, and ties up most of the Internet, and this AI runs a character of a powerful 99-level demon?”
“Oh stop it.” AliceX rolled her eyes. “What is this, some kind of fairytale?”
“What if this demon AI controls satellites? Their dishes? What if it has real-time weather charts and can overload your dish somehow, and knock you out with a lightning bolt, and digitize you, and steal your mind like this? What do we know, really?”
“Look,” AliceX said. “I have my own view of this. But I’m interested overall. I’ll go with you, okay? But I’ll tell you what. Our party, you and me, Ranger-Alchemist duet, is TERRIBLE. It makes no sense. I’m really sad you chose this idiotic support class.”
“This is what I am,” Zack replied. “I always wanted to be a chemist. You know alchemy gave birth to chemistry, right? Like philosophy to psychology and such? You don’t laugh at philosophy, so why laugh at alchemy?”
“Oh, I’m not laughing at all,” AliceX said. “Because I’m dead next to you. After a single fight with WHATEVER. Because we don’t synergize. We don’t buff each other, no-ho. I must really be crazy to follow you around, you know. I was simply so tired with this ALPHA MALE Conan. He was always pushing me around. Alice, do this. Alice, equip that. It’s like my dad all over again, played by a college kid. I resent this. Am I right? I’m dead now though. We’re both dead. We’re no party.”
“Thank you for doing all this,” Zack said.
AliceX rolled her eyes. “Look, this is purely scientific interest,” she said. “Keep not getting any ideas. Okay?”
“Fine,” Zack said. “It’s something. Fine.”
Chapter 9: The Heist
As they were making their way towards the fast travel gate, it quickly became apparent Zack and Alice’s choice of possible destinations was quite limited.
Hawkspoint was still under siege, which became a self-contained routine by now. They could see several burning barricades scattered all around the village, where endlessly respawning NPC guards were busy fending off endless waves of demonic arrivals – a mindless looped fray that was only likely to get worse if they were to enter it. Pandemonia with its newly obtained mushroom cloud of volcanic ash through which red lightning slashed once in a while looked positively like suicide. To the Swamplands, AliceX also refused to go at the moment.
“We need someone,” she insisted. “We need someone to tank for us. I am not much of a tank. Are you a tank?”
“Umm… no?”
“No,” AliceX said. “And this is exactly why we’ll be killed no matter where we go. Even in this ridiculous siege out there.”
She nodded to the flaming barricades. A small impish creature was killed and despawned as she said this, gone in a whirlwind of fiery sparks. Another flaming ball crashed from the sky and killed the village guardsman who had killed the creature, leaving a new imp right at the same spot. Another village guard, newly spawned, was already rushing to meet it, his blade gleaming in the morning sun.
“We’d only last through a couple starter waves,” AliceX said. “And then it’s Demonseeds or any other stuff able to lock the primary damage dealer. They’ll lock me of course, so I’m of no use anymore, and then you’ll what? Dizzy them all to death? And it’s not like it’s anything hard, this siege. It’s at times easier than a PvP may turn out.”
“Those Potions of Dizziness did a good job on your companions though,” Zack retorted, rather feebly.
“Yeah? It was only because I left with you the next moment. If I were to stick with the two of them instead…”
“And yet you left them, didn’t you?”
“Well,” AliceX said. “I already explained this to you I believe. It’s more of a scientific interest. Not because you’re like, a wise choice of companion, not remotely.”
“So what do you suggest?” Zack asked, sitting down onto a mossy boulder by the roadside.
“There’s a guy who could tank for us, theoretically,” she said. “He’s a Battlemage, an Elf. Back at Skyspire. There’s a problem with him though.”
“Yeah?”
“I mean, he happens to be my ex. But that’s not the real problem.”
“Okay,” Zack said, feeling more miserable with every passing second. “So what’s the real problem?”
“Well, why should he?” AliceX said. “He plays as an Elf, right? You can tell he’s proud. High-level. He will not want to help you all of a sudden, just because I ask him.”
“Then what?”
“I thought we’ll bring him with a gift. As in, you hire him as a mercenary.”
“A gift?”
“Something Human. Expensive. Mage stuff. From Sanctuary.”
Zack looked at her through the gap between his hands.
“You think this Orkish loot we carry will buy us something expensive enough?”
“No,” AliceX said. “We’ll have to steal it. And I just might know a guy who could help us. Right in Sanctuary, in the Human capital. He’s with the Thieves’ Guild.”
“You’re sure about that?”
“Pretty sure, yeah,” she said, fixing her hair.
Zack hesitated for a while. “This… Thief guy,” he said. “He’s not another of your ex-boyfriends, is he?”
“No,” she replied. “In fact, he’s my little brother. He’s… hey! How did you manage to perch on top of that boulder like that? Is there a special macro or something? Sit on a rock, bury your face in your hands, get +100 to Loneliness and Misery?”
“Seems like I can do stuff in this game no one else can. My useless superpowers,” Zack sighed and added: “This is not everything.”
“Oh?”
“I’m also hungry,” he said. “And thirsty. For real.”
AliceX let out a long thoughtful sigh, and then a Town Portal Scroll appeared in her hands, its torn papyrus fringe shimmering with a blue corona. Zack could swear he smelled a drugstore whiff of magic and heard a faint crackle of electricity.
“Sanctuary it is,” AliceX said. “Your capital.”
WHOOSH! A blue vortex opened behind her back. The scroll AliceX held burst up in blue flames, and it was gone.
“Jump in,” she said. “I’m pretty sure they have some kind of food in there, too.”
The city of Sanctuary was so huge it felt empty despite patrolling guardsmen, and all kinds of NPCs, and player parties roaming all around. The place instantly felt safe to Zack – it was the heart of Empire of Man, after all. If any place in Aetheria remained truly safe now, this was it.
The plaza they entered after stepping down from the fast travel gate must have been a central square of some kind, the radial streets of the capital entering it at every possible angle. Yet the huge castle walls, white as snow, decorated with tapestries and long beards of blooming greenery, dwarfed the plaza trapped between them and made it look tiny. A huge Paladin Mage statue behind Zack’s back looked as small as a toy when compared to these walls, and the only structure found across from it, a big ancient well with a bucket, looked even smaller.
“The tavern is this way,” AliceX said after a brief glance at a wooden signpost. “Let’s go. I’m sure he’s in there this time of day.”
“What’s his name?” Zack asked.
“SquigglyFingers.”
“You must be kidding me.”
“Well, it’s not his REAL name apparently,” AliceX said. “My brother is difficult.”
“Difficult how? Difficult like yourself?”
AliceX thought for a while.
“Did you ever have a little brother?” she asked.
“No,”
Zack admitted.
“There you go.”
As they made their way through narrow winding streets of Sanctuary, Zack kept looking up at the sky, a distant and peaceful blue shining between the tall castle walls. It was hard to believe the entire world behind these walls was soon to be devoured by infernal forces. It was hard to believe Zack was still imprisoned in this fake reality, that he could die any moment and never wake up. It was hard to believe this place still remained a videogame to the others, an hour or two of disposable fun between the dinner and the bedtime; no artificial hunger and thirst, no unpleasant smells, no memories of scratchy spider legs drumming on their shoulders.
It was very hard to admit the entire state of affairs – the Permadeath, the demonic invasion, the evil mushroom cloud over Pandemonia – that it was all Zack’s own doing, that Zack was the only one to blame. The burden was just too heavy for him to carry. He was in a unique position now, truly a Chosen One, and it suddenly dawned on Zack how far this feeling was from how he used to imagine in. He wanted very bad to go back to being nobody, a regular player amongst millions of other players, ready to log out anytime and do something else.
Unlike the small nameless Hawkspoint tavern, the local establishment actually bore a name. The tavern of Sanctuary was called The Prancing Unicorn. Zack, not in the best of moods to begin with, scoffed at its wooden sign hanging overhead and silently creaking in the wind.
“Why even bother with a name for any of them?” Zack was saying as they passed the oaken tavern doors and entered its dusty wooden interior lit by a multitude of candles and braziers. He went on: “All of their names sound like Tolkien crossed with My Little Pony stuff anyway. And I mean, does such a place even need a name? It’s just a spot named ‘tavern’, where people meet and form parties and maybe pick up quests. It’s not like anyone comes in here looking for a drink or some food.”
“Except for you,” AliceX said. “Hey, you there! The owner. Got anything to eat? A kid is starving out here.”
The Unicorn was a huge place. It had a big fireplace burning in the middle; more of a fire pit in fact, a huge chunk of meat sizzling above it on a skewer and smelling absolutely delicious. The place was crowded, and yet the shadows in the corners of the tavern were deep enough to provide privacy to its visitors, despite the fire pit and all the candles and braziers burning around it. Bits of muttered conversation, both from players and NPCs, could be heard from its corners, where pewter mugs gleamed faintly in the dark. Long braids of giant garlic hung overhead, like the place was thoroughly shielded against vampires.
“So who is this friend of yours again?” SquigglyFingers said, regarding Zack who was munching on his white bread and a chunk of fried meat like a starving animal, hardly bothering to introduce himself or tell his story once again.
“What is it to you?” AliceX said. “I told you. He needs to turn his Permadeath off. So he needs this thing you just said you know about. How is it called?”
“The Amulet of Shades,” the Thief said. His crimson-capped figure looked burly and malicious, like that of a proper thief. The local NPC guards must have really been blind if he could go around looking like this unnoticed and unbothered by the law.
“It’s in the Mages’ Guild, right?” AliceX said.
“Right. It’s their big prize.” SquigglyFingers chuckled quietly. “See, they have this stupid position of a Supreme Mage or something. Any Mage character may become it for a month, in turns, if he ranks high enough amongst them. It’s really nothing but a title. But you need to work hard for it. First you complete all their MG quests, which is a lot, and that’s only to take part in the challenge with the other Mages. Hard.”
“So?”
“So nobody cared about it at first,” the thief said. “And nobody took part in it, naturally. People didn’t even bother to complete all the quests. So they decided to add some value to this title, something to come with it. That’s where their monthly reward came in. After a month of staying their Supreme Mage, you receive this legendary artifact, something Legendary and unique, every time. This month it’s the Amulet of Shades. It’s on display at their Hall of Disciples. Unbreakable glass. Lock and key.”
“Can you break it open?” Zack asked, done with his food. The meat and the bread were quite filling, he had to admit that, even though they did taste like something beef- and bread-flavored and not the real thing. He sipped some ale. It tasted a bit like a fizzy drink, but at least Zack’s bottomless thirst and hunger were finally gone.
“Can I break it open,” SquigglyFingers repeated, regarding Zack from under his crimson cape, eyes squinted. “Did I mention it’s in their Hall of Disciples? Which is, naturally, open only to their Disciples, someone who has been with the Guild for a while, brought in some loot, done some quests, real quests, not their Novice stuff. Even to enter the Mages’ Guild, you have to be a member, at least a Novice. The doors are locked to everyone else.”
“Couldn’t we just break in?” AliceX said. “The place cannot be completely thief-proof, it’s against the spirit. Why put a Legendary artifact on display if not for it to be stolen in the first place?”
“Couldn’t we just break in,” SquigglyFingers said. “Do you think it was never tried, my sweet sister? The outer door to the Mages’ Guild has a Level 50 lock. I’d say I’d break it… in ten seconds or so.”
“But?”
“There are guards of course. On each side of this outer door. You think they will just watch me while I pick the lock?”
“NPC guards?” Zack asked. “We could probably lure them away or take them out, no?”
“Take them out!” The thief snorted. “What is he, a superhero? These aren’t regular city guards, genius. These are elite guards, of the Dragonwatch. They don’t just, you know, run after you with a sword. They stun you, and chop you up with a sword in one hand while casting fireballs from another, and everything else I don’t even want to know about. Anyway, you touch any of them, the entire city guard comes running from everywhere. A hundred of them. And nowhere to hide. They will mob us and kill us three no matter how hard we fight.”
“So this is the only way in then?” AliceX said.
“It is. That’s the point. If I’d pick the lock, we could just walk inside like regular members, and no one would stop us. They don’t care about people entering, just the breaking part.”
“So there is no way?” Zack asked.
“Actually, since there are three of us and all.” SquigglyFingers got up from the table. “Wait for me here. This is so crazy it might even work.”
“Might?” AliceX asked after her thief brother as he departed.
“I’ll hate myself if I won’t try at least,” he said, and was quickly gone.
There was a small pause. Then Zack said, “So what’s the problem with your brother?”
“It’s not the problem,” she answered. “Just, problems, you know. As in, he’s not just playing as a thief, for example. He likes it. He steals things from me.”
“Oh.”
“He stole cash from our folks once, and made it look like I did it,” AliceX said.
“No way! What a little… so what did you do?”
“I did nothing,” she said. “I’m older. I take care of him, since he was little.”
“Oh… okay.”
The door of a broom closet burst open, and SquigglyFingers came out, dressed in a new cape, black this time, and shimmering with some Sneaking enchantment. He looked very driven and resolute, no longer skeptical.
“Well rested, eh?” the Thief said. “Alright then. Let’s roll.”
They walked out of The Prancing Unicorn, looking as a rather weird party, two Human Support characters and one Elven Ranged. They backtracked towards the plaza housing the fast travel gate on its cracked marble pedestal.
“You’ve got something sharp on you, Alchemist?” SquigglyFingers asked. “A dagger perhaps?”
“Right here,” Zack respo
nded, the Copper Dagger +1 filling his hand in an instant. “What for?”
The Thief walked them towards the ancient well, its rope creaking quietly in the wind.
“Look here,” he said. “Now, this thing is purely decorative. It means you can do anything to it, hack it, slash it, use its bucket for target practice. The city guard will not care. So what I need you to do is use this sharp thing you have in your hand and cut this rope over there.”
“A rope?” Zack asked. “What do we need a rope for?”
“Rope, we don’t need,” SquigglyFingers replied with a welcome gesture. “What we need here is the bucket.”
The Mages’ Guild was impressive but looked little different from the tavern – all buildings in the capital seemed to follow a general architectural standard, all columns and white marble, Ancient Roman stuff blown up to absurd proportions of grandeur. The entrance was a pair of massive doors of carved wood, reinforced with mithril or some other fantasy metal looking far too beautiful to be real.
Two members of the Dragonwatch stood on each side of it, a couple of identical twins, their golden masks scowling at the passers-by, their enchanted longswords sheathed but still deadly-looking and very impressive.
“Move along,” one of them said to Zack, startling him and making him take a step back, all to AliceX’s and her little brother’s amusement.
“I’m sorry,” Zack said. “It was almost like he knows. You know?”
AliceX rolled her eyes. “It’s an NPC, Zack. It’s a dummy. It doesn’t know anything. Okay?”
“I need your attention now, ladies… and gentlemen,” the Thief said, turning to face them, the wooden doors of the Mages’ Guild behind his back. “So, on my command, each one of you will drop an upturned bucket on one guardsman’s head.”
The Dragonwatch ignored his words. They were indeed dummies, Zack realized. He must have spent too much time in his realistic mode.
“Now, you must do it at the very same moment, on my command, this is essential,” SquigglyFingers said. “This will break their line of sight, so they won’t see me picking this lock right next to them. They will move around of course, try and shake off their buckets. They will manage it in about ten seconds. Nine point two, to be precise.”
The Alchemist of Aetheria: A LitRPG Adventure Page 15