This week is the last before the Trials begin. We’re close to being ready . . . we think. We found out what the board lined with black dots is used for in weapons training. Actually, we spent over a week practicing on only that frustrating board. After class was over, I’d see spots everywhere. They were on my food, the walls, and my friend. I actually asked Val what was up with her skin breaking out. I quickly apologized to her after my embarrassing mistake.
Garret would call out a row and a column, and we would have to hit the tiny black mark that correlated. Once we accomplished hitting the mark consistently, he started timing us. Then, of course, out came the rocks. The worst thing was getting hit in the face, which happened more than once. Garret wouldn’t allow the cleaning citizens to mop the blood away. He said he wants it to be there everyday as a reminder to us not to miss.
This week we get to work on the Defender’s course. I’m so excited the first morning –I nearly let a smile escape in front of Garret. I jump side-to-side, pumping my blood faster through my system. I prepare to face off against Garret and his two assistants. I choose to go first. Ethan is happy to go second in hopes of studying the situation and layout more thoroughly. He’ll gain knowledge of the course by watching me go first. I, on the other hand, want to come out of this knowing I can handle the unexpected and deal with it accordingly.
I wipe my left foot through the sand and then my right, like a bull waiting to charge. I must make it to the gray wall that towers at the other end of the course, and then climb over it to complete the mission.
Trees, shrubs, and cacti speckle the sandy landscape. A small pond quietly sits next to a huge tree. The tree appears to be burned as if a bolt of lightening or maybe an explosion had its way with it. Garret and the two assistants will play marauders and try to kill me before I reach my destination.
Mock knives have been given to me to replace my own deadly ones for this practice exercise. Real marauders can come at me with any variety of weapons, so the instructors will do the same. Their weapons will be imitations as well.
“Kill on sight! Don’t hesitate!” Garret commands. “Begin when the lights come back on.”
I nod. I’m ready. I am so ready for this. The lights switch off, and I’m plunged into darkness.
SEVENTEEN
Garret and his two assistants disappear as the darkened training room swallows them. They take their places in the black expanse before me. A chill runs down my spine as I lose my bearings on the space around me. My confidence is shaken for a second.
The light switches on. I don’t see anyone except Ethan. He’s perched on the top step of a small set of bleachers, trying to get the best view of my first attempt on the Defender’s Course.
I look back to the course before me. A true Exalted would go into this without fear. Go! I urge myself. I clasp a mock dagger in each hand and advance into the field of sand with my senses on high alert. I look around once more, attempting to determine the best path. I decide to go straight through the middle. It’s a clear footpath, which avoids the largest tree cluster and a separate cacti cluster by the crates. I will have to pass close to the pond and another small group of trees with shrubs, but I feel confident about this direction.
I make a wide berth around the first tree. It’s a wide tree with enough room for a person to hide behind. I take in my surroundings. No one is there waiting to assault me. I look into its leafy foliage above. No one is waiting to pounce on top of me either.
Not even a second after relief passes through me, I feel a knife on the delicate skin of my throat. It quickly slashes across my carotid artery. No! I silently scream at myself.
I turn around and conclude that Assistant #1 hid behind a tree off to the right of the starting line. He shakes his head at me as the three of them regroup. The air is thick with the stench of my failure.
Garret screams at me as I leave the course to take my seat in the stands. “That was terrible Mena! You won’t last two seconds in the Third Trial at that rate!”
I feel awful. I hope Ethan proves to make a better go of it. After checking the first and second tree, Ethan is attacked head on by Assistant #1. He is unable to disarm his attacker and takes a stab to the gut. His defeat is quickly followed by his own encouraging comments from Garret. Ethan’s face is full of disappointment as he heads back to the bleachers to watch me.
It is once again my turn. I choose the same path through the course as the last time. I sweep the first tree. Clear. Heading toward the second, I catch a glimpse of rustling leaves. I keep my eyes cast upward, preparing for an ambush. It doesn’t come. The assistant remains in the protection of the tree. As I look up at him, I remember Garret instructing us to kill on sight. I can’t leave a marauder alive.
Pushing off the ground in one graceful bound, I catch a lower limb and swing up to a crouch on the next nearest limb. Assistant #1 starts yelling, “Don’t kill me! Please! Stop! No!”
I hate him.
I push through the anger I’m feeling towards Garret’s assistant for making me kill him as an innocent. I attack him as I’m expected. He doesn’t struggle much. He mimics what a weak marauder might be like. After the kill, I question myself. Will I really be able to do this? Will I be able to kill an innocent? I instinctively know the answer. I will never be able to do such a horrible thing. However traumatic that thought, I can’t do anything about it right now. I have to keep playing their game. Later, when I’m on the outside, making my way through the Third Trial, they won’t be watching me. I will be alone. There will be no Republic, no instructors, no friends, and no family.
In an effort to avoid the tree surrounded by cacti and crates, I cross back toward the dying, mostly burned tree that sits next to the pond. It would be impossible for someone to hide in or near the tree. There is no foliage to take cover in, and there is a wide v-shaped split right through the trunk, leaving a glimpse of the other side. I drop my guard as I make my approach. I find a secure location and squat down with my back against the rough bark of the tree. I scout my next path.
To the left is a grouping of two massive trees and dense shrubs. To the right is a patch of only shrubs. The path to the right is too easy. That’s where I will find trouble. I decide to travel closer to the grouping.
As I stand to advance further into the Defender’s Course, I’m surprised by something heavy, smacking into my back. Garret has launched himself out of the pond and onto my shoulders. He’s soaking my clothes with pond water and trying to choke the life out of me. I grab one of his arms that lie across my shoulder. I heave him over the top of me, which causes water to spray in an arc. It saturates my face. I hurriedly wipe my eyes in time to see him land on his back in front of me. He immediately jumps up into a fighting stance.
With the brief pause in our fight, I realize, he was hiding in the pond! I’m dumbfounded that I never considered the possibility. Garret is correct; I’m not ready for the Third Trial yet.
And to prove his point, my instructor lunges for me, whipping a sword through the air. I jump straight up, grasping one of the tree’s dying limbs and tuck my legs up against my body. The branch breaks with a loud crack, and I fall to the ground. He takes his kill shot.
I’m dead.
EIGHTEEN
After the morning training session, Ethan and I walk to the cafeteria together. We discuss our weak performances. Ethan is disgusted with himself for being beaten in hand-to-hand combat against one of Garret’s assistants. “He’s a fourth place United!” he cries out. He’s furious and lashes out, kicking the ground hard. It leaves a divot in the soil.
I look around, frantically searching for anyone who may have noticed his outburst. Luckily, there are only two citizens pruning some bushes nearby. They are completely focused on the task at hand and don’t appear to have seen or heard anything unusual.
“Get a hold of yourself.” I plead with him as we approach the Exalted’s main training building.
After taking a deep breath, he apologizes, “Sorry
. My parents are putting so much pressure on me, which is making me put a lot of pressure on myself. I want this so bad.” He shakes his head.
Ethan carefully brushes his calloused hand across the top of mine for an instant. He closes the gap between us; my cheeks burn from the close contact. This gesture is the first time he’s touched me in an affectionate manner.
He casually changes the subject to discuss my performance. “You did great today though, Mena. I never would have expected one of them to be hiding in that pond. You responded quickly. It’s just too bad about that tree breaking like it did.”
“Thanks, but I think Garret would disagree with you,” I state.
Our time alone together is over too soon. We are already at the Exalted training facility for our scheduled mealtime. We both straighten and pull away from each other up as we enter the building. We are careful to mold our faces into the typical Exalted scowl. It has become second nature to me, this act of putting a rigid mask on when we get near others. I hope that one day I’ll be able openly expression my emotions.
Ethan sits with the boys, leaving me to the company of Val and a few other girls.
“How was your morning?” I slide into the seat across from my roommate and begin to pick at my bland vegetables. I’ve decided that broccoli stinks.
“Fine. We are still working on target practice. We should be moving onto our course pretty soon.” She cups her hand on the side of her mouth and lowers her voice. “We’re being held back by Adira over there. We won’t have to worry about her in the Trials.”
I wince at her loose tongue. There are other trainees close by. One day, one of them is going to hear her and make her pay for her indiscretion.
But since she started it, I might as well find out what I can. “How are the rest of them doing?” I whisper back.
Truthfully, I still want to be first, should my fate be to stay here in the Republic. I need to continue to learn about my competition, and what better way—if I can’t see for myself—than from Val.
Looking around the room, Val decides it’s safe to continue gossiping. Before she continues, she comes to sit next to me. We hunch over, close to one another, while she whispers, “I heard Kinah’s been paired with Az for training. So, she’s stronger than the other males in her class.” She looks at me to see if I’ll say anything. When I don’t, she adds, “On a positive note, the two girls in my class shouldn’t be a problem. Kwan and Trudi have been so tight lipped about their sword training. I have no idea what to expect. I only know what we’ve seen of them in combat training.”
“Hmmm. We’ll have to keep a close eye on Kinah in combat training. It’s too bad they don’t let us actually fight each other until the Trials. We’re only doing what they show us right now. We really have no idea what her weaknesses are. But I guess we’ll see soon enough.” I try to reassure her, even though I know she’s still under the Pump’s influence. She doesn’t feel any fear about the future. Maybe that’s a good thing.
After catching a glimpse of several of the girls watching us, Val straightens up and changes the subject. She speaks in a normal voice, but doesn’t move back across from me. “I saw your father on duty yesterday. Have they given you any expectations about how they want you to place in the Trials?”
Thinking back over the past couple of weeks, they only spoke about the Trials once. “Well, of course they want me to finish first, but only expect me to place as well as them. I don’t have any siblings so they haven’t raised the bar for me. What about your parents?”
“My parents mention it every single time I see them. And they keep reminding me about my first and second place brother and sister. I have to at least place second or I’ll dishonor them.” Val’s parents have always pressured her to be as strong as her siblings, and she may end up meeting that expectation, but I fear for her going up against Kinah. The odds are against her.
We quiet, not saying out loud what we’re both thinking. She and I will be fighting each other for that top spot, especially if Kinah is taking the other one—which she will be. Val is the only female friend I have. It doesn’t feel right to plot against her. I know that she broke her wrist when she was a child, and it never healed perfectly. If I were to give one solid blow to that spot on her arm, it would snap like a twig, rendering her useless to her bow and her wicked right punch. I scold myself for even thinking such thoughts. I will never use that against her. If I win, it will be fairly. Nor will I ever tell anyone of her weakness . . . I hope she does the same for me.
As if hearing my internal monologue, Val lets me in on a secret she shared with Kinah. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I told Kinah the other day that your upper cuts suck.”
Yes, I decide, Val is the good friend I thought she was. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Somebody has to beat that amazon.” For somebody still taking the Pump, Val is definitely pushing its limits. She would be amazing without it. I wish I could laugh out loud with her here in this dull cafeteria and bring some life and light into it. It’s been the same boring gray room since I can remember.
NINETEEN
Combat training is coming to an end. This last week is being spent reviewing the skills we learned over the past five weeks. Some moves include weapons and some do not. Garret and Millie stress that we should be prepared for any situation in the field.
I feel prepared physically, but not mentally. What am I fighting for? That is a question that has been plaguing me. Is it to keep the people of the Republic tame and under Dr. Fredericks’ control? Is it to kill hungry scavengers looking for food? Is it to be United with someone I don’t choose? It has to stop . . . all of it.
My time spent on patrol is the only time I have to myself without external interruptions. I think about these issues all the time. They constantly fill me with a range of emotions: anger, rage, confusion, fear, denial. I’ve felt all these things, but I haven’t felt confidence, happiness, or strength. These are things I should be feeling, right?
The sun is still low this morning in the cornfields, keeping the scorching heat at bay for the time being. Even the heat of the day seems hotter now that I’m off the Pump.
Harvest is tomorrow. I take in the details of the plump, yellow kernels one last time. With my palms open, I run both hands along the flourishing cornstalks while I make my rounds. Strong fingers entwine with my own. My breath catches and I stop walking. I smell rain and sweat all at once. A smile breaks across my face. I turn to see him standing behind me.
Ryker doesn’t let go of my hand. “Where have you been?” I ask still breathless. I thought my emotions had settled down, but Ryker has an effect on me that I can’t explain. He stirs something inside me, makes me feel alive. I glance back at the wall that surrounds the Republic. I don’t feel alive in there.
“It’s been too dangerous getting here. I’ve been watching you though.” He looks down as he admits this to me. The rich brown of the soil is the same color as his eyes. I want him to look back up at me again. I unexpectedly reach out and lift his chin. His facial stubble scratches my fingers.
My face burns with embarrassment from such a bold action. This seems to happen a lot when I’m around Ryker. I try to talk my way around it like it didn’t happen, “The Trials start in a few days.”
He frowns and his face becomes full of sorrow with the firsthand knowledge of what I will have to endure. “I know. I don’t want you to have to go through any of it. I would take you with me right now if I could.”
“Why can’t you?” I haven’t even decided if that’s what I want, but I still want to hear his answer all the same. Leaving behind my parents and my friends would be difficult. There’s also the fact that I’m still hardwired with the need to be first and finish the Trials. I can’t see that ever changing.
“Exalted can’t be Taken.” His voice is strained. “We’re too strong. So if you did happen to disappear from duty one day, they’d come after you, hunt you down, and kill you for being a traitor. And when they do come a
fter you, it will lead them straight back to our people. We’d never be able to defend ourselves. We only have a few Exalted. The villagers are no match for them.” His face is tortured as he looks at me.
I shiver at the thought of Garret, Force, Basav, or Millie tracking me down. They are more deadly than I could ever hope to be. I would never put anyone else at risk of having to defend themselves against such a lethal group.
“I understand,” I say with disappointment, “but how can you expect me to live here with them after everything you’ve told me about the Republic? I have to pretend to be someone else every second of the day. I’m exhausted. I’m angry.” I’m suddenly angry with Ryker as well. How could he have left me alone for so long without any answers? I decid to just ask him about it. “All this time you haven’t been around to help me get through this. I needed answers. I needed someone to explain to me what I was feeling. I needed . . . you.”
I just chided him, yet a twinkle of hope passes across his face like a shooting star. “You can still choose to leave.”
“How? When?”
“During the Third Trial, like I did. They’ll think you died.”
I jerk my hand free of his and drop to the dusty ground below me. My body is suddenly too heavy for my legs. The gravity of it all pulls me down. Everything I have ever trained for would be for nothing if I left. My parents and friends would think I’m dead. Worse actually, they’d be shamed by the knowledge that I’d failed my Trials. My name would become illegal and they’d eventually forget me like the rest of the Republic. Walking away will be harder than anything I’ve ever had to do. But how can I stay when it’s all such a lie? How can I stay when there are more wrongs than rights here?
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