“No, that one popped out when he threw them,” the aide said.
“Ah,” said Luna. She walked back and forth across the tiles until she found it. Unfortunately, he’d cracked the frame.
“The lens won’t stay in, Dad,” she informed her father.
He shrugged and waved the glasses away with his good arm.
Luna put them on the table. “Anyway, today’s my birthday,” she told him.
“H-happy b-birthday,” he said.
Did he even get what he was saying, or was he just reciting lines? “Do you remember when I was here on your birthday?”
“Y-yes.”
Well, there was a fifty-fifty chance of accuracy with that one. “Remember how you apologized to me?”
He nodded firmly. “Y-yes.”
A nurse came up to them, interrupting. “Who’s this?” she asked Luna’s father.
“M-my s-sister,” he said.
Terrific.
“How nice!” The nurse said. Luna didn’t bother making the correction. “Have a good visit with your brother,” she said as she headed away from them.
Exactly how old did she look to this woman? Luna wondered. It didn’t matter though—she just wanted to leave.
On the TV, Oprah had lost and Howie had vanished. Oprah was speaking with some blonde woman. She said, “Tonight I’m gonna get out of bed to pee and I’m gonna think, ‘I should’ve picked number eleven.’”
“Anyway, Dad,” Luna continued. He squinted and listened. She took a deep breath and let it out. What she wanted to say was so simple, but it was hard to release the words.
It felt like she was going to choke on the disinfectant smell in there.
Finally, she managed to blurt it out: “I forgive you.”
He blinked at her for a moment. Maybe he was processing what she said, or maybe he was just trying to get some kind of focus.
Then he said, “H-hey… th-thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” she said.
On the big screen, Oprah broke into a great laugh.
Luna scanned the room again, searching for some sign of understanding. Only one woman had any expression on her face: her mouth was frozen open in a humongous wide ‘O’, like a permanent scream.
That sterile, cover-up smell was brutal. And even though she wasn’t wearing a heavy winter coat this time, she was still sweating.
“H-how are the k-kids?”
Wow. Who knew he remembered them?
“They’re good. Dylan asked about you today.”
He smiled.
“I’ll bring them to see you soon.”
“O-Okay.”
He was really beaming now. Could it be that they were having a nice moment together? Was that the gift clemency gave? “H-happy b-birthday,” he said again.
“Thanks, Dad,” she said. She meant it. “I’m glad I came.” And she meant that, too.
Good job! Jiminy said as Luna headed out of the lobby. Now you can focus on your mom.
“My mom?” Oops. She’d spoken out loud to Jiminy in public. Several people stopped and stared. She moved a little faster and pushed through the door.
Luna had just climbed back into the driver’s seat when her cell phone rang.
It was Nick.
She debated letting it go to voice mail, but then she answered. She was done avoiding things.
“Happy birthday,” he said in his gravelly voice.
“Thanks.”
“What are you doing?” That was Nick’s standard telephone line, which Luna found terrible invasive. It was none of his business.
“Nothing.” Like she was going to tell him.
“You going out with that guy tonight?”
Even though he surely knew “that guy’s” name, Nick refused to say it, just as Loreena had never uttered “Nick” in all the years he was married to Luna. “We broke up,” she said. Still she wouldn’t look at Starbuck’s.
“Oh. Sorry.” But he didn’t sound sorry at all.
“I gotta go. I’m driving,” she told him. Not exactly true, but she wanted to be. She wanted to get the hell off that street.
“Oh.” Again with the Oh. “Hey…”
“Yes?” For the love of God, she just wanted to leave, but she didn’t have a Bluetooth.
“I just wanted to say, I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For everything I did to you. You didn’t deserve it. I was an asshole.”
Luna didn’t say anything. She was so shocked that she accidentally looked at Starbucks. Rats.
“You there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m here.”
“Anyway, I wanted to tell you that, and to thank you for being a really good mom.”
“Uh… You’re welcome.”
There was a pause. Then he said, “I really did love you, you know.”
She guessed he had, in his way. “Thanks,” she said again. “We were good there for a while, weren’t we?”
“We were.”
“That’s more than some people can say.”
“It is.”
Another pause. She took a deep breath and let it out. Then she said, “I forgive you.” Who knew this would come up today, so soon after Lenny? Was forgiveness a domino effect?
“Thank you,” he said, and he sounded relieved.
They exchanged goodbyes, and Luna started the car.
Then she turned it off again.
Now that she’d faced Starbucks, she might as well get a cup of caustic coffee. It might sharpen her up to focus on her mom.
Whatever that meant.
She gripped the handle, them paused. “I don’t see how I can come to any terms with her, Jiminy. It would be like reasoning with an eggplant.”
But Jiminy didn’t reply.
FORTY-SIX
Luna got her coffee to go and drove home. She spent the rest of the afternoon outside on the water, sipping and writing.
At five o’clock, Sunny’s in-need-of Midasizing ancient vehicle blasted up to the curb. Sunny, her kids, Ben and Dylan piled out. Dylan carried a bakery box.
Sunny lit a cigarette. “Happy birthday, Chicky.” She took a drag. “This is all déjà vu and shit,” she said. “Just like when we celebrated your release day, but our kids got taller.”
“Just as long as everything that happened in-between doesn’t happen again,” Luna said. “I don’t think I could take that.”
“Amen and Christ windsurfing in a wetsuit,” said Sunny.
They ordered their dinners. “I wish I could afford Chinese food all the time.” Sunny said. “Just think of it: Meals brought to your door every day!”
“Wouldn’t you get sick of it?”
“Nah. Do Chinese people get sick of Chinese food? They do not. You just gotta switch up the sauces.”
“Ahhhh…”
It was after five, and therefore cocktail hour. Luna poured herself a glass of Riesling and handed Sunny a bottle of Bud from the fridge. The boys were upstairs playing X-Box, and Phoebe was using the computer in Luna’s room. “I gotta tell you about my new boyfriend!” said Sunny.
“What? You didn’t tell me you’d been dating.”
“I wasn’t. It’s Layne’s assistant soccer coach.” Layne was on a team of Olympic hopefuls, training for the trials.
“What? Isn’t he another really young one?” Luna had gone with the kids to a game once, to cheer Layne on. “What happened to your lesson that there’s no substitute for experience?”
“That’s not going to be an issue here.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because he has no idea we’re involved.”
“What?”
“It’s simple.” Sunny took a slug of her beer. “I’m having an imaginary relationship with JoshJohn.”
“JoshJohn?”
Sunny shrugged. “His name is either Josh or John. I can’t remember which, so I combined them.”
That was the great thing about imaginary relationships, Sunn
y explained. Details like exact names ceased to matter. So did factors like getting to know each other and compatibility.
There was no need for any interaction, which suited Sunny just fine.
“We’re gonna get married and be Mr. & Mrs. Assistant Coach!” said Sunny.
Sunny told Luna all she knew about JoshJohn, which was his soccer wardrobe. He wore the same outfit to each practice—a tan T-shirt and matching shorts. In cold weather he added a hat, gloves and sweatshirt, but the shorts remained.
He was bland, but he was consistent. Kind of like The Coconut, except she didn’t have to talk to him.
Sunny decided it would be a blissful and fulfilling relationship, as long as he didn’t know about it.
Sunny’s lost it. Luna wasn’t sure how to present this to her friend. She wanted to say, “Let’s play a game called ‘pretend you’re not nuts!’” Instead she settled for the more diplomatic, “When was the last time you saw a doctor?”
“Never mind about that,” Sunny said. “”JoshJohn and I are going to be very happy together.”
“You might want to let him in on that,” said Luna.
The doorbell rang. “It’s not the Chinese man,” Luna called up to the gaggle of youths who appeared at the top of the steps. “It’s Nonna.”
There was a group “Awwww.” Then the four retreated back to their activities.
Luna answered the door. “What took you so long?” Loreena asked. “It’s cold out here.”
“I’m sorry,” Luna said.
“Well, happy birthday.” Loreena stepped inside and offered Luna her cheek. Luna gave Loreena’s cold, vitaminy skin a peck. “Thanks for inviting me,” Loreena said in a vague, flat way that could have been genuine or sarcastic. Luna decided to believe it was real.
Thank Sunny for reminding me, Luna thought. As if telepathic, Sunny gave Luna a nod.
“Did you eat without me?” Loreena asked suspiciously.
“Nope. The food’s coming, and we ordered enough for you!” Luna and Sunny high-fived, proud that they’d remembered to include Loreena’s meal.
“Do you know what I like?” Loreena sounded dubious.
“I told the woman it was for the lady who likes extra scallops and sauce on the side, like you always tell her when you order.”
“Oh. Good!” Loreena was happy! Another high-five.
“Want some wine, Mom?”
“Do you have any green tea?”
Oh, crap. She never remembered to buy the tea. Luna was about to say ‘no’, when Sunny said, “Yes!” She opened her purse and took out a box of green tea. “I picked it up, just like you asked,” she said, giving Luna another nod.
Loreena examined the box. “Lipton,” she said with disdain. “I prefer Bigelow.” She read the label. “I suppose it’ll do.”
“What’s in it?” asked Luna.
“Green tea leaves,” said Loreena.
Sunny circumvented the whole “How do I use the microwave?” conversation by taking on the task of preparing Loreena’s tea.
Loreena sat at the table with Luna. Apropos of nothing, she said, “Didn’t we have fun in Rome?”
They’d gone to Italy when Luna was a teen. The accommodations in each city were spare, since Loreena had found the places in a book called “Italy on $10 a Day.” But nothing topped Rome, where they’d stayed (and eaten most of their meals) in an ancient, stone convent occupied by elderly nuns who’d taken a vow of silence.
Luna was about to say, “You gave me no religion, and then stuck me at a breakfast table with a bunch of scary, mute penguins bearing crosses,” but the look on Loreena’s face was so bright. Kind of like Lenny’s on his birthday, when Luna had walked in.
That’s when it hit Luna.
Loreena had done her best. She’d tried to take care of Luna. She just wasn’t capable of it.
In Loreena’s reality, they’d had an awesome European vacation. Somehow she’d missed or refused to see that Luna had been anorexic the whole time, eating nothing but vegetables in small portions for most of the trip. Even Luna had no idea why, on the plane home, she’d gobbled up the entire meal they served, including the roll and butter. After that, she’d started eating normally again, but Loreena did not seem to have noticed either the illness or the recovery. Like most things in Luna’s life, she’d come through it alone, whether consciously or not.
As she flashed back on this, something shifted in her mind. She didn’t feel so upset anymore.
The anger she’d harbored against her mother had split from the memory and vanished.
Just like that, it was gone.
I forgive you, she thought—not saying it aloud, because Loreena wasn’t capable of grasping why she needed to be forgiven.
Instead, she smiled, and agreed with Loreena. “Yes. Mom. We did have fun in Rome.” She gave Loreena a hug, and the vitamin smell didn’t even bother her.
“I thought your boyfriend would be here,” Loreena said. “I wanted to meet him.”
“You wanted to meet Trip?”
“Of course.”
“Why?”
“Why wouldn’t I? He’s practically part of the family.”
“You never treated Nick as family—and he was!”
Loreena waved the comment off. “That was ages ago. And anyone would be better than him.” She still wouldn’t speak Nick’s name. He was her Voldemort.
Luna and Sunny stared at each other. This was an unexpected conversation.
“I broke up with Trip, Mom.”
“Oh? That’s too bad. I’m sure you’ll meet someone else soon.” Loreena took a sip of tea. “You have so much to offer.” She looked Luna right in the eyes. “I just want you to be happy.”
The doorbell rang.
Footsteps of kids above them. It had to be dinner this time, they knew.
Luna rose to greet the Chinese delivery man. Sunny followed. She whispered to Luna, “I think your mom being normal is one of the seven signs. If Sal strolls in with dental implants and a fat check for years of child-support, we’ll know it’s all over.”
When Sunny loses her sarcasm, that’s when it’s over, said Jiminy.
Luna laughed.
“What?” asked Sunny.
“I’ll tell you later.”
After dinner, everyone sang “Happy Birthday.” Once again, Loreena’s operatic voice rose above the rest, but this time Luna didn’t mind. Loreena was just being herself. She didn’t know how to tone it down.
The fiery candles were in front of her.
“Make a wish, Mommy!” Dylan urged.
What would she ask for?
Before she could form a request, something happened.
The last crusty bits of Luna’s old resentments lifted from her stomach and her heart.
They rose though her throat.
She opened her mouth and they exited, extinguishing the candles before dissipating.
She was pure light inside, for just a moment, and everyone clapped, as if they knew.
Happy birthday, Luna, Jiminy said.
FORTY-SEVEN
The next day, Luna was on her way to a school visit and revising sentences of NWaN in her mind.
She’d let go of her anger against her dad, her mom and Nick. That must be the end of the book!
But it didn’t feel right. Something was lacking, no matter how hard she tried to not see it.
Damn.
It was that old cliché about love again.
Did her story boil down to missing a man… and a missed period?
A week after Luna handed Trip the note, not only did she pine over him, but she also couldn’t help wondering what had become of her period.
She never thought about “that time of the month” until she was suddenly bleeding, so the fact that she realized anything was wrong meant that her period was very, very late.
She’d only noticed because of the school visit. Getting ready to leave this morning, she’d checked out her nails and saw they were sporting the ch
ipped purple remains of her last manicure. Drat! She poked her head inside the bathroom cabinet looking for polish remover and spotted a bag of sanitary napkins. Hmmm. Haven’t used those in a while…
There was no polish remover, and no time to waste. She had to get on the road. But the lilac splotches on her nails no longer concerned Luna. Gripping the wheel tight she wondered: Am I pregnant?
She tried to distract herself by thinking about her book, but the only thing that led to was the certainty that she still hadn’t found her end.
Altogether, it was a dreadful ride.
Fortunately, she went right into “presentation” mode when she spoke to the kids. The show must go on. And she really loved talking about writing, anyway. But the minute she got back in her van, it hit her again: Am I pregnant?
She couldn’t stand the uncertainty, so when she saw a CVS she pulled into their lot.
After scanning the various pregnancy test boxes (why were there so many types?) she chose the simplest one. If a pink line appeared within three minutes… that meant she was knocked up.
She was still a long way from home. She needed to know now! She went next door to Trader Joe’s, locked herself in the bathroom and peed on the stick.
Holding it gingerly between her thumb and forefinger, she checked for immediate results. No pink yet. She noted the time on her cell phone: 3:43.
Knock, knock, knock!
“Just a minute!” she called out to whoever was at the door. Actually, just three minutes…
She supposed she could take it with her, but if it got jangled around in her purse, would that tamper with the results? Plus, she didn’t really want to put something she’d urinated on in her pocketbook, and she couldn’t parade through the store holding it in the open.
3:44.
No pink yet.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Hang on!” she called out. Yeesh. This person didn’t have any patience.
The door knob twisted.
Was he or she deaf?
“Almost done!” she yelled, extra loud.
3:45.
No pink yet.
The person was really going at that door, pounding away. Luna felt like she was under siege.
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