by J. L. Beck
“Dream job…” I try the words. She should take the job; she should follow her dreams. But I’m selfish, and I don’t want her to go even if I know in the long run that would be the easier choice.
“I mean, what are my choices, a job or staying with you guys? How am I to decide between love and money when I need both to survive?”
I drop my jaw and split my stare between her and Warren as both his arm and dumbfounded expression slide. His sadness guts me. But the truth remains, Maddie’s been groomed to do more, be more. Brown Valley already has a vet clinic. Sure we could always use another vet or a tech, but I’m not sure if she’d make the kind of money she expects to make from the Virginia clinic. Hardest words I’ve ever said crest. “Take the job, Maddie. War and I can visit you.”
“Th-that’s what you want?” The words stumble out of her.
“I want what’s best for you. I always have.” Only that’s a half-lie. I want the best for her, and that doesn’t include two guys, no matter how much we love her. Ranch work is a twenty-four-seven day job. Hell, Mr. and Mrs. Brown are on one of the only vacations I can remember that lasted longer than a weekend. That’s our life: the cattle, the calving, the horses, and breeding. Wish it included Maddie full-time…
“Cole’s right,” War blurts as he hands her the front page of the Brown Valley Gazette. “I don’t want this to be your life, Maddie. You’re too pure, too innocent.”
The paper trembles between her fingers as she takes in the image of the three of us loving up on each in the corner cheaters table shrouded in shadows and secrecy.
“It’s starting again,” she whispers.
I jam the truck into a parking spot that flanks the diner just as my cell buzzes in my pocket. Glancing down, I read a number I recognize. It’s a small town, chatter reaching the depths of the townsfolk, no doubt. “Maddie, your father’s calling me.”
Her cell goes off, and she glances down. “It’s Mom. My father knows we’re together, and I’m sure he’s pissed. What do we do now?”
“There’s no turning back from what’s happened. Word’s getting out sooner or later, at least speculation.” On the third ring, I pop open the door before answering. “Let us handle him.”
But even as I say the words and attempt to assure Maddie we still have a chance at us, in my heart I know we’re finished.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie
“Breathe, breathe…,” I mutter to myself as I administer CPR to the newborn pup. In the same breath, I know deep down I’m talking to myself about me. For the month since I’ve been here in Virginia, I’m nothing but a shell, void of a damn pulse like this whelp.
I’m not usually a drama queen, but I’m drowning in loneliness here. I miss Cole and War so much, I ache everywhere from the roots of my hair to my toenails. I’m sure the clinic staff is onto me because the assisting vet keeps glancing my way as if making sure I don’t burst into tears again, but I don’t dare lose focus now. This little pup’s counting on my skills to save her life.
The parallel doesn't escape me. I’m still kinda alive, but I’m dying inside, too. I miss the fresh California air and the heat that throbs across my skin during the fall, but longing for my favorite season doesn’t compare to how much I’m missing Cole and War.
My throat squeezes as precious moments click down while I’m palpating the tiny pup’s rib cage with my thumb, forcing blood to pump through her fragile heart. And I swear the pup’s leg twitches because I want the pup to thrive so badly and rejoin her family, her brothers. My vision blurs, and I blink away the rising sting. But I am her. I want life to fill me and for my lungs to find my breath right along with hers so badly that I’m wishing someone beat life into my heart.
The leg twitches again.
Hope jolts through me that maybe I can save her.
‘Cause she’s counting on me. I mean, she’s just as worthy of living, just as valuable as the other two male pups who squeal and squirm under the heat lamp as if they’re searching for their sister.
The assisting vet is closing the C-section.
I catch a shadow of disappointment in her eyes, and I can’t know if she’s disapproving of my fury to save the little girl she’s already given up on, or if my methods are futile. Maybe it doesn’t matter what she thinks? Maybe that’s my lesson that others’ opinions about me have no bearing on the future—my future.
I flip the pup over, rubbing both sides of the damp, fury body.
Grunts and rooting sounds tease my attention toward the males as if they’re giving me a sign. Don’t give up on her. She’s important to us. She is us.
Without their sister, the little males would be lost, wouldn’t they? After sharing a womb for five months, nestled so tightly and bonding in a way that only siblings can bond, they’d die a little inside if she never returned to them, wouldn’t they?
A hint of death circles, but I push it away, hardening my efforts. I can’t give up now. I’m so close to bringing her back.
The assistant vet grumbles something inaudible.
Permission to judge me isn’t something I’m giving away, and it’s nothing I can control in others, so I’m cutting myself some slack. Fuck her.
The tech monitors their mother’s condition, glancing at me every few minutes. “Don’t give up, Maddie. She needs you. They all need you.”
I up my pace, forcing life into the little body. Because the tech’s words have hit a chord. Do the guys need me? We talk on the phone. They say they want me happy, but I sense they’re holding back, too.
I want more than anything to live to my fullest right along with this tiny bundle I’m holding. I want to find love, not only love from my family that includes the twins, but romantic love, everlasting love. To be loved.
Believing I’d never deserved Cole and War’s love because of my age and inexperience hung me up.
I’d been tiptoeing around my father’s judgments—hell, everyone’s judgement of me, including the assisting vet who has given me her weary gaze since I shared with her my love of two men when she’d caught me crying.
Since, I’ve kept my pain bottled…at least, I’m trying.
But misery claims me no matter if I'm crying or hiding my pain and loss over War and Cole. I deserve to find happiness in spite of what others think of me. In spite of our differences and opinions. Most important, I need to focus on the fact that I could love War and Cole without expectations from them…or anyone, for that matter. I could choose to breathe life back into me.
I force another delicate breath into the pup, hearing the crackle of its lungs open for the first time, and my heart leaps into my throat from the overwhelming joy that pumps through me.
Legs scramble against my palm as the little girl opens her mouth, gasping for her first breath. The tiny heart pitter-patters against my stethoscope, and I cling to her strength, her strong pulse, her desire to join her family.
“I’ll take over, Maddie. Go home,” the assisting vet mutters, adding a brief smile.
And I know she’s not talking about me returning to my apartment in town.
Finality hangs up in her approving gaze, though I need no approval to return to the men I love.
I now know what I have to do, where home is, and it’s not here in Virginia.
Even as the plane lands in California, even as I’m sitting in the passenger side of the truck while my mom’s driving to Brown Valley, what I want and who I want is crystal clear, as is the pained look of my mom’s deep-set eyes. “I’m sorry I left, Mom.”
Her soft sobs make their way my ear. I’ve hurt her by my absence, or maybe by my return, because she’s not stupid. She’s already warned the path I’ve chosen won’t be easy. But no matter the challenges, this is one time I have to do right by me. I hope she can forgive me for what I’m about to share.
“I love Cole and War, Mom. I’m hoping they haven’t changed their minds about loving me. But even if they have, I’m not giving up on them. I know that leaving them
hurt them more than I realized, too. Everyone they’ve ever believed in has abandoned them. They’ve only ever wanted a family to call their own. I’m not running anymore or shying away from the hard shit, even if that means risking you and Dad deciding not to accept me—us.”
Mom twists a bit, her eyes brimming with tears. “Good, sweetie. Because there’s something I need to tell you. Something I should have shared with you years ago. You’re so grown up, and it’s me that’s refused to see you as a woman. Instead, I’ve hurt you by viewing you as a little girl when you’re anything but. I just pray you won’t hate me.”
A myriad of ideas about what she’s hinting at floats around in my mind, but I can’t grasp one reason I’d ever be truly be angry with her. “I love you, Mom. You’ve always told me the truth, even if I’m deciding for myself to go against your warning that loving two men at the same time comes with complications. I’m ready for the consequences of my choices. And I’ll never hate you for choosing what’s right for you, even if you don’t want me in your life.”
Silence swarms the car until her subtle crying fills the space.
I rub her shoulder that trembles under my palm, and I consider demanding she pull over so I can drive. Under my hand, she’s so soft and warm, and she smells like Mom, but touching her doesn’t shield me from the pain rolling down her cheeks. “Mom? What’s wrong?”
“Dad and I, well, we went to the Bahamas to celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, but we...we didn’t go as a couple. Not exactly.”
“Not exactly?”
“You know Sampson drove us to the airport, right. Well, he....he didn’t just drive us to the airport. He accompanied us.” She twists a bit in her seat. “As my lover. As our partner.”
My jaw drops to my knees right along with my heart as I picture them as I always have: at the ranch hanging out on weekends...taking trips together. I should have suspected. Maybe I’m the one who’s imposed my opinion about others being one thing when reality proves something different. I mean, the truth of their relationship stares back at me. “You said adults don’t hide. You want to explain?”
“I feel horrible, and that’s why I’m confessing to you now. I don’t want to hide any longer... It’s your father who’s opposed to coming out.”
A smile lifts my lips as her warnings over the years align—Dad’s, too. He’s old-fashioned to the point he can’t or won’t even accept himself. I blow a tired breath. “You know firsthand what I’m going through. What problems we’ll face.”
“I do. That's why I didn't want this for you.”
I take her hand into mine and try to infuse her with the strength I’m suddenly finding. Dad’s fears make sense, too. He wants the best for me, like the guys do. I squeeze where I’m holding, her hand feeling less firm than it once did, but that’s life’s toll. “I’m so glad you told me, but you know, I’m not surprised. There’s something about the way Sampson looks at you, and the way Dad stares at you in the same way, together.”
“You’ve noticed?”
“Yes, and I have so many questions...sooo many questions.”
She arches her brow, her freckled cheeks pinking a bit. “Ask me anything.”
Chapter Sixteen
Warren
Fuck! I scream inwardly to myself, watching as Spartan breaks through yet another fence to get to his favorite mare. If it’s not one thing it’s another, and with everything that’s going on with Maddie, this has to be some type of sign.
“He’s being a major asshole today.”
Cole reads my mind, saying the words before I can even get them out. With fence number two down, I’m not sure how many more fences I can put up to keep this beast in. “That he is. It’s like, no matter what we do, we can’t keep him on his side of the fence…”
Cole huffs while I shake my head, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. The longer I stare at Spartan galloping circles around his mare, the more I start to understand why he’s acting the way he is. “You know, he’s a lot more like us than we think.” I turn to face Cole who looks caught up in his own thoughts.
“What do you mean? That he’s crazy, doing whatever he can to get what he wants, even at the expense of ripping his legs and belly open?”
A slight grin pulls at my lips. “That’s exactly what I mean, brother. Spartan wants his woman, his mate, at any and all cost, even if it hurts him, kills him…”
Cole nods, as if the light bulb inside his head is finally going off.
I lean against the fence, watching as Spartan nudges his mare, his nostrils flaring red. He’s ready to take the leap of faith, to plunge deep inside her believing she wants him just as badly.
“We can’t lose Maddie, War.”
Cole breaks the silence, causing my attention to shift away from Spartan and back to him.
“If we let her go now, we risk never getting her back again. I can’t let that happen, hell I won’t. We let go of her and our feelings once before, but now we have a chance to make things right.”
Cole’s words spark something inside me. They light a fuse of need and hunger that I thought might have been extinguished. “If Spartan isn’t letting anything, including us, his handlers, separate him from his mate, then why the hell are we letting others separate us from ours. Maddie is ours. She belongs to both of us, and yet here we are letting others dictate our life,” I growl, completely consumed with thoughts of Maddie on her knees, taking me into her mouth while Cole fucks her impossibly hard from behind.
“If we do this, War, no one will ever approve. Maddie will have to deal with the whispers and disapproving stares so long as we live in this town.”
I nibble on my bottom lip, digesting what he’s just said. I know these things, but I also know that Maddie will never let this go.
Nothing anyone says or does is going to change the way she feels about us. As much as I want to shield Maddie from the bad shit in this world, I can’t do it at the expense of giving away the one thing I’ve always loved: her.
“Maddie’s a big girl, Cole. But the longer we try to protect her from the inevitable, the harder it will be for her to overcome.”
I know Cole’s worried. I can see it in the creases on his face, and I am too, but I can’t let Maddie go. She’s in my veins, the blood that pumps through my heart, and my reason for breathing. If I give her up, I might as well be signing my own death certificate.
“Then let’s be the men she needs us to be. Let’s love her but give her the space she needs. Let’s support her but let her fight her own battles. She’s always telling us she doesn’t care what other people think about us all three being together, so maybe we should show her, prove to her that we don’t care either.”
Cole’s onto something, and that alone causes excitement and a sexual hunger to spiral deep inside my gut.
“We need her, Cole. We fucking need her,” I hiss out, thinking of how hurt she has to be, how out of control her emotions are right now when she’s miles from us, her family. We’ve let her down by thinking we can live without her, by letting others decide our fates.
Cole turns to me, his gaze landing on mine, and a promise of something deeper passes between us. I know we’re both on the same page. We may have started out fighting over her, but Maddie showed us we can be together, that she can handle loving us both together.
The sound of boots crunching against the dirt path behind us enters my ears, and I know who it is before I even turn around. Maddie’s sweet floral scent causes a shiver of desire to ripple through me. Cole and I whirl around at the same time, probably looking a whole lot like two lions ready to pounce on their prey.
“Don’t tell me Spartan’s taken another fence down.”
There’s a smile on her face, though it doesn’t match the sadness lingering in her eyes.
“It’s not one fence, sugar. It’s two.”
Cole answers before I can, and somehow all the words I wanted to say before this have evaporated into thin air.
; Maddie’s brown eyes grow wide, as if she’s shocked. “Well, I suppose there isn’t any point in trying to stop him from seeing his girl. Nothing’s going to stop him anyway.”
Maddie shrugs as if she understands it all too well. “Cole and I realized something a few minutes ago…” I trail off, crossing the space that separates us.
Cole isn’t far behind me and, when we finally stop, he’s at her backside while I’m at her front.
“What… What did you realize?” Her cheeks turn a soft pink as she eyes me up and down, her bottom lip trembling as she speaks.
“That we’re a lot more like Spartan than we ever realized,” Cole whispers into her ear.
I cradle her cheek against my hand. Her skin is so fucking soft it should be illegal, and I relish in the feeling, wanting this single moment to last forever.
“What do you mean?” Maddie murmurs.
Her voice sends waves of pleasure straight to my cock, and I pull her closer. “I mean we’re done trying to protect you. We’re done fighting the inevitable. You’ve been ours since the day we met you, and we’re done letting others decide if we can be together. As long as you want us, both of us, then that’s all that matters. Your happiness is everything to us.”
Tears swarm her eyes, mine, but I refuse to let this moment be ruined by them.
“Does that mean you want me?” Maddie croaks.
The last shred of restraint inside me snaps. I’ve got to have her, sandwiched between Cole and I as we move in and out of her, fucking the love and our happiness out of her—of us all—until we’re fused.
“We’ve always wanted you, sugar. It just took us a lot longer to realize we couldn’t let you slip through our fingers again.” Cole presses kisses against her collarbone, pushing the strap on her summer dress down.
I thread my fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. Within seconds, her eyes roll to the back of her pretty head, and I know she’s more than ready for us to take her. “We need you hard, little one. Hard and fast. We’ve wasted so much time on worrying about others that the need inside us is all consuming.” A guttural sound escapes my lips at the same time a purr of pleasure escapes Maddie’s perfectly pouted lips.