Whether he liked it or not, he loved her every bit as much as she loved him.
He had to.
Otherwise, he would never have shared the story about his parents. He wouldn’t have cared for her so tenderly before help arrived. He wouldn’t be here right now, acting so pazzo, if he didn’t have deep feelings for her.
“Wait.” Caterina filled a basket with bread, cookies, some leftover roasted pork, and a bone she’d saved for Ike. “Take this. You’ll be hungry later.”
“I appreciate it, Cat.” Kade wanted so badly to tell her how much she meant to him, how terrified he’d been of Bolton harming her, how afraid he was someone else would do something to hurt her because of him. “You’re sure you’ll be fine?”
“Of course.” Dismissively, Caterina waved her hand. In truth, the ache in her ribs lessened each day and being young, healthy, and headstrong worked in her favor. “Goodbye, Kade.”
Before going out the door, he made the mistake of looking at her one more time. He dropped the basket on the table, pulled her to him, and took her lips in a kiss that conveyed the depth of his love for her far more than mere words could possibly express.
“Bye, Cat.” Swiftly grabbing the basket, he left.
Bewildered, Caterina stared at the closed door long after the sounds of his boots on the boardwalk died away.
Muttering to herself in Italian, she decided men were impossible creatures and she was not going to waste any more time trying to understand that particular one.
Chapter Twenty
Thanksgiving was the first time Caterina had the opportunity to see Kade since the day he stopped by her restaurant on his way home from Nash’s Folly. After secluding himself at his place for several days, the doctor released him to return to work.
To keep him from doing anything to injure himself, the sheriff sent him to Portland to deliver some papers to a judge and then asked him to run a few errands for him while he was in the city.
He returned home the night before Thanksgiving but didn’t stop by her restaurant, although she happened to see him riding Pete through town.
Speculative of what she’d done to chase him away, she put it out of her mind as she cooked and baked, preparing food to take to J.B. and Nora’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.
J.B. invited Grant Hill and the banker offered to escort Caterina in his buggy. Since she didn’t know if Kade would make an appearance, she readily agreed. The deputy certainly hadn’t put any effort into nurturing their blossoming relationship since the day he arrested James Bolton.
Angry with him for ignoring her, she packed her food into boxes then rushed upstairs to change her clothes and style her hair.
She smoothed down the front of her deep amethyst dress, inset with lavender brocade godets around the skirt and she pinned her jumble of curls into a loose style on top of her head, letting tendrils escape.
Quickly donning a long black wool coat and a broad-brimmed black hat with purple roses and lilac velvet ribbon, she wrapped a violet scarf around her neck, tugged on her black gloves and ran down the stairs. She opened the door as Grant raised his hand to knock.
After helping load her food in the back of the buggy, he offered her a lap robe to throw across her knees to block out some of the biting wind as they drove out of town.
Conversation was nearly impossible, so she pulled the scarf over her mouth, shoved her hands into her pockets, and remained silent on the drive out to Nash’s Folly.
When she breezed in the door on Grant’s arm, Caterina felt a sense of gratification as Kade gaped at her. She removed her outerwear and went to the kitchen to help Nora and Aundy.
Throughout the meal, as they all sat around the big dining room table, Kade’s gaze lingered on her. When she glanced his direction, hot sparks blazed in his green eyes. Caterina offered him a coquettish smile then turned her attention to Grant and Nik. She did her best to act as if Kade wasn’t even there, although every fiber of her being was painfully aware of his presence.
Following the meal, the men had a second helping of dessert then joined in the parlor games Nora insisted they all play. With a full stomach and the wind kicking up, Grant decided it was time to head home.
Caterina hurriedly packed her things, hugged her friends, and rode quietly back to town. She thanked Grant for the ride and hurried inside her place. To chase away the chill, she stoked the stove downstairs and built a fire in her living room upstairs.
Rufus rubbed around her ankles until she poured him a saucer of milk and set down a dish with some chopped meat for him to eat.
She made herself a cup of tea, sat at the table and watched the kitten, fighting the urge to cry.
The back door banged open and Kade strode in before a teardrop could make its way down her cheek.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Caterina asked, jumping to her feet.
Kade slammed the door behind him and closed the distance between them in a few long strides.
Watching Caterina flirt with Grant and the hands that joined them for the meal twisted his insides until his stomach ached. He had no right to be jealous, especially with what he was about to say to her, but he was just the same.
“Coming to tell you something I should have weeks ago.” Kade removed his hat and yanked off his gloves. “Sit down.”
“I prefer to stand, thank you. In case you’ve forgotten, this is my place, not yours. You don’t get to tell me what to do here.” Defiantly, she crossed her arms across her chest and raised her chin.
“Fine. Have it your way.” Regret for what he was going to do almost forced him to hold back the words, but they had to be said. If she were angry, it would make it easier on her to let him walk away.
“Have what my way?” She glared at him. His tousled hair, still sun-bleached on the ends, as well as the firm set of his jaw and the freckles on his nose gave him a boyish charm despite his gruff demeanor.
Kade was one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen. Rugged and wild, strong and sure, she’d never met anyone quite like him before and likely wouldn’t again.
Even if he had been homely, Caterina knew it wouldn’t have mattered. She’d come to know his heart, admire his intelligent mind, generous nature, and quick wit. While she appreciated his outward appearance, it was the depths of his heart and the innate goodness of his spirit that drew her to him.
“This isn’t going to work between us, Caterina. We fight, we argue. One of us is most often mad. That’s no way to be. You need someone a whole lot less opinionated and a whole lot more sophisticated than me.”
Stunned by his words, Caterina’s knees crumpled. She sank onto the chair Kade pushed beneath her, unable to comprehend his words.
Of course they fought.
They were both stubborn, proud, and determined, not to mention passionate. But that was part of the magical spark that danced between them.
He couldn’t be serious. Could he?
With tears clouding her vision, she stifled the sob that attempted to force its way up her chest and out her throat.
Kade hunkered down beside her and placed his big hand on her leg. “Aw, Cat, you know this won’t ever work. You’re too good for me. You need someone like Grant who’ll always take good care of you and treat you respectfully. An old cowpoke like me is the last thing you need.”
Caterina looked long and deep into Kade’s eyes. The truth lingered in the depths of his emerald gaze. It was there, just as she knew it would be, and she drew strength from it.
“Beh!” She shoved his hand off her knee.
Furious, she jumped to her feet and poked a finger into his chest, catching him by surprise as he stood.
“You’re a liar, Kade Rawlings. Plain and simple, no doubt about it, you are lying to me.”
“I may be a lot of things, but not a liar,” Kade said, defensively. He’d anticipated her tears, thought she might even hit him a time or two since she was prone to smacking him. He had no idea she’d get to her feet and accus
e him of lying while her eyes blazed with anger and love.
“How can you stand there and tell me you’re not good enough for me, that you’re breaking things off because I need to find a better man? How can you make up some lie about us not being good for each other? We’re perfect for each other. You and I both know you love me. I can see it in your eyes and feel it in my heart and nothing you say can change that. Nothing.”
The air whooshed out of Kade’s lungs at Caterina’s words and it was his turn to plunk down on a chair. He was a master at hiding his feelings, never letting even the tiniest hint of how he truly felt show. How could she see inside him, know his heart so well?
“Don’t you lie to me, Kade Rawlings. I deserve better than that. If you’ve got a problem, you better just spit it out because I won’t listen to one more word that isn’t true.” She stood so close the buttons marching up the front of her dress nearly brushed his nose. Her proximity made it hard for him to think, but he closed his eyes and forged ahead.
“Here’s the truth, Cat. I can’t be involved with you. I can’t have a relationship with you. I can’t let anyone know…” His voice caught, but he swallowed twice and continued. “No one can know how deeply I love you. They’ll hurt you, just like Bolton did. I told you what happened to my family. I can’t live through that again. Especially not with you. It’s too dangerous for you to be with me. It puts you in a constant vulnerable position and I won’t ask it of you.”
“Maybe you should ask, Kade. Maybe I’d say yes. Maybe I’d say I don’t care about the danger. Maybe I’d say I love you, too.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. After waiting months to hear Kade say the words, for him to acknowledge how he felt about her, he now planned to say them and leave. “You forget I bring a whole element of danger to a relationship as well. If Luigi ever finds out where I am, he’ll come for me. I can guarantee he won’t let anything or anyone stop him.”
“I’ll still keep an eye on you, protect you. I just can’t let this thing between us go any further, darlin’. It has to end now before you really get hurt.”
“Thank you so much for your concern, but it’s a little late for that. You idiota! Why don’t you just rip my heart right out of my chest and stomp on it a few times? I think that would hurt less than listening to you say you love me so much you’re going to abandon me.” She turned her back to Kade and covered her face with her hands.
“Please, Cat, try to understand. I’m doing this to protect you, not hurt you.” Kade stood and wrapped his good arm around her waist, gently pulling her back against him. He relished the feel of her body pressed against his. He wanted to hold her there for a lifetime, but he had no choice. It was time to let her go. “I wish it could be different but it can’t. It was a big mistake to allow myself to fall in love with you. I thought maybe things could work out, but Bolton reminded me I’d never be able to settle down and have a family of my own. There will always be one more outlaw looking for revenge.”
“I don’t care.” Caterina spun around and wrapped her arms around Kade, holding him tight. His hand splayed against her back while he kissed the top of her head. She drew a deep breath and inhaled his masculine scent, hoping it wasn’t the last time she’d be held close to his heart.
“You are so beautiful, Cat. Purple, or whatever you call it, is definitely your color.” Kade pressed a kiss to her temple, another to her neck. “You look like a queen.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, clinging to him, unwilling to consider the possibility of letting go.
They stood that way for several minutes until finally Kade pulled back.
“I love you, Caterina. I always will. But for your safety, I’m making this goodbye.” He brushed his mouth against hers in a kiss so soft Caterina wasn’t sure their lips actually connected.
The protest she meant to utter failed to materialize as Kade grabbed his hat and rushed out the door. Dropping to a chair, she lowered her head to the table and wept while the pieces of her heart shattered one by one.
Chapter Twenty-One
Walking down the street, his coat collar pulled up against the cold, Kade turned the corner to head into Chinatown and ran right into Li Hong. The canvas bundle in the man’s arms shifted and Li clasped it tightly to keep from dropping it.
The man smiled at him and bowed as Kade offered a friendly greeting. When he asked Li what he was doing, the man grinned and said he planned a surprise for the family. Kade knew family meant the bunch at Nash’s Folly and with Christmas just days away, he wouldn’t pry.
Wishing he could convince Li to help him with his investigation into the latest incident in Chinatown, he knew the man feared being in Pendleton, having been beaten and left for dead in the spring. If it wasn’t for Garrett hauling him out to the ranch, no one knew what might have become of him.
After waving him on his way, Kade went about his business with a heavy heart.
He missed Caterina with every intake of breath. The ache was so painful, some days it felt like he might actually die.
Although he centered his attention on his work, he still found his thoughts wandering to the feisty Italian woman who had captured his very soul.
Unable to bear the thought of spending Christmas in her presence, so close yet so distant, he volunteered to work.
When he didn’t show up for the Nash family’s Christmas festivities, Garrett rode out to his place a few days later and invited him to celebrate the New Year at Nash’s Folly.
Kade turned him down. The risk of seeing Caterina and weakening his resolve was too great.
“Please, Kade. Aundy and Ma were so disappointed you worked Christmas Day and I know for a fact you aren’t working New Year’s Eve.” Garrett gleaned that detail from the sheriff himself. “Just come out to the ranch. The girls have been busy cooking and Li promised to have something spectacular to show us. At least I think that’s what he said.”
Li could sometimes be hard to understand, although his English had vastly improved since he first started cooking for the men at Aundy and Garrett’s place.
“You aren’t going to take no for an answer, are you?”
“No. I’ll hog tie you and drag you back with me if I have to.” Garrett offered Kade a jaunty smile.
“Like to see you try.” Kade knew Garrett couldn’t physically best him. They’d gone many rounds during their growing up years and Kade always won unless he let Garrett win, which infuriated the smaller boy.
“Anytime you’re ready.” Garrett raised a fist and playfully jabbed Kade’s right arm. His wound had mostly healed, but he still favored his left side.
“I’ll be there.” Kade was out of excuses. “What time should I show up?”
“Anytime in the afternoon. You can stay for supper and then whatever entertainment Li has planned. Nik’s been up to something, too, so it should be an interesting evening.”
Kade arrived to find Aundy, Nora, and Caterina chatting in the kitchen. He dropped his coat and hat on a peg by the back door, hugged Nora and kissed Aundy’s cheek then tipped his head respectfully to Caterina. After handing Aundy a large box of chocolates, he walked into the front room where the men gathered.
Most of the hands ventured to town to ring in 1900, but a few stayed behind including Dent. He and J.B. were engaged in a heated game of checkers while Garrett visited with the other men. Nik sat on the floor by the fire, lost in a book.
As he sank down beside him, Kade nudged the boy with his knee. “What’s this one about?” Everyone knew Nik loved to read and when he had a spare moment, he often lost himself in some adventure.
“It’s by Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. Have you read it?” Nik’s eyes shined brightly with excitement.
“Can’t say that I have.” Maybe if he’d loved learning half as much as the boy, he’d have found an occupation that wasn’t so dangerous. He doubted it, though. Being a lawman was in his blood. “Why don’t you give me the highlights?”
“See, there’s this en
gineer from Connecticut who accidently gets transported back in time to the court of King Arthur. He fools the people into thinking he’s a magician and uses his knowledge of modern wonders to amaze the people there by doing demolitions and fireworks and stuff. They think he really has magical powers.” Nik held the book out to Kade. “It’s quite entertaining.”
Careful not to disturb Nik’s bookmark, he took the book and riffled through the pages. “I imagine it is. Ol’ Mark Twain spins a good tale,” Kade said, having read some of Twain’s other works. His favorite was The Prince and the Pauper. The thought of being able to switch his life with someone else’s had always appealed to him. Then again, he wouldn’t wish the torment of his past or the loneliness of his future on anyone.
He visited with Nik until it was time to eat then tried to act like his jovial self through the meal, although sitting next to Caterina was almost more than he could take. Her fragrance filled his senses while her nearness set every nerve in his body on high alert. Once, their arms brushed and he felt sparks jump between them. When she jerked her arm back into her lap, he knew she felt it, too.
Desperately wishing he could make some excuse and escape, he instead found himself in the parlor where Aundy and Nora led the group in some light-hearted games. After that, Caterina sat down at the piano while Nik took his harmonica from his pocket and together they played lively songs like Ta-Ra-Ra Boom-De-Ay! and The Band Played On.
Several of them sang along and the level of anticipation continued to grow. Li hurried outside, telling everyone not to peek until he came to get them.
Nik and Caterina continued to play. Finally, Li opened the door and invited them outside.
The group shrugged into coats and wrapped up in scarves then walked down to the bunkhouse where Li had benches and chairs set up in a semi-circle facing one of the pastures.
“This how Li say Happy New Year!” he said, rushing away from the group. They sat down to wait and soon a spark of flame zoomed skyward and exploded above them, showering down glittering sparks of color.
Caterina (Pendleton Petticoats Book 2) Page 25