They welcomed him as if they had been waiting all their life for him. And somebody brought in the tiddly-juice and food. Naturally, or at least it seemed natural to him, they worked him round to discussing his business, all about his turnover, and overheads, and staff, and expenses, and future. And his debt. Very solicitous about that problem. Oh, but such a minor problem - especially when he was facing friends who were actually on the board of Directors of the Blaghe D’och.
And they were all so appreciative of his success and hard work and wanted to know more about his hopes for the future, and why he didn’t expand his enterprise into other towns. And the more he thought out loud about it, the more they made it look so easy for him with his obvious capabilities, his experience, his business savvy. Surely here was an opportunity going to waste. And why hadn’t he explored his obvious potential? Oh, was it the lack of capital? Was that all that was holding him back? Well then, if he wouldn’t mind waiting just a few minutes, they would just like to discuss things - see if there is something they can do. They’d be back very shortly. Help himself to the food and Tiddly. They’d be back. Out they filed.
Coming back, they were even more friendly, insisting that it was crazy to stop short of building an obvious empire. Capital was being arranged. No problem. On the spot. If he had turned up earlier, he would already have been worth a fortune.
Didn’t everybody agree? Of course they agreed. Look at them agreeing! They wanted him to have their capital. Use it. Build his empire. He could pay them back as he went, just a bit at a time. Only a silly incompetent person would walk away from such an easy way to corner the market like him with his skill, his talent.
He felt he should be asking intelligent questions – any questions, but they were so... Nice! Suddenly there was more food and drink, and his mouth was full. Have some more! We can’t send you all the way back on an empty stomach, can we! Eat up, feast and celebrate! Here, eat as much as you can while you drink. And here’s the money! Look at the money, they said! There it is. Hold it. Heaps of it. No, they didn’t need it, not immediately.
In fact, being a relative, that’s worth a special deal! So that little debt he had before? Well, that disappears, conveniently lumped all together with this much bigger loan. Pay it back monthly, they said. Interest only! There! Don’t worry about the loan. Pay the loan back when you’ve doubled your money, they said. Just pay back twelve percent at the same time each month. How about that? So simple! By the time the first month comes about, he’ll have made much more than that, they said. Easy, with his skills. Look how many employees he could have right from the start, all raking in the profits for him. Don’t they all agree? Of course they do! Look at everybody agreeing! He agreed, didn’t he?
Hold the money again - See how heavy it is - That’s a lot - Did he agree? Yes, of course he did. No! Don’t count it here, so vulgar! Count it when he gets home! They trust him. They said. Were they getting quicker? Well, of course! He wanted to get started, didn’t he! So, just sign there. Simple! Just there. Easy! Again there.
Well done! Now here’s a wealthy trader! Let’s drink to that! Come! Let’s drink a toast to our new long lost relative! And another toast to the Signing Of the Contract! Oh! Yes! Another toast to All That Money And How You’ll Double it in No Time! So, a toast to fame and fortune! A Toast to your little repayments!
Oh, so sorry, your cousins here must leave. They have urgent business. We will see them out. Drink up while we say good-bye to them.
There. They’ve gone. Let us fill your glass again. Are you eating? Have some more. And the tiddly. This is good tiddly. We make it ourselves! Isn’t it good? Have some more. Finish it, finish it! Or better still, take it with you! No, no, better yet, finish that bottle, and take a new one. Careful with the money! Got everything? Good – Oh! You nearly forgot your tiddly.
That’s the way. So glad you stopped by and told us all about yourself. No doubt you’ll want to be off now. So sorry to see you off. But you’ll be back to see us next month, won’t you. Why? well, Silly Boy, because you’ll be making that first little repayment, won’t you. Once a month, remember? Got it straight? Ten percent interest once a month. Just the interest. Don’t worry about the big loan. Use it! Nothing to worry about. Pay back the big loan when you can later.
There you go! Clever lad! Just be careful on your way back. Look out for baddies. See you soon! That’s the way. That’s right. Bye Bye.
And suddenly, he was on his way home. That was good, wasn’t it? Wasn’t that what he came for? Maybe a bit more than... Somehow, he was struggling to get his head round something. It was quite a struggle to carry everything as well. It was a lot of money. And a funny thing, but he couldn’t remember how much the loan was that they said they had put up for him. Exactly how much he was carrying was...
Something told him he should know how much. But he certainly didn’t want to stop and count it in the middle of the Badlands! The place was full of nasty types hereabouts. Didn’t they warn him? Yes, they had. He was just lucky that he’d escaped any baddies so far. Meanwhile, struggling to carry so much, he decided the one expendable thing was the tiddly. The sooner he finished the contents, the sooner he could dump the wretched bottle.
Once that was gone, he had better control of things. In fact, for once in his life, he felt he was on top of everything. In fact, he really felt like singing. But his attempts at that didn’t last long because he realised he didn’t know how to sing. That made him giggle. He was on top of the world. The first thing when he got back, he would count the stuff. Then he’d hide it. And then first thing tomorrow, he’d get the boys and work up some ideas for an ad in the paper for employees.
Blowback and Skinner, he thought, Imagine their faces when I tell ’em they’ve got a promotion!
As he finally neared his place, he had a funny thought. The bundle of cash was so large, there was no way it would fit under the loo. Maybe he’d have to put it in the loo? Now that was funny!
Then, a funny thing... When he woke up, he was still within sight of his hideaway. What was he doing there? Had he fallen asleep? There was a lump on his head almost as big as the pile of money. How did he get a lump like that on his head? He certainly hadn’t seen that coming. And where was the money? All that money. THE MONEY! All that money! No sign of the money? All of it gone? Gone... And I don’t even know the total! What am I to do? Say I’ve lost it and ask for another! And I don’t know how much? No, no, no, no, best say nothing to them. Just say nothing. OH NO! The first of all those repayments is due in a month!
And he hadn’t seen any of these disasters coming. And none of it was funny at all. He couldn’t decide which of these thoughts was the worst.
30 KNOWLEDGE ISN’T EVERYTHING
Two days into the forest, Monty came across a squirrel on a fallen tree. The fallen tree was a surprise in itself, but a squirrel? Squirrel wasn’t sitting up but crouching, watching his approach. Squirrel didn’t hide, either. Stump had to investigate. As he approached, he saw the squirrel was old, and guessed probably too old to be frightened by anything. Stump tried the direct approach, first stopping a discreet distance away.
“Hello. Mind if I join you?”
“Be my guest.” Said the old squirrel.
“I’m Montague Stump.”
“Ah.”
“And you are?”
There was a long pause. Squirrel seemed to be debating with himself whether or not to divulge the required information. Or maybe he had other stuff on his mind. Or maybe he had simply forgotten the question.
“Snitch. The Elder. Well, I was. There’ll be a new Elder now.”
Stump said nothing. Just waited. When it was obvious that Snitch the Elder would say no more, Stump said the first thing that came into his mind.
“Where are they?”
It worked. The old squirrel replied, “Oh, they’re gone. Continuing the Search. They don’t need me anymore.”
Stump very carefully moved a little closer. “The search?”
He asked, although obviously any search would be for food.
“That’s a long story. Long indeed. And I’m a-wearied of the telling. Each time of telling, the young listen less. And each time of telling I’m a-feared of remembering less.”
“You’re losing your memory?” Stump ventured, moving closer.
“It’s the questions. With the right question, comes the answer. That’s how it works. But now? The young don’t ask the questions. Not like they used to.”
Stump was now close. Standing, he was level with Snitch. “What questions?” He tried, not knowing where the conversation was going yet. But Stitch continued with his own thoughts.
“I can remember I had so many questions when I was young. And out came the answers from the Elder. The whole story. The more I asked, the more I learned. That’s how it should be. It’s always been like that.
“And that’s how I became the Elder. Chosen,” he said proudly, “because of my knowledge.”
Stump sat, straight up, so he could see the old squirrel. “So, you were the Elder?” he prompted.
“Having the knowledge was the easy part. You accumulate knowledge like the proverbial nuts. There for all occasions. But nowadays, it’s just like party treats. And they get tired of the listening nowadays. They want more, and...” The old squirrel sighed and almost whispered, “there is no more.”
“Tell me,” ventured Stump, and when Snitch spoke again, Stump swivelled to face away and sit leaning up against the fallen tree, with his head just below the old squirrel.
“The knowledge is the easy part. Just remembering the stories.” Snitch continued. “But even that... There was a time when I could... But if they don’t want to listen? It’s like they haven’t got the patience. So when they don’t ask any more? What can you do? What can you do?
“It’s not their fault,” he continued, “It’s everybody’s struggle. We all know that. But without the Story? What hope is there without the Story?” A pause. Then he added “And we are so few...”
Silence lasted a long time until Stump asked quietly, “Tell me the Story?”
“Oh, Mr Strum, Our Story is not yours. I don’t know. It’s never been told outside the... not to... Others.”
Monty didn’t correct his name. “Perhaps it’s time to tell it?”
“Hm.” Said Snitch. Another pause, then, “The telling of the Story needs everyone. All of us. And they’re... I’m not...
“The others know the Story? They will remember? How many squirrels? How many of you are there?”
“Five families. That’s all. That’s all there is, now. It’s difficult. Always. That’s all we know now. And the Story. And maybe the Story is not enough anymore. I fear the young will assume that, and it will end. Forgotten.
“I fear for them,” the squirrel said, “and what will happen if they forget.”
“Forget? If they forget the Story?” Stump asked, and waited, but no answer came. He turned his head a little, but not enough to see Snitch. “Tell me something... about... the Story. Can you do that?”
Long silence. Finally, “It’s about where we came from.”
“Where was that?”
“We don’t know. Lost in the mists of time.”
“What’s impor-” He checked himself and started again. “Why do you remember it? Why is it important to you?”
“Because it is all we have! It’s what makes us who we are.”
This time, it was Stump who took a while to continue.
“I don’t understand. Where you came from? What’s special about that?”
“Ah. It was said to be a heaven. Like a paradise. Where our people lived in a wonderland of plenty.”
“What happened?”
Another long silence.
“What is happening now is what is important. That has always been the important part of our problem. It is the future, always the future.” The old squirrel began a curious scratching on the bark of the tree, as if trying to handle something. “If they don’t remember the past, there will be no future.”
Silence again. Then, Stump asked,
“How does the past help with the future?”
“That was my problem.” Said Snitch. “Every Elder’s problem, I suppose. But it’s become so much worse. The young don’t want the old ways anymore. Don’t listen, don’t ask.
“I supposed I failed, really,” he continued. “The knowledge gets you the job, but it doesn’t help you do it. Looking back doesn’t help you lead forward, yet somehow, without the past...”
Stump waited. “Without the past?” He gently prompted.
“In my defence,” Snitch continued, “I suppose I could say all Elders have failed, since we’re still searching. Or worst of all, there is no way back - Oh, what a thing to say! You’ve got to have hope, haven’t you! But there is always that... doubt.
“Maybe that’s what they saw, always that little doubt. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be the leader that they need. Knowledge isn’t everything, is it? Not if you can’t apply it, to lead.” After a long pause, he said, “To lead, you need hope. And maybe my hope just wasn’t enough. Just that little doubt. And I failed.
“Maybe that’s too harsh. I led for a while. A long time, it was. And that can’t be bad. One puts everything into a job like that. It was a job for life, so I gave my life to the job. Good or bad is not for me to say. I just did the best I could. The best I could.” The old squirrel, still squatting with hands out in front on the tree, now laid his head on his hands.
They remained silent for a long time. Stump was saddened by what he had heard. Snitch had been abandoned. Or at least, was content to accept his fate as the deposed leader. But if those were the rules of their little band, so be it. There was nothing he could do for Snitch or them.
Stump offered to do anything to help the old squirrel, but Snitch refused everything. Stump’s satchel was empty so neither of them had any food. And when Snitch said he was not interested in food anyway, Stump knew he meant “not anymore”. Meaning he had eaten his last meal.
“And you, young fellow,” the old squirrel said, “You’d best be on your way, to wherever the light is drawing you. And don’t delay. I’ve had my time. I did my best. I know I did. I can live with that – well, that’s a joke! – Live with that? Get it? –Let’s say, I can see myself out, happy in knowing that. And they’ll look after me after that. They’ll know what to do. Thank you for stopping by. We see very few people, and for all that, you’re a rare one. You listened. And gave me much. You gave me back my self-respect – helped me bury that wretched doubt back in the ground again.”
Stump was hard put to find words.
“Well, I don’t know about that. But I do know I’ve met a friend, so I certainly wish you well – oh, well, no,” he stuttered, trying to correct himself, “I wish you peace. Even though you didn’t reach your goal perhaps. Can I say that? But to have dedicated your life to helping your folk on the way is something truly to be proud of. It sounds like the best goal for anyone. And that is something you have given me.”
He took his leave, saddened and mystified that a chance meeting like that could run so deep. He hoped he had given at least something in exchange.
31 THE CROSSING
It took four and a half days trotting just to reach the other side of Worrywart Woods. He had finished the last of his food and water long before, even before he had met old Snitch.
Water, if not food, was now definitely his next worry. He knew there was neither behind him. How on earth a band of squirrels were surviving in that gloom, he had no idea. But if there was no food or water behind him, then he couldn’t help them – even if he could find them. And neither could they help him, so his best bet was to keep going forward.
He came to the last of the shade and stepped out into a blinding glare. The heat and light were staggering. He hoped to adjust from the cool shadows of the last several days, but there was no escape.
Trotting was the most efficient of movements and req
uired almost no effort to keep the momentum going. But in the extraordinary light and heat, he was forced down to a walk. He walked on, gauging from the sun and his shadow, that he was still going east. The view was of just endless rolling plains. He kept a look out, scanning in all direction for any sign of water or food. Behind him, gradually the woods receded, but ever so slowly. As the distance grew, the woods behind him appeared generally to be on much hillier ground. He was perhaps lucky that where he had cut through was the flattest.
But that seemed to be the extent of his luck. Totally unprepared for such empty landscape, he was more and more aware that he had no idea if there was help or water ahead or to the left or right. Foolishly or otherwise he set himself to keep going to find something or to bust in the attempt. The only certainty he had was, there was nothing behind. And ‘nothing behind’ was getting longer.
His aim, the direction he took, was almost as clever and calculated as it was random. Simply due east. There was no road to follow, but he could navigate of sorts by the sun, by his shadow. Midday was the worst time. As well, he realised that he could just as easily miss civilisation altogether and end up being a pile of bones, as strike lucky whatever he did. Deviating or not deviating from the straight line from that point of view was all much of a muchness. He knew all of that.
But he also had a more pressing idea that any deviation would mean no hope of knowing where he had got to, and therefore of retracing his steps, should he have cause to head back. Anything other than straight introduced too many variables. So, by keeping to the fixed course, he felt he was not quite so lost. As long as he kept straight, by simply reversing his direction he should in theory end up back at Little Willy - assuming he could survive.
He struggled repeatedly with this train of thought, trying to weigh up what was best. After a time, he had no idea whether it was sound or not. Any westerly return, made from any point he had reached, should surely bring him back to Worrywart Woods and through to his original valley. Shouldn’t it? But those mountains back there...
A Tour de Fate Page 8