“Oh, no.” A smile rose unbidden to her lips. A giggle slipped out without her permission. Lawson started chuckling and that just made everything funnier. Her sides began to ache as the tension of the past week seeped out of her. She finally gathered herself enough to send Lawson an expectant look. “Well, don’t just sit there. Help me up.”
He rose to his feet then extended a hand down to her. He gave a powerful tug that pulled her from the puddle. Mud oozed between their palms, causing her hand to slip from his. She gasped as she nearly tumbled back into the mud, but at the last moment his other arm stole around her waist. He hauled her to his chest and set her feet on the ground.
“That was entirely too much trouble,” she muttered against his shirt.
“What?”
She pushed away slightly to look up at him just as he lowered his head to hear her more clearly. They both stilled. Lawson’s eyes flashed to hers. Her eyes widened. His arms tightened around her. Her gaze fell to his lips before resting on the top button of his shirt. The still morning air filled with the sound of slightly winded breaths. “I just... I said—trouble.”
“Oh,” he said as if her statement made a lick of sense. “You lost your shoes.”
* * *
It wasn’t the best line to give the girl he’d almost kissed but it was the only thing Lawson could think of at the moment. It was a wonder he’d been able to come up with anything at all with her hand pressed against his chest, her lips inches away. Despite the cold mud seeping into his shirt, she felt warm in his arms. He released her and retrieved her boots as slowly as possible to give himself time to think.
Telling his parents—and apparently the whole town with them—that he didn’t mind their matchmaking didn’t mean he should haul off and kiss the woman two days later. He had to let the matchmakers do their job and warm Ellie up to the concept, first. The idea of pursuing something with Ellie still sent a bolt of fear straight to his chest. His relationship with Lorelei had been easy. They’d both been so disengaged. He’d only experienced a few surface feelings.
That would not be so with Ellie. She was so open with her thoughts and feelings, so full of emotion. She would expect the same warmth and openness from him, which would mean he’d have to let down his guard completely. His past had taught him being that invested in someone wasn’t wise. He knew better than to hand out even a piece of his heart without thoughtful consideration. If he did decide to approach Ellie with his heart in his hands, it would be after prayerful deliberation. For now, he’d just handed her the boots.
The question in her eyes made him wonder if she’d felt the same powerful tension between them or just wondered why he was acting so strange. He needed to pull himself together. “I guess we’d both better get cleaned up.”
A confused frown flashed across her lips before she took her boots and began to walk away. She turned to smile at him as she walked backward. “Thank you for trying to stop me.”
“That’s what—” friends are for. He couldn’t quite get himself to complete that statement so he just finished with, “You’re welcome.”
She gave him a jaunty wave and picked her way across the field toward the house. He grabbed his Stetson from the mud where it had fallen a few feet away, hit it against his leg to clean it off then turned to watch her go. He’d learned a long time ago that he could trust God with his heart, but could he trust Ellie? More important, could he trust himself to be the man she deserved—the kind of man she wouldn’t walk away from?
Chapter Seven
Kate hadn’t even asked why Ellie showed up at the kitchen door covered in mud. She’d just ordered Ellie to wash in the creek and return in her Sunday best in time for church. She’d washed away the mud with little difficulty but she couldn’t rid herself of the memory of being in Lawson’s arms. She’d been there many times in the past for a hug, so why did that one feel so different? Why did it feel so real? She even imagined for a moment that he might erase the distance between them with a kiss.
Wishful thinking—nothing more, nothing less. That was the same kind of thinking that had led their families to sandwich him next to her in this pew through some rather crafty maneuvering.
Lawson leaned over to whisper beneath the closing hymn of the church service. “Did you say something?”
Had she said that out loud? She just smiled and shook her head. A small hand tugged her skirt. She glanced down at her four-year-old niece, who whispered, “I want to see Aunt Lori play.”
Ellie obediently lifted her niece onto her hip so she could see around the grown-ups to where Lorelei played the piano at the front of the church. Grace rested her curly red head on Ellie’s shoulder as Pastor Brightly gave his closing prayer. “Lord, give us the strength to meet life’s challenges. Give us discernment as we seek Your will, and courage to perform it. Help us to be a demonstration of love to those around us and to remember that the greatest love of all is found in You. Amen.”
Ellie looked up and frowned at Pastor Brightly, then quickly bowed her head when he opened his eyes to smile at the congregation. “Go in peace.”
She put her niece down but kept hold of her hand as they followed Lawson and their families toward the sanctuary door. Donovan stood as she passed the aisle where he sat. He held her gaze for a moment then smiled when he looked at Grace. “Do you like children?”
“Yes.”
“That’s good.”
Why can’t you be a little less strange? She frowned at him before hurrying on. Mrs. Brightly, the pastor’s wife, pulled her into a warm hug when they reached the door of the church. “I hope you’re going to help us with the box social next week. You were indispensable at the Founders’ Day celebration.”
She released Grace to go play with the other children. “I was already planning to come early.”
“Perfect!” The woman stepped aside to continue her conversation with Ellie. “Lorelei mentioned you might be willing to help with the children’s Sunday school we’re trying to start.”
“Yes, I told her I was interested in serving as an alternate.”
“You’ll be wonderful with the children. I’m afraid we still need one more person. Do you think Lawson might want to help?”
“Lawson?” She looked at Mrs. Brightly a little more closely and realized... She knows. I wonder who else is aware that I’ve sanctioned the matchmaking. Probably the whole town. She felt a telling heat begin to warm her cheeks. “I’ll ask him.”
Mrs. Brightly gave her arm a squeeze then moved on to the next parishioner. Ellie found Lawson and was surprised when he immediately agreed to help with the Sunday school. Before she had time to question him about it, Rhett appeared in front of them. “Ellie, is Lawson in the Bachelor Club?”
“In the—” She shook her head and blinked at him. “What?”
He passed his hat back and forth between his hands. “I don’t know. I made it up because I wanted to know if it’s all right to talk about the Bachelor List in front of Lawson.”
“Yes!” Lawson’s response was entirely too quick and enthusiastic. “I would like to be admitted into the club.”
“There is no club.”
“As the club’s founding member, I welcome you,” Rhett replied, ignoring her.
“Please don’t make a club.” Her protests were in vain because the two men shook hands heartily.
“Thank you. I’m honored.” Lawson tipped his head toward Ellie. “We’ll need a president.”
Rhett grinned. “I nominate Ellie O’Brien.”
“No!”
“I second the motion.”
“Carried.”
Her mouth opened and closed without any sound before she finally managed, “You can’t—”
“Madame President,” Rhett drawled then gave a slight bow, “I’d like to discuss the match you gave me.�
�
“Who did you get?”
“Amy.”
Lawson tilted his head for a moment then nodded. “I could see that happening.”
“Well, it isn’t. That’s the problem. Amy doesn’t even know I’m alive.”
Ellie glanced at Lawson expectantly.
“Oh, no. I’ll leave the advice giving to you, Madame President.”
She sighed. “Have you tried talking to her?”
“No.” He grimaced at his shoes as though it was all their fault. “I can’t talk to her. When she’s around, my mind freezes up and my words come out all wrong. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yes,” she said with certainty as her mind replayed the difficulty she’d had that very morning. Lawson shifted slightly and she suddenly remembered that he was right there—listening to her every word. Her eyebrows rose, she bit her lip and dared to slide her gaze to his. He had a bemused expression on his face. She swallowed. “I mean everyone experiences that at some point. After all, it’s just a nervous reaction. It doesn’t only happen with romantic relationships and...”
When a hint of a half smile played at Lawson’s lips, she decided it was best to stop talking altogether.
“How did you overcome it?”
Apparently, I haven’t. “I suppose you just have to push through it. Practice. Talk to her about something small and keep it short. Then each time after that, try to increase the length of conversation and the depth of the topic. You’ll grow more comfortable over time.”
“I can do that.”
Ellie smiled. “Yes, you can.”
“Thank you, Ellie.” He reached down and gave her a hug then shook Lawson’s hand before heading across the church lawn. She watched as he hesitated a moment then gathered his courage enough to speak briefly with Amy and Isabelle. She hadn’t even realized that she and Lawson had moved closer together, smiling like proud parents as Rhett made his move, until she heard the disapproving sniff behind her.
Ellie knew that sniff—she’d had its disapproval aimed at her through most of her childhood. She pulled in a steeling breath then turned to face Mrs. Greene with a smile. “Good morning.”
The woman’s eyes darted back and forth between Ellie and Lawson. “Well, isn’t this a cozy scene? Are y’all sure y’all aren’t hiding an engagement? You can tell me. I’m good at keeping secrets. Isn’t that right, Ellie?”
A sick feeling filled Ellie’s stomach but she stood taller and lifted her chin. “No, ma’am. It’s plain wrong, but thanks for the offer. Have a good day.”
She escaped Mrs. Greene’s intimidating frown with Lawson in tow. He caught her arm to slow her flight and leaned toward her to ask, “What was that about?”
She shook her head and began walking toward the church without even making a conscious choice to do so. Lawson followed her. “Why is she always rude to you? She seems to get along well enough with the rest of your family these days.”
“She hates me.” She skirted the church door to walk around the side to the peaceful grounds behind it. “She’s hated me for a very long time.”
“Is there a reason for this hatred?”
She glanced at him. “There is but please don’t ask me what it is.”
They both stilled when they realized where they’d ended up after their brisk walk. Shafts of warm sunlight poured through the canopy of tall oak trees that shaded the quiet cemetery. She didn’t have to walk far down the cobblestone path before coming to her parents’ headstones. Their deaths were one of the young town’s earlier tragedies. She closed her eyes and the storm that had taken their lives raged once more in her memories.
His voice was as hushed as their surroundings seemed to demand. “Ellie, what is going on? What was Mrs. Greene talking about?”
“I don’t know. I think it ties back to something bad I did—something about my parents.”
“She could be making it up just to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s real.” Her breath rushed from her lungs with a sigh, leaving her with nothing but a whisper. “I know it’s real but I can’t remember. I don’t want to remember.”
“Then don’t.” His hand gently caught her arm and he turned her away from the grave to face him. “We forget things because we have to in order to move on. It’s more than a necessity. It’s a gift.”
“It doesn’t feel like a gift.”
His eyes deepened to a troubled olive-brown. “I’ve tried to forget so many things in my past, Ellie, but the memory of it is like a bruise that never fully healed. Don’t wish that on yourself. Let Mrs. Greene live with her memories and her hate while you leave them buried.”
A soft smile gradually rose to her lips while his hand fell away. “This reminds me of Pastor Brightly’s sermon.”
“It does? All I remember is him mentioning something about the sins of the fathers not being visited on the sons.”
“Right, but there was something after that. Oh, what did he say?” She pursed her lips as she tried to remember. “It was something like, ‘God’s grace is experienced...fully experienced...when we have the courage...to believe that the past no longer defines us.’”
He began to lead her to the front of the church. “I’ve never been that courageous.”
“Neither have I.” She glanced over her shoulder once more before the cemetery was hidden from her view. “Do you think our lives would be very different if we were?”
“I know mine would be.”
She let that answer rest for a moment but her curiosity got the better of her. “How?”
He stilled as a slow revelation seemed to overtake him. For some reason, it twisted the side of his mouth into a frown. Her eyes widened with intrigue. He just looked at her, gave a funny little smile and left her wondering.
* * *
Lawson hefted the thick wooden board then held it in the right position for Nathan to pound it into place with his hammer. Thankfully the field had dried enough that they were able to keep working on the new corral fence. Lawson was glad to have a task that didn’t take much thought, since his mind was full of Ellie. He’d learned something valuable after that mud bath yesterday. Ellie was attracted to him. Her response to Rhett’s question hadn’t clued him in to that as much as her reaction to having said it. She’d looked guiltier than a cat swimming in a bucket of milk and just as uncomfortable. That made things infinitely more complicated because if the attraction was mutual, he might have to stop thinking about being brave and actually take a real step in that direction.
Nathan’s mind seemed to be on a similar track because he asked, “So what happened in the field yesterday between you and Ellie?”
Lawson tossed him a sideways glance. “What makes you think something happened?”
“You were up to your knees in mud and Ellie was covered in it.” Nathan paused his hammering to glance up in amusement. “There has to be a story in there somewhere.”
Lawson told Nathan about the pig’s morning run and how Ellie reacted to it.
Nathan laughed and shook his head. “That girl. She’s something else.”
“She sure is.” Lawson grinned.
“So did you kiss her?”
The question was asked so casually that it took a moment for it to process. When it did, Lawson nearly dropped the board he was holding then glanced at Nathan with a frown. “What kind of question is that?”
“A perfectly normal one.” Nathan wiggled his eyebrows. “Did you?”
“No.” He paused then murmured, “Almost.”
“How do you almost kiss someone?”
Lawson knew right then and there that letting that slip had been a bad idea. “You realize what you’re about to do in time to be sensible.”
“Well, then.” Nathan pushed against the fence to test its stability. “I gu
ess I’d better ask—what are your intentions toward my little sister-in-law?”
“Nothing I’m ready to declare.”
That didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about developing some. He had. He’d thought about it when he’d gotten home and proposed. He’d thought about it in that café when she’d bemoaned being paired with the one man who would never love her. He’d thought about it yesterday when she’d asked how his life would be different if he believed his past didn’t matter.
“Why don’t you have any intentions toward my little sister-in-law?”
Lawson froze and stared at Nathan in shock. “Did you really just say that?”
Nathan grinned then crossed his arms. “Look, I don’t want to pressure you, but if you have feelings for Ellie I hope you’ll pursue them.”
“You are serious,” he said with a bemused smile. “Why?”
“Your personalities fit together like puzzle pieces. Where she’s weak, you’re strong and vice versa. What I notice most is that she lightens you up and you keep her grounded. She’s a dreamer so she needs that. Your past weighs on you at times so you need her, too.” Nathan shrugged. “Maybe I’m just being selfish, but I like the idea having you in our family.”
Lawson lifted his brows. “You really mean that?”
“Sure I do. I couldn’t think of a better man for her.” He pushed against the fence post to test its sturdiness. “You have my blessing if you ever want it.”
Of course he wanted it, but that fact raised so many questions. What if this just ends up like other important relationships have in the past? What if I’m not enough to make her stay? If it doesn’t work out, what would happen to my relationship with the O’Briens?
His shoulders straightened in determination. Hadn’t he told himself over and over that he was nothing like his birth parents? He was supposed to believe it by now. And like Doc had said, any relationship worth having was worth taking a risk. Ellie was worth it.
A Texas-Made Match Page 8