“Is that thing your pet?” he asks jokingly.
“Eryr? She’s a friend, not a pet. You best be careful. She’s always listening, you know”
James considers the prospect as he recalls the eagle’s giant talons wrapped around his chest. “How did I get here Shavoni?”
She frowns, before looking down at the valley.
“Does it really matter James? The question you should be asking is why are you here?
“What is this place anyway?”
“To you, this place is just a dream. But my people call it Navoeth.”
James wait for a further explanation, but nothing comes. He fears he may have to prise the answers out of her.
“Is any of this real? Or am I still asleep? Or am I dead already?”
“Yes, yes, and no. This is definitely real. You are in a coma, and you are still alive.”
“Well I guess that’s a relief. Will I ever wake up?”
“That all depends.”
“On what?”
“Whether I can protect you long enough to do what you need to do.”
“You mean about Hal? You know where Hal is? Is he going to be okay?”
“I know as much as you told me.”
“I don’t remember telling you anything.”
“You said he’s alive. But that’s kind of the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“He is only alive because you’re still alive. They took him because they couldn’t quite get to you. They are after you.”
“Me? What do they want with me? What did I do to them? Who is them anyway?”
She turns on the spot and faces south, away from the view of the lake. Her finger points to a grey spot in the distance.
“You see that smoke? That’s where they come from. Well, it’s more like It. No one really knows what to call it. The stories are never the same. Sometimes they see a ghost or a witch. Some see dark angels falling from the sky. It appears as something different to every set of eyes. For some reason, it seems to be after you in particular. That’s why it took your brother away.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Because you told me, James. You really need to keep up now.”
“I told you all this?”
Shavoni takes a step towards James. She reaches out and grabs his hand, pulling it tightly to her chest. James nervously clears his throat, and politely tries to withdraw his hand. She refuses to let him pull away, and bundles her hand around his. Her strength takes James by surprise, as he thinks back to how weak she was as he held her in the dark.
“Doesn’t it seem strange just now that we are so comfortable talking to one another. We have known each other for a long time James. You just don’t remember because you chose to forget.”
“But I do remember. I know you from my dreams. I’ve just never heard your voice.”
“Just because you’ve never heard my voice doesn’t mean we’ve never talked.”
She holds un upturned palm, again towards the horizon.
“Look out at all this, James. You created it. Everything you see in this place is made of all the dreams you’ve ever had. In this world, we can hear each other’s thoughts and you can see the happiness and pain inside of a person’s soul. That is all because of you. This is as much your world as it is mine. You created this place, and every creature, plant, and person in it owes you a great debt.”
“Then why did they look at me the way they did last night?”
“Because yours is the only soul they cannot see inside of. And that scares them very much James.”
“Can you see my soul?”
The question almost embarrasses James as it climbs from his lungs and squeezes through his lips.
“I don’t need to see inside of you. The others don’t understand you. But I do. They don’t really see you the way I see you. Your soul is not inside you. Your soul is in everything you touch. It is the air that we breathe and the ground we walk on. I can see you in the trees, in the water, the sky, the eagle, and even me.”
James imagines if Dale was privy to this conversation. He can already picture him pulling out some inappropriate zinger along the lines of “That’s funny, because I can see myself in you also.”
“In you?” he asks a little too playfully than he intended.
“You need to get better friends if that’s the best he would come up with,” she says without a sideways glance.
“I’m sorry what?” James asks incredulously.
“Like I said James, just because you can’t hear someone’s voice, doesn’t mean you can’t speak to them.”
James tries to apologise but she holds up her hand to stop him. He opts for a head scratch and an avoidance of eye contact. As he looks out at the smoke looming over of the landscape, he can’t help but take her words to heart.
“So, if I’m a part of everything that means…”
He looks at her expectantly, but she refuses to finish his sentence.
“I am It?” he asks regretfully.
“I suppose that is for you to decide James.”
She turns back north, looking beyond the snow-capped mountains.
“The important thing to know is that there is nothing past that point. This is the only corner that remains untouched. We hide when we have to, but eventually it will find us. That’s why I brought you here.”
James feels a rush of anger. Shavoni takes a step backwards, holding out a hand to diffuse the sudden rise of tension.
“I had to do it James. You were taking too long to do it on your own.”
James raises his voice to Shavoni for the first and last time.
“You pushed me in front of a fucking car!”
“Well technically speaking I pushed the car away from you. It was going to hit you anyway. I at least gave you a chance to live. So really, you should be thanking me.”
James tries to remain angry, but her reply is equally measured. There’s no point arguing. He decides instead to focus on his original line of questioning.
“So, if all this is a dream, it is something I created. I can stop it, right? I can fix all of this. Can’t I?”
“I thought you might say that, but I’m afraid it isn’t that simple.”
James breathes deeply. His admiration for Shavoni is only matched by her determination to disprove his every single statement.
“It is that simple because I have control over this,” he calmly refutes.
“So, by your logic, you control me?” Shavoni counters.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”
James prepares a shovel to dig his way out of an unexpected hole.
“Well then James, please do elaborate.”
“I just mean…”
Just as they did before the accident, his words escape him.
“Look James. You are right, you did create all of this. But once you set the wheels in motion, you no longer have control.”
“I don’t quite think that applies to this situation,” he says.
“It’s not a bad thing James, not having control. Believe me, I know first-hand,” she pleads.
James felt himself becoming frustrated, unable once again to determine his purpose. If he experienced the same shortcomings in this world, how could he possibly make a difference?
“You once wrote something in your journal James. It said that you are never in control; just along for the ride. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you could not have been more wrong. You had control over many of the things in your life. These are things that bother you. It is the root cause of your unhappiness. You and you alone can determine how you interact with the people around you, yet you are too stubborn to change. If you had the same degree of control right now, what makes you think you can do any better here?”
“Then why did you bring me here?” he asks in annoyance. “You must believe I can do something to fix this,” he continues.
She can sense his confidence unfolding, so takes a softer t
act.
“I do believe in you James. That is my entire point. I believe it, but you don’t. You can do a lot of good in this world without wrestling it into submission. It’s about change, not control. Tomorrow I will show you what It has done. Then maybe you will understand why I brought you here.”
CHAPTER 15: Dale Part III
Dale had spent 8 hours at the police station. Somehow his blood-alcohol reading came back negative. He cooperated with the officers, giving his statement, whilst replaying the accident over and over until it seemed like it occurred an eternity ago. He was charged with negligent driving, had his licence suspended, and was told to contact a lawyer. Luckily for Dale, his father was a partner in Foster & Stevens, one of the leading litigation and small-claims law firms on the entire Eastern Seaboard.
Content with Dale’s account, and given that James was seriously injured but as-yet -not-deceased, he was finally permitted to go home. He was strictly instructed by the officers, as well as his father, to avoid any contact with either James or James’ father. Dale was not one for doing as he was told, even with such drastic legal implications. His dad dropped him home, and assumed he was so exhausted from the incident that he would simply crash out for the rest of the day. He did not. After his father returned to his office, Dale got on his bike and rode straight to the hospital. He sat beside James’ bed all night. He slept in his clothes, woke up, drank a Red Bull, and stayed a further 3 hours. The immediate diagnosis does not look good for James. Physically, that is. Head trauma, two broken legs, one broken arm, three broken ribs, and one fractured eye socket.
As Dale waits aimlessly for his friend to wake up, James has spent approximately 3 days in Navoeth. This approximation of time is based purely upon the simultaneous sunsets which fall both east and west. There is no telling if a day is longer or shorter than one spent on earth. James has not bothered keeping time since he got here. Things just seem to happen when they are supposed to.
As he walks beside Shavoni, he begins to imagine the body he left behind in a hospital bed, broken but clinging to life. He cannot even imagine how bad Dale must feel. He wishes he could wake up for a second just to reassure his friend that all this was supposed to happen. In their own separate worlds, both James and Dale learn a sad truth. Sometimes a person can be so physically close, yet so far away. If only Dale can hang on long enough for James to rescue Hal, they can figure the rest out later. He looks around, smelling and tasting and feeling every part of this new world. He knows full well he would have a hard time convincing someone else of its existence. But as outlandish as James’ story is, he knows Dale will wholeheartedly believe it. Dale and James are true friends, because they are crazy and cautious in equal measures. James’ hope is that his absence does not cause Dale to do something stupid in the meantime.
It is amazing how one can feel so insignificant before an accident. When faced with imminent death, one begins to wonder how their loved ones will cope without them. Why does one assume everyone starts to care once the slate is wiped clean? James felt his dad barely acknowledged his existence when he saw him every day. He cannot see dad, but nothing brings out a parent’s love more than seeing their child suffer. James is just about all his father has left to hold onto. Perhaps James is not so pessimistic after all. Getting in touch with one’s soul unfurls such wishful thinking.
CHAPTER 16: The Bowels of Darkness
James and Shavoni set out before sunrise. Already he feels a thick air of anticipation as they prepare for their journey. Her reasoning for flying in the dark is simple. It is just as blind as they will be, despite its fondness for shadows. James was learning quickly that every monster’s strength is also its weakness. They all eventually grow fearless of their own power; and when they do, that power will consume itself. Though they cannot yet see the destination, the smell of ash is overbearing from miles away. The distant embers also light the way, serving as a dreaded beacon for the destruction it harbours.
Eryr takes both passengers, setting off towards the eastern sun. She takes them high above the cloud line to avoid being detected. Once they reach this fluffy bubble, James can hear a constant hum. It vibrates through Eryr’s wings and back, before travelling through his entire body. The higher they climb, the stronger the wind picks up. He listens as a million voices circle around him. There is nothing discernible about each one, only that they share a barbed desperation. The sound reaches a crescendo until they level out to a cruising altitude. The wind stops and the hum slows down. With nothing but a view of the endless sky ahead, the calm washes over James. It is now that he can finally hear each voice individually.
They are the thoughts and prayers of everyone he has ever touched. In this world and the last, he can hear them all. He hears his dying mother speak her final words, as she prays to an unseen god. She prays that her boys would be safe when she was gone. She prays that they will never fear the death they too would one day have to face. He hears his father curse his non-existent god. He forsakes the world for taking his beautiful wife; for leaving him to live a broken life. He hears Dale beg for his friend to wake from a coma. He makes a deal with the devil to trade places with James.
James looks up to where heaven might be and instead sees his own reflection cast across endless mirrors. He watches as his memories play back to him. He hears the words of silent conversations, as he judged others who simply wanted to help. He tastes the bitterness of every one of his past defeats. These mirrors are the beginning and the end of everything. It is the point where both worlds collide. At this fearful moment full of regret and confusion, James is torn between the two.
The clouds darken as Eryr begins her descent. They emerge from the sky and fall upon a land of endless ashes. The eagle flies away, flying laps around the mountain to keep watch. This place looks familiar to James. He has dreamt of it before. Set atop the ashes are crumbling pillars, made of silky white marble. What once stood as proud totems to the sky, now lay flattened among spoiled foundations. The air smells soiled and stagnant. On the hill, he sees the skeleton of a great castle. Strewn among its ruins are the corpses of huts and makeshift shelters. Everything around them is covered in layers of debris.
This is a city without hope. This is a world without hope. James deplores the magnitude of such destruction. There is no possible way he could have averted such a disaster. He had gladly been a bystander in so many dreams before. Now he was being looked to as a saviour. But how does one good soul overcome the will of pure hatred? He hangs his head in self-defeat. He knows what she wants from him. He knows better that he can never do it. To rescue Hal is a lost cause. James suddenly envies his old friend Dale. This predicament is much worse than a simple guilty conscience.
“I once lived here, you know,” she says softly, finally breaking the tension.
“No, I didn’t know.” James humours Shavoni.
Small talk was pointless but it avoided the issue at hand.
“That used to be where my family and I lived. My mother died when It came for us. I got out. So did my father. We were separated for three days and when he finally found me, I was asleep in that ravine by there. At first he thought I was some dead kid from another valley.”
The words cut deep into James. It was an impressive feat; given the razor-sharp thoughts he inflicts upon himself.
“I’m sorry,” is all he says.
“The suns have set 300 times since they took my mother. And every time the night returns it reminds me of what It took. That is the worst part about all of this. The darkness always returns. As long as it casts a shadow on the world, it will always have power. It has drained all but our final hope. It won’t stop until everything is gone. Do you understand now James?”
“I understand. But what you are asking of me, I cannot do. I am not that powerful. I don’t even know where to start.”
The blood rushes to Shavoni’s face with her response.
“I’m not asking you to be powerful James! I’m asking you to be brave. I’m as
king you to let go!”
Her eyes hone in on James. She takes a step closer and holds both of his hands.
“I’m asking you to forgive yourself.”
Not for the first time, James digs for understanding but comes up empty-handed.
“Forgive myself for what?”
“For everything, James. It’s not your fault.”
He digs deeper still. Nothing.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We need to go. It’s getting dark again.”
Her hands let go of his. Her shoulders droop.
“It’s always dark here, James.”
A ball of light crushes through the earth. Ash sprays around them in all directions. Suddenly the air is freezing. A smell of rotting flesh permeates the air. Snow begins to fall. Mixing with ash, it creates a thick, murky sheet. There is no visible escape. There is a whisper, then a scream, then a howling jolt of thunder. The clouds descend with outstretched hands. The wind sweeps aside the snow, revealing the real source of the howl. Surrounding them on each side are four giant wolves. James has seen them before. He has seen all of this. They slowly surround them, their faces scowling with vicious intent. Their black gullets gleam as they reveal jaws of twisted razors.
Their bodies are patchy with hair, coloured grey with age and ash. Through rotting skin and bone, an insatiable thirst for death fills the air. They growl from sickly stomachs, thin with starvation. Their ribs click and snap as they encircle their prey. Their eyes are hollow and cursed with blackened blood. These are no noble beasts. James denies the very thought that they could be of his design. They are the very bowels of darkness, swallowing up, digesting and defecating upon the unsullied landscape.
James in the Real World Page 11