by Daisy Allen
His breath slowed, hot and wet against my neck, and my body clung to his, wanting him to become as addicted to me as I was to him. Irreversibly.
The sweat began to cool against the nape of my neck, and I felt him sigh and slowly lower my legs to the ground, making sure I could stand before letting me go to adjust his clothes.
Sometimes, when I think back to that moment, I wish I had walked away, and never turned back, with the memory of that time untarnished in the corners of my mind forever.
“Let’s go home,” Finn whispered, taking my hand.
And once again, I let him lead me wherever he wanted to go.
Chapter Seventeen
I hadn’t tossed and turned in bed so much for as long as I could remember. Usually I collapsed into bed each night, having craved the cool, crispness of my sheets and fluffiness of my pillow hours before I made it to the bedroom for sleep. And I barely had time to turn out the light before I was dead to the world, chasing my thoughts into dreamland before they had a chance to keep me up.
I tried to blame it on jetlag but that could only last so long. I couldn’t blame it on the bed, it was everything I’d ever wanted in a bed, firm but giving, the pillows supportive but not too soft, the sheets like butter under my naked body.
It wasn’t work, Finn had proven to be an incredibly astute and knowledgeable negotiator, he put the French team at ease even though they would’ve normally have been put out that Larry could not attend. By the end, with the exception of Michel the manwhore PA, they were eating out of his hand, charmed by how much an American understood their special French ways.
So what was left?
Why did I even bother to wonder?
“Argggh!” I buried my face into the pillow screaming and kicked my legs. “Fuck!”
My mind went back to a few hours ago, Finn leaning in to kiss me, whispering goodnight and then walking back to his room. We’d agreed in the cab that we weren’t going to talk that night, and that anything that we decided could be done after a good night’s sleep. I scoffed at my past self, thinking that I would be able to sleep after the night that we had had, and with everything still up in the air.
I sat up and took a sip of the lemon water by the bed, looking out the window, losing myself in the view for a few minutes.
I wonder what 17 year old Kara would make of this? On a glamorous business trip to Europe, staying in one of the most luxurious suites in Paris, twenty steps away from Finn O’Reilly’s bedroom. After having had sex with him twice in as many days.
17 year old Kara would be dead from happiness.
I should be dying of happiness, I couldn’t help thinking. If I just forget the past and ignore anything beyond the end of this week, then everything else is perfect. And don’t I deserve that? 10 years of pining after Finn O’Reilly, and come on, even while I was hating him for the last 15 years, I was probably unconsciously pining for him, and now I had the chance to be with him, just BE with him. Shouldn’t I let myself have that? Enjoy life, everyone is always telling me. Maybe I should just listen.
I slipped out of bed, wrapping the bed sheet around me and padded through our joint living room.
Can I really do this? I asked myself as I reached up to knock on Finn’s door. Can I really pretend that nothing else matters and just let myself enjoy the moment? My hand made the decision for me and I heard my knuckles rap gently on the door. It opened almost instantly, his room lit low from the lamp on his nightstand. He was dressed in just a pair of boxers and there was a pair of black rimmed glasses on his face. I’d never seen him wear glasses before, and it somehow made him even more handsome to me.
“Kara? Are you ok?” He asked, a little worried, probably because it was 3am.
“Um, can I come in? Or...um, you can come in here,” I gestured to the living room.
“Of course you can come in,” I saw his fingers twitch, as if unsure of whether to reach out for my hand or not.
I smiled and bit my tongue, gathering up my courage, and gently took his hand in mine. He led me to the bed and I sat on the edge, crossing my arms trying to hold the sheet in place.
“So, um, where are you off to, all dressed up like this?” He asked lightly, alluding to my attire.
“I, um...” How does a woman say, I want you and I want you to want me, just for the week you’ve promised, and I won’t hold you to anything more? “Tell me again, how you feel about me.”
Finn moved closer, running his finger along my collarbone, making my shiver. “I think you know. I think when you remember what happen in the park, you know exactly how I feel about you.”
“I don’t. I need to hear you say it. Please.”
“You are my undoing, Kara. I can’t sleep knowing you’re just a few steps away, when you should be here, next to me, on top of me, under me. Right now, I’m having to physically restrain myself to stop myself from taking you right now, especially dressed like that. I want you all the time. And knowing you want me too, makes the fact that we’re not constantly in each other’s arms inexplicable.”
“No, not inexplicable, you know why, Finn.”
“Yeah.” He admitted, deflating.
“Yeah.” I smiled sadly back at him.
“Kara. It kills me that I can’t promise you more, but I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t tell you that past this week I’m going to be there for you. I’m not saying that that uncertainty will be forever, but it will be for the foreseeable future.”
He rubbed his face for a moment, before continuing. “I want you to go into anything with me, knowing this. Because I can’t live with myself if I ever have to see that look of hurt, that look of disappointment, betrayal in your eyes that I did that night again. It killed me, it really did.”
And I couldn’t stand to hear him keep apologizing for something I knew, I was slowly letting go of.
I stood up, letting the sheet fall to the ground, and slid onto the bed under the covers. Finn watched, unsure, until I reached out my hand to him, beckoning him to join me.
“Hi,” I turned to him when he slid out of his briefs and into the bed naked next to me, I held out my hand. “I’m Kara and I’m going to be around for the next five days. Wanna be my tour guide?”
His face broke out into the same cocky, gorgeous grin I’d known for 25 years and he took my hand,
“Mais oui, mademoiselle, je m’appelle Finn, I know Paris very well, I bet there are some things I can show you around here,” he pressed a kiss to my hand before pulling it under the covers and placed it on his hardening cock. “We do have something new that’s being erected as we speak.”
I ran my fingertips down the growing length of his shaft and grazed his balls, watching his eyes flutter closed, as he gently moaned.
“Oh yes, this is very good place to start, we shall spend some time here I think.” I whispered, my voice already husky with lust.
“Oui, Mademoiselle, we French believe in doing things very thoroughly, you must be sure not to miss a thing.” He continued to joke as he settled back on the bed, enjoying the ministrations of my hand.
That was the very problem; I was going to miss this very much.
***
Finn’s breath was steady and warm against the back of my bare neck. In and out, in and softly out. I woke gently, not startled awake be either phone ring or alarm bell, but just because my body was rested. Which was ironic considering how much more rest I thought I would’ve needed after last night.
I pulled on the tanned arm around my waist, wriggling back against Finn, wanting to envelope myself even more in the cocoon of his body. I don’t know why I felt so safe there.
“Mmmummhmmmmdon’tgo,” Finn mumbled sleepily, before pressing a kiss on my shoulder.
“Not yet, but soon, we have to get ready for our first meeting at 10,” I said, even though I would’ve given it all up to stay there with him.
He was beginning to turn into a bad influence on lil’ square ol’ Kara.
“Fuck ‘em,” Fin
n retorted and pulled me in tighter against him.
“Ok. You first. Which one do you like? Michel?”
He growled and suddenly sprang awake, pushing me onto the bed and crawling on top of me, “no, I’ll only be fucking you. And you won’t be fucking any of them either.” He dug his fingers into my sides, already finding that tickling me was one of his favorite pastimes.
“Finn, no!” I screeched, writhing under him, trying to avoid his poking fingers but too weak from laughing. “Stop it! Hahaha!”
“No, Mademoiselle needs to know that we French tour guides don’t like sharing with ze French manwhoooores,” he said, his attack relentless as he sat back on my legs, trapping them while his fingers found the sensitive spots on my ribs making me howl.
“Finn! Stop-” I begged.
BRRRING!!!! The shrill, loud ring of the phone by the bed startled us. Finn slid off my legs, pressing a soft kiss on my bare stomach as he leaned over to pick up the phone receiver.
“Yes?” He winked at me and I blushed, still not used to his attention on me.
“Oh. I see. Right now?” He slid off the bed, clamping the phone between his chin and shoulder as he reached for the briefs he’d slipped out of after making love to me last night.
“Yes, please tell h-, erm, please tell them I will be right down. Do you have a conference room we can borrow for a few minutes?”
I could only make out Finn’s side of the conversation, but it was clear he was about to leave, I grabbed the sheet I’d brought with me from the floor and wrapped it around me, and made for the door just as Finn returned the receiver to the phone cradle.
“Kara.”
“It’s ok,” I kept walking, waving at him, trying to be cool, “I have go get ready for work.”
“Kara, I...um, look I’ll be back in 10 minutes, tops. Wait for me.”
Something in his voice made me turn around, or maybe it was something in my heart.
“Finn, it’s ok. “
“Please,” he pleaded.
“OK. I’ll wait. Don’t be late!”
He ran up to me and tucked his finger under my chin, lifting my face up to his. He searched my eyes for a moment before giving me a gentle kiss.
“You look like a really sexy Lady Liberty,” he whispered, before reaching for the end of the sheet. He paused for a moment then pulled it off my body, leaving me completely nude and bellowed with laughter as I yelled, “Bloody bastard!” and ran to my bedroom.
***
Forty-five minutes later I was completely dressed, ready to go and had been waiting for 35 minutes. I checked the time, 8:50. I had wanted to grab a coffee and some breakfast before the day long list of meetings we had, and if I didn’t leave then I wouldn’t have time to go over the notes before the first group came.
Finn still hadn’t returned and I was lying if I didn’t say I was annoyed. 5-10 minutes late I could’ve understood, but thirty-five minutes was pushing it and he could’ve called to give me a heads up.
I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit, I was feeling like an idiot. When it was just the two of us together, I could pretend that I don’t want more, I could be content with just the thought that this as temporary, but moments like this morning when it seemed like he wanted to hide something from me, I realized that I wanted to be a part of his life, not just a week of great sex in Paris.
Pulling the black suit jacket over my arms, I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I was dressed in my usual black tailored power suit, a gift I gave myself every year with the Christmas bonus, tight over the curve of my ass with a higher than necessary slit up my thighs, giving me an added confidence when men’s eyes lingered there a little too long. I was no stick figure and could do with a few extra minutes on the treadmill every day, but I knew how to work my curves to my advantage.
I had a quick last glance in his bedroom to make sure it was empty and I grabbed my portfolio and locked the door behind me.
Storming down the beautiful hallway, I rounded the corner to the bay of elevators and clashed with a muscle hardened body, my papers flying all over the floor.
“Kara!”
It was Finn.
I ignored him and tried to gather up my papers and put them back in the right order.
“Are you ok?” He reached down to grab my hand and I shook it off, trying to bite back my anger but not yet ready to talk to him.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, she, the um, it just took longer than I thought. I’m sorry.”
I slid the last sheet of paper back into the folder and sat back on my heels and sighed. “You could’ve called.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Look, just give me FOUR minutes for a superhuman quick shower and I’ll take you to out breakfast.”
He pulled me to my feet.
“It’s ok, I was just going to go to the hotel breakfast.” I said, turning to the elevator and jabbing my finger on the down button.
“Oh, no, you’re in Paris, it isn’t breakfast unless it’s eaten out of a paper bag or you’re sitting on wicker furniture! Come on, let me make it up to you. Four minutes!” He called as he ran to our room, not giving me a chance to reply.
I shook my head incredulously, “arrogant prick.” I said out loud to assuage my frustration.
“I heard that!” He called from down the hall as he opened the door and slipped out of sight.
“Good!” I punched the air with my word and sank into the nearby chair.
***
The warmth of the sunshine on my face instantly evaporated my annoyance (and insecurity) at Finn, and I let him take my hand as we walked along the bridge of La Seine to the coffee house he insisted had the best pain au chocolat.
“Do you actually know where you’re going?” I asked after we’d been walking for over 20 minutes after the cab dropped us off. “Or am I going to be immortalized forever by a police sketch on the side of a milk carton?”
“Kara Kara, why so doubtful?” He stopped dead in his tracks, his frow burrowed and looked around, lost.
“I knew it!”
“Psyche!” He yelled and pulled on my arm, running towards a cafe on the corner of the nearest alley.
“Finn! I’m in stilettos!” I tried to keep up with him and stop my arm from being ripped out of its socket.
“Yes, I’ve noticed. Kara wiggle gooood.” He came to a sudden stop and slid into the nearest empty seat in the cramped cafe, pulling me into the seat next to him.
“Phew. I thought a French prince charming was going to have to come running with my lost shoe.” I sank thankfully into the chair.
“Hey! Prince only French when he is still a frog!” Finn proclaimed, only to turn around and see the waiter standing there. “Er, but as frogs legs are a delicacy...they are...so... precious.” Finn finished, not at all tactfully. The waiter continued to glare at him.
“Ah bon,” Finn moved on, “deux cafe et un pain au chocolate et un croissant, s’il vous plait, monsieur,” Finn smiled up at the waiter benevolently.
He simply huffed and turned back to the cafe.
“He does NOT like you,” I jabbed Finn in the stomach, almost hurting my finger. “Ow. Obsess over your abs much?”
“He’s just jealous.” Finn smirked, rubbing his stomach where I’d poked hm.
“Of your abs? I dunno...he looked pretty...abs-y himself.” I peered into the dark cafe to take another look.
“No, of me and my luck to have such a beautiful breakfast companion.” Finn draped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a soft kiss.
“Hmmm. Yummy.” He smacked his lips playfully and gave me a wink.
I giggled, unable to contain my good mood. The weather was perfect, blue sky, warm, and I was on Finn O’Reilly’s arm in Paris. And French pastries were coming towards me right then.
“Merci, monsieur,” I gave the waiter a smile as he plonked the coffees and pastries on the tiny little aluminum table. “It looks delicious.”
He looked at me, still grumpy, then hi
s face softened, “bon jour madam, ‘ave a good day.” He nodded, ignoring Finn and left.
“God, these smell divine,” I mumbled as I broke off half of the croissant and shoved it in my mouth, “fuck, they are good! Ohhhhhhh.”
“Shhhh, you sound like you did last night.”
“At the Tunisian restaurant? Oh, that was good too.”
“No!” He tried to look insulted, “I meant when my tongue was inside you.” He raised his voice as he said the last sentence.
I almost choked. “Finn! Shhhhh”
He just grinned and took a sip of his coffee, broke off a piece of the pain au chocolat and held it to my lips.
I tried to glare at him, but he looked just as delicious as the food in front of me and I opened to take the irresistibly, light and delicate morsel into my mouth. Apparently I could be tamed by buttery French breakfast food.
“Yeah, I’m going to need more,” I mumbled, grabbing the last of the croissant before Finn could get to it.
Finn threw back his head and laughed and gestured to the waiter for two more pastries, before kissing me on the cheek, “your wish is my command.”
I beamed, for now I was going to believe it.
Chapter Eighteen
“Damn, I knew we should’ve ended the meeting a little earlier,” Finn sighed as he held me up as we stood by the sidewalk waiting for our car. It was late evening the next day and we’d had two days of non-stop meetings, both of us falling into bed together at midnight the night before after a dinner with the executive team and then back in the boardroom by 8am this morning.
“I’m ok,” I barely managed to get out, as I rested my head on his shoulder, completely exhausted. “Just a little jet lagged, that’s all.”
“No, you’re not.” Finn frowned as he looked at me, and I tried to crack a smile to ease his worry.
“Yes, I am, don’t worry, now we have two whole days off, plenty of time for rest.”
Finn wrapped his jacket around my shoulders and pulled me in close, his hand rubbing up and down my back, easing the tension in my body. “Where is that car, already?” He rumbled impatiently, holding me tight.