by Jake Mactire
“It’s funny, now I wouldn’t change who I am for anythin’, and he seems to be acceptin’. I reckon he was at least sincere about that.”
“It sounds like he went through a hell of his own because of what he did to you.”
“Yeah, but that was of his own makin’. I didn’t ask for what he did to me.”
“True.” He took another sip of whiskey. I put my face in his hair as he lay against me. I nuzzled into him. He was rubbing my leg, just above the knee. He turned up to me. We moved together into a kiss. I could taste the anise sting of the whiskey on his cold tongue. There was a background of whiskey and that indefinable taste which said “Mike” to me. We rubbed tongues, and then I gently bit his lower lip and then ran my tongue across his teeth. He had moved his arm around me as I leaned forward into his kiss, and he rubbed my back and the back of my neck. I pulled back a bit and ran my tongue over his lips before pressing it back into his mouth and against his. Finally he pulled back and looked into my eyes.
“That’s a nice way to get my mind off my family problems, Jeff.” I pushed his hand against my crotch. I had responded to the kiss and wanted to make sure he knew it.
“I can think of somethin’ else to distract you.”
“You don’t mind if we just cuddle and maybe kiss a bit tonight, do you? After seein’ him today, I just want to be here like this.”
“Of course, buddy. This is real nice.”
I continued to just hold him, and we kissed once in a while. He was wrapped up in his own thoughts, in dealing with seeing his father again. We stayed like that for quite a while. When the fire was no more than embers and the angle of the moonbeams had changed quite a bit, I finally asked him if he was ready for bed. As we headed up the stairs, I gave my favorite cowboy goodnight.
“Let’s get some shuteye, Mike. We done used up this day.”
Chapter Three
A FAINT but persistent knocking woke me out of a sound sleep. I was wrapped all around Mike, spooning him. He’s a heavier sleeper than I am, so I moved gently and quietly out of bed, letting him sleep. I pulled on my longhandles and a pair of socks and headed down the stairs, buttoning up as I went. My friends all joke around about my running around the house constantly in my underwear, and there’s quite a bit of truth to that. I figure I might as well be comfortable in my own home. Mike had begun following my lead, so I was waiting for them to start teasing him, too, but it hadn’t happened yet. I got to the back door. Outside, Jason, Smitty’s brother, was standing, looking half frozen. I opened the door for him.
“Mornin’, Jason, come on in.”
“Hey.” He looked me up and down. I remembered Smitty telling me he had been hustling and was always looking for an opportunity. From the look he was giving me, he’d figured he’d found one.
“Let me run upstairs and get dressed. I’ll make some coffee for ya in a minute.” Without bothering to wait for a reply, I ran upstairs and pulled on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. Mike was stirring in bed.
“We got company, buddy. Jason is here, ready for his first day at work.”
“Okay, I’ll be right down.” Mike rolled over and began to snore again. He’d done a lot of tossing and turning last night, so I let him sleep.
I went downstairs and walked into the kitchen. Jason was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs.
“Some coffee for you, Jason?”
“Okay. So, it’s not bullshit about cowboys wearing those red long johns, or is that just some sort of show for your gay guests?”
The kid definitely had attitude. I had the coffee water on to boil before I answered him.
“It’s not bullshit. They’re called longhandles, and they’re real warm and convenient if you’re doin’ a lot of work outside in the winter, ’specially in unheated places. They’re comfortable too. Now, what do ya take in your coffee?”
“Cream and sugar.” I set it out on the table. The water was boiling, so I threw in a handful of grounds and let it boil.
“Did you already eat breakfast, Jason?”
“Bert made some tofu scramble for me.” It took every ounce of energy I had not to laugh at the tone of voice he used for tofu scramble. I remembered Smitty’s real name is Albert, so that explained the Bert.
“Okay, you’re a vegetarian, aren’t you? I reckon you’re not hungry then. I was gonna rustle up some ham and eggs and biscuits. I reckon I can find some tofu or something for ya for lunch. I’ve heard Smitty say before that food ain’t supposed to be green, so he’s not big on vegetarian food.”
“No, I’m a vegetarian, but I do eat eggs. Bert’s tofu scramble had to be about the worst thing I ever tasted. I want some eggs.”
I pulled the coffeepot off the burner and added some cold water to settle the grounds. “You want some eggs.” I turned and stared at him. He stared back for a moment.
“Please.”
“How do you want your eggs?”
“Scrambled.” I turned to stare at him again until he added please.
I poured two mugs of coffee and gave him one.
“Lemme get the biscuits on, and one scrambled egg is comin’ up. Now I know ya already had a big breakfast with that delicious tofu scramble, but you got enough room for some fried potatoes too?”
“Yes, please.” The kid was a quick learner. He started laughin’ quietly. I gave him a quizzical look.
“The way you said ‘delicious tofu scramble’ was funny.”
“Actually, the thought of eatin’ tofu scramble is kinda funny.” He laughed at that one good.
“Yeah, especially if Bert is cooking it.”
He put some cream and sugar in his coffee and took a sip. He started coughing.
“I thought it was just a story how strong you guys like your coffee.”
“Whoever told you that was tellin’ you the truth. Lot of the stereotypes about cowboys are true. We wear red longhandles, drink strong coffee and whiskey, and try to treat ladies with respect.” He looked at me like there should be a lesson in there somewhere. I didn’t say anything. I had just finished mixing the biscuits and started dropping them on the cookie sheet. I heard Mike come down the stairs. He had on his sweat pants. It did register we had company.
“Mornin’, buddy, coffee’s on.”
“Mornin’, Jeffy.” He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a real nice good morning kiss.
“Mornin’, Jason, how are you?”
“Okay. Do you guys normally hang all over each other like that?”
Mike kinda stuttered at Jason, and I turned around and stared at him again.
“Uh, no offense, I just don’t know too many other gay people who aren’t out on the street.”
“No offense taken, Jason. Mike and I are out to pretty much everyone. We don’t hang all over each other in public, but here in our home with friends, we sometimes show affection.” I started peeling potatoes and an onion. I had ’em in the frying pan pretty quick. I pulled the ham and eggs outta the icebox.
“Hey, buddy, you want to show Jason the guest rooms and the linen closets, the washin’ machine and dryer, and all the cleanin’ stuff while I finish breakfast?”
“Sure thing, Jeffy. C’mon, Jason.” Jason followed him. I finished getting breakfast on the table. I had typed up a list of duties for Jason, so there would be no misunderstanding about cleaning and just what needs to be done. I could hear Mike going over it with him and an occasional wisecrack from Jason. Mike seemed to get flustered when Jason was surly. I was gonna have to tell Mike to just stare him down. I probably should tell Jason. In front of the dudes at least, we needed respect. They came back, and we started eating breakfast. It seemed we polished off the food in record time. After breakfast, Mike went off to make a call to his family in Louisiana. Jason stared at me.
“What’s up, Jason?”
“So what do I get if I do my job real well?”
“Your pay and a thank you. Maybe, if we have a good year or so, a raise.”
“What if I don’
t do my job right?”
“Then you get told to do it again until it’s right, and then you get your pay.”
“When you were running around in your underwear, it looked like you have a real big dick. If I do my job right, can I suck it as a reward?”
I almost choked on my coffee. I glared at him, looking as mean as I could. “Jason, you do your job, you get paid. This job does not include any type of physical favors. If you bring up somethin’ like that again, you’re outta here.”
“Whatever.”
“No, not whatever. This is employment for you, and I expect you to treat it like that. That includes bein’ respectful to other employees and guests and not doin’ anythin’ that’s inappropriate. Askin’ your boss for sex can be called sexual harassment. One more crack like that, and you’re outta here. Do we understand each other?”
He glared back. “Yeah.” I continued to glare at him until he looked away. “Yes, we understand each other.”
“Good, I’m glad we got that cleared up.”
“I better get to work.”
“That sounds like a good idea.” That little request of his was wrong on so many levels, it floored me. I wasn’t gonna tell Smitty what he’d asked, but I sure as hell was gonna tell Mike. Just then Mike came into the kitchen.
“I talked to my mom for a few minutes.”
“Was it a nice talk?”
“It was. She told me if I call back later, Guy and Eve will be at home, so I’m gonna do that.”
“That’s great, Mike.”
“What’s up? You seem like you’re pissed about somethin’.”
“Jason just asked me if he could suck my dick as a reward if he does a good job.” Mike looked very angry all of a sudden.
“Did you fire his ass?”
“I let him know, next time he brings up somethin’ like that or treats any of the employees or guests badly, he’s gone.”
“He’s pretty messed up. He always has some smart comeback.”
“Just stare him down until he answers right.”
“I’ll try, but, Jeffy, you’re a lot sterner lookin’ and meaner lookin’ than I am.”
“Thanks, I think.”
Mike started laughing. “I just mean you’re a lot more secure in yourself, and because of that, you’re a lot more no-nonsense.”
“As long as you’re not callin’ me a mean, cruel, and heartless bastard.” We both laughed.
“Not at all. I will call ya a cocky bastard, but not cruel and heartless. Besides, I like it when you get a bit of mean on.”
“I remember that. Or at least I think I remember that. It’s been so long, I just about forgot.” He really laughed at this one.
“Not only are you a cocky bastard, but you’re a horny bastard too. You gone one day without, same as me, and I ain’t whinin’.”
“Whinin’, am I? I’ll give you somethin’ to really whimper about.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that, Jeffy.”
“You’d better. And you’d better put out pretty soon.” I gave him a stern look, and he just laughed.
“You’d think you ain’t had a piece of tail for months.”
“Well, buddy, in all seriousness, I kinda got used to two or three times a day. Besides, I think your tail is pretty addictive.”
“It’s my secret weapon.” We both laughed real hard at that. It was nice to see Mike laughing again.
“I just hope you’re not usin’ it on anyone but me.”
“I don’t need a secret weapon with nobody else.”
“Not to change the subject or anythin’, but what are we gonna make for dinner tonight?”
“Could you make your beef stew with stout beer, Jeffy?”
“Okay, I’ll do that. Remember that day after tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. Sandy and Maria were gonna come over, and Renee’s comin’ up from Seattle to be with Josh. She mentioned Pam and Carol will be here too. Jeanette, José, Josh, and Smitty will all be here.”
“Should I invite my old man?”
“You don’t have to ask that, buddy. Just go right ahead if you want to.”
“I’m not sure.”
“You’ll have a better idea after you’ve talked to the rest of ’em and the PFLAG folks.”
“I better go call the PFLAG folks now.”
“Great. I’ll get dinner in the slow cooker. Then let’s have a good workout, since we’re not skiin’ today.”
“Let’s make sure we go skiin’ tomorrow though.”
“You just read my mind, buddy.” We both headed off to get done the stuff we needed to do.
THE day had passed pretty uneventfully. Jason had actually done a good job on the house, and Mike and I had a very good workout. Dinner turned out well, although we had mostly small talk. Mike didn’t talk too much about his family until it came time to call his mom.
He was even more confused about his father since he talked to the PFLAG folks. Apparently his father is very active in PFLAG, and does a great deal of counseling to families who can’t accept their gay children, due to religious issues. His father also has marched in every gay pride parade for the past three years and travels all over, supporting PFLAG.
“Don’t ya think, Mike, he could’ve realized just how wrong he was and how much hurt he caused and is tryin’ to make up for it?”
“Jeffy, logic-wise, I know that. It’s just hard for me to reconcile this gay-friendly man with the bastard who used to beat the shit outta me for bein’ gay.”
“So what are ya thinkin’?”
“I’m tryin’ to figure out if I can give him the benefit of the doubt or not. Ya gotta remember that, the last time I confided in him, I became an outcast in my hometown, I got the shit beat outta me regularly, and finally when I was sixteen, got kicked outta the only home I’d ever known.”
“I understand. You’re in a rough position. If he’d stayed hateful, you wouldn’t be all torn up over this.”
“I also see how hate ruined his life, a part of mine, my mom’s, and my sister’s and brother’s. I don’t wanna be hateful like that.”
“You reckon you’re able to forgive him? By forgive I mean tellin’ him and really believin’ that what happened is water under the bridge. It’s over and you’ve come out okay. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be his best friend or be close to him or anythin’. It means you understand why he did what he did, accept the fact he’s sorry about it, let go of the anger you hold, and move on.” He gave me a long steady look.
“I reckon you’re right, but it’s easier said than done. Part of me wants to do just that, and part of me still wants to kick the shit outta him.”
“What about acknowledgin’ that he realizes what he did was wrong and is tryin’ to right the situation? That might be a good first step. Just lettin’ him know that, and tellin’ him that you still got a lot of healin’ to do.”
“That sounds like a place to start. Ya know, Jeffy, I’m as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs.” I took him in my arms.
“Just remember, buddy, you got a family now, and I’m here for ya. What’s important is the two of us here.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate your listenin’ to me.”
“No problem.” I sat next to Mike and put my hand on his shoulder.
“Well, I reckon I’d better call my mom.” He sat there for a few minutes and finally picked up the phone and dialed the number his dad had given him.
“Hello. Mom? It’s Mike.” I could hear an exclamation of delight from the other side. Mike listened for a couple minutes and answered.
“Me too. I never expected to hear from any of you again. They’re both there?” I reckoned that he was talking about his sister and brother. He continued. “Sure. Jeff, my partner, is here with me. You don’t mind if I do the same? Great!” He turned to me.
“I’m gonna put it on speakerphone. I want you to meet them. Mom’s gonna do the same so we can talk to her, Eve, and Guy all at once.”
; “You sure you want me around?”
“I’m sure.” He pushed a button, and all of a sudden I could hear a lady who had the same accent as Mike’s dad.
“Hello? Mike, can you hear me?”
“Loud and clear, Mom.”
“Good. Jeff, I am very happy to meet you. I saw you with Mike in the magazine articles.”
“I’m pleased to meet you too, Mrs. Guidry.”
She laughed over the phone. “Please call me Madeline. Mrs. Guidry is too formal for family.” Mike was beaming at me. He started talking.
“Eve, Guy, are you there?” He was asking about his brother and sister.
“Hello, Mike!”
“Hey, Mike!”
Madeline spoke up again. “Mike, we are so happy to know you are all right. The pictures of you in the magazines are very nice. You look so handsome and happy.”
“I am happy, Mom. I got a good life out here and a great partner.”
I heard another female voice. It must have been Eve. “Mike, tu as de bon goût! Ton partenaire est très beau.” She’d just told Mike he has good taste since his partner is good-looking. I couldn’t resist jumping in.
“Merci, Eve!” Everyone laughed when I said thanks.
“Mike, you did not tell us Jeff can speak French.”
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you much of anything yet.”
Madeline spoke up. “Mike, we have been looking for you for so long. Tell me what happened. How did you end up in Washington State? How did you become a cowboy?”
He took a deep breath and started to speak. “Well, when I got off the bus in San Francisco, I was scared to death. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I just sat there for most of the day. A police officer had been walking through occasionally, and I reckon he noticed me. He asked me if I had anywhere to go, and I said no. He asked if I ran away, and I said no, I got kicked out. He didn’t even ask why. He told me about a shelter for homeless youth and took me there. Most of the guys there were gay also. I didn’t really hang around with them since they sold themselves for money. I was afraid I was gonna have to do that when my money ran out. I was lucky though. The same officer that had taken me to the shelter came by and mentioned that the police department had an equestrian unit, and they needed a stable boy. The wages were being paid from a program for ‘youth at risk’, and if I was interested, he had an application for me. I filled it out and got the job. I learned about horses there and was able to go to several ranches that had weeks for city kids and youth at risk. I didn’t really like San Francisco, so I was looking around for a place to go. I worked as a stable boy, and then as a cowboy in Northern California for a while. One of the ranches we went to was in Washington State, near here. I thought this place was really beautiful, so I came up here looking for a job cowboying. I worked at a couple of different places and then met Jeff’s dad. He hired me and was really great to me. He sort of took me under his wing. When he passed away, Jeff came back, and we got to be friends. We started datin’, and now we’re together.”