by Jake Mactire
I looked at my schedule. “Flag racin’, I reckon. It looks like bareback bronc ridin’ is right after that.”
“I’ll be cheerin’ you two on. Well, I gotta run. I’m doin’ the calf ropin’ on foot.”
“Good luck, cowgirl!” She smiled her thanks as she headed over to the chutes.
“Let’s take a walk around, buddy.” I grabbed Mike’s hand and took it in mine. He beamed at me as we held hands and walked over to the huge tent behind the stands. “This is where they have all the vendors and the dance floor and some drag shows.”
“This is where you want me to think about puttin’ Lucky Jeff Ranch brochures, right?”
“Right.” Most of the vendors were just setting up. There were quite a few vendors selling gay-themed T-shirts and Western wear.
Mike laughed and pointed. “Maybe we should buy those T-shirts and wear ’em to Spencer’s church.” I had to laugh. One T-shirt said, “I fucked the boy next door.” The other proclaimed, “I am the boy next door.”
“He’d get all hot and bothered.”
We heard a shout. “Jeff, hey, Jeff!” I looked over and saw one of my rodeo buddies, Cliff. He ran up to us and gave me a big hug.
“Hey, Cliff, this here’s my partner Mike. Mike, Cliff’s a buddy from California. We met years ago at the San Diego Rodeo.”
“Pleased to meet ya, Mike.”
“Well met.”
“I heard you broke up with Robert and had a new partner.”
“You heard right. What have you been up to?”
“Just workin’, competin’, drinkin’, fuckin’, you know, life. I hear you been awful busy.”
“Reckon so. Mike and I have both been goin’ great guns on our artwork. We also added herdin’ dudes to the ranch.”
“Looks like you were capturin’ some rustlers too. I didn’t know stuff like that went on anymore.”
“Sure does.”
Mike looked at Cliff. “Where do you work, Cliff?”
“I manage a gay bookstore in San Diego.”
He turned back to me. “I’ll have to come and visit your ranch, Jeff.”
“Mike and I’d be happy to have ya. Reckon we better go and get the horses saddled up. We’re in the flag race.”
“Catch ya later.” He headed off to see who or what he could find. Mike had a real pouty look on his face.
“What’s up?”
“He practically ignored me.”
“His loss. The world’s full of rude folks. You tried to engage him. Don’t worry about it. He’s gonna be so wrapped up in tryin’ to get laid, we probably won’t even see him again. C’mon, let’s get over to the horse stalls and get Charlie and Thundercloud all saddled up for the flag race.” He nodded and we headed off.
WE WERE mounted up in the waiting area, ready for the flag race. The flag race was a timed event in riding. In the arena, three barrels were placed in a big triangle. On each barrel at the base of the triangle, there was a five-gallon bucket filled with sand. There was a flag on a stake in the first bucket. The goal was to pick up the flag and move it from one bucket to the other, staying on the outside of the triangle and not knocking over the buckets or barrels. Mike would go first. A couple of folks had already gone, but none had great times. I heard the announcer call Mike. I leaned over and kissed him.
“Good luck, buddy!”
He smiled at me. “You’re the one gonna need luck, Jeffy. I know how to ride.”
I laughed. “Yeah, in the passenger seat of a car.”
He backed up. I could see him bend down in the saddle to reduce wind resistance, and then he began and spurred on Thundercloud. He was already going pretty fast when he hit the gate. He was using the reins to urge Thundercloud on.
I could hear the announcer. “And our contestant now running is Mike Guidry, a Washington State cowboy in his first gay rodeo. Mike has recently become famous, as he and his partner brought a cattle rustling ring to justice. You can see, cowgirls and cowboys, he’s wearing a white hat.” The crowd was whistling and clapping and yelling in appreciation. I knew Mike could ride.
“He’s got the flag and made the corner! Will he drop the flag in the bucket? He does! That’s Mike Guidry, sponsored by the Lucky Jeff Ranch. I just got the thumbs-up from the judge. Mike’s time is twenty point two seconds! That puts Mike in first place!” The applause was thunderous. Mike galloped through the gate and slowed Thundercloud down. He came around and stopped next to me.
“Beat that, Jeffy.”
“Mike, buddy, it’s about time you gave me a bit of a challenge.”
He leaned over and kissed me. “Good ride to you, cowboy!”
I nodded and wheeled around, giving myself and Charlie a long way to gain speed before hitting the arena. Charlie was raring to go. I spurred him on and practically lay forward in the saddle. I used the reins to encourage him, just as Mike had done with Thundercloud.
I could hear the announcer. “Here comes Jeff Connelly, owner of the Lucky Jeff Ranch and Mike’s partner. Jeff’s riding a seven-year-old gelding named Charlie. Jeff, Mike, if you two ever do porn, I’ll buy a DVD!” Everyone laughed in the stands.
I reached out and grabbed the stake with the flag. I heard a gasp, but then the announcer spoke. “That was a close one there, but the bucket is still standing! Jeff is the other cowboy detective involved in bringing some modern-day rustlers to justice. Jeff was shot in the attempt but is here competing.” I stabbed the flag down and really began racing to the gate. I heard applause, whistles, and lots of calls.
“That’s the best time yet! Eighteen point seven seconds!” I stood up in the saddle and held my arms out sideways as in a cross. I used my lower legs to slow Charlie down. I wheeled around and trotted to Mike.
“Showoff!” He had a big grin on his face.
“Somebody had to show you how to do it!” He leaned over and we kissed.
I heard some clapping in the background and then the announcer. “Get a room, guys!”
I couldn’t help yelling out. “We already got one!” I heard lots of laughter in the stands.
Mike and I took Charlie and Thundercloud over to one of the corrals. We took off their saddles, bridles, and saddle blankets, and put them on the saddle trees provided. A bored security guard nodded to us as we walked over to the stands. We saw Jeanette and several of her friends. We headed up to where they were sitting.
“Good rides there, cowboys.”
“Thanks, Jeanette!” Mike smiled at her. He sat right in front of me in the bleachers so he was right between my legs. He cuddled back into me, and I rested my arms on his shoulders. Jeanette handed us two bottles of beer.
Mike thanked her. “Much obliged, Jeanette. So what event are you up for next?”
“Bareback bronc ridin’ and chute doggin’.”
“Chute doggin’? You ain’t gonna jump on the steer from a horse to wrestle it?”
“No, in the gay rodeo, we do it on the ground in front of the chutes.”
“I’ll be damned.”
“I thought it was kind of funny too, first time I competed in the gay rodeo.” It seemed normal now, but was really kind of strange then.
Just then we heard the announcer give the results of the last event. “Well, folks, we’re done with the flag racing. Jeff Connelly of the Lucky Jeff Ranch in first place with eighteen point seven seconds, his partner, Mike Guidry, in second place with twenty point two seconds, also from the Lucky Jeff Ranch, and third place goes to Rusty Cortez from Phoenix, sponsored by Charlie’s, with twenty two point three seconds.” The announcer went on to say that goat dressing was up next.
“Jeffy?” Mike looked up at me, so I leaned forward to hear what he had to say. He leaned back and kissed me deep. “I like playin’ second fiddle to you.”
“You’re my equal first fiddle, bud.”
“By the way, just what in the hell is goat dressin’? It’s not what you were tellin’ me about before, is it?” There were three goats tethered in the middle of
the arena. On the far side, there were three lines of competitors. They were all in teams of two.
Before I could answer, Jeanette laughed. “They gotta have somethin’ for the dudes to do. Each team will run up, wrestle the goat, and put a pair of men’s jockey shorts on it. Best time wins.”
Mike looked at her incredulously. “Holy hell! I thought Jeffy was shittin’ me, Jeanette.”
She laughed. “You don’t believe this, but you believe the wild drag race?”
“She’s got a good point there, Mike.”
“Reckon so.”
Just then I heard a loud, “Smile.” A guy with a camera had it pointed at us. Jeanette leaned into me, and Mike rested his elbows on my knees and leaned back. Several folks stepped up to take pictures. They said thanks and went on to the next group of guys they thought was good-looking. Just then, several guys came up to us. One had a sash on proclaiming, “Mr. Texas Gay Rodeo.” Each rodeo association had a Mr., Ms., and Miss State Gay Rodeo. The cowboy, cowgirl, and drag queen would spend the year promoting the rodeo association and doing charity work.
“Can I join you hot, hunky, cowboy studs?”
Jeanette glared at him. “And you butch and beautiful cowgirls?”
Mike looked at him uneasily. “Be my guest.” He plopped down next to Mike, sandwiching my knee in between.
“I’m Beau, from Dallas. I saw you two ride earlier. You two ride really well.” He winked at us, and his double entendre was obvious.
“Thanks.” I held out my hand. “Jeff Connelly. Pleased to meet ya.” He shook my hand and grabbed Mike’s.
“Mike Guidry. Howdy.” I introduced him to Jeanette and her friends. Then he turned back to me.
“I saw you two at the pool party yesterday. You both look like you’re hung like horses.” Mike coughed, but before either he or I could say anything, Beau continued. “How about we get together tonight? I’d love to be in a cowboy sandwich.” He continued staring at me. I realized he’d been drinking quite a bit already. “Will you leave your hat and boots on when you fuck me?”
Mike turned red and shoved Beau hard. “Get the fuck outta here, asshole!”
“I wasn’t inviting you!”
Mike balled up his fists and started to get up. I pushed Beau away myself. “I ain’t even bought you a drink yet, dude. And I ain’t gonna. Mike’s my partner, and we’re exclusive. Now get the hell outta here.”
He glared at me and then at Mike. “Fine, if you two are so stuck up, fuck you!”
I laughed as he walked away. “You ain’t never gonna have the chance.” Mike scooted up so he was next to me. I put my arm around him.
“Don’t let him bother ya, bud.”
“Fuckin’ piece of shit!”
“You got that right. Now let’s not give him the power to ruin our day.”
“I reckon you’re right, Jeff. I’m gonna watch the goat dressin’.” As we watched, a whistle blew and three couples ran toward three goats tethered in the arena. The goats had been through this before and just chewed their cud placidly. The first guy to reach a goat picked it up around its middle. The other guy tried to put a pair of men’s briefs on it, but kept getting caught on one of the hooves. One of the members of another team tripped, running back to the finish line. Pretty soon Mike, Jeanette, and I were laughing hilariously.
While we were watching the goat dressing, a guy came up and smiled at us.
“Jeff? Mike? Remember me? I’m Jack, from the plane.” I recognized him and so did Mike.
“Have a seat! This here’s Jeannette, one of our cowgirls on the ranch and one of the best hands I ever met.”
“Hell, Jeff. You’re gonna make me blush!”
“Pleased to meet you, Jeannette.” He introduced himself to Debbie, Edith, and Gail Ann, and then he looked us all over. “You all rode pretty well there in the flag race. I remember Jeff saying that this is your first gay rodeo, Mike. Are you having a good time?”
Mike thought a second and then answered. “Yeah, I am. So much of this is new to me, so sometimes it makes me a tad uncomfortable. It bothers me, all these guys tryin’ to pick up Jeffy or me, when you can tell we’re together.”
“The world’s full of all different types of folks, Mike. Just stick to your guns and you’ll be fine.”
Jeanette spoke up. “Jack, I don’t know if you heard anythin’ through the airline, but all this security is pretty new. Are they really afraid of the Cutter?”
“I heard that the Phoenix Police Department received several threats that were credible, about the Cutter. That was all they told us. To be honest, with all the bed-hopping going on at an event like this one, it would be a prime pickup area for someone like him.”
“I really hope that the threats were nothin’ but that, idle threats.”
“You and me both, Jeff.” Jack shook his head in dismay.
We turned back to watch the goat dressers. There were quite a few contestants, and we watched until we heard the announcer.
“First call for bareback bronc riders.”
“That’s us, Mike, Jeanette.” We said our “see ya laters” to Jack and made our way through the bleachers and down to the walkway leading over to the chutes. The three of us had two events back to back, bareback bronc riding and chute dogging. As we were walking, several guys stopped and said hello to us. Some I knew, many I didn’t, but luckily, they all said hi to Mike too. One of my friends, Lonnie, smiled at us from behind big sunglasses.
“Jeff! Jeanette!” He came up to us. Both Jeanette and I gave him a hug. Mike glowered until Lonnie turned around and hugged him too.
“You must be Mike. I been hearin’ a lot of good things about you. Rumor’s goin’ around, you’re real good for Jeff, and I can see that’s true. Maybe you can keep him outta trouble and get him to think before actin’.”
Jeanette laughed. “You ever think, Lonnie, it might work the other way around? Jeff’s got Mike runnin’ around in his underwear all the time now.”
Lonnie laughed and took off his sunglasses. He looked Mike up and down. “Hell, Jeanette, if I was put together like this one, I’d run around in my BVDs too. Anyway, Mike, it’s a pleasure to meet ya. You three have good rides!” He walked off.
Mike smiled at me. “He seems a nice guy.”
“He is, Mike. Most of my rodeo buddies are nice. Right, Jeanette?”
“He’s right, Mike. You’ve just seen some of the slutty drunks that any gay event attracts.”
“Jeanette, it’s all so new to me, I just don’t rightly know what to think. It’s like I landed on some other planet or somethin’.”
We got over to the chutes and started getting ready. When we finished chute dogging, we stayed at the chutes for the bareback bronc riding. Jeanette was up before us. She was the last of the ladies bronc riding. None of the five before her had covered or stayed on, so she just had to do that, and she was assured of first place today. We got her all situated. She sat there a moment, settling into what I call the buckin’ zone.
“Good ride, cowgirl!”
She looked at me, nodded, and yelled out, “Let ’er rip!” For a split second, the bronc didn’t seem to realize the gate to the chute had opened. Then he exploded into leaps and jumps. Jeanette was holding tight on the rope. She didn’t have the greatest balance, but she was holding on. She just might make it. She was getting thrown around something fierce. She started to teeter, and I was sure she was gonna get bucked off. Just then the buzzer sounded! She’d made it! She half jumped, half fell off the bronc. Mike and I both jumped over the railing and ran over to her.
We got her up and she was grinning. “Just gotta hold on tomorrow, and that buckle’s mine! These gals just don’t know how to ride.”
“I’ll let ya in on a secret, Jeanette. The guys don’t either.”
“I wonder why that is.” Mike looked at me quizzically.
“I’d reckon most of the guys just started rodeoin’ as adults. They might practice on weekends, probably not every weekend
.”
“Good way to get broken up. How old were you in your first rodeo, Jeffy?”
“I competed in a junior rodeo when I was eleven.”
We moved over to a chute, Mike was bucking after the next guy. He climbed up on the rail, and I joined him. We could hear the guy in the next stall yell, “Pull!” His horse shot out of the chute. He started tipping almost immediately, like Jeanette had, but he didn’t cover. Mike got his gloves on and jumped on the bronc in his stall. The horse started moving immediately. I helped him get all ready to buck. I leaned over and kissed him when he was ready.
“Have a good ride, cowboy!”
He grinned at me and yelled out, “Pull!” The gate to the chute shot open, and Mike was propelled into the arena. He stuck on to the bronc pretty good. The bronc bucked, stopped a second, and started again. I could tell he was gonna lose points for that. All of a sudden I heard the buzzer. Mike let the horse’s buck propel him off its back. He landed on his feet and waved his hat to the applause.
“Forty-six points!”
Mike looked at me with a bit of disappointment on his face. “I knew they was gonna mark the horse down.”
“Well, buddy, you’re in first place now.” We walked over to the chute where my horse was waiting. I pulled myself up in time to hear a buzzer. The guy between me and Mike covered. As I got gloved up and on the horse, I heard he’d gotten forty-two points.
“You’re still in the lead, bud. Just prepare to lose it.”
“You ain’t even bucked yet. Don’t put the horse on the cowboy.”
I laughed, and he leaned over and kissed me. He nuzzled his dusty beard against my face and whispered in my ear, “Good ride, cowboy.”
I sat on the horse for a few seconds, psyching myself up. I finally yelled out, “Pull!”
The gate swung open and the world exploded. Time seemed to be suspended as the world went by in slow motion. I could only see a blur of color around me. I kicked my legs in time to the bronc’s buckin’. I’d gotten a horse that was carryin’ on real good. In the slow-motion feel of things, I was able to react instantly to the bronc’s movement. My legs kickin’ out for balance only served to make him buck harder as he felt he might buck me off. I held on. I was beginning to think I must have missed the buzzer, time was moving so slow. I wasn’t gonna jump off until I heard it or saw the pickup man next to me, if I could help it. From far, far away I heard the buzzer. All of a sudden time fast-forwarded into its normal progression. I could hear the audience beatin’ on the bleachers with their boots and lots of applause. I looked to my side, and the pickup man was there. He reached out, and I put my arm under his and around his shoulders. He grabbed me and leaned away from me. I came off the horse. He slowed and let me down. I waved my hat and walked over to Mike in the chutes.