by Katee Robert
That he was one of them.
She reached for her phone, needing the lifeline Jules offered, only to remember that, not only was her phone up in the room, but also Jules would be throwing Adam’s mother’s ashes in the Gulf right around now. Calling her with Aubry’s self-inflicted crisis would be the worst kind of selfish.
“What the fuck was that?”
She took a deep breath and turned to face Quinn. She’d known this was coming, even if she desperately wanted more time and distance between them to at least get over the initial sting of him throwing her by the wayside the second Hope walked up. “You shouldn’t be here. Hope might get the wrong idea.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” She wasn’t going to say it again. She couldn’t bear it.
He stalked closer, so damn big and too sexy for her own good. Even knowing she was a sad second rate, she couldn’t stop her traitorous body from perking up at his nearness. He stopped in front of her, a breath’s distance away. “Explain what the fuck you mean, Aubry.”
God, why can’t he just let it go? She took a deep breath and fought to keep the roiling emotions inside her out of her voice. “I don’t think what just happened needs much explanation. It’s pretty clear that you and Hope have a history.”
“What’s your point?”
The last little bit of hope she’d been holding out died a horrible death. I am such an unforgivable idiot. Her eyes burned, but she held back tears through sheer force of will. “Like I said, I’ll let you get back to it. I’m sure your parents would be absolutely delighted.”
“That’s it.” He reached out, looking like he wanted nothing more than to shake her, but he stopped just short of touching her. “That’s all it took for you to jump ship—me talking to a pretty girl who I used to know.”
She didn’t want to hear him refer to another woman as pretty, didn’t want to think that maybe Hope and Quinn used to do a whole lot more than talk—or that they would again. It made her stomach churn. She smoothed her hair back, hating that her hands shook. “Yeah, that’s part of it. But the truth was that this was never going to work. We come from different worlds, and you know it.”
He cursed long and hard. “This isn’t about Hope at all. She gave you the exit you’ve been looking for since last night.” He gave her a searching look. “Fuck, what am I saying? You were never actually in this. You’ve always held yourself back, right from the very beginning.”
“Can you blame me?” Her voice was too shrill, but his comments struck close to home. “This never should have happened.”
“Why?”
She stopped short. “What?”
“Tell me why this never should have happened. Give me one legit reason beyond you being too chickenshit to put yourself out there because you had a rough time growing up and have a hell of a history of building yourself a crazy paranoid bunker to avoid being hurt again.”
She couldn’t believe he was throwing that back in her face. She didn’t open up to anyone—ever—and he was going to use the one time she did against her at the first available opportunity. “That’s not fair.”
“Neither is you flipping your shit because of this.” He motioned at the hotel behind him. “But the truth doesn’t matter to you, does it? You don’t care that this isn’t my world—hasn’t been since before I even met you—or that Hope is my dead best friend’s little sister or, fuck, anything that doesn’t fit in with your twisted worldview.”
Her mind tumbled over itself trying to process that. He and Hope hadn’t… It didn’t matter. He might not have that kind of history with her, but it didn’t change the fact that Aubry didn’t fit, not here and not with him. She straightened, doing her best to look him in the eye. She failed, her gaze landing on his mouth and sticking there. “You’re right. I don’t care.”
Quinn jerked back like she’d struck him, and then laughed harshly. “Well, hell, Aubry. You win. I should have known the first time you said that you didn’t want this to keep going once we got back into town, that it was just sex for you. Stupid of me to think differently.”
It wasn’t just sex. Her mind screamed the words, but she held them inside, because he’d been right. Maybe the things she was upset about right now were partially self-inflicted, but it was only a matter of time before something real happened to break them up for real. If it hurt this much after a few days, going forward any longer was insane when she knew the endgame, even by her standards. They had to end this, and they had to end this now.
Better a little hurt now than a bigger hurt later.
The only problem was that it didn’t feel like a little hurt. It felt like she was cutting her own heart out of her chest.
…
Quinn couldn’t believe the shit he was hearing. He kept thinking this couldn’t possibly be happening, but here Aubry was, standing in front of him and doing her damnedest to see this thing between them go down in flames. Even after he’d clarified what was really a bullshit assumption of hers, she didn’t care.
Which meant she really was just looking for an excuse to call the whole thing off.
“I guess that’s that then.” He barely recognized his own voice. It was hoarse, as if he’d been screaming all the things rushing through his mind during this conversation. Don’t do this. Damn it, you’re really doing it. Don’t ruin us just because you’re scared. Goddamnit, Aubry.
He didn’t say it. She’d already proven she wasn’t going to listen.
Anger rose with every heartbeat, frustration and fury all twisted up into an ugly ball of emotion in his chest. “You want to know a secret, peaches?” He didn’t bother waiting for a response. “The truth is that you’re going to be alone for the rest of your goddamn life if you’re so determined to push people who care about you away.”
“You…care. About me.”
This was it. He saw the fledgling hope in her eyes and knew he could reel her back in with a few carefully chosen words and probably some hot sex. She’d let it go…
And then sometime later down the road, something would happen to trigger her panic, and she’d flip her shit again. When would it stop? Would it stop? She was right. This never would have worked. So he said the one thing he knew would put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. “I used to.”
Her amber eyes went wide with hurt, and he wanted nothing more than to take the words back.
He didn’t.
Instead, he turned around and walked away, his feet seeming to get heavier with each step. It was over. Really over. There should be relief—he’d worked so damn hard to remove every little bit of unnecessary drama from his life and he’d been pretty fucking successful at it—but all he felt was a yawning loss and that the horrible fear wouldn’t be going away anytime soon.
The thought of going back to mingle with the wedding guests before the ceremony made him want to punch something, so he didn’t go back. Instead, he headed out into the vineyard, walking aimlessly, determined to work off some of the rage and frustration. It didn’t work. All he could see was that last devastated look on Aubry’s face, the hit she’d been bracing for all day that he’d been all too happy to deliver the second the opportunity presented itself.
It would have happened at some point anyways.
It didn’t matter how many times he thought that, it didn’t make him feel any less like a piece of shit. He was the one who’d fought so hard for this. He was the one who’d pushed her well past her comfort zone time and time again.
So, really, the only person he had to blame for this shitty situation was himself. He could have backed off when he walked in on her in the shower, and that would have been the end of that. They had wicked chemistry—so what? A lot of people did, but that didn’t mean they had to explore it.
But then the last few days wouldn’t have happened.
He never would have seen her in her element at that convention. They never would have gotten past the point of vicious snarking at each other. He never would
have known that a woman like her could turn his whole world on its head.
I am such a goddamn asshole.
He stomped down on that feeling hard. It took two of them to get to this place. Yes, maybe he was the driving force behind a lot of it, but she wasn’t some blushing virgin. She’d known what she was getting into. Just last night she had agreed that she wanted more from this, just the same as he did, and that conviction had lasted a grand total of twelve hours.
She was never going to fight for this. For him. She was always waiting for the other foot to fall, to prove that it would never work and give her an excuse to run.
Knowing that didn’t make the loss easier to bear.
“Quinn?”
He turned around, harsh disappointment searing through him when he recognized Hope walking down the row between vines to him. Not Aubry. Hope. It wasn’t her fault he had been under the apparently insane assumption that maybe Aubry had changed her mind and come after him.
Why would she, though? He closed the door pretty fucking firmly on her. She had no reason to think he’d welcome her if she did come after him.
He tried to put a smile on his face, but the expression never made it. “Hey, Hope.”
“Are you okay? I saw you head into the vineyard and…” She trailed off with a shrug. “I know I don’t exactly deserve your secrets, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”
He did, but dumping his shit on her wasn’t fair. “Nah, I’m good.” He turned back in the direction he’d come from. Missing his sister’s wedding because he was throwing a bitch fit wasn’t an option, which meant they both had to head back now. “How are things with you? I haven’t seen you since…” He realized what he’d been about to say and stopped cold.
“Since the car accident that killed my brother and put me in the hospital for ages? I know.” She laid a hand on his forearm. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I mean, I still miss John.”
“I do, too.” He didn’t normally carry around the guilt that Daniel did, but standing here in front of John’s little sister made it hard to remember why. They should have kept better tabs on Hope. Tried harder. Something. “I know it’s been said before, but I’m—”
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Don’t apologize to me again. I’m walking, which is better than they’d hoped for after the crash. Like I said, it was a long time ago.” She hesitated. “How… How is Daniel?”
He couldn’t tell her the truth—that Daniel was a mess. It would just hurt her, and if she’d actually managed to move on with her life after what happened thirteen years ago, she deserved better than to be brought down by the fact that her ex—and her brother’s best friend—didn’t walk away from that night and that car crash whole any more than she did. The only difference was that Daniel’s scars weren’t physical. “He’s doing okay.”
Hope frowned. “You just lied to me.”
Fuck. He’d forgotten she had a knack for reading people. Luckily, they reached the end of the row before he had to answer. He looked around, but Aubry was nowhere to be seen. “Let’s get in there before Jenny starts panicking that she’s missing half the wedding party.”
Hope’s sigh was nearly inaudible. “Yeah, let’s do that.” They walked across the lawn and into the lobby, retracing the path he’d taken following Aubry out.
Quinn didn’t respond, too focused on searching the crowd for her. Nothing. Maybe she went back to the room to lick her wounds. Yeah, that had to be it. He eyed the elevator, silently debating whether he had enough time to get up and back before someone came looking for him.
Brad appeared, deciding that for him. “There you guys are. We’re about to start corralling people into the chapel. Hope, Jenny is looking for you.”
Hope gave him one last significant look and then disappeared through a gap in people. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be seeing the last of her anytime soon. He had bigger things to worry about. Like his sister’s wedding.
Like the fact that he had no fucking idea where Aubry was.
The entire ceremony passed in a blur. He knew he should focus on what was going on at the altar, but he kept searching the crowd for a distinctive head of red hair and coming up with nothing. And why wouldn’t he? The only reason she’d come to the wedding was because he’d convinced her to. If she wasn’t with him, she wouldn’t be here. Knowing that didn’t stop him from looking for her, though.
The problem was he had no idea what he would say when he did find her. Nothing had changed, not really. They still had too many issues to be able to iron things out. She was still too determined to sabotage things. He was still too stubborn for either of their own goods.
It seemed like he blinked and it was time for the reception. Quinn took the opportunity to make his excuses about forgetting something in his room and heading upstairs. He doubted he’d fooled anyone, but it didn’t matter because he was going to figure this shit out. Somehow.
He’d spent so much time building up what he was going to say—or trying to—that it took him a full ten seconds to register that their room was empty. More than empty. When he looked closer, he realized her suitcase and laptop bag were gone.
Quinn rushed downstairs to the front desk. A kid who didn’t look old enough to drink was manning it. “Did a redhead come through here? About this tall”—he held his hand up—“and probably kind of pissed.” Because of him.
The kid shifted, eyeing him like he was going to Hulk out or something. “Yeah, she was pretty upset.”
Tell me something I don’t know. “She left?”
“Called a cab to the airport thirty minutes ago.”
The airport. Quinn rocked back on his heels, trying to process the fact that she would rather get into what she thought was a flying deathtrap than stay here another moment with him.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Chapter Seventeen
Aubry was the very definition of a hot mess by the time she made it back to Devil’s Falls. She left the rental car parked on the street and trudged through the back door of Cups and Kittens, needing nothing more than to be surrounded by the safety of her four walls and maybe to hide for a few years until her aching chest stopped reminding her how stupid it was for her to let herself get her heart broken by Quinn Baldwyn.
You didn’t even like him a week ago, and you can get back to that point…eventually.
Except she wasn’t sure she could fully erase the feeling of his hands on her skin and his voice in her ear, drawing out her dirtiest fantasies and bringing them to life.
How the hell did someone even bounce back from that sort of thing?
She didn’t think it was possible.
She closed the door behind her and ran smack dab into a person. Aubry jumped back with a shriek, her bags flying, and almost tripped over her own feet. “What the hell?”
“Aubry?”
Goddamnit. She shoved her hair back. “What are you doing here, Daniel?”
Jules’s cousin looked as shitty as she felt, dark circles beneath his equally dark eyes and like he might have lost weight recently. Since Aubry couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually come into town, she wasn’t sure how recently it was, but the fact that he was here instead of at the Rodriguez ranch spoke volumes. Or it would as soon as she figured out what he wanted. “Did Quinn send you? Because he can fuck right off and go jump into bed with Hope for all I care.” She was half surprised her pants didn’t burst into spontaneous flame at that lie.
Daniel frowned. “What are you talking about? Hope?” He went pale beneath his tan skin. “Hope was there?”
Aubry was too wrapped up in her pain to pause, a runaway train with no hope of stopping. “I’m talking about Quinn. He’s absurdly tall and, while pleasing to the eye, is equally infuriating and just plain man-stupid. And—”
“And obviously something went terribly wrong while you two were at the wedding.”
She couldn’t talk to him about this. Not only was he Quinn’s best friend but… Daniel might not be
in on her long list of people she despised—which basically amounted to the entire world outside her tiny circle—but he wasn’t one of her people. That meant she was more likely to curl up in a ball and waste away than to spill her guts to him. “It’s nothing.”
His mouth tightened. “I know nothing when I see it, and that’s not what’s written all over your face.”
For fuck’s sake. “Aren’t you supposed to be the quiet and brooding one who keeps to himself? Keep to yourself, Rodriguez.”
But he stepped in front of her. “Jules has her hands full with Adam right now, not that either of them would admit as much, and you don’t have friends other than Jules.”
“Wow, thanks. You’re making me feel so much better.” But, strangely enough, the sarcasm was making her feel better. A little.
Daniel rolled his eyes. “My point is that you don’t have a single damn person to talk to and you look like you need to talk.”
“I thought I looked like shit.”
“Those two things are not mutually exclusive.” He picked up her suitcase and set it down next to the stairs leading up to the apartment she used to share with Jules. “Now, sit your contrary ass down. I’ll be right back.”
“Holy shit, Rodriguez, I think you’ve strung together more words in the last five minutes than I’ve heard you speak in the last five years.”
He snorted. “And you’re already feeling more like yourself. Sit.”
She sat. Really, it wasn’t like she had anywhere else to be, and her self-flagellation could wait a few minutes. He was right—she couldn’t call Jules now any more than she could have called Jules earlier. This mess was one entirely of her own making, and dumping it on her best friend when she was otherwise occupied with things that were actually important would be a dick move.
Daniel reappeared a few minutes later with two mugs of coffee in hand, trailing Mr. Winkles and Ninja Kitteh behind him. The latter immediately jumped into Aubry’s lap and made himself at home. She ran her hand down the cat’s back and accepted the cup of coffee. “I don’t think I want to talk about it.”