by Liz Talley
“There wasn’t really an us. We both knew what this was between us.”
“Are you afraid of getting hurt?”
“You can’t have that power over me.”
Sharp pain hit his chest. Damn. She made it sound no different than Tara’s proposition. Big people. No strings. Walk away. “So you feel nothing for me? What we shared was about sex and that’s all?”
“Isn’t that what you thought?” She wrapped her arms about her waist, looking more little-girl lost than cold-hearted bitch. Still, her words had teeth, they shredded his hope.
“I didn’t stop to put a definition on it. I just went with what felt right,” he said.
“Well, I have a lot to deal with right now. It would be best for us to say our goodbyes. Why drag it out?”
He didn’t know what to say. He turned and studied the way condensation rolled down the bottle of wine he’d chilled for them. Reality had stolen his glee, mocked his happiness and rocked his heart.
There was nothing good about not being wanted. He cleared his throat, and she looked away. Good Lord, she couldn’t even look at him. “How can you be so cavalier about this?” he asked, trying not to sound pathetic.
“I’m not cavalier. It’s just better for me this way.”
He hooked an eyebrow.
“Did you think we had a future? Tell the truth.” Her words fell like rocks on a stone floor.
“Yeah, I’d put off thinking about what would happen when I left, but I didn’t think we’d be so abrupt about it. Haven’t we grown into something more than ‘fun’?”
Addy took several seconds to answer. “Robbie Guidry, the guy who tried to rape and kill me, got out of prison yesterday.”
“So?”
“So?” Her face gathered into a thundercloud. “Don’t you get it? My life has gotten infinitely more complicated. I can’t be distracted, allow myself to be with you. I can’t think when I’m with you. And what about the kids? I could put them in danger.”
“Addy, that was, what, fifteen years ago? I doubt this guy’s interested in repeating his last mistake. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
“No. You have no idea how I feel.”
“Well, you shouldn’t shut me out because you’re scared of some phantom…possibility. That isn’t logical.”
“The hell it isn’t logical. You’re leaving, Lucas. I’m staying. I don’t need to add nights of tears to my nights of terror. I need to declutter.”
He felt like she’d punched him. “So I’m clutter?”
“No, I don’t mean that. Ugh…you’re taking what I feel and making it sound stupid.”
“Maybe it is stupid.” He shouldn’t have said that, but it was too late to retract the words. Besides, she’d tossed him aside like he didn’t matter…like she’d gotten what she’d wanted from him and was done.
Maybe all he’d been was a cowboy fantasy—her Sheriff Cade McGarrity standin, fulfilling her desires. No different than any other woman in his life. He’d been a fool to want more with her.
Her eyes crackled and she advanced on him. “You don’t know what it is because you haven’t lived my life. How dare you call me stupid?”
“I didn’t call you stupid, only your motivations.”
“My motivations aren’t stupid. Robbie isn’t going away. The mistake I made years ago still haunts me, and I can’t make that same mistake with you.”
“I’m nothing like that man.” Anger poured into him at her unfounded accusation.
“But I don’t know that, do I? Not really. And you invoke the same passion in me, the same need to ignore reality. I can’t think when you’re around, you invade every space, occupy every thought. And now that Robbie’s out, I can’t afford to be the girl I was Sunday. It’s irresponsible.”
Lucas stared hard at her, trying to peek beneath the illogical woman to understand what drove her to believe as she did. “He was the wrong guy to be that person with, Addy. But I’m not, and it’s a shame you can’t put aside your irrational fears to see that.”
Addy’s gaze sliced him like a cleaver. He almost looked to check if he bled. “I think you should go.”
“Yeah.” He grabbed the bottle. “I should. You’re right. We don’t have a future, and there’s no sense in wasting any more time on what can’t be.”
He felt her hurt from across the room. It was as if she’d been waiting for him to say those words, as if his declaring them over, justified her.
This was what she wanted.
And evidently what he wanted too—he’d said the words, hadn’t he?
As he closed the door and stepped into the night, he thought of the way he’d left her the last few times they’d parted.
A kiss before I go.
There would be no more kisses from Addy and something about that made him clutch his chest and wish things could be different for them.
*
ADDY SLUMPED AGAINST the sink, feeling as if all her energy had been sucked down the drain. An empty shell of a woman, doing what had to be done to survive another day. She’d made Lucas mad, had treated him as if he wasn’t important to her. And he’d let her…even going as far to dismiss her fears as if she were a blooming idiot.
Oh, God, she’d broken things off with the man she loved. Wait. She loved him?
Yeah…love had finally walked in and Addy had shut the door and twisted the lock.
She’d seen his face—the hurt and disappointment—and still she had persisted in destroying any future they had because she was…
Refusing to acknowledge the word that popped into her mind, she covered her face with her hands.
No.
Being scared was healthy…it would keep her alive, keep her from being hurt literally and figuratively. Lucas would leave and she would stay. She knew what she faced with the nutso who’d been released from prison. She didn’t need the distraction of Lucas…the distraction of love.
His words floated back He was the wrong guy to be that person with, Addy. But I’m not.
Her heart pulled her toward the back door, toward the man who’d just walked out… What had he meant? Maybe he did have stronger feelings for her than what she’d thought. Maybe…
No. She’d sacrifice love for life. Maybe that made her smart. Or maybe she was the stupidest woman on the planet. Either way she knew separation was the best way to protect everyone.
Trudging out of the kitchen, she steeled herself for a life without Lucas. She’d be okay, just like she’d always been. It wouldn’t be bad, after all, she’d been happy without him, hadn’t she?
Shaking her head she climbed the stairs, refusing to acknowledge what he’d brought her these past few days. Sunday seemed so far away, already a misty memory tucked inside the caverns of her heart, sure to arise to comfort her on lonely, cold nights.
No regrets.
Hope for the best, but expect the worst. That was her father’s motto. Her motto.
She wouldn’t dwell on how similar it sounded to Aunt Flora’s declaration that morning. She didn’t expect to get shit on, but she’d damn sure be prepared if any came her way.
No regrets. It was the only way to move forward.
Chapter Twenty
DAYS LATER, Lucas was still pissed at Addy.
How dare she act as if she didn’t have time for him? As if he was nothing more than a distraction? Hell, she’d insinuated he was halfway dangerous…like the guy who’d once hurt her.
His ego was bruised, but his heart felt battered. He’d never expected her to end things like she did—wintery with flinty resolve. He hadn’t recognized the woman in that kitchen who’d tossed out what they had with little hesitation. No, that was wrong. He’d sensed sadness, perhaps even regret, but obviously neither was significant enough for her to take back her words. And he still couldn’t figure out why she’d wanted him out of her life so soon. The whole “Robbie’s out of prison” thing felt almost contrived. He couldn’t see the dude coming after her in revenge for wha
t had happened fifteen years ago—the idea sounded like something in a cable movie. Addy had looked spooked, but he suspected she feared commitment more than whoever had hurt her. The guy getting paroled was likely an excuse to keep Lucas back, to give a good reason for dumping him.
Maybe she needed time.
Or maybe it was truly over between them.
He’d tried to keep his hands occupied with getting his brother’s house in order. He’d completed the painting of both porches, even calling in a roofer to fix a few shingles that looked damaged. The maid service had scrubbed every square inch of the house, and after one gave him the card of a professional organizer, he’d set up an appointment with her to organize the kitchen and the closets. The kids had been remarkably good for the past two days, as if sensing his hurt, not even mentioning Addy.
Well, except for Charlotte—she kept asking for chocolate chip cookies.
He’d glimpsed Addy only once, and she’d avoided eye contact. The sight of her made him ache so he’d turned his back and pretended she didn’t exist.
It was for the best…he thought. His emotions were as tangled as the blind cords in the living room, and he’d spent a good thirty minutes trying to untangle them only to have to take the scissors and whack the cord.
“Time to go, Uncle Lucas,” Chris said behind him.
Lucas turned to find Chris clad in a bright red racing suit. “Well, at least I’ll be able to find you in the race.”
“I’ll be easy to find.” Chris grinned, chest puffed out. “I’ll be the kid out front.”
Lucas chuckled as Michael came in…wearing a lot of cologne. “Dude, that’s way too much Axe body spray.”
Michael’s face fell. “Really? How do I get it off?”
“You don’t. And we don’t have time for a shower. Rule of thumb is one, maybe two, squirts,” Lucas said, glancing toward the stairway, placing the scissors high on the shelf of the nearby bookcase. “Don’t worry, we’ll put the windows down on the drive. Can you go get Charlotte? Grammy and Grampy should be here in the next few minutes.”
Michael walked to the base of the stairs and hollered “Charlotte!” at the top of his lungs.
“Okay, I couldn’t have done that,” Lucas muttered looking for the Creampie backpack he’d filled for his niece’s stay with his parents. Michael was attending his first school dance with Hannah, the chick he had a crush on, and Lucas hadn’t wanted to take Charlotte to the motocross races…not with the way she climbed stuff. Luckily, his mother and father who’d gotten in last night had volunteered to watch her.
“We need to hurry,” Chris said, glancing at the clock. “I don’t want to be late.”
Lucas’s phone buzzed on the foyer table. He answered it as he picked up his keys. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, honey, we’re running late. There was an accident on I-10 and traffic is backed up everywhere. Rush hour late Friday, so it’s going to be thirty minutes or so before we get there.”
“I have to leave now, Mom. I’m dropping Michael off at his friend’s house and Chris has to be at the race by six-thirty.”
“Well, why don’t we just meet you at the races?”
He glanced out the window, and in the darkening shadows, he could just make out both Addy’s and Flora’s cars in the driveway next door. “Let me talk to the neighbors. They might let Charlotte stay with them for a few minutes. Trust me that you don’t want to go to the speedway or whatever they call it. Loud, noisy and lots of rails for Charlotte to climb.”
“Call me back and let me know. If I don’t hear from you, we’ll go to the races and watch Chris.”
Lucas pocketed his phone and looked at Michael. “Find Charlotte and her backpack and meet me by the truck. I’m running next door.”
Michael nodded and Chris scampered toward the truck, where Lucas had loaded the repaired bike hours earlier, while Lucas crossed the familiar path to Addy’s, feeling leery about facing her again after their bad goodbye.
He knocked several times, and saw the swish of the curtains before he heard the bolt in the lock slide. The door opened and Addy stood there in porch light, clad in sweats, looking tense.
“Hey, I know I said I wouldn’t bother you anymore, but I’m in a bit of a fix.”
Addy said nothing, lifting her eyebrows and peering out around him as if the bogeyman lurked in the bushes in the front of the house.
“I have to take Chris to his race over on the Westbank and my parents ran into traffic. Can Charlotte stay with you and Flora until they get here? Shouldn’t be more than half an hour.”
Lucas heard Charlotte behind him.
“Addy!” she screeched, running in a pair of pink high-heel slippers with crowns on them. She nearly fell and Lucas grabbed her before she cracked her head on the porch. “You have cookies?”
Addy smiled at Charlotte before looking at him. “You don’t play fair, do you?”
Lucas shook his head. “She can go with me to the races, but—”
“No.” Addy bent to take Charlotte’s hand. “She’ll be fine here until your parents arrive.”
Charlotte beamed and held up her backpack. “Look what I got—the Creampie movie! You can watch it with me.”
“Oh, goody, and I think Aunt Flora has some cookies.” Addy tugged Charlotte’s ponytail. The endearing gesture made Lucas’s stomach hurt.
Charlotte skipped into the house, clacking and stumbling, while calling for Aunt Flora.
“Thank you,” Lucas said, finding sincerity among the churning in his gut. God, she looked so beautiful…even in a pair of old sweats, her hair pulled back in a pink ribbon.
“You’re welcome,” she said, dropping her eyes.
“Okay, I gotta run. Don’t want Michael to be late for his date with Hannah.”
Addy lifted her eyebrows. “He’s got a date? He’s only thirteen.”
“Not a date-date. It’s a supervised dance.”
“Good for him,” Addy said, starting to close the door as soon as Lucas headed toward the steps. “Tell Chris I wish him luck.”
Lucas raised a hand in acknowledgment but said nothing further. His pride still felt bruised and it felt awkward between them.
He climbed into the truck with kids full of adrenaline and backed out of the drive, reaching for his cell to check his parents’ ETA. His mom hadn’t texted him. “Here, call Gran and tell her the neighbor has Charlotte.”
“Dude, we’re so late.” Michael fastened his seat belt and reached for Lucas’s phone. “Hannah’s meeting me there in twenty minutes and it’s going to take at least fifteen to get to Charlie’s house.”
“Hold on to your cojones ’cause I got this,” Lucas said, gunning the truck, shooting out into the narrow street, nearly hitting another truck parked across from his brother’s house. “Shit.”
“Oooh,” Chris said from the backseat. “That’s a really bad word.”
“Sorry, I’ll put ten bucks in the swear jar,” Lucas said, putting the truck in Drive and heading toward Claiborne. He needed to avoid I-10, but somehow manage to get to the Crescent City Connection. Of course, the race would have to be on the west bank.
“We don’t have a swear jar,” Chris said.
“Well, you probably need one.” Lucas pushed the call button on his phone and handed it to Michael. “I’ve known your Dad well enough to guarantee you could make dime if you got one.”
Michael laughed at that one before leaving a message on his grandmother’s cell phone, telling her where to find Charlotte. Lucas stomped on the accelerator and did what he’d been doing for the past two and a half weeks—ran himself ragged to accommodate his brother’s children.
Tomorrow, Ben would come home—he’d already prepared the children for seeing their father and his injury, even though Charlotte hadn’t quite understood. But all three were looking forward to being reunited with their parents.
But was Lucas ready to face his past?
Didn’t matter because tomorrow he faced his brother and t
he woman who had betrayed him, breaking his heart for the first time.
Of course, he’d never expected to fall in love a second time, but Addy had proved his hypothesis about love false. It wasn’t about choosing to love…that shit just happened, and when it didn’t work out, it left a man bitter.
Half broken with no expectation of being whole for the near future. But he could heal. He’d been hurt before and found comfort in his work.
He’d make his peace with Ben, go back to Texas and try to forget Addy Toussant.
*
UNFORTUNATELY, AUNT FLORA had taken the cookies she’d baked to her friends at Crescent Gardens that afternoon for a rousing game of bingo, which left Addy trying to console a sad little moppet.
“We could make our own,” Addy said as Charlotte sat at the kitchen table looking like someone had taken all her toys. She swung her little legs, causing one of her heeled slippers to clatter to the floor.
Aunt Flora poured some milk into the little girl’s cup and spread her hands. “I’m so sorry, pumpkin. I think I have some fig cookies in the pantry.”
Addy made a face. “I tell you what, let’s put on your video in my room. You can snuggle in my fluffy blankie and we’ll bake cookies. I bought some dough from Michael’s lacrosse team and it’s still in the freezer. Sound good?”
“Okay,” Charlotte said, brightening.
“She can watch it in the living room,” Flora said.
“That’s a VCR. She needs a DVD player.” Addy grabbed the backpack and took Charlotte’s hand. “Heat up the oven and I’ll get her settled. Her grandparents should be here in a little while. Lucas said no more than half an hour.”
Leaving her aunt to start the cookies, Addy led Charlotte upstairs after urging her to take the slippers off. Last thing Addy needed was to have to make a trip to the hospital. Lucas would—
Addy shut down her mind when she thought about him…or rather she wished she could shut her mind down. For the past three days, she’d been near to mourning over the way she’d ended things between them, but she couldn’t bring herself to make it right. How did one undo a goodbye? How did she unsay what she’d blurted out?