by Zoey Derrick
And like so many other times, the weight is gone. Lifted from the air with a single sentence.
“I’m still going to eat with the guys,” Talon tells me as I get out of the car.
“Okay. If something happens between Kyle and I, that would be okay, wouldn’t it?”
He kisses my forehead. “I hope it does. I think you both need the time to connect, alone. I’ll steal mine another time.” He smiles widely.
“And that is why I love you, Talon Carver.”
“That’s all?” he teases and I laugh.
“No, that’s only the beginning.”
Talon and Kyle help Mills and Tori bring the hoard of food onto the bus. The guys immediately attack the bags and I can see Talon digging around. He breaks free of the group, bringing me my sandwich. “No onions.” He smiles, proud of himself.
“I’m not sure it would matter. I’ve been nauseous since you brought it to the car. But thank you.” He kisses me.
“Now go, be with our boy.”
“You’re still going to talk to him?”
“Absolutely. Unless you wear him out and he falls asleep.” He laughs.
“Alright.” I kiss him on the cheek. “Love you, big man.”
“Love you, angel.”
I slide past the hoard of men in the galley and duck into the bedroom with my cheesesteak and french fries. I set it down on the nightstand and ditch my pants and the Nirvana shirt I’m wearing. Leaving the cami on, I throw on one of Kyle’s soft t-shirts. I grab a towel out of the closet for under me so I don’t slop food all over the place and I climb up, crossing my legs. I dive in with gusto.
My mouth waters as I chew. So good. I moan with my food-gasm and eat a french fry. “I could watch you eat for hours,” Kyle says leaning against the wall in the doorway. “It’s one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen. Even before we started feeding you regularly.” He smirks.
“Where’s yours?”
“In the galley. I was waiting for everyone to get theirs before I had to fight them all off. That smells amazing. The guys came over from the other bus. Apparently they bought cheesesteaks for the guards, the roadies and the band.”
“Jeez. No wonder there was so much and it’s like heaven on a bun. I miss these.”
“Oh, did you use to live in Philly?”
“No, from when I lived in NYC. I’d drive down here once every three months or so, spend the night and eat two while I was here.”
“You’re a food whore.”
I burst out laughing. “Yes, yes I am.” He laughs and it’s a beautiful sight to see. “Go get your food, so you can come back here and watch me eat.”
He laughs and comes to the side of the bed. “I saw this in CVS and it made me think of you.” He pulls something out of the bag I didn’t get to see. It’s a purple and black panda bear and it’s got the cutest face I think I’ve ever seen. It says Philly on it and I love it even more. I reach out for it, and he gives it to me. I hug it. Then I set him in my lap. “Lucky bear,” he mumbles with a smirk and goes to leave.
“Can you bring me some juice when you come back?”
“Of course, anything else?”
“Mmm ice cream,” I moan.
“After you eat your dinner.” He smiles wickedly at me.
“Why do I get the impression you might be eating more than me?”
He laughs again and leaves the room.
When he comes back I’m moaning around another bite of cheesesteak and he chuckles again, handing me a bottle of apple juice. “Where’s the stuff from the doctor’s office?” he asks as he sits down.
I swallow my mouthful and set my food down. “It’s in my purse, want me to get it?”
“No, eat, panda girl. We can get it when we’re done.” I smile and open my apple juice. Drinking down half of it before putting the cap back on it. “I stuck one of the big bottles in the freezer for you so it would get colder faster.”
I lean over and kiss his cheek. I leave a greasy imprint. “Crap,” I say, reaching for a napkin.
He laughs. “Leave it.”
I giggle and go back to my food.
I burp. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” I blurt.
Kyle starts laughing so hard he almost falls over. I can’t help but join in, until I get the hiccups, which only makes him laugh harder. “So not co…” hiccup “…ol.”
That only adds fuel to the fire and I try to get rid of them and fail. I end up drinking the rest of my apple juice and finally they disappear. “You okay, panda girl?”
I laugh, “Yes. God, that’s embarrassing.”
“I think it’s hilarious,” he says with a smile. “Compliments to the chef,” he says with a smirk, and then takes a bite of his sandwich. I laugh a little more. “Are you done?” he asks and I look down at the Styrofoam carton my food was in. Then I look at his. Half his fries are gone and there is still a good quarter of his cheesesteak left.
“Jesus, I ate that whole thing.” I fight back another burp.
“Hungry?”
“Not anymore. God, that was good.” I lean back against the headboard, holding the bear to my stomach.
“Let me see him,” he says and I hand over my new bear. “Hmm, baby girl?” I look at him. “Look,” he says nodding toward my stomach and I look down.
“Dear god. I look like I swallowed a softball whole.” My stomach is distended enough that it’s pushing out the t-shirt I’m wearing, though it’s tucked in to where my thighs come together and pulled tight, it’s very obviously visible.
“As long as you’re full, you can eat whatever you want.” He rubs his hand along my stomach.
“You like that, don’t you? My belly?”
He smiles. “It’s sexy as hell and I love it even more knowing that you’re full, feeding the panda cubs.” I giggle at his nickname for the twins. He smiles, “It’s still not easy to say that.”
I put my hand on top of his. “It isn’t easy to hear sometimes, but it’s reality, so I suspect it will sink in over time. Listen, I want you to do something, um, starting tomorrow. I was gonna have you do it tonight, but I think I’ve blown it with that cheesesteak.”
“Do what?”
“Well, since tomorrow is Wednesday and officially five weeks, I want you to take a belly picture of me every week on Wednesdays documenting my growth.”
“Why?” His voice is more curious then skeptical.
“Two reasons. One, I want to be able to see it from a different point of view. All I get is the looking down and mirror shot and two, I think it’s important for me and for you to document this journey. Like right now, I’m going to pull out my journal and write down that god awful cheesesteak and french fries, and document that today, here, in Philadelphia, we found out that we’re having twins.”
He smiles. “I think that’s a great idea on both counts and I’d be honored to take your pictures for you.” He smiles. “So why don’t you grab the stuff from the doctor’s office, your journal and The Book, and I’ll go throw this stuff out. What else do you need?” He gets off of the bed, handing me back my bear.
“More juice.” I smile.
“Ice cream?”
“Mmmm, ice cream,” I look back at my belly, “maybe later.” I smile.
He disappears and I get my purse and grab The Book from where we left it on the nightstand.
“Hey Kyle,” Talon says as I walk into the kitchen. “How is she?” I notice that Talon is sitting alone.
I snort. Then flip open her container. “I’d say she’s full.”
“Good god. She really ate all that?” He looks down at his in front of him and it looks like mine, three quarters gone. He makes a bloated face.
“Yeah, she did, plus a bottle of apple juice, she wants more, then I’m going to give her her vitamin.”
“Okay good.”
“Why are you in here alone? I thought you were eating with the guys?”
“Oh I did. They’re outside, starting a fire. We were going to ja
m a little bit.”
“Oh, nice. Want us to come outside? I’m sure she’d love that.”
“That’d be great. But don’t force her. Let her relax. She’s had a trying day,” he says quietly.
“Yeah, and I feel awful about it too.”
“Hey, don’t. We’re all dealing with this in our own way.”
“Not you, you’re, I don’t know, man, I never expected you to be like this, so calm and collected.”
“It’s the duck on the pond theory, in reality. On the surface, everything is calm and normal, underneath my legs are moving a million miles a minute,” he says hoarsely.
“So, why the front?”
“Ah, she doesn’t need that man. She’s being so strong for both of us. You saw her today, she’d just found out she’s pregnant with twins and she was there holding you up.” I hang my head. “Don’t. It’s alright. In fact I think it’s good for her, it takes her mind away from herself and what she’s feeling. Don’t make a habit of it. But she really loves you and she wants you to be good, to be okay with all of this. Are you?”
I shrug. “I’m better than I was before we talked. She aired some of her own fears.”
“What do you mean?”
I give him a half smile, “Everything we think we’re feeling, she’s feeling times ten. Did you know she might have run away if we hadn’t been there?”
He looks at me, fear in his eyes, “why?” he breathes.
“She feels like it’s all too much for both of us, that it’s too fast, she’s scared of what it means for the three of us,” I tell him, though I can’t hide the sadness in my voice.
“Jesus, she’s right though, it’s all too fast. It’s insanely fast. But…but I don’t think I’d change it. In fact, I can’t change it.” he says softly.
I watch as he puts his head in his hands. “Talon, I think we need to show her she has no reason to want to run away. After talking to her I understand better that I can’t change it, that I can’t bear the burden of it for her and I know that she’s found her happy place. She looks at that picture, the one with both babies in it, and she says that’s what makes it worth it, and she’s right. In the end, that’s all that matters.”
He smiles at me. “You’re absolutely right. I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s thinking about all of this.”
“She’s scared, just like you and I are. She just hides it better than we do.”
“Which is why I’ll continue being a duck for a while. I just need to love her, you know?” He stands up and comes toward me where I’m leaning against the counter. He sets his container down and takes my cheeks in his hands. “Just like I need to love you.”
My breathing stops, my cock grows hard instantly and I stare into his eyes. “I’ve realized something in the midst of all of this madness. I’ve realized that not only do I love her more than life itself, but I’m in love with you too.”
“Jesus, Tal, talk about knocking a guy on his ass. Do you mean it?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. You know that. I love you, cowboy.”
I love that he uses Addison’s nickname for me. “I love you too.”
Then his lips meet mine in a warm dance of lips and tongues, I can’t help the moan that escapes before he pulls away. “Now go take care of our girl. Come out if you want. But bundle her up, it’s chilly out tonight,” he says as his thumb rubs along my cheek before releasing me.
“Hey Tal?”
“Yeah.”
“I needed to hear that tonight. Thank you.”
He winks at me and hops down the steps of the bus, pushing open the door and I can hear the guys jamming outside. I readjust my cock and go back toward the bedroom. I get halfway there before I remember her apple juice and I turn around.
Going back into the kitchen, I pull the bottle from the freezer and pour her a big plastic cup full. As I head back, Peacock steps out of the bathroom. “Hey man, you alright?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You look upset?” I cock my head. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I honestly just have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you and Talon and Addison together?”
I smile, “Yeah man, we are. Does that bother you?”
He chuckles. “God, no. It’s nice to know though. Makes things easier.”
“Easier, how?”
“I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“Eric? Seriously, it’s alright. We already know, dude.”
He looks at me, shocked. “How?”
I shrug. “You’ve never been into the ladies. You put on a front, which is good for you, but that’s not who you are. We don’t talk about you or anything, but Talon and I figured it out a long time ago. Whether Mouse or Dex know, I have no clue, but you saw Dex the other day, he doesn’t give a shit and Mouse is your best friend. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t know.”
“He knows.”
“So that leaves who, Dex? Man, open that can of worms with caution though. He won’t be mean about it, but you know it will give him ammo, you know how he gets.”
“Yeah, I know. Does Addison know?”
I raise an eyebrow at him, “I don’t think so.”
“Good, don’t tell her. I’ve been promising her a talk for a long time, about what really happened between Jess and I back in San Diego. Let me tell her, okay?”
“Absolutely.” I smile and take his hand, we bump chests like we always have. “Now get out there. I’ll go see if Addie wants to join you.”
“I didn’t intend to eavesdrop from the bathroom, but, is she pregnant?”
“Shh.” I smirk.
“Congrats, man.” He smiles wide.
“Thank you, Eric, that means a lot.”
“Anytime. You guys need anything, holler.”
“Will do.” We slide past each other and I finally make it back to the bedroom. I expected to see Addison asleep on the bed when I return, but she’s not. She’s writing in her journal.
“Hey baby girl.”
She looks up at me with her bright, beautiful green eyes and the warmest smile spreads across her lips. “Hey cowboy. What took you so long?”
I smile, truly happy for the first time in a long time. I set her drink on the bedside table and slide onto the bed. “Talon and I just talked.”
“Oh, about what?”
“He confessed to loving and being in love with me.”
She covers her mouth with her hands. Then pulling them away she asks, “How does that make you feel?”
“Fucking amazing.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I tell Kyle. I knew it was coming and I doubt that Talon would ever lie to me, but sometimes I think he doesn’t understand his own emotions.
“You knew, didn’t you? That he was going to tell me that?”
I sigh. “Yeah, we talked about it in the car; I just didn’t think he’d do it so soon.”
“Why did you talk about it?”
“Because he’s so worried about you and I needed some reassurance. All of this is so overwhelming that…” I pause and take a deep breath before continuing, “I needed to know that it’s real.”
“Oh panda girl, it’s always been real, whether we admitted it to each other or not.” He lifts his hand and strokes it gently along my cheek, I lean into his touch. “I knew I loved him and I’ve told him I love him before, it’s just… I don’t know. I know it’s hard for him,” he says sadly.
“Does that bother you?”
“What? That it’s hard for him?” I nod. “No, actually it makes me happier because I know he doesn’t just say it to placate me, or even you. I know that when he says it, he truly means it. So yeah, it makes me happy and I’m glad he confided in you. You bring out parts of him I never knew existed and I love you all the more for it.”
He leans in and kisses me on the lips. It’s not charged, but it’s sweet and I melt into him. That’s when I hear music playing. I pull back from him, listening. “
What are they doing?”
Kyle smiles, “They’re doing what they do best.”
“Where?”
“Outside, around a fire. You want to go out there?”
I hesitate. “I wanted to spend some time with you tonight.”
“Oh baby girl, we can do that and still go out and watch them for a while, it’s…” he looks at the clock, “just after seven. Come on, let’s get you bundled up”
I’m back in my flannel pants, still wearing Kyle’s t-shirt and I have my hoodie and wool pea coat on. Kyle grabs a spare blanket from the closet and brings it with us. When I step off of the bus, I am greeted with the biggest smile from Talon I’ve ever seen. He literally lights up the night. The smile grows bigger when Kyle steps off of the bus behind me.
They’re jamming, playing a new song I don’t recognize and I instantly fall in love with it. Talon, Peacock and Mouse have their guitars and Dex is hitting what looks like an electronic drum set.
I turn to Kyle. “I have an idea, do you mind grabbing my phone?”
He kisses my forehead. “Not at all, I’ll be right back.” He hands me the blanket and I fold it over my hands and Talon nods for me to come sit next to him.
I walk carefully over to him and lay the blanket out on the ground for me to sit in front of the log he’s on, but off to the side. I want to make room for Kyle too. I watch and listen as they continue with just music, no lyrics, but it doesn’t matter, it takes everything I have not to get up and dance.
Kyle returns and sees me sitting next to Talon and smiles. He comes around the fire and sits behind me and I settle in between his legs. “Here you go,” he whispers in my ear as he hands me my phone. I put it in my pocket and then put my hands on his knees, lifting myself onto his lap. He gently wraps his arms around me, holding me to him. The guys finish out the song.
“Okay, that was awesome. Do it again,” I say with a big grin on my face.
Talon laughs. “With lyrics this time?”
I look at him and smile wide. “Yes, please.”
He laughs, “You got it, angel.”
Dex whacks his sticks together to count them off and then beats his drums. Peacock picks up next on the bass and the sound is booming, but beautiful. Then Mouse and Talon join in. They play a couple of bars before Talon starts to sing and I’m transfixed. Forgetting my plan all together as I listen to the words. The song is upbeat and I want to dance.