by Zoey Derrick
“What about your red plaid skirt or your pants, if you’re set on plaid tonight. At least the skirt is a low rider and you can wear a different shirt,” Talon says, his voice is soft and sweet.
“Addie, why are you crying, baby girl?”
“I got so set on this outfit, I hadn’t worn it yet, and then to have to change because I’m showing in it, it’s just, it’s all happening so fast,” I sob out.
Both of them come over to me, Kyle behind me, Talon in front. “Look at me, angel,” he says softly and I look up to him. “It’s only temporary. Once it’s safe to tell the world, it won’t matter anymore what you wear. I’m okay with shouting it from the rooftops, but I know you’re not and that’s okay. I think you’re beautiful, Kyle thinks you’re beautiful, pouch and all, sweet girl. Remember what you told us?” I shake my head. “It’s all worth it.”
Those four little words is all it takes to sober me up. He’s right, it’s all worth it. As I dry my tears, Raine lets herself into the suite.
“Hey..Oh jeez, sorry…” Raine moves to leave.
“No, you’re alright.” Talon looks at her. “She’s having an issue, can you help?”
“Uh, sure,” she says.
“She wants to wear this outfit and we’re bad judges.”
“Uh, okay,” she says skeptical. They step back from me and I turn in a circle. “It looks great.”
“You can’t see anything?” I ask and turn again.
“No, it looks great. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be looking for.” I turn again, “Oh!” she squeaks.
“Okay, I’m changing,” I say resigned.
“No, Addison, really I only noticed because Talon pointed it out.”
“No, it’s alright Raine, guys, I promise. It’s been noticed and that’s all I need because I will get self-conscious about it while on stage and that’s only going to make it worse. It’s alright. I promise,” I say with a small smile. “Now go, so I can change.” I shoo them all out of the room.
Taking Talon’s advice, I go for the red plaid pants with buckles on them and change into one of my black cowl neck shirts that has a band at the bottom and it balloons out a little bit down there. I have a red cami under it and I’m wearing a bra to boot. I pull on my platform boots and I’m good to go. When I leave the bedroom and enter the sitting room the guys are talking to Raine.
I spin around. “Does it look like I’m trying to hide something?” I ask honestly.
“No, you wear shirts like that all the time,” Raine says. “Not that I pay attention or anything…” She blushes.
I laugh, “Isn’t that part of your job now?”
“I suppose. But it wasn’t when I was paying attention though.” She blushes again. “But seriously, you look great.” She nods, and smiles from ear to ear.
“Addie, you look better in that than you did in that skirt. I love you in skirts but this is just more you,” Talon says.
I laugh a little. “Sort of…” I lift the front of the shirt, exposing the fact that my pants are unbuttoned at the top and dip downward.
“It’s time to go shopping, angel,” he says with a wide smile. “That can’t be that comfortable.”
“It’s not so bad, but in another week, it might be.” I smile. All pregnancy angst from earlier is gone from my system. Talon is right, it’s all worth it.
“We’ll go Sunday,” Raine says.
I cock my head at her. “That’s what we were talking about, baby girl. Raine has offered to go with you. If you want,” Kyle interjects.
I don’t know how I feel about that. Not that I have a problem with Raine. “We have a pretty busy few days and Sunday is the only down time we have. Can we wait and see how I’m feeling?”
“Absolutely,” Raine says, “but the offer is there. I can help you if you’re unsure about something. Besides, I was going anyway. I mean, we’re in New York.” She laughs, “so if you want to come along.”
“I appreciate it. Thank you for wanting to bring me with you.”
She smiles, “absolutely. Okay, I’m going to go, your dinner’s here and I need to get changed.”
“Thanks for your help,” I tell her.
She lights up. “Of course.”
She leaves the suite. “Why wouldn’t you want to go?” Talon asks.
“I don’t know. It seems pointless.”
“But if you need new clothes…”
“No, I know I do, but if I go up a size, to accommodate them, they won’t look right on me, they’ll look baggy and I’m not ready to buy maternity clothes just yet. In fact the idea of that terrifies me.”
“Aww baby girl, no one said you need to buy maternity clothes, and shopping is entirely up to you, but you seemed really comfortable in the pants you had on earlier, maybe get a few more of those. Just avoid jeans.” Kyle comes over and wraps his arms around me.
“It’s just hard.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Talon says as he comes over, that’s when I remember what’s in my purse.
“Hey, where did my purse end up?” I ask out of the blue.
“Over there.” Kyle points to a table along the bedroom wall.
“I forgot about something.” I go over and dig them out. I turn back to them, I’d put them together with the first ultrasound. “Okay, sit down.”
“You need to eat, angel.”
“Shh, I know, I will, just let me show you this first. Then we can eat.”
“Okay.” They both sit on the couch, far enough apart that I can sit between them. I take my spot.
“This is why I’m changing so fast.” I tell them, “This is the first ultrasound, last week.” I show them the original Baby A and Baby B pictures. “This is what they looked like this morning.”
I show them new Baby A and Baby B picture. “Oh my god,” Talon says.
“Look at that,” Kyle leans in and continues, “We can actually see them, they’re not just blips.” By the time Kyle is done, his voice fills with emotion. The images that they’re seeing are still just kinda a cluster of dots, but there is a little bit of shape to them.
“See, so they grow, I grow.” I look to Talon and then to Kyle. Both of their eyes are wet with tears. “Oh, jeez. I…”
“Shhh.” Talon leans forward, putting his fingers to my lips. “We’re just happy, angel. It’s okay.”
“It finally feels real,” Kyle says and I look at him. “To see them, actually see them, not just a little dot, it’s, wow.”
“Just wait, it will only get clearer,” I tell them both, fighting my own tears.
“Thank you for showing that to us,” Talon says. “They wouldn’t let me in yesterday and we weren’t there today, but we will be there every time.” Talon leans in and kisses me.
“Without fail,” Kyle adds.
“Good, because we go back next week, before we leave town.”
“Oh?” Kyle says, his eyes clearing.
“The doctor just wants to check again. At this stage, heartbeat detection is very hard, so it’s hard to determine just how well they’re doing. So he wants me back next week. Raine was scheduling the appointment during a time we were all available before we go to DC.”
They both smile. “I can’t wait,” Kyle says, kissing me. “Come on, baby girl, food!” he says with wide eyes. “Let’s feed you.”
Two grilled cheese sandwiches, a full serving of french fries and a big bowl of very good chicken noodle soup later, I’m finally stuffed.
Talon tried so hard to eat for me, but he just couldn’t do it. He did eat a little bit. I asked him why it was so hard for him and he said that he always freaks out before a show. “Ironic thing about that…until I kiss you before taking the stage.”
“What do you mean?”
“I used to freak out, it would take me two or three songs to fully get into it before I’d lose the nerves. Now, when I kiss you and take the stage, I’m totally into it.”
“So kiss me, then eat.”
He laughed, “I
wish it worked. I think a lot of it has to do with you being there. Remember Vegas and your migraine?” I nod. “I was good until I realized you guys had left. I deflated a lot that night. I got it back, but it took a couple songs. Then when you started singing with me, it energized me that much more and now the nerves still fade when I kiss you.”
“I had no idea,” I tell him.
“Well, now you know.” He smiles, “and now we have to go.”
Our tradition stands. Dex gives me a super sloppy, back at you for cock blocking me kiss that actually makes me gag, causing Raine to laugh uncontrollably. Mouse and Peacock give me my usual hug and dual cheek kisses.
When Kyle wraps his arms around me, I can feel his thumb rubbing along my pouch, just above my unbuttoned pants. Sending shivers through me. When Talon comes at me, I throw my arms around his neck and I kiss him with gusto. Tongues stroking, and full of as much love and passion as can be conveyed in a kiss.
I can feel his breathing hitch before mine. I stop the smile that spreads across my lips, ruining our kiss. He groans. “Go kick some ass, tiger!” I tell him and he backs up and onto the stage.
“Hello New York!” he yells into the microphone and the crowd goes insane.
I turn around in Kyle’s arms. “I want you to do that every show,” I tell him.
“Do what?”
“Remind me of our babies.”
I take his head in my hands and kiss him with as much passion and love as I gave Talon a few moments ago. “Not fair,” he growls as he takes my lips again. I smile and laugh, breaking our kiss.
“It is fair, that’s what I gave to Talon, you deserved it too.”
He chuckles. “How you feeling, baby girl?”
“Getting tired. This is the first day in like two weeks that I’ve been awake for an entire day. It’s tiring.”
He laughs. “That’s what happens when you’re growing panda cubs.”
His words make me smile. It’s what I said last night in the hospital. We start to dance to Talon and the band as they play through their set. Then the song before ‘Your Eyes’ comes on and the crowd starts getting riled up. They know what’s coming. Sound guy shows up attaching my microphone.
“You ready, mama?”
I blush. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Break a leg, baby girl.”
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Talon says into the microphone and the band cues up their softer version of ‘Your Eyes’. “It is an honor and a privilege to introduce you to the beautiful, amazingly talented, love of my life, Addison Beltrand!”
Deep breath, and go!
Walking out on stage is an adrenaline rush that’s better than getting a tattoo. I wave to the crowd, play it up a little bit. When I come to stand next to Talon he wraps his arm around my back and the band kicks up.
‘To Be Free’ goes amazingly well too. And this time I actually saw a tear escape Talon’s eye as we sang. I almost lost it too. That is until I looked at Kyle and I was grounded again.
The greenroom was awesome tonight. There were a few celebrities that came by too. I guess that’s what you get being in New York, it’s not that hard.
Kyle notices how badly I’m fading. “Come on, baby, let’s get you back to the hotel.”
“What about Talon?”
“He’ll be along.”
“Let me tell him,” I say with a smile.
I go over to Talon. “Hey angel, whoa, you okay?”
I smile, “I’m fading so fast. Kyle’s gonna take me back.”
“Aww, okay angel.”
I hug him. “Go out with the guys.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, I won’t make it back to the room. I am so tired and I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“You’ll have to wait another night.”
“Oh heavens no, sweetheart, go, get some sleep,” He encourages so sure and sweetly, I don’t argue with him. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He brings his lips to mine and I kiss him back with love and devotion. “Love you, angel.”
“Love you, big man.”
Kyle escorts me to the SUV and we’re off. Before we even make the security gate, I’m asleep.
I wake up when Kyle lifts me from the car. “I can walk.”
“Nonsense, I got you.”
I put my head against his chest and sleep until he lays me down. “I have to get you undressed, sweetie.”
He pulls my shirt over my head. “Clothes or no?”
“No,” I tell him. He takes off my bra and I feel his hand gently brush along my nipple. “I’m so sorry,” I say softly.
“For what?”
“Not being awake enough.”
“Oh baby girl, don’t be.”
“I told Talon to go out with the guys. Go join them.”
“No, I want to hold you tonight. I need to be near you.”
He sets out to untie my boots. Once they’re gone, I lay down and he unzips my pants. “Panties?”
“Off.” I lift my hips and he pulls down both my pants and panties. My stomach rolls. “Oh god.” I shift my legs off of the bed, nearly kicking Kyle and take off for the toilet.
“Oh no, baby girl…” Kyle comes in right behind me.
He stays with me the whole time. “I’m sorry. I was shaking you too much.”
“Cowboy…” I say between heaves, “not your fault.”
I know it takes a lot for him to say what he says next. “Okay, baby girl.”
I smile, flush and sit down on the lid waiting for the nausea to pass. He kneels in front of me. “Better?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He stands up and readies my toothbrush for me. I smile when he hands it to me and I promptly brush my teeth and he helps me stand up to spit out the paste.
“Back to bed?”
“Yes, please.” He helps me back to bed and I lay down toward his side. He strips down, but hesitates to pull off his boxers. He always sleeps naked. “I know you’re hard and I wish I had the energy to fix it.”
“No, it’s alright, I just, you’re naked and it’s hard…” he snorts a laugh, “okay, I didn’t mean it that way. But to lay, naked in bed with you isn’t easy.”
“I have an idea.” I roll over, facing Talon’s side of the bed. “Take them off.”
“Addie, I?”
“Please, let me do this.” He climbs into bed behind me. “Spoon with me.” He rolls toward me and I lift up my leg, reaching behind me, I grip his erection firmly in my hand and stroke it a couple of times.
“God Addie, that feels so good.”
I shift to better line up with him. “Take me, cowboy. I’m wet and ready for you.”
“Baby girl, I’m not going to use you to get off.”
“You’re not using me. I want this too. I just don’t have the energy.” He doesn’t do anything. “Please,” I beg.
“I can’t say no to you,” he growls, taking his erection from me. I lift up my leg. He stops, unable to get the angle right. “Put your leg down.”
“No…”
“No, I have an idea.” I put down my leg and he bends my knee, pushing it forward so that I roll a little onto my stomach. “Are you okay like this?”
“Yes.”
Then he straddles my other leg and I feel him pressing into my sex. He slides in and out slowly. Then when he’s all the way inside, he freezes, allowing me to adjust. He puts a hand on my leg, pushing it up just a little more before he leans down. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”
“No, it feels good.”
He pulls out and my nipples harden into painful peaks. He’s leaning over me as he slides in again. I twist, exposing my breast to him. He hisses through his teeth as his pace increases. He leans down and sucks my nipple into his mouth. “Argh!” I groan. “Faster,” I urge.
His strokes are long and I can feel as he uses his hips to push deeper into me. “Oh god, Kyle,” I moan. He releases my nipple as he starts to pant above me.
“You fe
el so good,” he says as he continues his long steady pace.
An orgasm is building deep in my core. “Ahh! Fuck! Faster Kyle, please, I’m gonna…ah!”
“Let it go, baby, I’m ready. I need to feel you.” My pussy clenches around his cock and he pushes into me harder and faster. “Give it to me, baby girl, let me feel you.”
My body locks down and my orgasm races outward. I cry out as my orgasm shatters me. I feel Kyle twitch and then he’s exploding inside of me. “Addison,” he cries out as his orgasm takes him completely.
He slows his strokes in and out of me and I look at him. There is a look that I’ve never seen before. It’s sad and desperate almost. His eyes are full of unshed tears. “Whoa, what’s wrong?” I ask him.
“I just love you so damn much and I can’t believe I wasted three days when I could have been with you, been inside you, been loving you. I don’t think you understand how awful I feel about what happened.”
I reach up and he brings his cheek to my hand, leaning into it. “Don’t, please. It was awful, and I never want to feel like that again, but we learned a lot about ourselves in those three days. We’ve grown stronger because of it. I don’t take it back, I won’t, and I will not let you beat yourself up over it. We’re better because of it.”
He kisses my palm. “I love you so much it hurts.”
“I know, because it hurts how much I love you.”
He pulls himself out and the sensation sends a thrill through me. I don’t want to lose the connection. He leans down and kisses me. “Let me clean you up.”
I nod and he gets off the bed.
I’m fighting my eyelids when he returns with a warm washcloth and towel. “Open for me, baby girl.” I roll onto my back and he cleans me up then dries me. He tosses the towels on the floor then adjusts so that he is sitting on his feet and he leans forward over me. Gently placing his hands on my tummy. “Good night, little ones. Sweet dreams,” he says softly against my stomach, then he kisses one side, then the other. “Love you,” he whispers. Then he crawls up my body and kisses me softly. I take his head into my hands and kiss him back. He pulls back. “Good night, baby girl.” He gives me a kiss, “sweet dreams.” He kisses me again.