Vein Fire

by Adams, Lucia

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “You’ll find out. Now how about leaving here? I got shit to do. Bring Hannah to the party tonight, if you want. I’ll help you get your hair.”

  “Wait. I need another favor.”

  “Another favor? What now?”

  “I need you to send your Hannah to the group home to pick me up and show me where this house is in Prospect.”

  “Ah, so you are going through with your f-f-f-firebomb. Okay, 6:30, after dinner and chores, she’ll park out front. And Jared—try not to creep her out, too.”

  Jared left without answering, but nodded once. Matt could see things getting worse. Jared was dangerous while medicated—un-medicated? He was lethal. And Hannah—he could see her being given a cup of poisoned juice. The image jerked at him. She was, after all, the only person, in the middle of an ordinary day, in the middle of an ordinary week, to do anything kind for him.

  CHAPTER 25

  Kindergarten Scissors

  Jared knew where Hannah kept her hairbrush, which seemed to surprise her. He told her it was a very ‘girl’ thing to keep it in the top drawer and it was just a good guess. Hannah didn’t know better. She was like a leaf dropped from a tree into a mud puddle—spinning in the wind. She sat on the bed with him and let him brush her hair. He had asked to do so and he knew she would agree. If she thought it was an odd request, she never made her feelings known.

  He was very attentive—always asking how she was, and if there was anything he could do for her. She seemed to like it, so he kept doing it. They sat on her bed—her in front of him—and he brushed small sections at a time so he could relish each special portion. The under-section had some curl to it, which he thought was cute. He twirled them around his finger, but didn’t linger, or else she might think something was off.

  He was impressed at how meticulous her routine was for getting ready to go to Matt’s party. She planned her outfit, showered, applied makeup, did her hair, and dressed—he watched it all except the shower. She seemed amused that he wanted to watch. He thought she enjoyed the attention. Jared brushing her hair was an added bonus. According to his plan, he was short on time, but stealing those extra moments with her were worth it.

  While they drove, she held his hand. It was cold, so he rubbed it. He smiled at her. He hadn’t asked her for anything yet—but he would.

  The vacant spots on Matt’s street were taken, so they parked a block over and walked. Hannah wore a little muted pink cotton dress with her black tights and shirt underneath. She carried her black sweater with one hand, and held Jared’s as they walked.

  When they entered the house, Hannah looked like she was going to panic. There were a lot of people and Jared knew she was more likely to be worried about the people she knew, than didn’t know.

  He leaned in to whisper to her, “Don’t worry, no one is here that you don’t want to run into. I made sure of it.” He hadn’t made sure of it, but he wanted her to think he was the person who would do such things for her.

  Jared watched for Matt’s reaction to Hannah arriving. He showed nothing, but Jared knew better. Matt was able to hide things. Matt nodded to them from the living room and pointed into the kitchen, “Help yourselves to a beer.”

  They did—they both had a beer and mingled. Hannah talked to people, despite her tendency to pull herself inward. The lights made her skin glow. She smiled when Jared smoothed her hair back. He kissed her and called her his little bird. He couldn’t remember feeling so happy before. It was a child-like emotion—something close to the anticipation of Christmas.

  He didn’t need to look to see if Matt had been watching them. They were both watchers—it was to be expected. Matt played along with Hannah number two, as though they were seriously dating. Jared knew better. Matt didn’t give a shit about the other girl. He was using her. It was part of the plan, and luckily for Matt, he could enjoy the perks of the lascivious Hannah number two.

  Jared needed to make his eleven o’clock curfew and at nine o’clock, he was starting to worry he would run out of time to get the hair. He caught Matt’s attention and nodded his head at him.

  Within a few minutes, Matt made his way over to them. “I’m gonna go upstairs to smoke, do you guys wanna come?”

  Hannah looked at Jared before answering. “Can we?” He smiled, pet her hair, and nodded at her.

  Snaking between people and precariously positioned cups half full of liquor, the three started to climb the stairs. Hannah number two saw them and bounced like a little gazelle towards the stairs. She whispered, “Me too,” into Hannah’s ear.

  The upstairs bedroom remained empty except for garbage bags full of clothes, unpacked boxes, and a patched together coffee table. They all sat around it as Matt poured a pile of Xanax onto the table. Under the cellophane removed from his pack of cigarettes, he slid the Xanax and crushed them with the bottom of his lighter. He used the edge of his cigarette box to cut the pile into thick lines of white powder.

  He tossed a cut off straw onto the table. “Okay, girls, you’re up. I want those lines gone by the time I’m done getting the H ready.”

  Hannah number two jumped forward to go first. She tucked her hair back and bent over the coffee table with her ass poking out. Matt gave it a quick smack as she held the straw to her nose and then trailed it up a line as it disappeared. She handed Hannah the straw. “You’re next.”

  Hannah did it the exact same way, but Jared held her hair back and encouraged her to do two lines in a row. She listened, like a good girl. Jared was pleased. She rubbed her nose, “Fuck! That goes right between my legs.” Only the Xanax made her talk like that. Matt smiled, and Jared noticed.

  “Okay, who wants to go first?” Matt asked. “Actually, fuck it. We can all have straws.” He pulled two more out of his pocket and handed each girl their own. “You in, Jared?”

  Jared scowled at him. “No.”

  Matt shrugged, “Let’s go, girls.” He held the flame under the foil and as soon as the smoke started rising, the three of them greedily inhaled it.

  Matt kept producing the powder-filled wax stamp bags and liquefying it for them, until the girls were droopy-eyed.

  “I’m so high,” Hannah said. She leaned against the wall and took sips of her beer. She had the metabolism of a kitten.

  “I need to fuck.” Hannah number two said, laughing. She kissed Matt and they began making out. He stopped and crushed up another line of Xanax.

  “This is for you.” He pointed at Hannah. She didn’t move. She had a distant look in her eyes. “Hannah, c’mon. Do it.”

  Without changing her expression, she crawled to the table and inhaled the line. When she was done, she licked the top of the table, and rocked back on her knees while she held Matt’s gaze. She slid beside Jared and kissed him deeply before leaning against the wall and reacquiring her blank look.

  “What are you thinking about?” Jared whispered to her.

  She laughed faintly and smiled for a second. “A bathtub.”

  “A bathtub?”

  “Yes, full to the top with lots of bubble piled high— just leaning back in the tub and letting it swallow me so I can listen to the crackle as the bubbles pop.”

  “That’s pretty.” Jared pushed a piece of her hair off of her cheek, but she didn’t hear him. Her eyes were closed and he imagined she was in the bathtub.

  “Happy?” Matt asked, pushing Hannah number two off of his lap.

  “You didn’t give her too much, did you?” Jared asked.

  “She’ll be fine. She’s taken more than that before.”

  “How long will she be out?” Jared leaned her head against his shoulder.

  “A couple of hours, I dunno. It’s late, maybe she’ll sleep all night.”

  “All night?” Jared shrieked. “I can’t leave her here all night.”

  “Why not? She’ll be fine. We’ll keep an eye on her.” Matt nodded towards Hannah number two. “If she pisses herself, Hannah will help he
r.”

  “Pisses herself?” Jared sounded disgusted.

  “Yeah, that shit happens. She’s got a fuckload of benzo’s pumping through her. I’ll go downstairs and find someone to give you a ride home before curfew. You need scissors or anything?” Matt asked.

  “Scissors? What for?” Hannah number two was suddenly interested in their conversation.

  “Go downstairs.” Matt instructed her.

  “But…”

  “Now.”

  Jared was impressed with how well the girl listened to Matt. She didn’t utter another word, but staggered to her feet and found the door.

  “No, I have scissors.” Jared pulled a pair of small scissors out of his pocket.

  “Kindergarten scissors? You’re going to cut her hair with kindergarten scissors?”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Jared looked at the small plastic and metal scissors.

  “They cut like shit. Do you want another pair?”

  Jared set the scissors down. “No, I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes after I find you a ride, so hurry up and cut before someone walks in on you doing something incredibly creepy to a passed out girl.”

  Jared’s scowl was lost on the back of the door as Matt closed it behind him. He lifted Hannah off of his shoulder and carefully laid her down. He knew exactly which piece he wanted—he had found it earlier while he was brushing her hair. He turned her head, located the section, and separated it with his fingers. It was in the back, but a nice sized chunk, so he wasn’t sure if she would notice it.

  He pushed the scissor blades as close to her scalp as he could and snipped. The cheap blades bowed outward at the pivot point as he snipped. He had nicked her scalp and it started to bleed a little bit. Leaning down, he kissed the bloody spot.

  Wrapping the hair in a piece of tissue, he folded it neatly and slipped it inside a baggie which he then tucked inside his pocket. He stretched Hannah out, methodically lifted her arms from her sides, straightened her legs, and smoothed out all of the wrinkles in her clothes. He brushed her hair with his fingers until it fanned out perfectly from her head. She looked like a little bird-doll to him. He wanted to peek at her secrets under the clothes, but did not want to disrupt the image he had created. Crouched over her body, he was startled when Matt opened the door. He stepped inside the room, dousing Hannah’s body with yellow light from the hallway.

  “God, you’re a creepy fuck. I got you a ride—they’re waiting.”

  “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” Matt didn’t answer Jared and there was a long pause. “Just one more minute.”

  “If you smack one off over her body, she’ll know when she wakes up and there’s no way I’m taking the blame for that one.”

  Jared was still crouched over her, almost as though he was guarding her and coveting her at the same time. “Fuck off. I’d never do that to her. She’s not some whore, you know.”

  “Yes,” Matt said, “I know.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Mason Jar

  Matt heard Hannah wake up and walk to the bathroom before coming down the stairs. Everyone had left besides Hannah number two. They were about to smoke before going to bed.

  Hannah paused on the second from last step. “Where’s Jared?”

  “He left.” Matt said.

  “What time is it?”

  “Just after five.”

  “It’s Saturday?” her voice was small, like a little girl’s.

  “Yeah—Saturday.”

  Hannah number two lifted her head from Matt’s shoulder. “Come sit down, we’re going to smoke.”

  “I—I should probably go.”

  “Sit, Hannah.” Matt pointed to the couch. “It’s the weekend. You need more fun in your life.”

  Hannah listened to Matt. He tried not to look at her. He didn’t care what either of the two girls would think if he stared at her, but he had a time and a purpose for everything.

  He slit the bags open, carefully, and prepared to smoke with the girls. It was a mindless action for him now—he’d done it so many times. He had a plan, and he was saturated in the electricity of it.

  The three huddled together with their straws, chasing smoke wisps with pressed smiles and squinted eyes. They pulled away, laughing. Matt’s imagination was cottony and luminescent. He smiled because Hannah smiled. He wanted her to stop—he did. He knew her habit had crossed over into her pill stash when she wasn’t with him. She walked the glass rim carelessly if she’d allowed Marcus to shoot her up more than once. He’d have to talk to her about it. Later.

  “Kiss.” Matt’s dazed smile was drowning in want. “You two—kiss—for me. I want to see it.”

  Hannah number two was as predictable as monsoon rains. She cupped Hannah’s face between her hands and kissed her softly. Hannah took the kiss and then sat back on her legs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

  “Kiss more.”

  They listened, both of them—as he told them what to do. They undressed each other and explored under his direction, putting rosebud mouths on each other’s breasts and fingers where they became lost. He watched, as he liked to do.

  “Make her cum.” Both girls looked at him, not sure who he was speaking to. “The other Hannah, you,” he said, pointing to his girlfriend. “Make her cum.”

  With her face buried between two scarred thighs, she carefully explored her with her mouth. Matt rearranged his erection. Only one of the girls was still new to this—he could tell—and she was lost somewhere on her carpet of dreams, smiling. She kept her eyes closed and he wondered if it was the drugs, or if she was pretending it wasn’t a girl making her feel so good.

  When she started to orgasm, her legs closed around Hannah number two’s head, who just increased her speed. Her voice cracked in small gasps. She was ready. Matt moved Hannah number two aside and lifted Hannah’s legs up over his shoulders. He missed the weight of her legs on him.

  She opened her eyes when he entered her, inhaling as he plunged to her very bottom. Hannah number two moved above her and started to position herself on Hannah’s face.

  “No, she’s not eating you out, just kiss her.”

  Obedient—both of them; he was pleased. He withdrew from Hannah and stood.

  “Both of you, on your knees, like last time.”

  They were both eager, fighting over him like two hungry kittens. Matt arched his head back. He had fantasized about it for so long. They were both beautiful and willing with their outstretched tongues and open mouths.

  “Enough, on your knees, side by side.”

  He took time with both of them, switching back and forth, pushing their hips back into him, grinding furiously as he sampled the girls. When he was ready, he stood and pulled them both by their hair so they were once upon him with anticipation of which he would empty his load into. When it was time, he evenly spread it across the faces and lips of both girls.

  He stepped back, “Clean each other’s faces off.”

  Hannah looked around for something to use, but Hannah number two came at her with a lapping tongue. Cute licks were exchanged between the two girls as they laughed and kissed.

  When they were done, everyone dressed and Matt prepared more heroin for them to smoke. The two Hannah’s seemed to like each other more now, but if it wasn’t for the drugs, he would have expected some sort of tension.

  After they smoked, Hannah number two relaxed on the couch until she fell asleep. Hannah lay on the carpet, with her eyes closed, making carpet angels like she usually did.

  “Where are you at, Angel?”

  “I’m in a Mason jar with holes poked in the lid. Someone stuck a dandelion in with me. I tried to climb out, but the glass was too slippery. I’m okay though—I see the world and the world sees me, but the world sees something I want to see. I’ll be safe in the jar.”

  “That’s beautiful, Angel.”

  Matt stood up from the couch and curled next to Hannah on the floor. She stop
ped sliding her arms and legs against the carpet and let him cradle her. He could tell she was holding her breath.

  “Breathe, Hannah.”

  She exhaled, and then inhaled.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he said.

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “Things would be different if you’d only let them.”

  Tears escaped out of the corners of her eyes, down her temples, and became lost in the spirals of her ears.

  CHAPTER 27

  Doll Heart

  Hannah woke up alone and sore on Matt’s living room carpet. On the couch were Matt and the other Hannah, quietly sleeping. She tried to remember what happened, but she decided she’d do that later. She tiptoed as she gathered her things and snuck out of the house.

  The walk up the block to her car was shameful. She smelled liked cum and beer and the back of her hair tangled into a cascade of knots. She hurt and wanted to hurry home to swallow some pills. As she reached her car door, she noticed her dress was on backwards. She sighed and slid the key into the lock. Shaking her head, she realized she couldn’t count on herself for much of anything.

  Part of the way home, Hannah recalled everything—the threesome, and the things Matt said to her. He watched her too—all night—she kept catching him, but he was unapologetic and did not look away. During the sex—he favored her—he did! How he kissed her, fucking her first, and not letting the other Hannah sit on her. Ironed into the fabric of her mind, she knew these things were true and not hopes she shabbily pieced together with an agenda.

  It panged in her gut—whatever it was, and she felt ready for it. Matt was her paradox. It did not make sense that she should feel this way about him. His fascination with her was part of it, but not entirely what was making her organs collapse inward onto their own walls. She wanted him.

  Stupid! You’re trying to fix things in your past by being with him. You are fucking nuts. And when you woke up, who was he sleeping beside? Remember that.