by Joe Jackson
There was a priest sitting in the commons reading a paper. “Good morning, Master Warner,” Kari greeted him with a formal salute.
The human looked up and smiled. “Good morning, Commander,” he returned, and rose to his feet. He was about Kari’s height but a little heavier, with green eyes and, like the others of Zalkar’s clerics, close-cropped hair. He was wearing his robes even though he wasn’t officially on duty. He offered his hand, and he and Kari shook. “What can I do for you?”
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Kari said. “It’s hard for me to put into words, though, and I’m afraid you might think I’m crazy.”
“Nonsense,” the priest said. “Please, have a seat and tell me what’s on your mind.”
Kari sat in across from Master Warner. She took a deep breath and held it for a few moments before she let it out. “How much do you know about my hunt down in Barcon a few months ago?” she asked.
“I was briefed on the types of enemies you fought and possible repercussions, but not a terrible lot of detail, I’m afraid,” he said. “Does this also have to do with your recent foray to – what is it called now? – Mehr’Durillia?”
Kari sighed. “Yes, Master,” she answered. She was already finding it hard to put her thoughts into words, so she figured she should just start at the beginning and see how they flowed. “During the hunt in Barcon, I fought a half-syrinthian, half-succubus called Turillia. She was a vicious, evil thing, intent on becoming a goddess or, at least, a demon king. It seemed to me that she wanted to get to a position where she could hurt as many people as she possibly could, because she was rejected by her father’s people.”
“I see,” he responded. “But you killed her and stopped her, yes?”
Kari nodded. “I did. But I felt strange after she was killed…like a part of me had been killed at the same time,” she said, which drew a surprised look from the priest. “I’ve been trying to sort through that feeling ever since, master. I was abused as a child, so I sort of know what Turillia went through, and I find that I pitied her more than hated her for what she did and was trying to do. I guess…”
Master Warner didn’t interrupt, even when Kari paused and looked away to the side. After a minute to collect her thoughts, Kari continued, “When Turillia was dead and I looked at her, I realized that I had almost ended up the same way. If it wasn’t for the kindness of one of the Order’s hunters when I was younger, I might have ended up a robber, or a murderer, or even something worse. When I looked at her, I realized I was one of the lucky ones; that the only real difference between someone like her and me is that I escaped that life.”
“No, no,” Master Warner countered, shaking his head, and he waved off Kari’s words. “The difference between you and someone like Turillia is your heart, Lady Vanador. Even had Turillia grown up in a good home, well-treated by her father and whatever family he had, she still would have turned out rotten. That’s a product of being half-succubus; they are demons with rotten hearts, and their children end up the same.”
“You’re wrong,” Kari said. “Eliza Chinchala is half-succubus, and she doesn’t have a rotten heart.”
Master Warner conceded that point with a nod. “Perhaps not, but neither do you; that was my point,” the priest returned. “Ultimately, what we are and what we become in life is based on the choices we make, Lady Vanador. And that comes from the heart. Our families, our schooling, even our faith and our emotional scars have an effect on who we become, but in the end, the choice is ours to make. Turillia had a choice when she came to our world: she could follow the orders of her evil masters, and kill and try to steal power to become a goddess, or she could abandon that life, defect to the service of the pantheon – much like Eliza’s father did – and become, if not a champion of good, at least not an enemy of it. She could have faded into obscurity and simply refused to return evil for evil with regard to her past. But that’s not what she did, is it? She chose to be rotten, and that came from the heart. I’m not sure what you went through as a young woman, Lady Vanador, but ultimately, you chose to do the right thing, to become an upstanding person, to try to make a difference. And what a difference you’ve made.”
Kari shook her head. “That’s what everyone tells me,” she said, and she held her hand up to stop the priest from interrupting. “And I do believe it, Master. I just can’t explain what I felt when I held Turillia when she was dead. As you said, it has to do with my trip to Mehr’Durillia, too, because while I was there, I….”
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Master Warner asked when Kari trailed off. Kari nodded and the priest went over and retrieved the kettle, still full of steamy water. He brought a teacup and served Kari quietly, then sat down and waited patiently for Kari to continue.
Kari fixed herself a cup and took a sip. It was still hot, but not so much that it burned her. She thought it could use a spoon of sugar, but instead she simply clung to it and let the feeling of warmth that it spread through her calm her nerves. She took in a deep breath, and continued, “I caused someone’s death while I was on Mehr’Durillia: a young mallasti girl who hadn’t even seen twenty summers yet. It wasn’t directly my fault, but she died for, or because of what I was doing there. And then I also encountered Turillia’s sister and mother, both of whom were trying to find and kill me.”
“It sounds as though you’ve been through a lot in a short period,” the priest encouraged.
Kari nodded. “Maybe that’s all it is,” she said. “Maybe it’s just that I’m tired. I’ve now spent the better part of two lifetimes hunting demons, and I think it’s starting to catch up to me. It’s just…I ‘killed’ Turillia, and now her family is after me; I caused Uldriana’s – the mallasti – I caused her death, and even though they don’t blame me, her family doesn’t like me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m making things worse.”
“Why did you become a hunter?” Master Warner prompted, and Kari tilted her head and met his eyes. “What drove you to join the Order?”
Kari remembered her explanation to Erik in the czarikk village three years before; of how the sight of what the sylinth had done to the czarikk people was a reminder of why she did what she did. “Honestly, just seeing all the damage the demons caused. At the time, it was mostly the serilis-rir, but when I started encountering the Mehr’Durillians, I realized they were even worse. Someone had to protect our people, and I felt like if it wasn’t me, who was going to do it?”
“Exactly,” the priest said. “Don’t let the demons – or serilis-rir or Mehr’Durillians or whatever we’ve decided to call them today – fool you into thinking you’re responsible for what they sow and what they reap, Lady Vanador. At times, your actions may create issues, but to go back to what we discussed about Turillia, that’s a result of their hearts and choices, not yours.”
“Maybe it was because I couldn’t save them,” Kari said quietly, looking out one of the front windows to the brightly lit courtyard. She knew in her heart that she couldn’t hold herself responsible for failing to save Turillia and Uldriana from their respective fates, but a part of her wondered if she had tried hard enough. Turillia would have been a herculean task, but even at the time, Kari had wanted to take Uldriana and flee Sorelizar once she found out the specifics of their plan.
Master Warner gasped lightly, and Kari turned toward him. He was staring at her, and she realized Zalkar’s symbol was glowing in light blue upon her loosely-fastened breastplate. “Do you know why this keeps happening?” she asked, but Master Warner seemed at a loss. “I’m not under a Blood Oath, so I don’t know why it keeps doing this. It did this in front of King Sekassus, it did it when I spoke with Uldriana’s family after her death, and it’s done it a few times since then, too.”
“I’m not exactly sure, but I suspect it is something the Council should know about,” he answered. “I will go and confer with them when we’re done here. In the meantime, I think what you need to do is focus on your reasons for becoming a hunter. Focus on the re
ason you killed Turillia, and not on the reasons you think you shouldn’t have; remember that she had killed dozens of people and had no plans to stop. Concentrate on the fact that you killed her to defend others, and not out of any personal malice of your own.”
Kari nodded; she knew all that already. It was hard to quantify to someone else; Turillia, like Eryn, was simply a representation of what Kari could have become given a few more bad decisions or without the aid of Mick Jacobs. More than that, though, she was beginning to feel as though her only use to the Order was to put people to the sword, and that made her wonder if she was really any better than an Eryn or a Turillia. Yes, she did what she did to defend people, but the end result was still the same: she left a pile of bodies in her wake, and uncounted shattered families with them.
Maybe I am just tired, Kari thought. She’d had a peaceful three years of administrative duties while she birthed and raised her son, but the months since then had been overwhelmingly chaotic. She didn’t imagine many people would do the things she’d done in the last few months and just go about their life normally after. The wounds, spiritual and physical, of her hunt in Barcon and her trip to Mehr’Durillia were painful, but they would fade with time. And time was something she was soon to have in abundance, with her pregnancy nearing the halfway point.
She had so much to look forward to: raising another child; teaching Little Gray to speak the common tongue and getting him prepared for proper schooling; and, not the least, owning and running her own home for the first time. Kari had never had a home since the day she’d run away at the age of fourteen. Now, she was not only coming into possession of a home and a substantial amount of property, but she had a mate and would soon have two children, along with a family, to share that home and its benefits with. The thoughts spread another warmth through her, and Zalkar’s symbol began glowing again.
It occurred to Kari after a minute that the prospects of home and family might be why the results of her most recent hunts were so much harder for her to deal with. In all her previous years as a hunter, she had been a loner. Certainly she’d had friends and even the occasional short-term lover, but ultimately, she was responsible only to herself. Now, though, she had a mate and a child – soon to be two children – to consider, and her battle with Turillia and her foray into the underworld had been the first missions she’d undertaken under those conditions. It all seemed to make sense to Kari then: the reason she’d even wondered about Turillia’s family and upbringing, and why Uldriana’s death had touched her so poignantly.
“I think I understand now, Master,” she said to the priest, and she turned away from the bright front window with a smile and faced him. “I feel much better. Thank you for speaking with me.”
Master Warner rose from his seat and approached, and Kari stood before him. He put a hand to her shoulder and nodded his head. “This is why we all work together: to support and bolster each other, Lady Vanador,” he said. “I’m happy to speak with you any time. If you find that you are confused or suffering, don’t hesitate to talk to someone or ask for help! Remember always that you are not a solitary soldier, but a part of a whole.”
“Thank you, Master,” Kari said. She turned and headed out to the courtyard, and he followed after her, apparently intent on going to speak with the Council about the unsummoned symbol of their lord that kept appearing on Kari’s chest. She understood that at times, like the tingle in her brain that she felt when Sakkrass agreed with her, Zalkar’s symbol showed that he was in agreement with her thoughts and feelings. Still, when she was angry or feeling vengeful, she wanted to make sure that his symbol was an agreement, and not a warning. The Council would know better than she on that.
Kari checked the hour by the position of the sun and realized she still had plenty of time before she had to meet with Eli and Danilynn at her office. She tried to decide what she wanted to do next. There wasn’t much that required her attention, but that just made her feel like she wasn’t doing her job. Surely there had to be more to being head of the Order than just making sure everyone else was doing their job, but then, when she was tethered to the campus and the city because of her pregnancy, she supposed maybe there wasn’t. Fortunately, before she spent too much time trying to reach a decision on what to do, she saw that there was a special guest on the grounds of the Order.
Amastri cut a striking figure standing on the courtyard before the administrative office building, and she drew no small amount of interest from the guards in the area. The half-elven woman saw Kari even at a distance, and Kari could easily see Amastri’s smile well before she reached her. Kari wanted to get the servant of a demon king off the grounds as fast as possible, so she merely blurted a quick hello and gestured for Amastri to follow. The half-elven woman offered no arguments, only returning as hasty a hello before she fell into step.
Amastri followed Kari to her office past the curious stares of the administrative staff who, thankfully, didn’t pose any questions. Amastri had been in Kari’s office before, but the demonhunter was still leery about giving everyone the impression that she and Koursturaux’ servant were close. Kari had to wonder if taking Amastri to her office quickly and quietly was actually more damaging than letting everyone know she was there, but she had to shake it off. In the end, it wasn’t anyone’s business but Kari’s, unless she chose to make it someone else’s.
Kari gestured to the seat across from her desk, and then she moved toward her own. She paused for a minute and took off her breastplate and girdle, which were getting more restrictive every day as her belly expanded. Soon she just took off all of her armor but the leggings, and she imagined she must look amusing in only her padded clothes from the waist up. Amastri kept whatever she thought of Kari’s attire to herself, as seemed typical, not even allowing one of her trademark smiles to dominate the slightly cat-like features of her half-elven face.
“What can I do for you?” Kari asked at last.
“On this occasion, Lady Vanador, it is what I can do for you,” Amastri answered. “I have received word from Her Majesty’s other courtiers since we last spoke, and the news they have passed along should be of great interest to you. I have also received a response from one of my other contacts regarding another matter of interest to you; one I have inquired about apart from Her Majesty’s knowledge or consent.”
“You’re not going to get yourself in trouble, are you?” Kari asked. She wasn’t sure why she really cared, but Amastri hadn’t done anything more than serve a questionable master to this point. She was, as the Council had pointed out, a valuable source of information, and Kari had to admit she didn’t want to see the woman harmed by her own master.
Amastri waved off the question. “As long as I serve Her Majesty fully and completely, and my personal interests run neither counter to nor more important than her own, she should not take issue with what I do for you on the side. On that note, allow me to address Her Majesty’s interests first and foremost. She has answered your response to her invitation positively, saying that she will re-extend her invitation once you have given birth and your child has reached a sufficient age to travel to Her Majesty’s realm. I will tell you, Lady Vanador, that Her Majesty expects that you will honor your own excuse and make time for her in the near future. If your excuse was nothing more than a polite way to refuse her altogether, your relationship with Her Majesty will sour, if not dissolve completely.”
Kari nodded. “Honestly, I am kind of interested in meeting her,” she said. “This just isn’t the best time for it, obviously. Especially not so soon after I aggravated Sekassus.”
“When you travel to see Her Majesty, you will be afforded protection the entire way,” the half-elven woman said. “As I told you, your safety would be guaranteed.”
“We’ll see how things work out,” Kari said, and she gestured for Amastri to continue.
Amastri leaned back and crossed one ankle delicately over the other. “Word has come from several of Her Majesty’s agents that our mutual frie
nd, Taesenus, appears to have become a servant of King Abaddon. They have not been able to pass along news of his exact whereabouts, but he has passed through the realm of Vistarra openly, which suggests he is working directly with the king. For now, this means Her Majesty cannot touch him, but if he makes the mistake of returning here to Citaria or leaving Vistarra for anywhere but Anthraxis itself, his life will be in mortal danger.”
“King Koursturaux is that angry with him, too?” Kari asked. “We might just end up having to compete to see who cuts his head off and hangs it from their belt.”
Amastri regarded Kari curiously, turning her head slightly to the side, but there was a trace of amusement in her lips and her eyes. “To put it plainly, Lady Vanador, Her Majesty is furious with your so-called Demon Prince. Thievery alone carries a strict enough punishment in Mas’tolinor, let alone when it is accomplished through an act of violence. However, to steal from Her Majesty herself through an act of violence…well, I will leave the consequences of such to your imagination, and tell you that what you can imagine would pale next to what Her Majesty would actually do. So, yes, Taesenus has, to put it the way your people might, signed his own death warrant where Her Majesty is concerned. That sword was, by right, Her Majesty’s, and she will not allow this insult to go unanswered or unpunished.”
“What can I expect from her here, on Citaria?” Kari asked. “The last thing I need is a bunch of Mehr’Durillian assassins prowling around my world looking for Taesenus and causing all kinds of problems. Will she leave hunting him here to me and my Order, at least?”
“Unlikely,” Amastri said. “However, I will convey your concerns to Her Majesty. She may at least be willing to keep any work she has done here small and very quiet, for your sake.”
“Would they work with us to track down and kill Taesenus?” Kari asked. “We may as well pool our resources, since we have a common goal where that idiot is concerned.”