by Anya Summers
And that was her big mistake. Letting her emotions get the better of her was a bad idea for her. Her therapist probably wouldn't agree but that was beside the point.
"I have to go meet Declan, will you be fine on your own for a bit?" Zoey asked as she gathered up a towel, and wrapping it around her.
God Lucy was going to miss this! She'd be spending time at their favorite beach in Cali, alone. It hurt to breathe but she pasted a smile on her face. From her lounging position in the pool, Lucy glanced at her best friend while avoiding a certain section of the lounge chairs.
"You know me, I'm always good. Go meet your honey. Give him a kissy kiss for me." She waved her off.
"Do you want to go to the DFC tonight? Since it's your last night, if you'd rather not, I would be totally fine with it. We could have a girl's night and watch movies or something," Zoey offered, and Lucy was touched.
Fighting back a self-indulgent sniffle, she chose door number two, where she was less likely to bawl like a baby. "What the hell, let's do the DFC one more time together."
"Great. I will meet you after dinner. Mrs. Stewart can deliver to your room if you'd like."
"Sounds lovely. See you later." And that, it seemed, was that. Their time had dwindled into moments.
Zoey left her alone in the poolroom. Lucy drifted on her raft. The warm, lapping water should have calmed her. Swimming always had in the past. Except every time she glanced over at the lounge chairs, she remembered that first crazy night with Jesse.
How had he come to mean so much to her in such a short amount of time? Or was she just that needy and sex starved that the moment a man so much as crooked a finger at her, she was damn near wagging her tail in joy?
The longer she floated around the pool, the more agitated and unsettled she became with the knowledge that she was trying to stave off the inevitable. Disgusted with herself for being such a scared ninny, Lucy finally left the pool. Her skin was all damp and wrinkly from her long stay in the water. Wrapping the black microfiber robe about her form, she headed to the elevator and rode it up to the fourth floor.
Her stomach and heart fluttered madly as she approached his bedroom door. Why should she be so scared? Was she worried that she had been right in that she'd been nothing more than a fling, a chance for him to experience the dark side? She swallowed a deep breath as she raised her hand to knock on his door. Then she rapped against the wood.
She waited, and waited some more before she knocked a second time.
When there was no response a second time, Lucy tried the silver door handle. The door swung inward without restriction. She knew before she entered that the room was empty. Jesse's larger than life essence was completely absent from the space. She checked the bathroom, just to be sure, before she left, feeling deflated.
She'd find him. He had to be in this gargantuan manor somewhere. Granted, he could be living it up with that Veronica chick.
Lucy went to her room, ordered dinner from the kitchens, and showered. Her movements were more mechanical and innate. How could it be that a mere twenty-four hours before she'd been thrilled about getting ready to go to the club? It was a stark night and day difference that was readily apparent. A part of her would rather sit around and mope with a pint of mint chocolate chip than head into the dungeon again.
The only thing that stopped her from doing just that was the certainty that she would have more than enough nights shortly, once she returned stateside, to wallow in self-pity.
Instead of delving into Zoey's stores of BDSM clothing, Lucy chose jeans that hugged her curves like they had been lacquered on, her black, knee-high stiletto boots, and a black peek a boo blouse that opened in the back to her waist.
There was a knock on the door and her breath caught. Hope bubbled in her chest.
"Come in," she called out.
Mrs. Stewart pushed the door open with her generous hips, rolling in a cart laden with Lucy's meal.
"Here you are, dear. I even grabbed a bottle of that wine you and Miss Zoey have been enjoying so much. Is there anything else I can get you this evening?"
"Um, actually… Could you tell me where Jesse Noble is tonight? I needed to talk to him."
"Mister Noble left Mullardoch this afternoon. He had a hearing in London, or so Master Declan said."
And he didn't bother to tell me that he was leaving? "I see." She cleared her throat at the sudden tightness choking her. "Thank you. That will be all."
"You're welcome. Have a nice night." Mrs. Stewart had the sweetest disposition known to mankind. She always made Lucy think of Mrs. Claus, with her rounded curves and motherly face.
"You do the same." Lucy blinked back tears. All the air had been sucked from the room. He'd left without even saying anything to her, although she wasn't without blame, since she had told him point blank to leave her alone. Great going, genius!
Lucy ate but barely tasted her meal. Her heart mired in turmoil. Why did it hurt so terribly if it had only been a fling? If what he had said was true this morning, that nothing had happened with Veronica, had she made a fatal mistake with their relationship?
Lucy finished getting herself ready for the DFC on autopilot, styling her hair and make-up. It didn't matter what she looked like tonight. The person she wanted to see most wouldn't be there.
Instead of waiting for Zoey, Lucy headed to the DFC on her own. She remembered the key code Zoey had used to get down there the other night. It was early yet when she stepped off the elevator. The normal crowd, at least what she had seen as a normal crowd for a private club in the middle of nowhere, had barely begun streaming in.
Lucy headed straight for the bar, avoiding contact with the rest of the crowd. She should want to find another male to dominate, someone who could take her mind off Jesse for the evening. But there was a reason he'd stood out from the crowd that first night. He had this bad boy vibe with a smile that melted her from the inside out. His damn smile should be illegal in fifty countries.
Lucy felt like a total idiot. She'd forgotten one of her own cardinal life rules; never let yourself fall for a fling. He'd barely had to do more than smile at her with that wicked knowing grin of his that told you in all of two seconds he was more than willing to join in whatever naughty desire could pop into your head.
"What will you have, lass?" Jared, ever the attentive barkeep, asked as she settled on a stool at the bar. Their relationship had eased into a somewhat uneasy camaraderie in the few days she'd been there.
"Jamieson on the rocks, please," she responded. Wine just wouldn't do for tonight. She needed something much stronger than her usual.
He quirked a brow but said nothing as he poured the burnished copper liquid into a glass and set it before her. He studied her as she took a swig. The whisky hit with a potent burn as it slid down her throat, warming her belly.
"Something wrong, lass?"
The irony of it made a sharp laugh trill out of her. "Only my entire life."
"Want to talk about it?" For the first time, she truly saw Jared's charm and actually felt bad for the guy. He was in love with her best friend and Zoey didn't even know it.
"Not really, but what the hell. I think I messed up getting involved with Jesse. I knew from the beginning it was a piss poor idea but I failed to listen to logic. I mean, seriously, what the hell was I thinking? We're both Doms, for pity's sake. It was a bad idea from the start and after finding him with the sub this morning—"
"What sub?" Jared interjected with a serious look clouding his features.
"Veronica. I walked in on them. Well, let's just say if I had gotten there five minutes earlier, I might have really walked in on something," she explained, and took another swig of burning amber liquid. She didn't actually like the damn stuff but usually by the time she finished a glass or two, she could no longer taste it.
"Lucy; Jesse and Veronica are not together. They haven't been for months."
Of course because Jesse has a penis, Jared is going to defend him. "Haha, that's certainly not the wa
y it looked this morning, with the two of them all naked and stuff."
Jared digested this new bit of information before replying, "Did you actually talk to Jesse about it?"
"No. I sort of threw him out of my room."
Jared snorted. "Figures. Look, from one Dom to the other, if you aren't being honest with each other and willing to talk then you're right, it was a bad idea. I can tell you that I know Jesse, and if he said he wasn't with her then he wasn't."
Lucy glanced into his eyes and knew he spoke the truth. Jared would never bandy words with her. He didn't like her enough to sugarcoat anything for her. "Look at you with all the answers. So tell me Obi-wan, what should I do?"
"You're both Doms, Lucy; did you ever once stop to ask yourself what it was that Jesse needed? Because if for one moment you ignored his needs above your own, it makes you a piss poor Domme."
Bullseye strike to the heart. The son of a bitch was right. Taking a swig of whisky, she hated the taste; she conceded a point to Jared with her glass. "You're right. So since you're such a font of information, how would you fix it?"
"If he's what you want? Easy, sometimes the best thing a Dom can do is surrender to what their sub needs. Think about it."
She tilted her head to the side with a half grin. "You know, you're not the total asshole I thought you were."
At that Jared chuckled, the rich deep flavor of his voice filling the bar area. "Ditto, lass."
"Thanks for the pep talk. Take care of my girl for me, okay?" Lucy slid off the stool.
"I will."
She placed a hand over his. "I know."
Then she left the DFC. She had arrangements to make as the kernel of an idea planted itself in her brain. At the elevator, the doors opened and out stepped Veronica in a typical schoolgirl costume. The woman clearly didn't have a creative bone in her tiny little body.
Veronica laughed when she spied Lucy. "So sorry you had to witness the scene between Jesse and me. He's always been such a volatile Master."
And Lucy saw red. She gripped the smaller woman by the pigtails, pushing her against the wall as she screeched, "Let's get one thing straight. If you ever come near my sub again, I will personally filet you into such small bits, sharks will have to search the whole ocean just to find a full mouthful." She shoved Veronica away with a damning look.
Jared was there behind her, a sardonic grin on his face as he ushered Veronica into the DFC and over to the spanking horse. Lucy didn't hear what he said to her but at her unrepentant screech, something told her that Jared was planning to get to the bottom of this morning's fiasco with some much needed discipline.
Lucy appreciated the gesture. When the doors opened again, she stepped onto the elevator, heading upstairs to put her affairs in order. Her first stop was to see her best friend's fiancé along the way, and from there she had a plane to catch.
Her end of the year accounts could wait. She was overdue for an extended vacation anyway. And she had a feeling she was going to need one in order to pin Jesse down.
Chapter Thirteen
The indulgent wealth of his room at the Ritz Carlton barely registered as Jesse reclined against the headboard, the covers over his lap. He should be dog ass tired considering he'd barely slept a wink last night. He fingered his lucky key chain that held the key to his very first racecar; the one he'd built from the ground up when he was sixteen. He'd loved that cherry red Chevy Impala. He and his buddy Jake had added modifications to the engines to make it faster, make the fuel injector pump more efficiently. He'd won his first handful of drag races in that car. Lost his virginity in the back seat, too.
And now, in a matter of hours, that whole chapter of his life would be done. It already was, the hearing was nothing more than a formality with FIA since they'd already issued a ruling. Over and over he replayed every race; the wins, the losses and, more importantly, how one stupid mistake had cost him everything. Or at least, that was how he had felt over the course of the last seven months. Funny, but the thing that had always soothed his soul, if he was at all honest with himself, had lost its luster over the last few years. It had not satisfied him the way it once had done. His life had become more about the wins, the sponsorships, and being the life of the party than his love of driving, of racing. He'd filled it with meaningless relationships, over indulging in alcohol and women who didn't care about him—only the fact that he was a racer at the top of his game.
Until Lucy.
The look on her face when she'd walked in on Veronica's little staged attempt at wooing him back made his chest ache. Jesse didn't blame her for not sticking around to hear an excuse or his protestations of innocence. If he'd been in her shoes he couldn't have said he would have responded much better when the evidence had been pretty damning, even though nothing had happened. He'd been just as surprised at the tableau as Lucy. Veronica had warned him and like the fool he was, he had never thought she'd stoop so low. He only wished Lucy had stuck around so she could have watched the fireworks when he'd tossed Veronica ass naked into the hallway and slammed the door on her.
When it came to Lucy, Jesse wasn't sure he could fix the relationship. He didn't know a surefire way to apologize that wouldn't make it sound like he was guilty of something he wasn't. Granted, it wasn't like they had made plans to see each other after she left Scotland. Nor had they even defined that they were having anything more than a fling, but he did believe she had feelings for him. Otherwise the devastated look in her eyes that she'd covered quickly wouldn't have made his heart ache and him want to cuddle her close. The mere thought of never seeing her again, of never having her taut body wrapped around him like a second skin or being able to watch her face as she climaxed, was something he didn't want to even visualize, let alone experience.
He didn't know how she had done it but Lucy had wormed her way in past his defenses and resurrected his soul. That part of him he never thought he would get back had revived with every well-placed paddle swat to his ass.
He loved her. Given time, he could have convinced her to love him, that he was worthy of her love.
She had this zest and zeal for life that very few people ever attained. It was all the more humbling considering her awful start in life. The fact that she could view the world with her gregarious and charismatic aplomb awed him. She was without a doubt one of the most intelligent women he'd ever met. Just remembering the way she and Declan had discussed finance at dinner the other night made his head spin.
But it was her heart that fascinated him the most. She was loyal to a fault, and he had witnessed with her friendship with Zoey, that when she loved someone she did it with her whole heart. He had begun to fantasize about what it would be like to feel even an ounce of that love himself. God, there were a million fantasies he wanted to explore with her. And okay, there was a part of him that wished he could dominate her, even just a little, but if it were an absolute for her that she couldn't live with it, he'd bury that part of himself for her. Even though the need and desire to dominate her had bottled up in his chest upon occasion, when he let go and surrendered to her steady hands, it hadn't mattered anymore. Life was strange; he'd always felt like his place was in control, in the driver's seat, but with Lucy, he was more than willing to be her co-pilot and hand her the wheel.
After a glance at the time, Jesse moved from his perch on the bed and began getting ready for the upcoming hearing. He showered and dressed mechanically. He kept telling himself that this was a mere formality.
Declan and his attorney had both suggested he contest the ruling. Only Jesse didn't have it in him. As much as he had loved his time in the fast lane, that wasn't his life anymore. Room service delivered his breakfast. He ate but didn't taste anything. The meal could have been sawdust for all it registered.
When the front desk called his room and informed him that his limo was at the curb, he left his room and then the hotel. In the car, he stared out the window. Declan had made Jesse an offer at one of his new ventures in San Bernardino, Califor
nia. It was an impressive position, putting him in charge of the research and development of cleaner fuel technology, with the hope of switching cars off fossil fuels to help curb carbon pollution. It filled him with hope for the future, that maybe out of all of this, if he could help clean up the environment a bit, he could do some good in the world.
And he'd been toying with the idea of volunteering with at risk kids and kids who were disabled. He wasn't sure what exactly he wanted to do, but he'd begun looking into some of the already existing foundations in the States. There were a few in particular that hit close to home which he planned on investigating further once this hearing was finished.
His apartment in Monaco he'd already contacted an agent about putting on the market. As much as he loved Europe, it was time he went home to the States. His mom would be happy to have him closer. He wanted to settle down, which for him was huge milestone step. Never once had Jesse considered himself the type who settled down. His life had been on such a fast track, traveling all over the world, that in many ways he'd become addicted to the pace. He didn't regret a minute of it, but he wanted more permanence. And his life had been such a whirlwind that all the places had started blending into each other. There had been days when he couldn't remember what continent he was on, let alone what country he was in.
The life he craved now was just as uncertain, but he felt challenged for the first time in what seemed like eons. And he wanted Lucy as part of the package. More than once the idea had wriggled into his brain of waking up next to her each day, cooking together, loving together, building a home.
The location of it didn't matter. He did wonder if Declan's offer had been devised as a way to get him closer to Lucy. That man had a talent for putting people together, not that Jesse would ever admit that to his friend, and he thought it was super convenient that the job happened to be in a town next to the one where she lived. Hell, Declan had even dangled Tobias's place, Dungeon Pleasures, in front of Jesse, saying he would have a full, all-access membership.