by S. K. Lessly
I pushed away from him, “Ugh…” I exclaimed. “You know that’s not the same thing. Josh, the odds are ten times worse than you getting in a car accident. And please, you getting robbed, that’s a big joke. No one in their right mind would approach you with a knife or a gun. You probably know so many ways to kill someone with your hands it’s not even funny.”
His smirk on his face made me even madder.
“Sweets…”
“No… Josh, there’s nothing you can say to me…”
“I love you…” I stared at him not moving and not breathing. I know he said this to me before, and I’d yet to say anything about it. “Did you get that?”
“Yeah, I got that,” I replied softly, my heart starting to beat out of control.
I looked away from him, but I heard and felt him moving closer to me.
“Well, get this too, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to spend another day without you, so if I need to make some changes to my life to fit you in it, I’ll do it.”
“I can’t ask you to do that, Josh.”
At this point, his hands were cradling the sides of my face… I watched him as his tongue stirred heat within me as he wet his lips slowly… bastard!
He said to me, voice full of the same heat that flowed through me, “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and I mean it. You mean that much to me to make changes in my life. But I won’t let you go. I won’t leave you alone. I need you. I want you. I fucking crave you. Loving you is like a drug to me… You’re my obsession, so don’t say that shit again.”
He planted his lips to mine with a kiss so sweltering hot, hard, and forceful. His tongue making a sweeping plunge in my mouth full of passionate demands gave me promise of what I knew was to come. When we separated for air, I moved back slightly, and he looked at me. I knew he was holding on for dear life, but I didn’t want to be distracted, and I still had things to say.
“How will you make this work?” I asked in between collecting my breath.
“You want to talk about this now?” He replied, and I nodded yes. “Baby, I can’t concentrate and tell you what you want to hear.”
“Yeah, well, you better figure it out and do it quick.”
I pulled my t–shirt over my head and tossed it on the couch. I felt him reach for me, and I smacked his hand.
“Start talking…”
He growled his frustration, and I smiled at him. I removed my bra and shimmied out of my shorts and underwear. I was feeling adventurous and sexy and horny as hell. It could’ve been the beer I consumed, or it could’ve been this feral of a man in front of me, but I laid on top of my bed, and as he entered my bedroom I opened my legs to him and slowly traveled my hand to my sweet spot. I was saturated already from his kiss, and I knew by his eyes he could see that from where he was. I took my finger and circled myself to gather some of my juices then I started circling my clit.
I said hoarsely, “You have exactly thirty seconds to… ohhhhh my… um, you have ten seconds before I come to tell me, mmmmmm… Josh, hurry up!”
I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see him, but I heard him move around then I heard him. “Shit baby, uh… okay… fuck, I can’t fucking concentrate with you moaning like that. I’m about to come any second myself…”
He touched my legs, and oh how I wanted him to take over and bring me to the bliss that I was searching for. I stopped and looked up at him. My legs moved from side to side, trying to calm down enough to wait.
The hunger in his eyes almost made me orgasm without even touching myself. His clothes were off, and I saw he was ready to do just that too, but he stayed on his knees in front of my legs.
He looked between my legs then up at me. He swallowed a few times then cleared his throat and was about to speak, but I gave in.
“Oh fuck it, Josh, I trust you.”
I leaned up, gripped him by the back of his neck and pulled him on top of me, kissing him with everything I had.
Chapter 14
Kenya
God my chest feels so heavy and tight…
My lungs are burning and I can’t… Oh God! I can’t breathe!
He’s here… He’s going to kill me! Oh God, please no!
No, I can’t let this happen. He will not get the better of me… Fight! I have to fight… I need to…
“Sweets…”
Now he’s calling me by Josh’s name… It’s a trick…It’s…
“Sweets, baby, wake up.”
My eyes shot open, and I looked down at a pair of eyes that looked so familiar to me. My chest heaved as I welcomed the feeling of air going through me. My head started to clear. The smell of Noah started to disseminate, and the scent of Josh started to overwhelm me. I blinked twice and looked in his loving eyes. His hands I found were on the sides of my face.
“There you are…”
“Wha–” I started, and looked down at my shaking hands and oh shit… “Josh, I’m soooo…”
I brought both of my hands to my mouth. I can’t believe what I just did. My stomach started to turn, and I jumped off him quick and ran to my bathroom. There was nothing in my stomach, so I dry heaved until I thought my eyes were going to explode from my face.
I splashed cold water on my face and stared at myself in the mirror.
This can’t be happening.
I looked behind me and found I wasn’t alone.
I can’t do this.
I shoved past a boxer clad Josh and went to my room. I grabbed his clothes and just as he walked into my room I threw his things to him.
“You need to leave.”
Josh frowned. “Why?”
“Huh? Why? Are you kidding me? Did you see what I just did to you? Weren’t you there?”
Josh dropped his things back on the floor and stalked toward me. “Yeah, I was there…”
“Yeah, so how could you question why you have to leave? Josh, I had my hand wrapped around your neck with a knife to your throat.”
“I remember that too,” he replied.
I ran my hands through my hair… “I could have killed you, Josh… I had a fucking knife at your throat, and you’re just standing there as if it’s no big deal… God, I’m so fucked up…”
I backed up from him until I ran into a wall and just let my head fall back a little. This is so fucked up…
“Is that what he used to do to you… sit on your chest with his hands around your neck… watching you?”
I nodded my head and replied softly, “Sometimes, I would wake with a bag over my head, and I would freak trying to rip the bag from my face. It was never tied tight, it was just over my face. It was just the idea and the feeling of it on me that I would scream and frantically figure out how to breathe.”
“Did he have a knife too?” he asked me.
I shook my head, swallowed and said softly, “No.” I slid down to the ground and buried my face on my bended legs. “Please go home, Josh, and don’t come back. I’m so messed up.”
I felt him sit in front of me, and he moved my legs down and around his waist. I looked at him through unshed tears. God, the emotions I saw in his eyes were too much to bear.
“Please,” I whispered.
“Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I could’ve killed you.”
“That wasn’t going to happen.”
“How can you say that?”
“Trust me, baby, you wouldn’t have hurt me. I was more concerned about you.”
Josh put his hands on my face, but I tried to move them away… he won the battle though and moved closer to me.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because for one, I’m a very light sleeper. I’ve been watching you for a while, seeing you struggle with whatever you were dreaming about. I tried to wake you, but as I called you, you seemed to get more agitated. So I waited you out. Believe me, baby, I was in complete control. I saw you go behind your head, and I saw the knife way before you went on attack.”
“Oh God
, Josh…”
“How many times did he choke you in your sleep? What made him do it, was he pissed at you, did you argue?”
I shook my head and closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him. I felt so dirty and wrong and degraded.
“Baby…” He started, but I couldn’t stand hearing the pain in his voice.
“He got off on it…” I blurted as the tears fell from my eyes.
I tried to take deep breaths to calm my nerves. My ears were pounding from the increased blood flow that I couldn’t control. I needed to calm down or I would definitely have an anxiety attack.
Relax, Kenya.
I wiped my eyes and looked in his.
I needed to gain strength from somewhere, so looking at the strongest person I know I said, “I told you Noah and I dated for a while. Well, we dated for about six months. We were friends for a while. I couldn’t imagine at first getting involved with anyone after Wayne, but Noah was there, and I swear he just made it easy to like him. Everything happened so fast, you know… one minute I didn’t trust him then for some reason I didn’t trust anyone else but him.”
“We talked about anything and everything. He listened when I complained about my father. He listened and helped when I complained about my sisters. How they would purposefully make me look bad at work or at home. If my father praised me even a little bit, my sisters would find a way to pin my father against me. Noah was there for me. He took up for me when no one would.”
“So the moment when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I jumped at the chance. I thought he might be the one for me. God, we were so in sync with each other. This man knew me. He knew just how to make me feel better whenever I was down on myself. We were that in tune with each other. Everything went to shit one night when he took me to some event in Newark. He had a place there, so instead of taking the ride back home, I stayed in his spare bedroom. He promised I would be cool. He wouldn’t force himself on me and that I could trust him fully.”
“Yeah, so of course I believed him, and I trusted him. So I stayed in his spare bedroom, and I didn’t lock the door. I woke up suddenly with him on top of me, choking me with both his hands as he grinded on me. I was in shorts and a t–shirt, and all his clothes were still on. He was just grinding harder and faster as I laid under him gasping for air.”
I stopped talking a moment and swallowed. I rubbed my throat, remembering the feeling of his hands on me. Josh watched me closely, not really saying anything, just watching…
I said to him, “I passed out that night, and when I woke, I was in a different room chained to a bed. He kept me in this room for days. Every day I would ask him to let me go and every day he would say no. He would tell me how much no one wanted me but him. How he loved me and would take care of me. He would stay away from me though. He would leave food next to me but wouldn’t get close enough for me to touch him.”
“I stopped asking after I realized he wasn’t letting me go and I would just try and find a way to escape, but it was hopeless. I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t get out of the chains he had me connected to. He did feed me and gave me water but I didn’t take either. I was afraid of him drugging me and I was determined to not fall asleep. I tried my best to stay awake for as long as I could, but the moment I closed my eyes, the moment when sleep took over, he pounced.” gasping
“So he would only do it when you went to sleep?” Josh finally asked.
I nodded. “I don’t know what that was about, but yeah. The moment my eyes closed, I would first feel the tightness of my throat then I would smell his cologne, hear his voice in my ear telling me sick and twisted things he promised to do to me. I would pass out from the lack of oxygen, then wake up to him staring at me with fear in his eyes. He had the audacity to be concerned about me, saying he just wanted to check on me and told me how it would get better. He wanted me to get used to the feeling of asphyxiation, and he promised I would enjoy it soon enough.”
“How long did he keep you there?”
I shrugged. “I think it was a few days. He would leave me alone in the daytime, or at least that’s what I assumed. I was in a room with no windows, so I couldn’t gauge. I just knew every time I closed my eyes I woke to him strangling me and getting off on it.”
“How did you get away?” he asked.
For the first time in a while, I smiled.
“From what Noah told me, my mother was asking for me. She said she hadn’t seen me or spoken to me in a few days. So he decided to take me to my house for a visit. He told me if I said anything to anyone about what he does no one would believe me. Even though I had the bruises to boot, he told me he was a very powerful man and whatever I would say or could say there would be no way I could prove it, and I would disgrace my family and my father.”
“I remembered all the people I saw around Noah; politicians, police, and rich business men. I believed Noah would get away with anything I accused him of. And I knew for a fact my father would hate me forever if I ran to the police. So I told him I would behave. I told him I would keep my mouth shut but I secretly started to make plans. I knew we would go to my parents’ house for Sunday dinner. I knew the route Noah would take, because hell, that was the only way to get to my parents’ home. So I waited, and Noah actually left me alone for two days until it was time to leave. He brought me something to wear and warned me that there was no place I could hide from him. That he would find me, and it would be far worse for me than it already was.”
“God, the man that was before me sent chills through my body. He was night and day, one minute this guy could be charming and sweet then he could be vicious and evil with a fluid motion that astounded me. But I listened. I was good all the way up until he got to a place where I was familiar with. The moment he came to a stop I waited for my chance. The light we came to was known to be very long. When I was a kid, I used to calculate every time it would change, and it never changed over the years. It took at least four minutes, and luck was on my side that day. It changed the moment we got to it. So the last second before it changed to green, I quietly undid my buckle, not showing him it was undone, but I kept my hand on it. The moment he started to move through traffic I opened the door and rolled out. It was hectic. I made cars swerve to avoid hitting me, and I’m not sure if I caused an accident or not because I didn’t look back. Once I safely got to the sidewalk I ran as fast as I could.
I grew up in the neighborhood, and I knew where to hide where he couldn’t find me. I went directly to my favorite place as a kid… I went to the library.”
I smiled at the crazy look Josh gave me.
I added, “Yeah, I know I’m strange, but it’s something about the smell of old books, you know… Anyway, I hid out there for hours waiting to see if Noah followed me, if he sent the cops looking for me. It was that moment where I thought about telling my father what Noah was doing to me, but I remembered what my father told me a few months ago that had me pausing. ‘Being with Noah is the best decision you have ever made. I’m proud of you. You finally grew up. Don’t fuck this up for yourself but mainly don’t fuck this up for me. I’m finally getting the exposure for my company, and I don’t need you taking more money from me than you already have.’ I didn’t get that part considering I’ve made him more money than he ever could, but I didn’t argue. Now I’m at an impasse. Do I risk going to him anyway, hoping he couldn’t be that cruel, or do I tempt the hand of fate and try to make it on my own? As the hours went by and I wasn’t found, I decided fate it was. When I realized no one was coming, I found a computer and got a hold of the only person that could help me… Nickels.”
“Who?” he said simply, and I smiled.
I explained, “Nickels and I met in college. His dorm room was down the hall from Wayne’s, and I used to pass it all the time. Wayne told me to stay away from him, saying things like ‘that kid is fucking weird,’ but I didn’t listen. I felt we had a kindred spirit of some kind, both of us being so young, you know. Anyway, I would hang out with him
and play video games sometimes. And when I would see him on campus, I would sit and talk to him. We became friends.” I laughed at a memory. “This one day walking by his room, I saw this video game he was playing on his TV. When I looked at the huge screen, he had on his wall I saw he had an avatar that looked exactly like me. He had a controller and glasses sitting next to him, so I walked in and we started playing. At first, we were bad guys, you know, robbing banks and fighting and killing cops, other gangs, just having a ball… Then, I told him let’s be good guys. And he created some program where we became agents.
Man, we were a pair and played like every day for hours sometimes. We still play to this day… Anyway, I found an open computer since that’s how we communicate with each other. He hates phones, thinking big brother is always listening, and to be honest, I believed him. So anytime we talked it was through something he could control…”
“The game…” Josh added. I nodded.
“Yup. I logged on and told him what was happening, and I asked him if he could help me. He didn’t hesitate. He told me to give him a few hours, and he’ll make it happen, but it took less than that. He sent me a message with instructions to go outside that there was a cab with a driver by the name of Scottie. Scottie would take me to a safe place where there would be everything I would need.”
“I left the library, hesitantly of course, but there was no one out there but a yellow cab. I peeked in and the driver already had his ID out ready for me. So knowing Nickels would have my back, I got in the cab. The cab took me to some apartment in town. Scottie, the driver, gave me a set of keys and told me which apartment to go to. When I walked in the apartment, there was a book bag waiting for me with two additional outfits, some money, ID, Social Security card with my new name, which by the way happened to be the name of my avatar he created. So I cut my hair, dyed it, and put the brown tinted color contacts on to match my ID.”
“I had a bus ticket waiting for me and a prepaid phone with a message that Nickels sent telling me he would have my back and make sure I was never found. And I left the apartment and left New Jersey, never looking back.”