‘For pity’s sake, pull over!’ Anna shouted, her hands gripping the steering wheel. Her stomach was turning over and over, her chest was tight, and she had to fight the urge to burst into tears.
And she knew deep down that none of it had anything to do with the crawling tractor ahead of her.
Felix was home. He and Zac had been back in England for ten whole days. They’d both been checked over and discharged from Selly Oak Hospital; Zac was back with his mum and Phoebe, and Felix had been staying with Cassandra in her new flat in Bythorn, but today he would be arriving at Hampton House. What’s more, he would be staying with Ruth for at least a month while he had physio three times a week at Stoke Mandeville hospital.
She knew all this from Phoebe, who had been nagging her for days to get her act together.
‘You’re nuts,’ she had said a few days earlier. ‘Zac’s been to see him three times – even I went yesterday. And what do you do? Nothing.’
‘You don’t understand,’ Anna had sighed.
‘Too right I don’t,’ her friend agreed. ‘I mean, if it was Cameron, I’d do anything to get to him.’
‘Yes, but you two are still together,’ Anna pointed out.
‘Despite my mother’s best efforts, yes we are,’ laughed Phoebe. ‘Honestly, Anna, he’s so gorgeous and do you know what he did last week? He bought me . . .’
Anna was so used to hearing Phoebe eulogising about Cameron that she switched off mentally and let her carry on. When she finally paused for breath, Anna voiced the question that had been plaguing her ever since he got home.
‘Did – did Felix mention me at all when you were there?’
There was only a slight pause but it was long enough to tell Anna what she needed to know.
‘He didn’t, right?’ she asked.
‘Well, no, but then boys don’t talk about the things that really matter do they? Just go and see him, OK?’
But Anna hadn’t gone. And she knew why – because if she went to see Felix and he didn’t want to know, all her hopes would be dashed. Better to wait and pray that, when he saw her around the village or playing at the Festival, all the old feelings would come to the surface and he’d realise that he needed to be with her.
Like that was really going to happen.
The tractor finally turned into a farm track, and Anna pressed down on the accelerator and roared the last half mile down to Uppercross Farm, startling chickens and the farm cat as she turned into the yard and squealed to a halt outside the back door. Bunting was stretched across the farmyard, and a huge poster advertising pony rides and trailer tours had been stuck into the lawn by the tearoom in readiness for the Festival.
Staggering under the weight of the box of tombola prizes, hardly able to see where she was going, Anna kicked open the permanently unlocked back door. Her foot hit something soft, something that yelped loudly – and she felt herself stumble. The box flew out of her hands and she landed heavily on the quarry-tiled floor.
‘Anna!’
She looked up. It was as though for an instant the entire room was in freeze-frame. Bea, with her hands clasped to her mouth in horror; Ruth Croft, hand outstretched to take a slice of shortbread; Charlie, Mallory and Louisa stifling laughter, Henrietta, can of cola halfway to her lips, plus a slightly disgruntled dog that had now retreated to a safe distance.
And Felix. Felix, his right cheek partially covered in gauze, his left hand strapped in bandages and two fingers in plaster, was sitting somewhat awkwardly in the pine chair on the far side of the huge kitchen table staring straight into her eyes.
This wasn’t how it was meant to be. She’d planned everything so carefully – what she would be wearing, how she would behave, even the words she would say to Felix. Anna got up very slowly.
‘Lulu, get the arnica,’ Bea ordered Louisa. ‘She’s got a nasty bruise coming up already. And Henrietta, don’t just stand there – pick up those things.’
She patted Anna’s hand.
‘You look exhausted, darling,’ she fussed. ‘Mind you, with all that’s been going on these last few weeks I’m hardly surprised, losing your home and . . .’
She stopped short, glancing with embarrassment in Ruth’s direction.
‘Oh, and of course you know Felix,’ Bea gabbled.
‘Hi,’ Anna murmured, conscious that Felix was now averting his gaze.
‘You two know each other?’ Ruth asked Anna. ‘Well why didn’t you say so before?’
‘Maybe she didn’t think it was important.’ The tone of Felix’s voice was like a knife plunged straight into Anna’s guts.
‘They say Felix might get a medal for bravery,’ Bea rattled on, taking the tube of arnica cream from Louisa and patting some on Anna’s cheekbone. ‘Isn’t that wonderful?’
‘That’s a long way off,’ Felix said hastily. ‘If it happens at all.’
‘You said you had to go back to Plymouth in a bit for a parade and medals,’ Ruth pointed out.
‘Those are campaign medals,’ Felix explained. ‘Zac’ll get one – all of them will. Anything else comes later.’
‘You were so amazing,’ Louisa enthused. ‘I’ve been watching all the news reports.’
‘And I cut out all the bits in the newspapers about you,’ Henrietta cut in. ‘I’ve never met a real hero before.’
‘Charlie’s my hero, aren’t you?’ Mallory chipped in, clearly anxious not to be left out. She slipped her hand through his arm and pouted in the way that always gave Anna the urge to throw up on the spot.
‘Talking of Zac, how is he?’ Anna asked, hoping to engage Felix in some sort of conversation.
‘He’s gone down to Dorset – Sula’s family have a house at Lyme Regis,’ he said, still talking to the room at large rather than look at Anna. ‘It’ll do him good – he’s been really low lately.’
‘Not surprising after what you’ve all been through,’ Ruth commented. ‘Could it be PTSD?’
‘Hopefully not,’ Felix replied quietly.
‘What’s that?’ Henrietta asked anxiously. ‘Is it like MRSA?’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Louisa retorted. ‘It’s post-traumatic stress disorder. That’s right, isn’t it, Felix?’
She sidled closer to him and he nodded, fiddling with the spoon in his coffee mug.
‘A few days unwinding with Sula and he’ll be fine,’ Bea said cheerfully. ‘So all’s well that end’s well.’
‘Tell that to the poor sods still stuck out there,’ Felix muttered under his breath. For an instant he caught Anna’s eye and, just as quickly, averted his gaze and got to his feet, wincing slightly as he eased his hand into a more comfortable position.
‘Roo, we should get going,’ he said.
‘Coming, sir!’ Ruth gave him a mock salute, kissed Bea and followed him to the door, pausing to glance at Anna.
For a moment Felix’s eyes met Anna’s and then just as quickly he looked away and strode across the yard.
‘Oh my God, he is so hot!’ Louisa exclaimed.
‘And available,’ Henrietta added.
‘You’ve got Leo,’ her sister snapped back.
‘If you don’t mind, I must get going,’ Anna murmured. ‘Workshop at the theatre.’
So that’s it, she thought. We’ve met and he obviously hasn’t forgiven me. Whatever Louisa does or doesn’t do, Felix and I are over. He can’t stand to be in the same room as me. I’m still hung up on him after all this time – I should have got over him by now. What kind of idiot was I to ever think I was in with a chance?
‘I am so annoyed!’ Mallory had appeared on the doorstep of Magpie Cottage within minutes of Anna arriving home after her workshop session at the theatre the following day. She was starving hungry and yearning to sink into a hot bath. The last thing she needed was for her sister to off-load her troubles.
‘Why?’ she asked wearily because she knew it was expected of her.
‘It’s Charlie and this stupid chariot race for the Festival,’ Mallory said. �
��We were supposed to be going to the cinema this evening, but oh no! You know why?’
‘Since I’m not psychic, no I don’t,’ Anna snapped. ‘And shouldn’t you be at the tearoom? I thought they stayed open till six.’
‘They do, but honestly, they treat me like a slave,’ Mallory moaned. ‘You know what – they expect me to clean tables and wash the floor at the end of the day, and sterilise all the stuff and . . .’
‘That’s what a job is, Mallory,’ Anna retorted. ‘The grot as well as the good bits.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Mallory said dismissively. ‘Anyway, about Charlie – he’s got it into his head that he’s going to tart up that old go-kart in the barn and enter the race. He’s got Felix roped in and . . .’
To Anna’s irritation her undisciplined heart still lurched at the sound of that name.
‘Felix?’ she asked as nonchalantly as she could.
‘Yeah, Charlie mentioned it yesterday, before you turned up, and asked for help. Then Felix rang and said he was up for it. So now the two of them are holed up in the barn behaving like ten-year-olds.’
‘But his hand . . .’
‘Doesn’t appear to stop him giving instructions on aerodynamics, or whatever you call it,’ Mallory said. ‘And hey, do you know what he said about you? He said you looked so different that, if he’d passed you in the street, he wouldn’t have recognised you.’
And I would know him among a thousand guys even if I hadn’t seen him for twenty years, Anna thought sadly.
‘It’s the hair, I guess,’ she commented hurriedly.
‘And the fact that you’ve lost weight,’ Mallory said. ‘Your face has gone all gaunt and bony.’
‘Oh thanks,’ Anna said.
‘Anyway, none of that is why I came,’ Mallory went on. ‘Dad called.’
‘And?’
‘He’s having a housewarming party in a couple of weeks and we’ve all got to be there or else,’ she said. ‘Drinks in the apartment and then food at the Yacht Club. Araminta’s organising it.’
‘Why,’ Anna sighed, ‘doesn’t that surprise me?’
‘Do you think,’ Mallory ventured, ‘that her and dad will – well, you know?’
‘I think they probably “you know” already,’ Anna muttered.
‘No, I mean get married,’ Mallory replied. ‘I reckon they’ll announce it at this party.’
‘No way!’ Anna cried. ‘I mean, getting together is one thing but getting married? He’d never do that – I mean, Mum was everything to him and . . .’
‘Mum’s not here,’ Mallory reminded her. ‘And Araminta is.’
CHAPTER 14
‘Her imagination and her heart were bewitched.’
( Jane Austen, Persuasion)
‘THIS VOLUNTEERING IS PRETTY EXHAUSTING, ISN’T IT?’
Shannon wheeled her chair over to the table where Anna was packing up percussion instruments at the end of the Friday afternoon workshop session. ‘Fun, though,’ she added, as parents drifted in to pick up their children. ‘One of the kids in my group is really talented and . . . Anna, are you listening?’
‘What? Oh sorry. I was just thinking.’
‘Worrying more like, judging by the expression on your face,’ Shannon remarked. ‘Go on, have one of these and spill the beans.’
She shoved a packet of chocolate biscuits in Anna’s face.
‘The Musgroves are having a barbecue tonight,’ Anna said. ‘They do it every year before the Festival – a kind of buttering up for the people in the village who might be put out by the noise and stuff. And they want me to be there.’
‘This does not seem to be a cause for calling an emergency summit,’ Shannon teased.
‘Felix might be there. He and Charlie seem to be getting pretty friendly.’
‘Great!’ Shannon cried. ‘So what’s your plan?’
‘Shannon, for goodness’ sake, can’t you get it into your head that it’s going nowhere? He’s seen me three times – once at the Musgroves and twice round the village now and if he’d wanted to talk he would have done.’
‘Guys operate differently from us,’ Shannon said calmly, totally ignoring her friend’s outburst. ‘You have to drip-feed them – if he keeps seeing you, all the old memories and love and lust will resurface. Trust me. I know.’
‘You do?’
‘There’s this guy I know – he lives near my gran and . . .’
‘You kept that pretty quiet!’
‘Yes, well – that’s because he asked me out last year and I said no. He took offence and now I really want him to ask again and he hasn’t. It’ll be the same with Felix – but you have to keep at it.’
Anna laughed. ‘OK, OK, point taken,’ she said. ‘Thing is, even if I do go . . . oh my God!’
She turned as a blood-curdling scream emanated from the far corner of the room. Alfie Green, one of her favourite children in the group, was sobbing in terror as blood streamed from his nose. Amanda, the thirty-something group leader, was standing beside him as white as a sheet dabbing ineffectually with a paper tissue.
Within seconds Shannon and Anna were at his side, just as Amanda announced she was going to faint and promptly did so. For a while chaos reigned; parents ushered their children away, the other leader, Anthony, went in search of ice, Anna held the boy’s hand and tried to calm him while Shannon, who had a first-aid qualification, told him what to do. Amanda came round, took one look at Alfie and fled the room, stating she was about to throw up.
Fifteen minutes later, the blood was still pumping. And Alfie’s mum was nowhere to be seen.
‘Ambulance,’ decided Anthony, a remark that caused little Alfie to screech even louder. ‘And phone his mum again. Where the hell is she? Pick-up time was ages ago.’
Half an hour later, Anna found herself sitting in the ambulance with Alfie and Anthony heading for Fleckford Hospital A&E.
‘She can’t go,’ Shannon had said when Anthony pointed out that Child Protection demanded two people be with Alfie. ‘She’s got a date. I’ll go.’
‘Sorry, love,’ said the paramedic, gesturing to her chair. ‘But we can’t . . .’
‘It’s OK,’ Anna said. ‘It’ll be fine. I’ll have plenty of time to get back here on the bus, pick up my car and get home to change. And if I don’t, it’s no big deal.’
Only as the minutes ticked by, the more of a big deal it felt. Anthony had left countless messages on Alfie’s mother’s phone but she still hadn’t turned up. Alfie had been seen by a doctor who declared that, unless the bleeding stopped within another half-hour, he would have to pack his nose with gauze.
‘You go,’ Anthony said to Anna. ‘I’ll stay with Alfie.’ But every time Anna made to leave, Alfie burst into more sobs. Anna stayed; she stayed while his nose was packed with gauze, she stayed and told him stories until he fell into a restless fitful sleep.
At eight o’clock, Alfie’s mother finally appeared, dishevelled and flushed, her cheeks smudged with mascara and her eyes red. ‘So so sorry, my car broke down on this side road miles from anywhere, and I had no credit on the phone and by the time I’d walked to the nearest village . . .’
Anna fled, glancing at her watch and deciding to grab a cab whatever the expense. The taxi rank was empty. When she did flag down a passing cab, it seemed that every set of traffic lights were against them, and every slow-moving vehicle had decided to take the same route.
R u there yet? Shannon texted as the cab crawled along behind a muck spreader.
No – 2 l8. No time 2 change. Not going, she texted back.
Don’t u dare – such a cop out! Go as u r. Or u will have me 2 answer 2.
Anna glanced down at her less than spotless white jeans and totally unflattering trainers, neither of which would have been her first choice of what to wear. But, she reminded herself sternly, since any chance of getting back with Felix was out of the question, it didn’t really matter. No one would notice or care anyway.
He wasn’t there.
Anna stood by the wrought-iron gate that led to the Musgroves’ garden and scanned the scene. Groups of people from the village, all of whom Anna recognised, were chatting in huddles under the umbrellas and gazebos that dotted the lawn. Charlie and Zac were sprawled on the grass, drinking from cans of beer, Henrietta and Leo were popping bits of sausage into one another’s mouths, and Louisa was sitting on the swinging hammock seat talking in an animated fashion to Phoebe.
‘You came, then?’
She wheeled round and there he was, standing behind her, holding a frisbee in his good hand.
‘Louisa reckoned you wouldn’t come,’ he said, frowning slightly. ‘What on earth happened to you?’
‘I – er – I got held up,’ she stammered.
‘Doing what?’
‘I help out at a music workshop,’ she said. ‘And this kid . . .’
‘Over here, Felix!’ Louisa jumped up and beckoned enthusiastically.
‘Coming!’ he called back and then turned to face Anna.
‘It must be a pretty dangerous workshop,’ he said, just the merest trace of a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. ‘You do know you’ve got blood all down the back of your T-shirt?’ He paused. ‘Seriously, you’re not hurt are you?’
At least he spoke to me, Anna thought as she raided Mallory’s wardrobe for a clean top. He could have just walked past. Was he being polite, pointing out the blood to stop me from being embarrassed? That shows he must care. Doesn’t it? Please God, let him want me back again.
‘Anna, I’ve got something so amazing to tell you!’ Phoebe burst into the room, glancing briefly over her shoulder. ‘Look!’
She plunged her hand down her shirt and pulled out a ring on a chain.
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