by Dayna Quince
Thea giggled. She couldn’t help it. If he was just as nervous as she, what were they going to do?
“He said it would be bad luck.” They had stopped in the stairway.
“Right, but really, I’m only thinking of your comfort. This,” he held up their joined hands between them, “makes things a bit more complicated.”
Thea bit her lip. “I trust you to figure something suitable out.”
He twisted his lips. “Minx.” He tugged her up the stairs, and just like that, all Thea could think about was not the bath and food her body had desperately wanted a moment ago, but the consummation of their marriage.
Perhaps it was just a silly superstition, but Thea was not going to begin with a bit of bad luck. She was looking forward to how they would manage with their hands tied together. When they entered the room, the bath was already waiting, and a supper tray was set on the table. The aroma of roast chicken filled the room. Her stomach grumbled audibly.
Felton chuckled. “Now you see? Some needs must be met before others.”
Thea begged to differ. The food and bath weren’t going anywhere, but her courage could be fleeting. She tugged him closer to her. “I won’t let you remove the ribbon. I won’t start our marriage with bad luck.”
“Thea…” He tilted his head and stared down at her.
“I’m perfectly serious. If you wish me to bathe and eat, you must accomplish those tasks whilst tied to me.”
She saw his jaw clench. A faint cherry blush spread over his cheeks like slashes. She’d never seen a man blush before. It made her feel even more daring.
She stepped closer to him, leaning into his body. “What are you afraid of? We’re already on an adventure, and we’re married now.”
“I never pegged you as one to relish adventure.”
“Neither did I, but when I’m with you, I feel like I can do anything.”
He grew even more serious. “Thea…”
“What?”
“Here I thought I would have to be doing the soothing and cajoling. I was worried you’d be afraid. I’ve dragged you a hundred miles overnight for a ram shod wedding and a deflowering in an inn. Are you not scared?”
Thea swallowed. He was so good to her it made her heart ache. Her love swelled inside her so quickly, she thought she might burst at the seams, but instead, words thrust themselves from her lips. “Not with you. Never with you. I love you.”
His face transformed at her words. His features melted into awe and then a serious frown. He wrapped one arm around her and pulled her tightly against him. His mouth claimed hers violently as first, and then once his tongue slipped inside her mouth, he gentled to languid caresses. He took her breath away, and Thea had to pull back to catch it.
His breath panted against her neck as he buried his face there between her ear and shoulder.
“You undo me,” he said. He lifted his head and met her eyes. “You don’t yet know how you’ve completed me. I’ve seen things most people can’t imagine, but nothing compares to you, Thea. Nothing will ever make me feel as you do. I love you—I have loved you, for my entire life, I suspect. Everything I’ve done has been to bring me here to you, to this moment. I only wish I could give you more.”
“Don’t.” She pressed her fingers to his lips. “You are more than enough. Just you.”
He kissed her finger tips.
“So what should we do?” she asked.
“Let’s start with a bath. Together.”
Thea bit her lip and nodded. They moved to where the tub had been filled near the fire and faced each other. Using his free hand, Felton undid the buttons on the bodice of her dress.
“Wait.”
He stilled. His eyes met hers with concern.
“I foresee a problem.” She held up their hands. “How are we supposed to pull our arms free?”
“I see.”
“Who ever thought of this silly superstition didn’t think things through.”
“Well, that puts a damper on things, doesn’t it?”
“We’ll have to just… get right to it then.” Thea attempted a smile.
“I imagine most couples are particularly rushed at this jointure and don’t bother with the subtleties.”
“I was rather fond of the idea of a bath with you.”
He chuckled. “We’ll still have that bath, my love. We can do anything we wish tonight.”
He pulled her gently to the bed and sat her down. It was awkward, but he managed to remove both their shoes, then her stockings. He shifted them until they lay on the bed side by side.
“Now what do we do?” Thea asked nervously.
“Now this.” He tipped up her chin with their tied hands and kissed her sweetly. Thea sighed as she settled into the kiss. It was sweet and unhurried, which were her favorite kind of kisses. Her second favorite were the fevered rough kisses that he gave her when he was overcome. It was actually hard to rank his kisses. They were all exceptional and lovely. She gave herself over to the kiss, scooting closer so that their hands were squished between them, but she could feel more of his body against hers.
He shifted them, rolling her under him, trapping their tied hands, but freeing their other hands. Thea slid her fingers into his hair, and she squirmed delightedly when she felt him begin to pull up her dress. This was not new territory. She knew his hands could do wonderful things to her body. He pushed her dress higher, and Thea was already melting inside knowing what was to come. She thought she’d be more nervous, and she was, but she was also eager to be his wife in truth, and knowing what she knew already, she knew Felton would make everything perfect for her.
He pulled her dress up between them, his breathing hard and ragged as he shifted his hips between her thighs.
Felton explored the softness of her thigh, pushing her higher and wider to accommodate him. He reined in his passion, his demons fighting for control now that he was so close to finding heaven and relief in her body. He hadn’t let himself think too much about this moment. He’d wanted her for so long but was also scared of the strength of his want. She was a virgin, and he wanted tonight to be as pleasurable for him as it was for her. He’d never forgive himself if he hurt her. He knew there was bound to be discomfort, but so far, she’d been receptive and an eager pupil in the tutoring of love making. He hoped and prayed she would not stop now.
He slipped his hand under her, feeling the luscious curve of her bottom, gripping her and fondling her as he accustomed himself to the rapturous cradle of her hips. He moved slightly, not wanting to frighten her, by gently leading her into this new intimacy. He kissed her deeply, weaving a web of sensual desire to keep her captive. His hand moved to her soft curls, searching. Her hips bucked against his hand, knowing, and demanding the now familiar pleasures. He was more than happy to oblige her. She was already slick with need when his fingers dipped inside her silky heat. He groaned with surging lust, the taut leash on his control stretching and twisting. He broke the kiss, unable to concentrate on both things. He nuzzled her neck, gently biting and pulling down her bodice and shift. He exposed one breast and greedily took her nipple into his mouth, sucking until she cried out.
His fingers pierced her core in strokes meant to drive her mad. Her body wasn’t used to this, and he could only imagine how welcomed his manhood would be when he finally slid home. On that thought, he reached for his own trousers, yanking the buttons free, releasing his aching erection. Her hot fluids burned him as he rubbed his head against her, bathing himself in her, grinding against the bud of her sex. She gasped, shifting her hips restlessly.
He nearly cried with relief as he pushed inside her in one thrust. The friction, the tight squeeze, it could drive him mad. He powered through all resistance until he was buried inside her.
Felton opened his eyes and looked down at her. She’d gone very still underneath him.
“Thea?”
Her eyes were pinched shut, her pain written in every feature of her face.
“Open your
eyes, love.”
She shook her head. “It hurts.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I promise it will get better.”
“Why—I mean, I know why.” She exhaled in a big gust and sucked in a breath and held it.
“Breathe, Thea. Relax and it won’t hurt as badly.”
“But it will still hurt.”
“A little, but it will be less.” The arm he held himself up with began to shake. He shifted and moved to his elbow.
“Owe!” she cried.
Felton began to panic. He didn’t know how it was possible, but she tensed even more. She was like a little statue beneath him.
“I’m sorry. You have to relax. Tensing will only make it worse. Breathe. Thea, look at me.”
She opened her eyes and tears spilled out. Felton’s desire quickly dissipated. She was in very real pain, and he hadn’t a clue what to do about it.
“Tell me what you need me to do,” he begged.
“Please…get out of me,” she ground out through clenched teeth.
He eased out of her slowly. She whimpered. She moved to her side, and he stroked the hair from her brow. She curled on her side away from him, her arm awkwardly twisted behind her.
Felton untied the ribbon. The deed was done, no matter how awful it had been. His heart sank. This was not what he wanted for her. This should have been a magical moment for her, for both of them. He couldn’t help feeling like he’d failed her.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“It isn’t your fault.”
“I caused you pain.”
“We both knew it is supposed to be that way.” She rolled towards him. She looked at the hand that was no longer tied to his. She looked up at him in concern.
“I may have blundered it, but you are my wife in truth now.”
She touched his cheek. “It was fine.”
“No, it wasn’t,” he said angrily.
She shrunk away. “If I understand it correctly, there is a finishing of sorts for the man.”
“It isn’t about finishing.” He pulled her back to him. “It’s about us. Your pleasure, my pleasure, and the pleasure we take in each other.”
She gave him a small smile. “It will get better.”
“I think I’m supposed to say that to you.”
“I think you did.”
He couldn’t believe the odd turn this night had abruptly taken. He hid his disappointment and summoned a smile. “How about that bath?”
“Oh, yes!” She moved quickly off the bed, and he saw her wince. He looked at the sheet. The evidence was there for all to see. It was only a small spot, but he hoped she wouldn’t notice, or it might scare her more.
Chapter 18
They bathed separately. Thea could tell they were both trying to keep the mood light, but there was an uncomfortable tension now. She hoped he didn’t notice that she avoided looking at the bed and fervently prayed he would not want to try again tonight. The evening was early, but all she wanted to do was sleep and try to forget that stinging feeling between her legs.
By the time they sat down to eat together, the food was cold, but Thea was too hungry to care. As soon as she was done, she would hop into bed and fall asleep. She stuffed two more bites of bread into her mouth and stood. Felton stood, too.
“Please finish. I’m so dreadfully tired, I’m sure I will fall asleep as soon as I lay down.”
“Are you feeling all right?”
“I feel wonderful. Just tired.”
“We’ll leave first thing after we’ve broken our fast tomorrow.”
“Excellent.” Thea sighed and climbed into the bed. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes. She felt terribly guilty about ruining the consummation. She knew it was supposed to be better. The blushing smiles of her friends certainly led her to believe as much. Perhaps there was something wrong with her?
No. She knew she was mostly capable because she enjoyed his touch very much. It was just…his thing. It was too big. That had to be it. Everything had been perfect until that moment. They would have to find a way to adjust. There was no way she was going to try again until they discussed it. Being a man, he should know about these things.
Thea must have drifted off to sleep. She woke with a start when she felt his arms come around her. For a moment, she feared he would try to have relations again, but he only settled against her back and promptly fell asleep. Relieved, she quickly returned to sleep, as well.
The next morning, she stirred when Felton climbed out of bed.
“Is it time to dress?” She yawned.
“Our breakfast is here.”
He padded to the door. Thea kept her eyes closed as a maid entered, set down their tray, and retreated. Only then did she open her eyes. Felton uncovered their plates and the wafting aroma lured Thea from the pull of sleepiness.
“I’m starving,” she moaned as she climbed out of bed.
“Come and break your fast. The sooner we eat and dress, the quicker we can leave.
“Can we not return in one go?” Thea didn’t want to spend another night in an unknown bed, especially when she would have to face the ordeal of lovemaking again.
“I’d rather not put Mr. Gregory through such a trial again. We’ll change horses and have lunch at mid-day and then stop for the evening at dusk. There is no reason to hurry this time.”
She nodded somberly and sat at the table. They didn’t talk while they ate, and the silence only served to remind Thea of her discomfort. She was still a trifle sore after last night. She wondered how he felt about it all, but even the thought of asking him made her color with embarrassment. There was no getting around it. They would have to discuss it, no matter how awful the conversation would be.
He finished eating first, washed, dressed, and left her to her morning ritual in private to ready the carriage. Thea was alone now, and she didn’t like it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be the morning after being married. She thought of Lucy and Winchester. They hadn’t ventured from their room unless it was absolutely necessary.
He hadn’t even kissed her before he left. He just…left. She hated the awkward tension between them and vowed, at some point today, they were going to discuss it and put it to rest. That meant she would have to face her fear. She would have to make love with him—which she wanted, she just didn’t want it to hurt.
The pain was still raw in her mind.
She finished dressing and gathered up her things. It wasn’t long before Felton returned to usher her down stairs, and they were away in the carriage. Thea looked out the window and whispered goodbye to Gretna Green. The adventurous air had faded, and the cold reality had settled in. She fervently hoped that whatever unease was between them now would not follow them all the way to the cottage.
At midday, they stopped for rest and sustenance. They’d only spoken of easy things until now, but Thea was determined that once they were back in the carriage, she would gather her courage and bring up last night.
She nodded her thanks to Mr. Gregory, and Felton led her inside. They took a table by a window and ordered food and tea from the barmaid.
Felton smiled at her. “We’ve had a bit of luck with this weather. The roads have been clear and dry.”
Thea nodded in agreement. “Perhaps keeping the ribbon on our hands was a good idea.”
She saw him tense, but his expression remained impassive. “So it would seem.”
“I’d hate to think of the luck that may have befallen us had we removed it,” she ventured.
He shrugged. “Dismal rain? Or worse, a snow storm?”
“Or a mixture of the two.”
“Once we return, I will go to London to inquire about my finances. If you could choose, where would you like to live?”
“How soon after we return will you leave?” she asked in dismay.
“Not immediately. Once the weather improves for travel. I’d hate to be gone longer than I have to be, due to inclement weather. There is also the trouble concern
ing your family. We will have to face them at some point.”
Thea groaned. “I’d forgotten.”
He took her hand. “We’ll do it together.”
Their food arrived, and they once again ate in silence. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as breakfast had been, but Thea’s thoughts weighed heavily on her. She didn’t even know how to broach the subject without embarrassing them both. Finished eating, they climbed back into the carriage, and she draped a heavy blanket over her lap.
“Only a few more hours of this misery, then we can dine at the Inn, sleep, suffer a few more hours in the carriage, and then we will be back at the cottage. That doesn’t seem very long, does it?”
Thea’s mind had paused on the sleep portion of his list. She pressed her lips together and forced herself to speak. “Sleep you said?”
“Yes,” he nodded with a crooked smile.
“We won’t, ah… that is to say, when we reach the inn, after we have dinner, and we’ve changed out of our clothing into night clothing, and the tray and tub have been cleared away, an—”
“Thea.” He reached across and put his hand on her knee. “What is it you are trying to ask me?”
“Well, I suppose I’m asking if we’re going to…”
“Make love?”
Humiliation washed over her. She nodded. “I’m sure eventually I would have stumbled upon those words.”
“Eventually, yes.” He chuckled. He moved to her side of the carriage and squeezed under the blanket.
Thea was glad. She nestled into his side as his arm settled over her shoulders.
He kissed her forehead. “We can wait until we return to the cottage.”
“Wait?”
“We needn’t rush now.”
“I know, but we still need to discuss what happened last night. Shouldn’t we?”
“You want to discuss it?” he said with a pained expression.
Thea laughed. “No, I do not. But we must.”
“All right. If we must.”
“Don’t you want to talk about it?” she pressed.
“No. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to analyze it. I think we should just try again. Talking can lead to more confusion at times, and what I think would really benefit us both is simply letting that experience fade to memory and to create a better one.”