by S. N. Garza
“Anyone there?”
I loved his voice. If I could just capture it, I’d be happy. I’d be able to let him go.
Until I heard a voice in the background.
“Come on, Deke. Come back to bed, stud.”
The gasp that rang out must have shocked both of us because I heard quick shuffling and then a door slam close.
I knew that voice. It was none other than my supposed best friend, Vera.
Oh, God. I couldn’t breathe.
“Penelope, that you? Where are you? Answer me, babygirl. Please God, let it be you.”
“Vera? You’re sleeping with Vera?”
“I miss you.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. Bye, Deke.”
“NO! No, no, no, no, no! Don’t you hang up on me! Don’t you dare—”
I did. I had no choice. I heard him yell out my name as I pushed the end button. I knew I shouldn’t have called him. It was such a mistake. Huge. Colossal. Mistake. But then, I had to realize what this really is.
A wake up call. A wake up call to get on with my life. It was time to begin it. My life without Deke.
Chapter 13
Penelope
One and half years later, Christmas
“Penny! Are you going home for the holidays this year?” Iridessa, my sorority sister and best friend was packing up to go home to Colorado for her family Christmas. I had avoided going home my freshman year. Claiming I wanted to work through it and keep up with my studies. Which was only half way true. I did work. I worked a lot of doubles and made some really good cash.
After that horrible phone call with Deke, I knew I had to forget about him once and for all. And I did. Once I realized the boy I fell in love with would never be the man I deserved, I moved on. I began my college life and rushed for Kappa Alpha Theta. I lived in the dorm for the rest of that semester and then moved into the sorority house to be with my sisters.
First thing I did, was get the house letters tattooed on my collarbone. The guy who inked me knew Johnny from way back when so luckily it wouldn’t be a bad thing when I went home and ran into him.
I still called and texted Patrick daily, and he was finally seeing someone he thought he could see himself being with for the rest of his life. He told me four months was still too short of a time but so far, they’d been inseparable. I was so happy for him. I didn’t know what it was like being gay, and I knew he hadn’t had the cushy life, but he was the strongest person I knew. Outside of Deke. The young Deke who took beating after beating from his father. The boy I took care of when I could.
Ugh.
“Penny? You get so distracted sometimes. Maybe you should keep your flute here.”
That made me laugh. For once, the sisters didn’t mind that I played my flute. They actually said it was really beautiful and that I should play it whenever I wanted. I didn’t know if that meant for entertainment for them, but I didn’t mind. It was still my go to thing that helped me escape from reality.
“Sorry. Yeah. First time I’ll be seeing my parents in a year and half.”
“I know, it’s crazy. But I get it. You didn’t tell me much, but enough I know that it wasn’t exactly easy for you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. My parents are…complicated. But not towards me.”
“I know! I mean, Patrick’s been here a few times and he is like so awesome and sweet. So what if he’s a flaming flamingo. He’s like buff, sexy, sweet, and tender all rolled up into one gay package. Why do all the hot ones have to be gay? What I wouldn’t give for Matt Bomer.”
Iridessa sometimes went from serious to hilarious in a nanosecond. Being an undecided art major, I understood her. Mostly. She went through every emotion in the book. All in the space of a conversation sometimes. She didn’t judge me though. All the sisters were amazing. I’ve never had female friends…yeah I’m not counting her…backstabbing bitch.
Shake it off, Pen.
They deserved each other for all I care. Anyway. The girls in Kappa Alpha Theta were the perfect group of girls that encouraged each other and helped whenever they could.
“Iridessa, you’re shameless.”
“Yeah, well. Here’s to hoping one of them turns straight.” She slung her bag over her shoulders and winked at me on her way out. “Drive safe, Penny. Oh, and you should totally give Alan Wharlon your number on your way out. He’s really hot for you.”
Alan? He was in our brother fraternity, Phi Gamma Beta. Sure, I’ve hung out with him a few times. We had English Lit together and we made a study group with some of the other students, but I never thought he was interested in me that way. Or I never really paid much attention.
He was a sweet guy and I do admit, he is hot. Like Zac Efron hot. That boy was cute growing up and he turned to be one pretty man. Sigh. Maybe I should give Alan my number. If I saw him before I left, I would. Which looking at my clock…I’m already behind.
I didn’t leave my flute behind though. It was going to be a good holiday. I saw Patrick for Thanksgiving, but unlike now, I flew both ways. This time I was driving all the way home to Lilton. I made my way out to my car when I heard a masculine yet soft voice call out my name.
“Penny!” I turned to see Alan jogging over. Shirtless. He was lean, muscled and holy moly, it was like a sucker punch to my gut. This one had brains, brawn and hell, those two were enough.
“Hey, Alan! How are you doing?”
“Better now that I see you.”
A blush crept up my neck and I knew it was noticeable by the way he smiled.
“You’re awfully cute when you blush. Going home for Christmas?”
“Yeah, for the week and then I’ll be back.”
Ugh. Did I have to sound so needy?
“Me too. But I’m local so it’s no matter. You driving?” I nodded and his brow crinkled. “You sure it’s safe?”
“Safe as can be. I got everything checked out.”
“Good. Uh, Penny?”
“Yes, Alan?”
An awkward laugh rang out and he asked, “Can I have your phone number?”
This guy, who’s actually quite popular, and a senior, was shy asking for my number? Heart melting.
I nodded a little too enthusiastically because we both ended up laughing.
“Sorry. It’s just that I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while. I thought you might not—
“YES! Alan, I’d like to give you my phone number. That would be great.”
Was this me? All shy and saccharine? What harm would come of giving him my number?
“Great.”
I gave him my number and he called so I had the call back number.
“Call me when you stop so I know you’re okay and safe.”
“Wow. That’s really sweet of you. Sure. Thank you for caring.”
One lip tilted upward and then he took a quick breath and then leaned in quickly, kissing my cheek.
“You’re easy to care for.”
“Bye, Alan.”
“See you in a week, Penny.”
Now why did that sound like a promise? He backed away as I got in and turned the ignition. I reversed my car and as I let go, the car drove slowly past him and I waved and a giggle flew out. He waved back and winked. Before I did something stupid like go back and kiss him stupid, I drove away from the house parking lot and made my way towards the state line.
My Beetle was still going strong and after twenty four hours, nine of those in a hotel room, I made it to Lilton. I had to change into warmer weather clothes because the cool of Tempe was nothing like the heat of Lilton. I had checked the weather and it was supposed to be warm throughout Christmas and then get cooler in January. I packed for both, but I had changed into shorts and my black and gold house tee.
Driving through town, I realized nothing’s really changed. It was early evening and if I knew my parents, they were almost ready to go to work. I was dog tired and only wanted to wish them a goodnight before going to sleep myself.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, dad.”
“PAIGE! Penny’s here!”
The door opened in a flash and my father went out to grab me when he came up short.
“What in the world?” He looked me over and I knew what he saw, he did not like. From my short hair, to my tank top, the tattoo, to my short jean shorts. “Penelope.”
“Pat stop hogging our daugh…ter. Penny? What have you done?”
“I grew up. But if this is a problem, I’ll stay elsewhere, or I’ll go to Houston and see my brother. He said I was more than welcome.”
My parents faces were shocked, but they didn’t say anything else as they let me in.
“You cut your hair. It looks nice.” My mom said as I dropped my bag by my door.
“Thank you. I got it cut like this when I stayed with Patty after graduation. And I kept it like this. Easy to fix. A lot of my sisters at Kappa have their hair short as well, so I decided to just keep it like this.”
They didn’t say anything else, but my mom did come up to me, and gave me an awkward hug. “Glad to have you home, honey.”
“Thanks, mom.”
“Paige, it’s time to get going.”
She backed away and petted my hair, inspecting it. “It’ll grow on me.” She smiled and they both left for work.
Hope so, because I wasn’t ready to change and let it grow back out. Alan seemed to like my hair.
That thought made me giggle. I had texted him when I got to Lilton and he was sweet as he texted back. I could see myself with him. I didn’t want to be too hopeful, but this was the first time in a long time I felt goose bumps rise over my skin at the thought of a guy.
Since starting college, I haven’t went out on dates or to too many parties. Had been too busy with classes and then the sorority. It had only been recently that things have come more naturally and easy. Some classes were still hard and sometimes I struggled, but the girls in the house always helped. That’s what made being in a sorority so wonderful. We all helped each other.
I was settling in on the couch when a text beeped on my phone. Alan.
Hey, Penny! You home yet?
Yes, I made it safely.
Glad you’re safe. It’s still early here and I thought I’d text you before I had dinner with the folks.
You’re so sweet! Thank you, Alan. Yes. It’s a little over seven here, I just planned on watching a movie before going to bed. I’m still really tired from all the driving.
Poor pretty Penny. Get some rest, doll. Are you still running in the morning?
Whoa. How did he?
How did you know I ran?
You always ran past the house in the morning.
Stalking me, Alan?
Not too much. But once I saw you running, I admit, I got up a few more times that week and saw you had a routine. It was the highlight of my day.
Idk how to take that.
Not the wrong way. I just liked watching you run. It always looked like you had such purpose when you run.
That’s different. And yes. I will run in the morning.
I will definitely miss that.
You’re silly.
As long as I can be silly with just you, I’ll take it. Now rest up buttercup. I’ll chat with you tomorrow.
Night Alan.
Night, doll. Sweet dreams.
Oh, my goodness. Alan was such a dream. I sat back and watched a movie, thinking about him and how I couldn’t wait to get back home. After the movie I went to my room, which was pretty much the same as when I left almost two years ago. I placed my bag on my desk and rummaged through the clothes. After showering and changing, I made sure the house was locked tight, and was about to lay down when I saw something sparkly just underneath my bed.
I reached under and grabbed a pair of high heels. My prom shoes. Mom must have put them here.
Sigh.
I really liked these shoes. I got out of bed and walked to my closet. Opening the door, I saw my prom dress hanging on the door. That was such a pretty dress. I might have to take it home with me. Then he invaded my thoughts. About how this dress was last taken off.
I shook my head at the memory and closed the door. Laying down, I set my alarm, shut off the light and just as I fell asleep, I could have sworn I heard ‘you’re mine’ being whispered in my ear.
Alan’s. I wanted to be Alan’s. Right?
Chapter 15
Penelope
Been here two days, and I still didn’t feel right being here. My parents didn’t even act like I was here. Was it a mistake to even come?
Ugh. They acted as if I had the plague and it was really getting on my nerves. Yesterday I jogged only in the neighborhood, but this time, as I pulled on my spandex shorts, sports bra and the crop top with the house letters scrawled over the chest I figured I needed to get all this irritation off my shoulders. The main street of the town was close enough that I could run my normal three miles and come home. I alternated between running three miles one day and one mile another day. I was dedicated, but not that dedicated.
When I moved into Kappa Alpha Theta, I was the heaviest girl in the group. I was about one seventy, a size twelve compared to all the others. They weren’t thin as rails but then they were tall too. After about a month of living there, I started using the house gym, built up a stamina and then I began jogging. Trust me, jogging and lifting weights were two different things. But after a year, I was able to jog three miles, which I normally did daily, except weekends. I was down thirty pounds and gained some muscle, along with keeping my ass and boobs. Squats, I tell you. They were no joke.
I strapped on my iPod touch, tucked in my I.D. and debit card in my holder on the back and stuck my ears buds in. My hair was short but the front usually got in my face so I threw it up in a pony and unhooked my iPod. I put on my jogging mix and shut the door behind me as I walked to the sidewalk. It was only ten in the morning. I normally got up about seven, but I figured it was winter break, I might as well give myself a break as well. After a five minute stretch, I cleared my mind of everything, pressed play and began my jog.
I jogged all the way to Main Street, the shop owners were outside sweeping their sidewalks, getting ready to sell their wares. The few that bothered to look at me gave me a once over with wide eyes before shaking their heads. It made me wonder if they recognized me.
I did look vastly different than the nerdy girl from two years ago, but it didn’t stop me from jogging though. What they thought didn’t matter a hill of beans to me. Most of my life they ignored me anyway. Was it because of the way I was dressed? Probably. Seems like this town still hasn’t modernized. Not even a little bit. Which was sad because this town was growing and had such potential. I actually saw a Walmart just outside of town as I drove in. It wasn’t a twenty-four hour one, but still. That was a sign that things were changing around here.
Every few minutes I stopped and did five jump-squats before continuing on. I jogged to the only stop light in town, the main intersection, before I crossed and continued down the other side.
I had gone most of the way when my iPod beeped, telling me I jogged three miles. I always stopped at three miles. The trail I jogged on campus was just over three miles before I got back to the house. I didn’t go over three miles.
And the place I stopped was one I hadn’t thought I’d see so early in my vacation. SoIn. Great. Johnny was probably inside. It was a surprise not to see him outside right now. I took a few deep breaths and tried walking past the windows when the door dinged and someone stepped out. Oh, no.
Trixie.
I tried walking around her but when she looked at me, her facial expression was one of confusion.
Go past her, Pen. Hurry it up. She won’t recognize you.
“Wait
a second. Don’t I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar.”
Ugh. Everything in me deflated. I turned around and looked at her, smiling. Trixie was about five years older than me and she had always been nice to me whenever I had come in to the shop to wait for Deke.
I wasn’t about to lie to her, so I nodded.
“I knew you did. What’s your name?” She leaned into the broom and waited.
“It’s me, Trixie. Penny.”
The broom dropped and her eyes widened until I thought her eyes would bust from the sockets.
“No fucking way.”
“Yes fucking way.”
We both laughed. She bent and picked up the broom, settling it against the door.
“Damn, girl. You’re still a short little pixie, but you look hot!”
“Hitting on me, Trix?”
“If I swung that way, yes. You look really good. It’s been a very long time since you’ve been home.”
“Yeah, about a year and half.”
She nodded and gave me a long once over. Shook her head and said, “You are one hot number, Penny. You become wild in Arizona?”
“Me? Ha. No. I just got things straightened out.”
“Straightened out huh? What, you gotta man?”
“Maybe.”
She laughed and shook her head again. “He’s going to freak.”
He. I knew the he she was talking about. Deke. I didn’t know if I liked that, but I knew it would be inevitable to see him eventually. Small town. I shrugged and didn’t comment.
I pulled the hair tie out of my head and shook out the strands. Her gasp was enough to make me laugh. “What?”
“You cut your hair!”
“Yeah. I wear short shorts, tight tank tops, and got inked and I’ve never been happier.”
“Inked? Where you got a tat at, girl?”
I pulled down the shirt and showed her my house letters.