by S. N. Garza
Taking it slow right now was the furthest thing from my mind as I held on to him and our bodies brushed in an erotic dance against each other.
“Tomorrow.”
The harsh whisper escaped from his lips as he brought me onto my knees, our kisses becoming more passionate and hot. I felt my shorts being tugged and pulled and then I heard material rendering. Then a zipper released and then my hips were gripped as I was pulled down onto the rock hard length. My mouth popped from his, a hard gasp rushing from between mine. His name torn from my lips in a hoarse cry of need.
“Tomorrow. I swear to you, tomorrow I’ll take our relationship slow. I’ll show you how I could be good enough for you. You are not what he says. You’re perfect. You’ve always been so perfect. You’re beautiful. Sweet. Kind. Magical. Ah, fuck. You’re so tight, wet and hot for me. You could never be anything else but wonderful. I promise you. Don’t believe a word of his lies, Penelope. Your heart is the purest, most beautiful thing on this planet and I’m blessed just to know you.”
His hand had wound around my hair, holding me still as he lifted his hips into me with the strength of his need.
My stomach began fluttering, something hot stirring low in my belly. Deke’s eyes were fierce, filled with lust and his jaw tight as he thrust upward, taking me as he wanted. His possession became the only focus in the room and I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. Something nagged at the back of my mind but the pleasure felt too wonderful. It was building rapidly inside me. My vagina clutched around his shaft and my hands had gripped his shoulders tightly, holding onto him.
His mouth captured mine, his hips jerking hard upward and I knew he was close. Just as close as I was until the sound of our bodies connecting was the only thing we heard.
“That’s it, baby. Let me feel it. All of it. Oh, sweet fuck. Hot. So hot.”
His words were enough to carry me over and I came. His mouth crashing home on mine as I cried out his name in ecstasy.
Then I felt heat like I hadn’t felt in so long push into me as his release jetted from the tip. My walls fluttered and squeezed around him and he groaned low against my lips, stilling and pulling me forwards until my chest was pressed up against his body.
“Please.” I couldn’t help the broken plea that slipped past my lips.
“Please, what, baby?”
“Please don’t break my heart, Deke. I won’t survive it again.”
“Never. Oh, Penelope. I’m never going to hurt you again. I swear it.”
Our foreheads laid against each other as his words whispered over me.
“Please. Please.”
With our bodies fused together, he tightened his hold on me as I buried my face in his neck. Hell. We hadn’t even bothered taking off our clothes. My shorts were extremely tight against my calves.
“I promise.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel it?”
“Penelope, if I ever hurt your heart again I will leave. I won’t cause you a second of unhappiness again. But I know that’s not going to happen.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because I have something worth fighting for. Something so precious it’s priceless. I won’t ever hurt you or the heart I wanna have for my own. I’m sorry I started this out totally backwards, but I’ll take it slow and easy from now on. I don’t want this to be the only thing that keeps us together. I promise, babygirl.”
I nodded against his neck and squeezed him tighter. I wanted to believe him. I hope this wasn’t going to be another game. Because what I told him was the truth. I didn’t know how I’d live with myself if I gave him another chance and it went spiraling down into a black hole of hurt and despair.
But I did have hope. Actions spoke louder than words. I just hope his screamed from the top of the world.
Chapter 35
Penelope
Ever since that day, Deke had indeed taken things slow. School was in full swing and Deke had been surprisingly gentle and all things sweet. Which wasn’t in his nature. Not before or after prom. Of course he was sweet to a point but to woo me? He was taking it at a snail’s pace now.
We’ve been on several dates, which all were great, amazing and perfect in their own little way. He always brought me home at a respectable hour. Kissed me on the cheek, the hand, sometimes my lips but he never pressed into me. Never took it further than that and I felt bereft. Like I was missing something. He took me to the movies, dinner, dancing. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. We even double dated with Bunko and Dessa who seemed to be getting hotter and heavier. Which made me happy for Dessa because she moved down here for him. They were making a go of it.
I wanted that. And every time I looked at Deke, I knew he wasn’t the guy that had been so cruel to me. He really was showing me a side of him that I could easily fall back in love with. Hell, I’ve already fallen and I don’t want to get back up anytime soon. But this slow business was killing me. I wanted my Deke back. I wanted the man who was hot headed and argumentative. Who took exactly what he wanted. I didn’t realize that the parts of him he tried to hide, was the parts I wanted the most. I could see the restraint it took for him to leave me at home after each date with just a sweet goodbye kiss and a promise to call later. Which of course he did. He kept to his promises. But after four months of just dating, I wanted more.
Did he not see it in my eyes that I was ready for more? That I wanted more? That I did in fact trust him with my heart? It was like the events of the past few years, were just a façade. What was really going on here? I was so confused. Why would he be so horrible to me if he wanted me in his life? To be with him? Was he just trying to make up for being a dick and we would just end up friends? Or was there more in this for him? Because to me there was. I wanted him so much it hurt. Ever since I was fifteen and I met him, got to know the boy as much as he let me, but I wanted the man, too. I wanted it all. The bad blood that had been between us washed away. Why was he taking things so slow like this?
Gah. I hated this feeling of uncertainty. My twenty-fifth birthday was coming up and I didn’t want to spend it with just a sweet date and a goodbye kiss. And I meant to get it. He hadn’t even let me come over his house yet. He always insisted picking me up. Seeing me at my mom’s house. Why wasn’t he letting me in? It was just like when we were kids. He didn’t let me see the real Deke, and dammit, I was getting tired of this sweet, apple-pie crap going steady and slow shit. I wanted the pumpkin spice latte. The fierce, sexy, alpha male attitude he had. Even if I had to take that bull by the horns, I wasn’t going on another mindless date if all we did at the end of the night was say goodbye.
I’ll be damned if he just shut off his emotions because he wanted to make this perfect for me. It was already perfect. Now, he needed to give me everything. I was ready. And I wasn’t going to settle for anything less. It was time he learned that taking it slow was only going to last for so long. Hell, it was Saturday night, I was lying in bed, alone. Deke was at SoIn. Why did I have to wait? I didn’t want to. Did he really love me? Why was he hiding himself from me? I wanted it all, dammit.
Ugh. And hell if I wasn’t going to take what I wanted when what I wanted most was that bullheaded, sweet, kind, sexy, stupid man. He was stupid. Because he should have realized I never stopped loving his dumb stubborn ass.
It was like this epiphany came over me. It was like the fog had finally lifted and my eyes were finally seeing clearly.
Fuck this. I got up, not caring if I was in my leggings and dorm tee. No bra, no makeup, I slid my glasses on my face and I rushed to slip on my slipper booties that shouldn’t be worn outside the house, but I didn’t give a damn. I grabbed Deke’s leather jacket I never gave back to him and slipped it on. I hadn’t wore it in years. Well, out in public anyway. Yeah, the last great hope of the young girl inside of me, holding on to the boy she loved. Still loved. Will always love. And I had zero fucks to give r
ight now. I was on a mission. A mission that if Deke denied me, I was going to have to smack the ever loving hell out of him because I wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the best. He was my best thing. And hell if I was going to be denied what my heart desired.
The clock read ten in the evening and I threw open my door, rushed to the bar in the kitchen to grab my car keys, only to see my mom sitting at the kitchen table, her phone in her hand.
“Oh, my. Everything okay, Penny?”
“Yes. I’m going to go get my man and knock some sense into his take-things-slow-so-I-show-you-I-love-you stubborn ass. Bye, mom.”
Her laughter followed in my wake with a ‘go get him, girl’ and that was all the encouragement I needed.
In record time, I was slamming my breaks in front of SoIn, not caring if I was parked crooked or the fact that I left my car door open. I wasn’t going to even stop until I could see him right in front of me.
I rushed inside to only see Trixie, who was arguing heatedly with Philip at her station, and Castor who looked surprised to see me springing through the shop door and he paled, this look of guilt and concern in his eyes,.
“Where is he?”
“He’s busy right now, Penny. Maybe you can come back later? Maybe tomorrow would be best,”
“No.” Then I stormed past them and Castor rushed to block me.
“Penny. Don’t go back there.”
“Listen, Castor, I can drop you on your ass now and go or you can step aside. But either way, I am going to the office whether you like it or not.”
He sighed heavily and stepped aside, muttering a curse and prayer all at the same time.
I past him and was almost to the office when I heard a feminine voice purr through the door.
“Come on, Deke. For old times’ sake? I miss that rock hard body of yours and all the hot, sexy things you can do to me.”
Veradia? I was about to slam inside when Deke’s hard voice penetrated through the wood door.
“Vera. I slept with you twice. And trust me, I only fucked you because you begged and looked pathetic. You’re fucking married.”
“I don’t care. He doesn’t do anything right. And I need it, so badly.”
Wow. She sounded so desperate I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
“I’m sorry, but I’m with Penelope and she’s the only woman I could ever want in that capacity. Work things out with your husband. I don’t want you. I belong to Penelope.”
“Penelope. Penelope. Penelope. You’ve been celibate for years and now that she’s here, you think she can satisfy those hard edges you have? Hell, when was the last time you actually had sex? Before she came back into town? You date. I’ve never saw you with anyone except your dad and her mother. What? Are you fucking her mother? I mean, come on. Even I can see the strain it’s causing you to go so slow with super-virgin.”
That was enough. Now, I was good and mad. How dare she? I grabbed the knob and twisted and with the amount of anger I possessed, I slammed the door to the wall and walked with a calm and cool inside the room to see Veradia rushing up to stand.
“Penny!”
“Penelope?”
I looked to Deke to see his face pale visibly. And pain lanced his eyes at what he thought I was getting out of their position. She had been grabbing a hold of him and his hands were on her hips. But I knew he was only trying to push her away.
I walked up to both of them, my eyes cold and void of emotion until I walked right up to her and with a surprised look on her face, my hand flew out, the harsh sound of smacking ringing thought the room.
“Get the hell away from my man. He’ll never be yours. Not now and now I know not even then. So if you know what’s good for you, Veradia, you’ll walk out this door and you’ll never darken the SoIn steps again. Now get the hell out.”
She huffed and walked past me, her shoulder connecting with mine and I saw Deke rush to stand up, ready to protect me, but I laid my death stare on him as well. He became instantly still, waiting for my next move.
When the office door slammed shut, I said, “Take me to your house.”
That caught him by surprise. “My house?”
“Yes. It’s time you let me in. I’m tired of this taking it slow. I want you to take me back to your house and let me in. You’ve kept so much of yourself from me. Even now. And I won’t have it. Do you not love me? Do you not want me but for the sake of making amends? Why won’t you let me see who you really are? The man beneath the armor you’ve erected over yourself. Don’t hide from me.”
“Not love you? Penelope, I’ve loved you since I first met you. Since you were just fifteen. A beautiful, vibrant, quiet girl who flipped my fucked up world until it was right. I know I was a dick to you. So many times, but I had to do something to make you see you had a better future waiting for you outside of this small town.”
That took me back. What was he saying?
“You could have come with me.”
“You know I wouldn’t have. My place was here. Even though he was a mean bastard, I couldn’t just leave my dad here. Penelope, you didn’t need the baggage I had following you to college. Did I want you with another man? Of course not. It killed me. But I had to let you live. I failed miserably, but Penelope? Seeing you in that hospital room, beaten, cut and bruised…I went crazy. Crazier than when my father talked shit about you—
“Whoa. Wait. What are you talking about? Your father?”
"Yeah. Remember that night I came to your house right before your 18th birthday all beat up?"
My heart pounded hard against my chest as he spoke. Why was he just telling me this now?
"Yes, I remember."
"My father and I got into it and accused me of messing around with you. That I was sleeping with you. He was wasted and so drunk I prayed he wouldn't remember. But he made threats towards you. I lost it. I beat him until he passed out. Which didn't take long. Thankfully I was right, he didn't remember what he said when he was drunk. Only thing he did remember was me beating him. He knew he deserved it. He began going to AA after that but had a lot of fall backs. Until four years ago. I don't know what kind of epiphany he had but he's been sober for four solid years. Recently, he's been as happy as a loon."
"I'm happy for you, Deke. For him, too. But that doesn't—
"I'm not done, Penelope. Then when you were twenty and came home for Christmas. Vera—
"I know about that. I know Vera only did it because she knew I was back in town. Thought I’d get mad at you. Which yeah, I did."
"You had reason to. It didn't help that your father smacked you around."
"Deke. That—
"I took care of that, too."
My head jerked back in shock. "No. Deke, you didn't."
"He was still hitting Paige when I got there. They were arguing about something and once again I lost it. I showed him exactly what it meant by hurting you. And your mother. I made sure he never hit your mother again. Then Alan."
There was red-hot agony and anger burning in his eyes when he said that. Oh. God. I remember leaving the hospital and not once after that did I see Alan again.
"What did you do?"
"Seeing you lying half dead on that bed, I have never felt so much rage...so much pain in my life. After you said what you did…"
"Deke—
"No, babygirl. Everything you said I deserved. For treating you with so much disrespect. I knew you'd break it off with him. I knew you couldn't make love to me and then marry him with a clear conscience. It would eat you alive. I never thought he'd touch you in anger. I went crazy. Not even Johnny, or your brother could have stopped me. I found him after Johnny did. I beat him within an inch of his life. If I had went to jail, than I would have went gladly knowing no one had the power to hurt you ever again. Johnny had told me he took care of it, but it was my right. You were—are mine to take care of. It didn’t matter if you weren’t technically mine. Hell, you’ve always been mine. Ten years, Penelope. That’s how lo
ng you’ve been mine, just like I’ve been yours. But I went back after a few weeks. I had let the hate and anger simmer. I went back and I made him see exactly what kind of retribution laid in store for him if he ever came near you again."
"But you hurt me. Deke, don’t you see? The only person who has ever had that power was you."
Tears flowed from my eyes freely and in his eyes I saw them burn within those steel grey orbs, too.
"Penelope. I was a fool. But I have loved you every day since September twenty-sixth, that day ten years ago. You became mine that day in the alley. You became my best friend. My solace. The one thing that I’d rather die than lose. I didn't know it was love then. But with each passing year, that feeling has only grown. Distance didn't change that. No, I am not the perfect man. Hell, I will never deserve you, but dammit, I don't want to let you go. I want you and I want that beautiful, pure, golden heart that beats in your chest to be mine. I love you Penelope Marie Handleman. I'll love you for forever."
"Deke, I—
"Still don't believe me?" He sighed and he walked to me, grabbed my hand and walked out the office. With this steely determination, he pulled me towards the front and tossed a set of keys to Trixie. “Lock up for me.”
The fact he didn’t even say anything to her about Philip still being there was paramount to the amount of feels he must be feeling. He didn’t stopped until he helped me into the passenger side of his truck and in silence, he drove to his house. The silence was deafening, but I every time I looked at him, he had this unshakable will about him that had one focus. One mission and he wasn’t stopping until he showed me exactly what he wanted to. It was a quick drive to his house, and I was barely out of the car when he came around and entwined his fingers with mine. Taking me inside his house and walked until we were to the back door.
He pointed to the back of his house. "Go out there. Go look in my studio."
"Studio?"
"Everything you need to know is in there. Please. I know you love me. But I’m laying it all out on the line now. I've never shown anyone what I’ve been painting over the years, I always wanted you to be the first to see what I love more than life itself. Please." The plea in his voice was half-desperate and half-excited and a whole lot of nervous.