Heaven knew his parents were stricter than most. His family situation had been so very different from hers growing up. Her parents had always made a fuss over a good report, having a special meal at home or buying a small trinket of one kind or another. Every achievement was celebrated, while any failures were looked upon as an opportunity to learn and receive encouragement. Van’s parents, not so much. If he failed a class, or even got a bad grade on a test or a paper, he’d get a beating. But he’d always brush the bruises and scrapes off as a result of being clumsy, never admitting what had really happened.
He’d spent a lot of time at her house. She could still see him sitting at the table of her parents’ dining room, watching silently as her dad made a little speech when she’d won a creativity award in elementary school. He’d kept himself aloof, yet he was clearly yearning to be a part of the warmth that had made their family’s house a home. Was that what he’d meant when he’d told her this was home for him? That he wanted to re-create the sense of belonging that her family had always taken for granted? It was a question to tuck away and ponder later, she decided.
Kayla began her standing asanas, finally feeling as though she was in the moment. She was balanced on one leg, her hand holding the tip of her left foot as she extended it out beside her.
“Is that safe?”
As if her thoughts had summoned him, there he was. Standing right behind her with yet another disapproving frown creasing between his brows. Kayla lowered her leg and planted both feet firmly on the ground.
“If it wasn’t, do you think I’d be doing it?” she countered in as reasonable a tone as she could manage.
While part of her was strangely relieved to see him, another was frustrated that just as she’d managed to focus on her meditation, he’d come along and yanked her back out of it.
He looked tired. His tie had been pulled loose and the top two buttons of his pristine white shirt were undone, exposing the hollow at the base of his tanned throat. She’d kissed him there, she remembered before snapping her mind back out of the past.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, just busy. We’re ironing out glitches in a new system and it’s the usual—whatever can go wrong will go wrong.”
“Sounds like you could use a bit of yoga yourself.” She smiled. “Or a stiff whiskey.”
His face froze. “I don’t drink.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you’d given it up. Any particular reason?” she probed without thinking. “Oh, heck, that was probably a bit personal. I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”
He gave her a cursory smile and ignored her question altogether. “Have you made plans for tomorrow?”
“Plans? No, not really. Sienna’s cutting a tooth at the moment but if she’s not too grouchy, I thought I could take her to the aquarium in Monterey. I considered the zoo, but, you know, too many smells.”
She gave a self-deprecating laugh. The nausea was more manageable now that she was getting so much more rest, but she didn’t think she was up to facing the various aromas to be encountered on a late spring morning at the zoo.
“Sounds like a good idea. Do you mind if I join you?”
Kayla couldn’t hide her surprise. “Isn’t tomorrow a business day for you?”
“One of the perks of being the boss. I can take time off when I want. But I don’t have to, if you’d rather take her on your own.”
Kayla was reminded of the aloof boy of her childhood. Always on the fringe. Never inserting himself where he feared he wasn’t wanted. She made a decision.
“No. I mean, she’d love it if you came, too.”
Van’s eyes met hers, a flicker of something in their emerald depths. “And you?”
Her breath caught in her throat. It was hard to put a label on how she felt about deliberately spending time with him. “I’d appreciate the extra pair of hands with Sienna, of course.”
The flicker of light she thought she’d seen reflected in his eyes dimmed a little. “Have you been feeling better this week?” he asked, moving into the sitting room and relaxing onto one of the deep chairs.
“Each day seems to get a little better.”
He nodded in apparent approval. “That’s good. And you haven’t been overdoing things?”
Kayla sighed. “No, your troops have made sure I barely lifted a finger all week.”
His mouth quirked into that sweet half smile that seemed like a kindness compared to his usually somber visage. “They had their orders. You’re looking a lot better for the rest. What time were you thinking of heading out tomorrow?”
“They don’t open until ten, and Imelda tells me it only takes about fifteen minutes or so from here.”
“So, leave at oh-nine-forty-five?”
She fought the urge to salute him. “Sure, that sounds fine. But like I said, it’ll depend on how grumpy Sienna is.”
“With both of us to distract her, I’m sure we’ll manage.” He stifled a yawn. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll head up to bed.”
A vision of him, naked against crisp white sheets, flooded her mind. Kayla felt a warm blush spread across her face. “Sleep well,” she said, her voice suddenly more husky than normal.
Van looked back at her and for the briefest moment she thought she saw that flare in his eyes again—something primal and heated. Something that reminded her of the man she’d taken to bed five years ago. Kayla’s mouth grew dry, every cell in her body attuned to his next move. But all too quickly that look was gone, leaving her wondering if she hadn’t imagined it after all.
She stood there transfixed by her imagination as he left the room and headed up the main staircase. A tremor rippled through her. He was an attractive man; of course she’d have some kind of physical reaction to him, especially knowing what they’d been capable of together, but this felt like something more. Something she really didn’t want to examine any further. Something that could become very messy emotionally if she allowed herself to think about it too much.
Hormones, she told herself. You’re just in crazy mode, where everything either drives you mad, makes you cry or...or turns you on, whispered a little voice in the back of her mind. Kayla shook her head, as if the physical action could rid her of the reality she didn’t want to admit. The truth that despite his deserting her after their one night together, despite the way he’d more recently run roughshod over her and taken control of her life, she still wanted him.
Wanted, yes. But having was another thing entirely and it so wasn’t going to happen, she resolved sternly. Not only because she didn’t want it to, but because he so clearly didn’t, either. She wasn’t about to set herself up for complete rejection again. It had been hard enough the last time. Now she was so much more vulnerable.
Kayla tried to resume her yoga routine but her mind simply wouldn’t let go for long enough for anything to flow. Giving it up altogether, she switched off the lights and made her way to her room. Hours later she still couldn’t get to sleep. Her mind kept offering alternative scenarios of where things could have gone with Van after he’d said good-night. Scenarios that left her feeling as though she had an itch somewhere that, no matter what, she simply couldn’t relieve.
* * *
Van was up early the next morning and was surprised to find Kayla already downstairs with Sienna.
“Belle not up?” he said after wishing them a good morning.
He studiously tried to ignore the fact that Kayla was obviously still in her pajamas. The tank top clung to her full breasts and the bottoms hung low on her hips, exposing the slight roundness of her belly.
Kayla gave him a long-suffering look. “You can’t expect the woman to have night duties with Sienna and then be up at the crack of dawn, as well. Besides, it’s her day off today. You know, that time when normal people
do normal things like, oh, I don’t know—not work, maybe?”
He looked at her in surprise. “Did you get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
“No, I did not and my morning has been perfectly lovely.”
Until now. Even he could hear the unsaid words hanging in the air.
“Dadadadadad!”
Both adults turned to the baby in the high chair. Van felt a rush of elation thrill through him.
“What did she say?”
“You heard her. She’s been saying it since she woke up this morning.”
Ah, maybe that explained the bad mood, Van thought. He flashed a smile at Sienna, who reached out her arms toward him.
“You’ll want to wipe her hands first,” Kayla commented.
She rose from the kitchen table and moved toward the counter, where she rinsed a small muslin cloth under the tap before handing it to him. Van looked at her a moment before understanding. She expected him to wipe the baby’s hands? That should be interesting, he thought. Aside from occasionally holding Sienna and playing with her in the pool the other day, he’d actually had very little to do with her. Right now a full-combat mission would have been less daunting.
“You’ll get best results if you hold her lower forearm with one hand and then use your other with the cloth to clean her hand. And make sure you get between her fingers, too,” Kayla advised.
She leaned against the counter and eyed him with a look that, if he hadn’t known better, he’d have said was almost gleeful.
“What exactly is that muck she’s got on her hands?”
“Mashed banana mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“And some cereal. Sets pretty hard if you don’t wash it out of your clothes or hair straightaway. Stains, too.”
“Dadadadadad!” Sienna exclaimed cheerfully, suddenly putting her hands on her head and transferring a lot of the mess into her hair.
“Oh, hell, now what?” Van asked, instantly feeling utterly helpless.
Kayla chuckled. At first the sound was slight, as if it had slipped out despite her best attempts not to laugh, but then it grew and took shape until she was in paroxysms of laughter.
“Your face,” she wheezed between bouts of uncontrolled laughing. “I wish you could see your face.”
Van shifted uncomfortably. He’d survived the regular beatings his adoptive dad had given him. He’d spent the better part of ten years in the army seeing active service. He’d built a multimillion-dollar company from the ground up. He would not let this defeat him.
“C’mon, Sienna. Be a good girl for your daddy,” he coaxed.
He moved forward carefully, holding the cloth as if it was some magic talisman or enchanted weapon.
“She’s a baby, not a wild animal,” Kayla observed. Another chuckle escaped her.
The baby laughed, too, and the sound of her full-bellied little laugh coaxed a similar response from Van.
“Maybe I should just take her outside and hose her,” he said.
“Yeah, I know it’s tempting but I don’t think that’s completely necessary. Go on, she won’t bite. Or are you scared?”
Her last words hardened his resolve. He surged forward, took one little arm and wiped the hand as quickly as he could, then did the same with the other. Sienna, of course, immediately put her hands back in the slop in her bowl and applied them straight to her hair again. Behind him, Kayla exploded into laughter once more, generating even more baby giggles from Sienna.
“You know, you really shouldn’t encourage her. These are not nice table manners,” he said grimly.
He took the bowl from the high-chair tray and set it in the kitchen sink before rinsing off the cloth and approaching Sienna again—this time with a determination that he would not fail. She tugged her tiny hands as he cleaned them but he was firm as he gently wiped them. Then he did the best he could with her hair before unbuckling her harness and lifting her from the chair.
“How’s that?” he said as he faced Kayla again, feeling ridiculously triumphant.
She nodded slowly and pursed her lips. “Not bad. Needs work, but not bad at all.”
She took the cloth off him and rinsed it out before teasing Sienna with it while managing to remove the last of the goop from her hair. He watched in surprise at how adept she was.
“You’re really good at that,” he commented.
“I’ve had a few more months of practice.”
It struck him how much she’d dealt with on her own for so long—and how well she’d coped. He’d never have thought it of her. She’d always been the one that got into trouble at school with her teachers—mostly for daydreaming and not turning in her homework or assignments on time. She’d eschewed attending college, instead choosing to take a year to indulge her wanderlust. A year that turned into several years as she traveled around the world. But she’d been there for her sister when crunch time came and Sienna really started to go downhill, he remembered. Which was a damn sight more than he’d been.
“I know I’ve never acknowledged this before, but you’ve done a really good job with Sienna,” he said in all seriousness. “She’s a beautiful baby. Thank you.”
“Well, I didn’t have her for your sake,” Kayla responded tartly, but he could see the gleam of pleasure that glowed in her eyes at his words.
“I know that, but I’m grateful.”
“Grateful that I didn’t tell you that you were going to be a father?”
He absently pressed his lips to the top of his daughter’s head and inhaled the lingering scents of banana, cereal and baby that mingled together.
“Yeah, I guess I am. I would have stopped you somehow and then...” He let his voice trail off.
“And then we wouldn’t be here now,” Kayla finished for him.
She turned away to rinse out Sienna’s bowl and stack it in the dishwasher and he watched her, unmistakably drawn to the way the fabric of her pajama bottoms tightened around the curve of her bottom as she bent to insert the bowl. His body awakened in response and he tamped the sensation back. This was Kayla. The mother of the baby in his arms and now carrying another child he’d never expected to want or to love. He shouldn’t feel this way about her. She straightened up and looked at him.
“What?” she demanded. “Have I ripped my pants or something?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“Are you okay with Sienna while I go and grab my shower? There’s a stack of books in the box in the corner there,” she said, gesturing to the more casual sitting room to the other side of the kitchen. “She likes to be read to.”
“You’re going to leave her alone...with me?”
“You’re her father, aren’t you? Being a dad is a bit more than cleaning her up once and taking her to the aquarium. You’ve been pretty scarce since we’ve been here. I thought you wanted to get to know your daughter,” Kayla challenged him.
“I wanted to know she was safe and well cared for and that you were, too,” he defended.
“But you didn’t want to be hands-on?”
He hesitated. To be totally honest, he had no idea of how to be a good father. His birth parents had been deemed incapable of caring for him and at the age of three he’d been adopted by a couple who’d wanted to be parents but who’d had no idea of what it took to nurture a child. The only example of fatherhood he’d had was Kayla’s own dad. He wondered if the man had ever felt as confused and cast adrift with his daughters as Van did right now.
“I don’t know what I expected. But I do want to be a good father. I want to keep her safe, always.”
Kayla’s expression softened. “Van, you’re not your father. You won’t lift a hand to Sienna in anger. I know you’re stronger than that. Is that what’s bothering you? That you think you might turn into him?�
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“He wasn’t my father,” Van shocked himself by answering. “I was adopted.”
“You...you what? Adopted? Really? When did you find that out?”
“Not long after your sister died. I shouldn’t have been surprised, really.”
Kayla moved across the kitchen and put a hand on his arm. Her blue eyes reflected her concern for him. “It can’t have been an easy discovery.”
“It wasn’t. It made me reassess things, though. And now I’m reassessing again.”
He looked at the baby in his arms. A child that was a blend of both him and her biological mother. Could he do this? Could he be a good dad? Had he inadvertently passed on a potential death sentence to this beautiful sweet child?
Kayla moved a step back. He felt the loss of her touch instantly. “Every day is a new day, Van. You can start over as often as you like.”
And that summed her up perfectly. Always starting over, always looking for the next adventure. He’d long considered her to be lacking in commitment, but the background search he’d ordered into her life showed that since her sister had passed away, she’d knuckled down, just like she’d said, and lived a stable lifestyle. With the exception of her providing a roof over the head of a series of homeless people, of course. But even then, she’d been trying to do something good. He understood that aside from the last incident, the people she’d helped had mostly gone on to better things and happier lives once they’d gotten onto their feet again. Maybe he needed to take a leaf out of her book for a change instead of trying to pigeonhole her where he thought she should fit.
The realization was sobering. Where exactly did he think she fitted? Right now he wanted her here to ensure that she didn’t endanger the baby she was carrying or herself—let alone the child he now held in his arms. But what about after the new baby came along? Where did he want Kayla to fit then?
One Heir...or Two? Page 10