Tess kissed Brooke on the cheek. “I’ll meet you there.”
Brooke practically beamed as she turned her attention back to the screen. Tess watched Brooke for a moment affectionately. “Wrap that up,” she said. “I made lasagna.”
Brooke nodded. “Almost done,” she said.
Tess chuckled as she made her way to the kitchen. Brooke was nothing if not determined. Tess looked back one more time. You are going to have to make a decision here, Tess. Soon.
***
“You all right?” Rachel asked Tess.
“Yeah,” Tess replied.
“Uh-huh. So, what? You want to know what to get Brooke for Christmas? I would have thought you did that already. It is only a few days away.” Rachel laughed. Tess had called Rachel and asked if she had time for an impromptu lunch. Having lunch or coffee with Tess was not unusual. Making plans on the spur of the moment was. And, Rachel had spent enough time with Tess to be able to detect the stress in her friend. “What’s wrong?” Rachel finally asked.
“Nothing is wrong,” Tess answered honestly. “Unless you mean what is wrong with me.”
Rachel took a sip from her coffee and regarded Tess’s demeanor silently for a moment. “Is this because of what happened with your folks at Thanksgiving?” Rachel asked gently.
Tess shook her head. “Not really, no.”
“Okay?”
“Rach, why is buying a house so important to Brooke?” Tess asked.
Rachel sighed heavily and then nodded her understanding. Brooke had bounced into the office like Tigger earlier that morning. She seemed sure that she had found the perfect house. This was the one that Tess would fall in love with. It had everything either of them could ask for. She told Rachel that this was the perfect Christmas present. Rachel had listened silently and smiled while Brooke prattled on about how she could wrap up the mortgage papers or put a key in a small box for Tess on Christmas morning. There was room for Tess to have a space to paint. There was a sizeable garage with a workbench for Brooke to use. The house had four bedrooms. It had a pool and a spacious fenced-in backyard for Davey, Dani, and Murphy to play in. Best of all, while it was some distance from Tess’s current neighborhood, the house remained in Dani and Davey’s school district. Brooke seemed to think she had discovered The Holy Grail.
“Have you asked her that?” Rachel wondered aloud.
“She just says it’s time. She wants something the kids will love. She needs more space for Murphy,” Tess replied.
Rachel wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or to scream. Brooke, you need to tell her what this is really about. Rachel sighed. “I’m sure that’s all true,” Rachel said.
“Yes, but she already has that now,” Tess said.
“Mm. You mean at your house,” Rachel guessed.
“Is she unhappy there?” Tess asked fearfully. “I mean, I know it isn’t the Taj Mahal. She can afford something much nicer and larger. But, I didn’t think she was unhappy there,” Tess said a bit sadly.
Rachel offered Tess a compassionate smile. Mentally, she began chastising her best friend. Brooke. What the hell? She thinks what she has is not good enough for you. I told you to talk to her. Why do you have to be so damned thick in the head?
“Rachel?”
Rachel nodded. “Brooke is happier than I have ever seen her,” Rachel said honestly. The comment earned a genuine smile from Tess. “I don’t know that I am the person to tell you why this is so important to her,” she said. Tess hung her head slightly. “Is there a reason you don’t want her to? Buy a house, I mean?” Rachel asked. She suspected she already knew the answer. She was curious if Tess would tell her what was driving her misgivings.
“It’ stupid. I know it is.”
“I doubt that,” Rachel tried to reassure her friend.
Tess groaned. “It’s not about the house. It’s about what it took to get it,” Tess explained. “It’s,” she hesitated to continue.
“Tess?”
Tess closed her eyes. Tears were threatening to surface and she did not want to become emotional. “Safety,” she whispered. Rachel nodded. “Not just for me, for the kids,” she explained.
Rachel understood. “Are you afraid of Brooke leaving?” she asked.
Tess shook her head. “No,” she answered assuredly. “I’m not. But, Rachel…Things happen sometimes. They just do. It isn’t always by our choice either. I had one goal when I had Dani and Davey. That was to give them everything I could. That includes security. The house...It’s not just a house. It took me years to buy that house. It’s funny,” she said.
“What is?”
“At times, that place drained the life out of me. I didn’t know how I was going to keep it after Jackie left. It also kept me going, knowing that the kids felt at home. Knowing they could feel proud that they had that home. Knowing it was ours. It’s…”
Rachel reached across and took Tess’s hand. “I get it,” she said. “Have you told Brooke that?”
“No, not like that anyway. She has a right to strive for everything she can. She’s earned it. God, she’s like a little kid with all of this. I don’t want to rain on her parade. I want her to do what she wants to do. I want her to have what she wants,” Tess said.
Rachel nodded. “Tess, I think maybe you should just tell her what you told me. Unless there is something you are not telling me,” Rachel said. Tess frowned. Rachel sighed and nodded. “Can I say something?” she asked gently. Tess nodded. “I get it. I do. But, Tess, if you want to be with Brooke, you are going to have to trust that she is the safe place for all of you, not a house.”
Tess looked up at the ceiling. Rachel’s words stung. They stung with the truth. Tess took a deep breath and looked back at her friend. “I know.”
“Talk to her,” Rachel suggested. “You know, when Mike first asked me to marry him I said no,” Rachel told her friend. Tess’s surprise was evident. Rachel and her husband were clearly happily married. “Crazy, huh?” Rachel chuckled. She shrugged and continued. “I was just out of residency. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to risk it. It was like if I said it was only him forever, something was bound to go wrong,” Rachel confessed. “Backward thinking. Another reason I never chose psychology.”
“What changed?” Tess asked.
“Well, I don’t exactly know. He was hurt,” Rachel said. “He was angry too. I mean hopping mad. I think I made him feel like a fool. There he was down on his knee in a crowded restaurant and I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t want to say no in front of all of those people. That said everything.”
“Ouch.”
“Yep. No band aid for that one,” Rachel joked. “Anyway, we didn’t talk for almost two weeks. I looked at the phone every day. I couldn’t make myself call. He didn’t,” Rachel said with a sigh. “It was the loneliest and the most afraid I have ever felt. I guess I realized that even if it all did go wrong at some point, losing him was just not an option—at least not to my own stupidity.”
“What happened?” Tess wondered.
Rachel smirked. “I showed up at his office, got down on my knee and asked him if he would still consider marrying me, even if I was the biggest dunce in the delivery room,” Rachel said. Tess laughed. “I can’t tell you what to do, Tess. I didn’t have two kids to consider.”
“Well…We aren’t talking about a marriage proposal either,” Tess mumbled.
Rachel tried to hide her smirk. For Brooke, buying a house, moreover buying a house because she wanted to build a family with Tess, was exactly that. She suppressed her laughter. You two are made for each other. “Listen, it’s just a house,” Rachel said.
“No, it’s not,” Tess replied.
Rachel nodded. “Then tell her that.”
***
Tess struggled to keep from laughing at Brooke. Brooke was practically dancing through the house they were looking at. Tess stopped to watch Brooke at a distance. God, I love her. Brooke skipped toward a sliding glass door and stopped. Tess giggled as Brooke pointed ou
t the door.
“Tess, come here,” Brooke called excitedly. “Look!”
Tess complied with Brooke’s request and came up beside her. “What am I looking at?” Tess asked.
“Look!” Brooke said again. She pointed to the back yard with a broad grin.
“I imagine it is very green in the daylight,” Tess commented kiddingly.
“What?” Brooke asked, missing the joke.
Tess shook her head affectionately. “Nothing. You really like this place, don’t you?” she asked Brooke, already aware of the answer.
“Don’t you?” Brooke asked.
Tess smiled. “It’s a beautiful house.”
Brooke nodded with a beaming smile. “It has everything,” Brooke said. Tess kept smiling. “There’s lots of space. You could have an entire studio here,” Brooke observed.
“A studio?” Tess asked curiously.
“Yeah, of course—to paint.”
Tess chuckled. “Honey, I don’t need a studio. I’m not exactly Van Gogh.”
“You could be,” Brooke said assuredly.
“Only in your eyes” Tess laughed softly. “You might be stretching the truth a bit on that one, Dr. Campbell.”
“Not true.”
“No?” Tess asked playfully.
“No way. My girlfriend is Wonder Woman. She’s got that whole lasso thing going on. I know better than to make anything up.”
Tess rolled her eyes at Brooke’s silliness. Her excitement was palpable. Tess took a deep breath to try and center herself. It would be easy to get swept up in all of Brooke’s enthusiasm. Tess did love the house. It had a massive kitchen, a warm living area with a stone set fireplace, the bedrooms were larger than those in Tess’s current home. There wasn’t anything not to like. Brooke was right. It was perfect. The problem for Tess was that it would be Brooke’s.
Tess looked out the sliding glass doors at the spacious backyard. It was already too dark to see everything clearly, but she could make out the outline of the fence that guarded the pool in the distance. Brooke had to buy a house with a pool. That seemed to be her primary non-negotiable point. Off to the left was a line of pine trees. Perfect. Tess’s emotions and thoughts began to spiral together. She would love to live in a house like this. She didn’t need it, but she would have been lying to herself if she claimed it was not an appealing prospect. Tess let out a small sigh. Even if I could sell my house, I’d never have enough left for a down payment on something like this.
“What’s wrong?” Brooke asked cautiously. She watched as Tess’s smile slowly faded into a pensive stare. “Tess? You don’t like it?”
“I love it,” Tess whispered.
Brooke felt encouraged. “So? What do you think? Make an offer?” Brooke asked hopefully.
Tess turned and mustered a smile. “You should,” she told Brooke.
“Yeah?” Brooke asked.
“Yeah,” Tess said.
Brooke kissed Tess. “I’ll call Gina when we get home and talk about making an offer.”
Tess nodded and watched as Brooke made her way to the seller’s agent. She took a deep breath and let it out so slowly it was almost painful. You have to talk to her, Tess. Shit. Just tell her. Rachel is right. You have to talk to her.
***
Tess headed toward the front door, wondering where Brooke had disappeared to. Brooke had been unable to sit still since they had arrived home. Tess had just finished making sure that both Dani and Davey were in bed. She was hoping to talk to Brooke. There would never be a good time for this discussion. Christmas was now less than three days away. Tess had kept rationalizing that she did not want to argue or upset Brooke before their first Christmas together. Brooke had acted like a kid getting the Christmas tree, decorating it with the kids, watching Christmas cartoons. It had all been so perfect. Why spoil it? Their visit to the “perfect” house late in the afternoon changed everything for Tess. Like it or not, she needed to talk to Brooke.
Tess had been turning scenarios over and over in her head while she had made dinner. How could she tell Brooke that she was afraid? Why was she afraid? What was it that was actually bothering her? Tess couldn’t answer any of those questions rationally. Brooke loved her. She understood that. She believed that. Brooke loved Davey and Dani, and the twins adored Brooke. No matter how many times Tess argued with herself, a small voice nagged at the back of her brain. What if? What if it became too much for Brooke? Tess sighed deeply as reasoning and argument did battle in her head again. She had to think about the twins. That was her job. That was her responsibility. And, this place—this house, it was the one thing she had to show for everything she had given up. It represented her goals. It proved her ability to make a life for her family in spite of anyone and everyone else.
Brooke. Tess closed her eyes for a moment. She loved having Brooke here. She loved waking up to see Brooke walking out of the shower. She loved the way Brooke cleared the table after dinner. Her heart sometimes felt as if it would explode when she would watch Brooke helping one of the twins with their homework. She hated the way Brooke pulled the covers all to her side of the bed and sometimes forgot to close the toothpaste all the way. And, she even loved that she hated that. What is wrong with me?
Tess reached the living room window and caught sight of Brooke rummaging in the back of her car. Tess called out the front door to her. “What are you doing out there?” Tess wondered. Brooke held up a finger and returned to whatever task she was engaged in. Tess grabbed Brooke’s jacket from the hallway and headed out to the car. “Brooke,” Tess scolded lightly.
“What?”
“What do you mean—what?” Tess asked in disbelief. She pointed to Brooke’s stocking clad feet. “It’s barely forty degrees out here. You’re a doctor for heaven’s sake,” Tess said.
Brooke smiled and shrugged. “I never get sick,” she said.
Tess peeked in the back of Brooke’s SUV. “What’s going on? Did you morph into the Hulk last night and had to hide the body in there or something?” Tess joked.
“Funny, Diana,” Brooke returned. “No. I’m trying to get the kids’ presents in this duffel bag so they won’t see them.”
“Presents? Brooke, all their presents are in our room,” Tess said.
“Not all of them,” Brooke wiggled her eyebrows.
Tess laughed. “You’re impossible,” she said. She handed Brooke her jacket. “Put that on. Let me help.”
Brooke jumped. “No!” she yelled in alarm.
Tess was startled. “You sure you don’t have a body in there? What are you up to?” Tess asked.
“God, you are so suspicious,” Brooke replied as she slipped into her jacket.
“Comes with the territory. And, why don’t you have shoes on?”
“What territory? And, I told you, I never get sick,” Brooke replied.
“The mom territory and there is a first time for everything,” Tess returned. “It’s cold out here, Brooke.”
“Well, go inside so I can finish and I will be in faster!” Brooke said.
Tess pursed her lips. “I’m counting. You have five minutes and then I am dragging you inside or at least making you put your shoes on.”
Brooke offered Tess a cheesy grin and poked her head back into the rear of her car.
Tess shook her head as she walked back to the house, rubbing her arms briskly to stave off the cold December air. She is seriously worse than our kids some days. Tess stopped abruptly and looked back at Brooke. Oh, God. Did I just think that? Oh, Tess. Tess sucked in a ragged breath. Shit. I wish they were, Brooke. God, I wish they were.
***
Brooke climbed into bed and kissed Tess on the cheek. Tess’s forlorn expression immediately concerned her. “Tess?” Brooke asked.
Tess tried to smile. “Did you talk to Gina?”
“Yeah, why? She’s going to run comps in the morning,” Brooke said. Tess nodded. “Tess?” Brooke asked. She rubbed her eyes gently and tried to brace herself. “You don’t w
ant to buy the house,” Brooke surmised.
Tess shook her head. “That’s not it. I think you should buy the house,” Tess said honestly.
“Okay?” Brooke’s confusion was evident. “Why the long face? I swear there is no coal for your stocking in my duffel bag,” Brooke attempted to lighten a darkening mood.
Tess giggled uncomfortably. “You deserve that house, Brooke. You’ve worked hard for it.”
Brooke’s expression turned grim. “What does that mean?”
“I’m proud of you,” Tess said honestly. “Proud to be with you too,” she added.
“But you don’t want to live with me?”
Tess was already emotionally exhausted. She took Brooke’s hands. “I thought we were already doing that.”
“Maybe ‘were’ is the operative word in that statement, huh?” Brooke asked. Her tone was both caustic and wounded at the same time.
“Brooke…”
“That is what you are saying, isn’t it?” Brooke asked.
“No,” Tess said gently.
“Maybe I am missing something. You want me to buy a house, but if I am reading this conversation correctly, you have no intention of living there,” Brooke said.
“Brooke…”
“Why would you want me to buy it?” Brooke asked harshly. “Am I missing something?”
“Brooke…I love the house.”
“And me?”
“I love you more than anything,” Tess said honestly.
Brooke hopped out of the bed and paced to the window. “What am I doing wrong?” she asked.
“What?” Tess turned to look at Brooke, who would not meet her eyes.
“I must be doing something wrong. What is it?” Brooke asked. “This is for you,” Brooke said tacitly.
Tess made her way to Brooke and took hold of Brooke’s arms. “Brooke, I need you to try and understand. This…the kids….me….I,” Tess began to ramble.
“I understand,” Brooke said tacitly.
“How can you understand when you won’t even listen to me?” Tess challenged Brooke.
Brooke shook her head. “What is there to say? I’ll tell Gina to forget the whole thing.”
Tess sighed heavily. She was teetering between feeling guilty and feeling angry. Brooke could frustrate her unlike anyone she had ever known, save the twins. “Would you please just let me explain?”
Small Packages Page 5