She noticed framed family photographs lining a counter. She smiled at an image of Betty and Roy looking into each other’s eyes and beaming. She noticed a picture of an elated Luke wearing a cap and gown, arms linked with a proud-looking Blake. He led Katie to a barstool and invited her to sit and have a drink while he disappeared into his walk-in pantry. He emerged with an armful of supplies and set them on his oversized kitchen island. He rummaged through his refrigerator for the rest of his ingredients and put everything on the island before turning on a stereo that Katie hadn’t seen before. Soft music filled the space, and Katie sat, mesmerized, while Blake washed, chopped, and mixed ingredients. He was at home in the kitchen. Katie could imagine him cooking big meals at his mother’s side, and wondered if that was how he learned to cook. Blake chopped up russet potatoes and then set them to boil on the impressive Viking stove top, seasoned some pork chops, and put together a beautiful green salad while Katie sipped on iced tea.
“Hope you’re hungry,” he said, looking up at Katie with a smile.
“Mmm hmm. Everything looks amazing. I can’t remember the last time someone made a meal for me.”
“You deserve a nice meal, sweetheart. I wish we could do it more often. I was hoping that we could take the four wheelers out and go for a ride, you know, get a little mud on the tires, but I’m afraid it’s too dark. I’m working on getting lighting put up out on the property, but for now it’s a little dangerous unless you know your way around. I’m afraid you’d tip yourself over or get lost out on the trails. Maybe next time we can come out earlier or I’ll have lights up.”
“Sounds like fun. I didn’t notice a trail, just trees, trees, and more trees.”
“Just a little ways out back, there’s a big barn. Once you get out there, there are a couple of trails winding down through the woods through to the back of the property. It’s hard to picture at night, but it’s beautiful out there. Nothing but nature as far as you can see. No neighbors, no street noise, nothing but wind through the branches and birds in the trees. There’s nothing like it. Whenever I get off a long stretch of travel and get out there, sometimes it’s even too quiet at first. I get too used to the road noise and all the people on tour.”
“Wow, well, I hope I get to see it some time.” Katie was suddenly shy. Once they left his house tonight, the bands would hit the road and head to Memphis. After the Memphis show, there were only four days left on tour and Katie would be on her way back to Texas. Did Blake think that they would still be together in several months? Was this just small talk?
Katie looked into the living room and imagined cuddling up with Blake on the couch, having cozy conversations or watching television. She saw the screened-in porch just outside the dining room and pictured herself inviting friends over for lemonade or just sitting out there in a rocking chair watching a couple of dogs run around the backyard. Blake’s home was amazing, but it was homey enough for her to feel like she could belong there. She imagined pictures of her and Blake joining the family pictures lining the counter. Katie shook her head, clearing the fantasy from her mind. She couldn’t invite friends over for lemonade and girl talk. She didn’t know anybody in Nashville and she had no reason to think that this wouldn’t be her last visit to Blake’s home. It made her heart hurt just to think about it, but it was likely that this time next year she would be nothing more than a memory for Blake.
Blake assembled plates of food for them and set them on the bar in front of Katie. “I’ll grab forks and napkins if you’ll take the plates to the table. Supper’s ready.” Katie took two plates to the table while Blake bundled up forks and napkins and carried two glasses of iced tea.
Katie sat down and tucked into her dinner. She let out a contented sigh after her first bite of the perfectly seasoned pork chop. “This is delicious. You are a man of many talents.”
“Thank you, darlin’. It’s my mama’s recipe. She taught me everything I know about cooking.”
“This is so much better than eating on the bus.” Katie laughed before taking another bite and savoring her food.
“I wanted you to have a couple of weeks of venue catering as your sole source of nutrition before cooking for you. Makes mine taste better.”
“Well, it certainly worked. I could definitely get used to this.”
Katie took a sip of her iced tea and watched Blake with affection as he speared a bite of salad with his fork. What a gorgeous man. Tall, dark, and handsome, firm muscles, soft touchable waves of dark hair, dreamy blue eyes you could lose yourself in, those beautiful kissable lips. How was she ever going to forget him? If only he had been nothing more than a delicious piece of eye candy, maybe she could forget him then. Unfortunately, he also happened to be talented, funny, and incredibly caring. And sexy. Incredibly sexy.
Blake put down his fork and settled his gaze on Katie. “Katie, I’m fixin’ to ask you something and I want you to think about it. You don’t have to answer right away, or even tonight.”
“Okay, what is it?” Katie’s nerves jangled with anticipation. Why was he suddenly so serious?
“All right, here goes. I have had the best time with you the last couple of weeks, and I’m not ready for things to end. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I’m really falling for you. I don’t want to freak you out by moving too fast, but I want to see what we have together. It seems strange, I know, but being on tour makes things different. We only have a few more days left before y’all are supposed to head back to Texas, and I don’t think that’s enough. I want you to stay.” Blake looked into Katie’s eyes intensely, took her hand in his and squeezed. “With me.”
“What do you mean? You want to sign Sterling on for more shows?” Confusion and restrained excitement swirled together within her.
“Well, no. We already have the opening bands lined up for the rest of the tour. I was thinking that when the rest of the band goes home, you might stay with me. We could be together.” Blake shifted uncomfortably in his chair, the look of anticipation fading from his face.
“You mean, like, you want me to go with you on your tour? On your bus? Just to go? To tag along?”
“I don’t really mean it that way, you know, ah, I just thought we could spend more time together if you stayed with me. We can get to know each other, you know? See the country together. I thought it would be fun,” he finished weakly.
“Sterling is supposed to go back into the studio when we’re off this tour. We have new material to record, and we want to build on the momentum we’ve gained from being on this tour. We have gigs lined up in Austin after this. If I don’t go back home, I’m pretty sure they’ll replace me. They won’t just wait to see if I come back.”
“Well, maybe we can talk to the guys.”
“Talk to them? You mean you want me to ask them to put their careers, their dreams, on hold while I take a little vacation?” Katie’s heard her voice take on an angry quality but couldn’t stop herself.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want you to go home and I have to keep going. The tour won’t stop, and I don’t know what will happen to you and me if we go our separate ways. I am sorry that I didn’t think about what Sterling is going to do after this, I didn’t think it through. I just want you with me.”
“So you pretty much just thought about yourself, huh?”
“Don’t be like that. I’m asking you to stay with me. I’m sitting here, telling you that I want to be with you, and you’re making me out to be some kind of selfish jerk.”
Blake was so surprised that she hadn’t agreed immediately. Katie didn’t know if she felt sorry for him or if she was infuriated. As much as she wanted to spend all of her days with Blake, she didn’t imagine that she’d have to give up her career, her livelihood, to do so. Did he really want her to stay with him that badly? Or was he used to people putting their needs aside whenever he asked? Did he think she should brush her career to the side without a thought? Did he think she should travel the country on a bus with
him just to see if they had something special? With him, when he had made no commitment to her? What did he imagine she would do if things didn’t work out between them when she had no band or career to return home to?
Blake Jackson was a caring, sensitive man, but he was a man who was used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. He was also apparently a man who was used to putting himself first. This discussion made it crystal clear to Katie that Blake hadn’t ever had to really consider anyone else. He was a successful man, a giant in his field, but maybe he had come to take his fame for granted. It had been years since he had been at Katie’s level, in the first stages of success, looking forward to a bright future. He must have forgotten what it felt like to want success, to be so close to making it that you could taste it.
“I want to be with you. I really do. But I don’t know if I am ready or willing to give up on my dreams to do it. I won’t ask the band to wait for me, and I don’t want to leave them just to see what might happen between you and me. If we had a solid commitment to one another, that might be different. But we haven’t made any promises to each other. I have always wanted to be a musician, and I want to be successful more than almost anything. Almost anything. The only thing I want more is love. I want true, knock your socks off, once in a lifetime, love. I want that more than anything.” Tears welled in Katie’s eyes and threatened to spill over her lashes. “I know it’s soon, probably too soon, but if you could tell me that you think that’s what we have, that you do love me, then I will stay. Even if you just think that you might love me, then that’s enough. But you have to tell me. You have to say the words.”
Blake looked pained. “What if that’s what we’ll have together and we never find out because you leave?”
“Blake, listen to yourself. Do you realize what you’re asking? Do you understand what I would be giving up? You’re not hiring the band to stay on the tour, but you think that I should stay behind while they go on home? If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you think we have an irreplaceable love, that you could make a real commitment to me and to this relationship, then I will stay. I will give everything up. I really will, because I believe that finding your one true love is that important. It’s too rare to pass up. But if you can’t, then I’m afraid I have to go home. Listen, I know it’s a lot to ask, and it’s way too soon to be deciding if we love each other. I just can’t give up my entire career for anything less. I hope you understand.” Katie held her breath, hopeful that he would say the right thing, terrified that he would let her down.
This was soon, maybe too soon, to start talking about love, but he was asking her to give up everything else that she cared about. Surely he could understand that. She watched Blake open his mouth and then close it, hesitant to speak. His blue eyes were intense, full of emotion, and her heart swelled.
Katie was so sure that Blake would declare his love for her that she could almost hear the words. Blake took a deep breath. “I’m sorry sweetheart, but I can’t tell you that yet. I care for you, a lot, and I want you to stay. I’m sorry.”
Katie pulled her hand away from Blake’s as though shocked. “You’re sorry? Sorry? Just a couple of days ago you were telling me how you were hoping to find a wife. A wife. Now you can’t even tell me that you think you might someday love me.” She blinked, unable to move, unwilling to believe that she had just opened up her heart to him only to have him refuse her.
“I thought that you would want to stay with me, but I guess I was wrong. I can’t promise you anything, and I guess I can’t tell you what you need to hear.” Blake’s voice was so low that Katie strained to hear him. He seemed almost ashamed of himself. Katie let out a long, slow breath. She sat across from Blake, stunned, truly surprised that he had not offered more of an explanation.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me? You know, Blake, you know, how difficult it’s been for me to find someone who understands that what I’m doing with the band is a part of who I am, someone who won’t be jealous or minimize its importance. You of all people should know where I’m coming from. The fact that you would so carelessly ask me to toss it aside for nothing in return is unspeakably selfish. I thought you were different. I really did, but it’s clear to me that you’re the same as every other guy.”
There was no use in discussing it further. Katie had embarrassed herself enough, practically issuing an ultimatum, begging him to love her, and Blake had offered nothing in return. Nothing more than an opportunity to see if maybe they had something special, while she left her career behind and he continued to strengthen his. The more she thought about it, the more hurtful it became. He honestly thought that she would give up her chances of becoming successful with her band for a chance to ride around on his tour bus. His tour bus. Her bus would be rolling back to Texas and taking her career with it.
“I’d like to go back to my bus now. It’s late, and I have a lot to think about,” Katie said. She held her head high, determined not to cry or show how hurt she was despite her wavering voice. She had never laid her feelings bare like that before and to have them refused was devastating.
“Katie,” Blake began, his eyes pleading. He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged out of his reach.
“No, I think I need to go. Please take me.” She insisted, her voice calm despite the storm brewing inside her, threatening to break her heart. He looked like he wanted to say more but stopped himself.
“Okay,” he whispered. Blake picked up his keys off the counter and made his way around the house, checking locks and turning off lights. “Let’s go.”
They drove back to the buses in silence, stubbornly avoiding eye contact with one another. Katie stared straight ahead as they made their way through Nashville traffic, concentrating on keeping her breathing even and her tears held back. She clasped her hands tightly together on her lap and promised herself that she would not cry in front of Blake. She had told him what she wanted from him, what she needed from him, and he had refused. He couldn’t even offer an explanation, so there was nothing more to say. He obviously didn’t feel as strongly for her as she thought, and she would not further humiliate herself by showing how much it hurt.
When they arrived in the parking lot, Katie was relieved to see a flurry of activity around the buses. The drivers and security team members were completing their safety checks and preparation for the drive to Memphis. That meant that they would be heading out soon and she would be one more show closer to the end of the tour by this time tomorrow night. She would put this tour and thoughts of Blake Jackson behind her.
Blake tried to take Katie’s hand but she gently pulled away from him. “Can we talk about this?”
His voice was husky with emotion, but Katie resisted the urge to fall into his arms. She thought of all that she was leaving behind, how the rest of the world fell away when she was in his arms, her cheek resting on his chest, the stubble on his chin catching in her hair, and gave in to her tears. She drew the back of her fist across her cheek, swiping tears from her face, and forced herself to slide out of the truck. He seemed so vulnerable that Katie had to sternly remind herself that he had his chance but didn’t take it.
“You know what? You say that you want someone who wants more than just the generic Blake Jackson experience, that you want someone who really knows you. Well that’s me. I know you, and I want more. You refuse to offer it, though. All you’re willing to give is the Blake Jackson experience and you refuse to open yourself up to something real. You can’t have it both ways, you know. You’ll never get anything more meaningful than what you’ve always had as long as you shut yourself off like this. So now, unless you have more to add than an apology, or you’re asking the whole band to stay on the tour, then the answer is no. There’s really nothing more to talk about.” When he hesitated again, Katie spared Blake a sad, pained look and turned away before striding purposefully towards her bus.
Blake slammed his palms against the steering wheel and curse
d in frustration before climbing out of the truck and slamming the door behind him. He watched Katie climb into her own tour bus before hanging his head and walking towards his own.
• • •
Blake stepped into the cool, quiet air of his bus and looked around. He had so many nice things, so many small luxuries and comforts, and it was all so pointless to him now. He had worked so hard to make something of himself, to get all these things, and now he was alone. Alone in a fancy tour bus. He had devoted so much of himself to the business of being Blake Jackson that he had never bothered to find someone to share this life with.
Then along came Katie McCoy, offering nothing less than her love, and he ruined the whole thing. He was sickened by himself, disgusted by how casually he had treated Katie’s career and how he hadn’t had the nerve to just tell her how he felt. Three little words would have made her stay, but he would have had to open himself up, promise more than he was comfortable with, to say them. The opportunity was right there in front of him and he couldn’t say the words. He simply couldn’t let her bet everything on him. It was too soon to know if he loved her, and it wouldn’t have been fair to tell her that he did.
Kiss Me, Katie (Crimson Romance) Page 9