I shrugged. “It’s only 32 gigabits. Most of my songs are on my iPod.”
“You have more?” she asked and dodged her head until I was unable to see her face. “O-M-G, you have this song.” She literally bounced in her seat.
She started to play Dion’s “The Wanderer”. It was a song that my granny played repeatedly for me when I was small. I couldn’t understand why another person my age would be that excited to hear it.
“Mimi and Pawpaw use to play this for me. Mimi said it was her best friend in high school’s favorite song. They would have sleepovers and stay up all night singing that song. I haven’t heard it since she died.”
“Mimi? Your first foster mom?”
She nodded, smiled, and had that same wide-eyed stare she had the first day I met her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to put that wonder in her eyes every day. I clutched my sandwich, realizing I finally found a girl worth having and she was too damn good for me.
I placed the sandwich down on a paper plate and patted my lips with napkin. “Do you ever think about the future? What it will be like? What you will be like?” I asked, throwing her with the question.
“No.” Annie looked away and got a far-off expression in her eyes. “I’ve learned it is better to live in the moment. That is the only time you have any control over.”
Wow. My whole life I’d been told that the only thing that mattered was the future. Not once had I ever heard someone put into words the exact way I’d always felt. But Annie did.
“When you were little, there was nothing you dreamed about?” I wanted to know every small detail about her.
She twisted her lip, and by the gleam in her eyes, I could see she was thinking. “I dreamed about finding my dad. I dreamed that when I found him he would hold me, tell me that he loved me, and always will. When I envisioned my wedding, he would walk me down the aisle and he would cry because he was able to share that moment with me.”
I thought about it for a second and the idea of her father was not what I focused on. It was that when she thought about a wedding, she was planning a happily-ever-after. Happily-ever-after wasn’t part of any future I had.
Needing to focus on something other than Annie with any bastard, I proceeded to toss an endless line of questions at her. I learned that her favorite song ever was Anna Kendrick’s “Cups”, but she hated the movie Pitch Perfect. She hated steak but would eat it if it were covered in bacon. Actually, she admitted she would try anything wrapped in bacon. Her favorite childhood memory was getting a dozen roses after every one of her dance recitals. She pretended they were from her dad. Her biggest fear was that a nude picture of her would end up on the internet. I had to confess that had become my biggest fear too.
The conversation turned into a comfortable silence as Annie laid her head on my shoulder.
The orange and red tones were low down on the sky, and the top was a burst of pink as if the sky was blushing at the beauty lying against my arm.
Being with Annie was easy and natural, and she seemed to feel the same way about me. I would be happy I had those memories with her, and would drill on the fact she was accepting our friendship.
Her knee accidently brushed against my leg. Hyper-awareness of her every movement and her very smell sizzled through every pore in my body. I was undone. Completely and happily undone.
Repeat, Annie and I are just friends. Annie and I are just friends. If I say it enough, I might start believing it.
“That is what I wanted too,” I lied to myself simply to keep from getting my heart broken.
Chapter 14
Annie Prieto
Lucas: Do you like me? Do you want to be my best friend? If you do, then don’t be afraid to say so. If you want too. I think this is a crazy attempt to say hey. Tell me you want to see me tomorrow? Check yes or no? P.S. I know you have the day off. (Will has a big mouth.)
Hated to admit it, but I more than liked him. And I wanted to spend every day with him. Even if he spent his nights with others.
Me: Already have a date in the morning but would love to hang after that
Lucas: I promise to show you a better time than any other so-called date. Now get back out here. I visually enjoy seeing you. You’re kind of hot when you work.
You just don't enjoy me as much as you do your real dates.
Me: Have fun with your friends.
Lucas: The only friend that matters is working. You’re my best friend, Precious.
We ended every night with a phone call and our days sparring over text messages so often I had to ditch my prepaid phone for a contract with Sprint.
He never talked about his family nor did he question me anymore. We just discussed our everyday life. Well, most every aspect of our lives.
Which only made our situation increasingly confusing. Like the other night, he showed up at the Downtown Cafe and acted as if he barely knew me, then one of his friends started flirting with me and he flipped a switch and became unhinged; or the times he told me we were no more than friends but held onto my hand like I was some lifeline; showing up every night after work to drive me home; and most of all, kissing me goodbye on the cheek every time he left me.
At times, I swore we were becoming a couple then I would see him with Candice, and I realized I was no more than the girl to have fun with. Just not as much fun as he was having with Candice. In the restroom earlier, I overheard Candice tell some ginger about sucking Lucas off before they went out that night. I was fully disgusted.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Lucas was no better than my foster brother. Maybe I was just wanting to see something good in him so bad I overlooked the obvious.
I pushed open the kitchen door and walked into the arms of Lucas. His clear-blue eyes shimmered with such a fierce force, my body hummed in awareness. Was it a look reserved just for me, or was he aware it was a look that got him whatever he wanted? Like a quickie with Candice in the back of his Jeep.
“Whoa, precious, you look like you can punch somebody.”
Yeah, you. “I’m fine. I need to work. See you after you take your friends home. Maybe you’ll even have time to work in another blowjob.” I lowered my eyes and focused on a large silver belt buckle Lucas was wearing.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
A shake shimmered down my spine as I tore my focus off his body and onto his eyes that were watching me in complete reverence. “Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?” he asked in a deep and raspy voice. His eyes went dark, causing my heart to pound in my chest.
“Hey, Lucas, new pussy? I thought Candice was the girl of the month again?”
Pushed forward, I fell onto Lucas’s chest. He banded his arms around me and pinned me protectively against him. I twisted my head enough to see that whoever shoved me, it was on purpose.
“Troy, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll go back over to your table and leave us alone,” Lucas said, squeezing my waist tighter.
Troy was tall, but not near as tall as Lucas. He was clean-shaven, had piercing dark eyes, and wore a pressed pinstriped polo shirt and khaki shorts. His wavy, dark-brown hair spiked on his head as if one of those girls at their table had recently had her hands in it. I imagined punching him square in the mouth and knocking a few of those perfectly-straight teeth down his damn throat.
I focused my attention back on Lucas, the veins were bulging on his hands, arms, neck, and forehead. We stared into each other's eyes. The air around us sizzled, and Lucas seemed to want to jump my bones and run away all at the same time. "Shit," he whispered then started to usher me to the back of the building. Troy followed us but Lucas ignored him as if he was some unwanted pest.
“Candice is waiting on you. Haven’t you hurt her enough?” Troy said behind us.
Lucas stalled, his hand formed into a tight fist at my side. “Troy, walk away. This, Candice, none of it is your damn business.” Lucas started walking, pulling me with him, but never once looked back at Troy.
Before
the door to the office even slammed shut, Lucas was looking at me with a look that sent a chill down my spine.
“What is that about?” I asked.
“Remember when I told you that I snapped last Halloween?” he answered in a long and drawn out way as if he dreaded what was coming.
I simply nodded and bit down on the inside of my cheek.
“The person I was the hardest on was Candice. Now her and her goons are trying to make me pay for what I said.”
“Is that why you let her suck your dick earlier? Surely you didn’t enjoy it; you were just atoning for your sins. Right?” I crossed my arms and stepped away from him.
Why was I pissed? Lucas had never promised me anything. Had he?
Lucas’s hand fidgeted with his baseball cap, something I’d already figured out was one of his nervous quirks, and his cheeks turned the guiltiest shade of red.
“You look more shameful than a whore in church.” I rolled my eyes to avoid Lucas’s, not because of what I said but because of the way it seemed physically to hurt him.
It was obvious Lucas was hanging on by a thread. He kneaded his fingers deeper into his neck. It was then when I noticed how fiercely he was trembling.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to make everyone happy? Especially when all I care about is making you happy.” He was visibly trying to calm himself, and then suddenly, he caught a hold of my wrist so tight, I whelped. He eyed my lip as he worked his own between his teeth. I waited for a kiss as he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.
“Please, Annie,” he breathed.
I worked my hand from his grip, mulling over the word “please” and the look on his face when he said it.
I’d become a junkie and he was the finest wine. Nothing in my life had ever compared to the way he smelled. Freshly showered, high-priced cologne, him. I caught myself deeply inhaling, not only to take in more of his scent but also to see if I could smell a trace of someone else. Luckily, I didn’t.
None of it mattered, I had to fight for my life and not spend time trying to hold onto something not even there.
“I’ve already wasted enough calories talking to you today.” I waved my hand as I turned around, scrambling to get away. I hesitated at the set of swinging doors before pushing them open into the back, making sure the door slammed behind me.
Will was sitting behind Bob’s desk and looked up with a huff. “I don’t mean to get into your business, Annie, but whatever is going on between Lucas and you needs to be resolved.”
“What are you talking about? Lucas and I are just friends, nothing more. He has ... Candice.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I see y’all together. I tried for weeks just to get you to go out to eat with me, and all I got was a no. Lucas drives up on that damn Harley and you hop on the back of it with the most beautiful smile in the world on your face.”
“Will, I cherish our friendship more than that, and as far as Lucas goes, it will never be anything there other than a friendship. I refuse to become one of his whores. Candice can suck him off all day for all I care.”
The fake smile was a mask to hide my true feelings. Damn, the idea of Annie even thinking about what I’d done with Candice turned my insides to Jell-O. I was just hoping to get Annie out of my head. Even if it was briefly. However, not even post-orgasm could I escape her memory.
No girl should have that much power over me. However, Annie did. She caused me to forget everything. I informed Candice, after she sucked me off in her mother’s bathroom, whatever she thought we had was over. Sex wasn’t enough to ease the burn in me anymore. Getting off between some girl’s legs or even in her mouth only numbed me for an instant. Then all the shit came back. When I was near Annie it all seem to vanish into a million small pieces.
Then I heard Annie say, “As far as Lucas goes, it will never be anything there other than friendship. I refuse to become one of his whores.”
She was talking to Will.
Shit, could it get any worse.
Maybe I should just give myself over to Candice and the demands of my family. It was becoming clearer every day I would never get to hold on to what I really cherished in life.
The bleak outlook on my life slipped into my consciousness with each of her words. The disappointment was crushing.
I stood watching the door Annie was behind when Candice came up behind me and wrapped her hand around the base of my arm. “Lucas, I thought you were lost.”
I shrugged her off my arm. “Go back over to your friends. I’m leaving.”
The disappointment was slowly morphing into anger. Anger was the one emotion I could understand.
“What the hell?” Candice said and swung on my arm hard enough that it forced me to look at her. “I have stood by you and all your shit. Now you want to throw it away. You know no one will satisfy you like I do.”
I slid on my sunglasses, hiding the hurt in my eyes.
“There has never been any satisfaction between us. Just money and sex.”
Annie came out, slipping an apron over her head, when she caught the sight of Candice holding onto my forearm. The deep sadness I witnessed in her eyes the first night we met was back. Candice sensed the emotions passing between us.
“A damn Mexican, Lucas. You know your family will never allow their son to bring a damn wetback home.”
Please, God, don’t let Annie hear this crap. I wanted away from there and to be able to punch someone. I truly wasn’t a violent person. I’d never hit anyone in my life, but right then, I was pretty damn close. The weight on my chest felt like someone had parked a Buick on it. I stood firm, knowing even if Annie didn’t want me, I would never allow anyone to hurt her.
“It’s none of your business what I do. I’m going to ask you to leave me one more time nicely, and if you don’t, I won’t be so nice the next time,” I said.
No wonder I had enough and flipped out on her once before.
“Go play with your new play toy, but be sure to tell her that when you are through with her you’ll come back to me. Like you always do.” Candice had her full lips puckered out as if she was about to bust out in tears. She looked ridiculous.
Annie plastered on a smile so big and beautiful if I wasn’t looking carefully, I would had missed how fake it really was.
“Hey, I’m Annie, the wetback. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a clue who you are.” Annie held out her hand to shake Candice’s then turned to me. “Lucas, you should’ve told me you were seeing someone.” Annie giggled. I loved that sound more than anything in the world. It was pure intoxication. “Oh, she’s the who,” Annie whispered, pretending as if she didn’t want Candice to hear. “At least she’s pretty, but poor girl.”
Candice let out one of her annoyed huffs. My least favorite sound in the world. “Whatever,” she said, and flipped around, letting her hair fly across my shoulders.
Annie wasn’t fussy like most girls, in fact, she was like no other girl I’d ever been around, she was tough and didn’t take shit off anyone.
“Has anybody ever told you that you’re amazing?” I asked Annie as Candice walked away.
“I’ve got to get back to work. Just go enjoy your real friends,” Annie said and dismissed me with a wave of her hand.
Annie didn’t want me. Her smug expression spoke louder than any words. I was no better than an infantile jackass with the self-control of a three-year-old. I was on the verge of a public tantrum, and a tantrum would display a weakness, and Carters didn’t show any weakness. I simply walked away.
I roared the engine of my bike to life and drove to Fast Jack’s, slower than I’d ever driven before. Annie had me regretting every questionable decision I’d ever made. I was pretty close to hell ... closer than I ever dreamed possibly going in this lifetime.
My vision had grown blurry. My limbs were past the point of numbness and I was aware they were entering the state of mechanically uncooperative as I pulled onto the parking lot of my safe place.
Thank heaven for hand breaks.
I walked passed the bouncer, daring him to stop me, and ignored every waitress who looked in my direction.
With one glance, Tammy figured out that I wasn’t in the greatest of spirits. She didn’t let me get one beer drained before another one appeared on the table. The beer, the music pumping throughout the room, nor the fact my blood had turned 80 proof was capable of drowning out my thoughts.
I tossed a nearly empty pack of Salem cigarettes across the table. A few girls, even a set of twins, had come and gone, trying to strike some kind of spark in me, but I couldn’t shift my focus from the bench across from me. The bench Annie last sit on.
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