“Annie,” Lucas started to say when he fell over and into my arms.
“Are you okay? You need me to take you to the ER?”
“I need legs that work, my tiny dancer.”
Chapter 27
Lucas Carter
Shit, Annie’s my tiny dancer.
My granny once told me that every human got an act two in this world. Some even got three or four acts. She forgot to mention that those acts could come about by the lies of others.
I took two steps back from Annie. The past few months played over in my head like an old B-rated movie. All the unintended innuendos my granny made about Annie’s past, the way my father acted when Annie’s name was said, the irrational anger my mother had at seeing us together all made sense. Annie didn’t need to look any farther. I knew exactly who her dad was ... mine.
I had no choice but to leave. So, I turned my back on her wide-eyed stare and left her standing in the middle of that dance floor.
The heavy wood door slammed behind me, blocking out any connection I’d formed with Annie. Outside, the skies had opened, and the rain poured down my face. I needed fresh air and the ability to control the panic settling into every cell in my body. It hurt everywhere. She may never be mine, but I would always take care of her.
I took out my cell to text Will to come pick up Annie.
Me: I had to leave Annie at the old bar out on Route 41A. Can you pick her up? The idea of her being alone there terrifies me.
Will: You ass, why did you leave her?
Me: Please, I’ll explain later.
Will: I’m doing this for Annie. Not you. And your excuse better be good.
For an early June day, it was unseasonably cold and the rain was no longer simply falling, it was pummeling me. Raindrops stung my face as I raced down the streets, making it hard to even keep my eyes open.
I focused on the road ahead of me to turn off all the random thoughts running through my mind.
Why did my dad not just tell me, instead of just saying I couldn’t keep her?
How could my granny not stop me from falling for a girl who was off-limits?
Hell, why didn’t anyone tell me I had a sister?
Annie, Annie, Annie, my tiny dancer, will always be everything good in my life.
I fished the cell out of my pocket and speed-dialed my granny. She answered on the third ring.
“Lucky,” she said in the jolliest voice. She was happy while my world was crumbling around me.
“Do you promise to tell me the truth?” I asked, feeling the air leave my lungs empty.
“What’s wrong?” she answered. Her voice grew serious, showing she knew I wasn’t playing around anymore.
“Is Wes Carter Annie’s dad?” Just the sound of the combination of those words coming out of my mouth was a stab to my heart.
“Lucas,” came out of Granny’s lips. It had been years since she had said my given name. “Come by the house and let’s talk.”
“Just answer my damn question.”
“Yes, but ...”
I never gave her time to finish before tossing the cellphone over my shoulder — I wasn’t even sure if I pressed end — and sped down the highway to leave behind the feel of Annie’s touch.
A touch I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to try.
Forgetting her touch meant I would’ve forgotten how it felt to truly be alive.
The feeling of complete loss surged through my veins.
She had shown me that I could be with just one girl and be damn happy about it. She had completed me. Annie had been no more than a pipe dream. Pain sliced through me again.
My eyes stung. I blinked back the few unshed tears, refusing to cry. I didn’t cry. I fought, but I had nothing to fight for. Annie was untouchable. She was my damn sister.
First, a smile faded on his face then it turned into a view of his back as he walked away, leaving me all alone. A feeling I should've known how to process, but Lucas stirred a whole newfound loneliness in me.
My phone buzzed, alerting me I had a new text message, and I grabbed it out of my pocket praying it was Lucas.
It was Will.
Will: Will be there in about ten minutes. Lucas sent a message. Sorry for whatever happened.
What happened was a mystery even to me. It was making me anxious and nauseous every second I didn’t hear from Lucas.
I glanced back down at my phone and decided to text Lucas. Would he ignore my text?
Me: What happened? Are you okay?
I never shifted my eyes off the phone as I waited. With each minute that ticked by on the clock without a word from Lucas, my stomach twisted into a tighter knot. I knew what we had wasn’t forever, but I thought it would last longer than a minute. I tossed a beer bottle in the nearest trashcan. I was pissed.
Will walked in and found me sitting in the corner. I slipped my phone in my back pocket. Lucas had simply walked out of my life. No explanation. No goodbyes. Just walked away. At least he sent Will to pick up the pieces. I didn’t want Will, though. I wanted Lucas.
A hot tear slithered down my face. I was no longer crying for the past I’d lived, but the future I would never have.
“You don’t look happy to see me,” Will said and reached for my hand to help me stand. “But I better get you out of here before the wolves descend.”
When we climbed into Will’s old Ford pick-up, the conversation suddenly shifted to Lucas. “So do you have any idea what’s up with Lucas? He doesn’t normally leave a girl alone in a bar. Much less the one he has completely changed for.”
“Lucas hasn’t changed for anybody especially me. At times, I’m not even sure what he wants from me.”
Will looked straight ahead, but laughed like what was coming out of my mouth was totally ludicrous.
I rolled my eyes and stared out the passenger side window. “Whatever. You’re going to tell me differently. He just left me in a bar full of drunk, horny men.”
“Well, when you word it that way, it does sound bad. But I saw Lucas go ape-shit crazy on everyone after that gala at the club ended. He made it clear that he was with you and they can all suck it.” Will twisted his large hands around the steering wheel and clicked his tongue. “I don’t know, but I do know he always does some stupid shit when he gets too close to someone. It’s an annoying little tic he has.”
“Why would he do that?” I asked.
“To see if you are willing to fight for the real him, not the person everyone thinks he is,” he said, unapologetically.
My chest felt like it was going to burst. I wanted to find him. I wanted to scream the words I care.
“When did you become a Lucas Carter virtuoso?”
“My mom has worked for his parents all my life. We’ve grown up with each other. Has he carried you to the infamous treehouse yet?”
I nodded.
He raised one eyebrow. “I was his first guest there.”
“If you were so close, what happened?”
“I wouldn’t climb over his wall,” he answered, smiling as he slammed on the gas.
“Well, I happen to know there’s a long line of girls willing to climb any wall to get to Lucas.”
Will shook his head. “Yeah, but there is only one girl he wants getting close to him.”
I smacked Will’s arm and attempted a laugh. I failed.
Will stroked a finger under my chin and refocused my attention back onto him. “When we first met, you told me you came to town to find someone. Have you ever thought Lucas was the person God meant for you to find? I’m a firm believer in the whole things-are-meant-to-happen-for-a-reason maxim. Think about it. Lucas hasn’t even been in town for six or seven months, but he showed back up about the time you did, he could have his pick of the litter but it’s you that he wants, and you have more than your share of options but he’s the only one you opened up to.” He let go of my chin and shrugged his left shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s just something to think about.”
Thr
ee days and still not a word from Lucas. I’d taken Will’s advice and thought about Lucas continuously. Too bad he didn’t give Lucas the same pep talk.
I placed a water on the table and couldn’t miss the sneer on Candice’s face. She had to know he had left. Possibly for her bed. I hated to admit defeat, but I had to know if he ... if he was okay.
“Seen Lucas lately?” I asked Candice, not even caring she was sitting at a table with a majority of Lucas’s real friends.
“I tried to warn you. He never keeps the trash around long. You were no more than another way to piss off the parents. Count yourself lucky it lasted as long as it did.”
“But we all know he likes to recycle. How many times has he passed you off to another? Yet, he did say he feels sorry for you. Maybe he just has a thing for easy.”
I refused to cry, my pride was worth more than a wasted tear on him. So, I plastered on a smile and finished the night without showing a hint at how bad I hurt.
If this was what it felt like to finally care about someone, I didn’t want it.
The envelope held the only goodbye that mattered. I placed it on his desk as I clocked out for the night.
When I turned to leave, Bob walked in, his eyes spotted the letter instantly. “What’s that?”
“My two-weeks’ notice,” I said and picked up my backpack off the ground.
“Why? Did someone do something to you?”
I blinked back a tear. Lucas only took my heart, stepped on it, and laughed as he walked away.
“Tell me, Annie. I can get you on at the club if that would help.”
No, I’m trying to escape Lucas not get buried farther into his world.
“It’s just time to move on.” I shrugged a shoulder as if nothing mattered.
“I thought you were wanting to settle down and find a home. Have you found out anything about your mother?”
Only the fact her life intertwined with the Carters’ too. Wonder if one of them broke her heart?
“No, not really.” I twisted a strand of hair around two of my fingers, simply to give me something to do with my hands. “It’s time I find a place to make my home. I already have a bus ticket to Utah.”
“Utah?”
“My foster parents took me when I was little. I was only a child, but it felt spiritual there. I think I’ll like it.” And it’s almost 1700 miles from Lucas.
“Annie, I can’t tell you what to do, but think about it. Your mom made this place her home. Maybe you should too.”
This placed killed her. I’m hoping to have a different outcome.
Chapter 28
Lucas Carter
Another second, another hour, another day has passed, and I can’t stop thinking of Annie and what she is doing. MS had its moments of ups and downs, but turning my back on Annie was a furious, vicious circle I’d been unable to escape.
My head spun as I waited for some barmaid to pour me a drink, but the walls were no longer lined with bottles of liquor. They were covered in small sombreros. Each one like the one in Annie’s home and my dad’s office. A matching salt and pepper shaker separated by time and place.
The barmaid opened the cooler drawer under the bar, hoping to find liquid gold. Instead, it was boxes and boxes of sombrero salt and pepper shakers.
Where did all these damn salt and pepper shakers come from?
It enraged me. I was thirsty, tired, and not drunk enough.
I twisted on the barstool to face the dance floor and saw her.
I rubbed my fist onto my eyes to erase the image but when I opened them she was still there.
Annie’s beautiful body was moving in unison with the song playing in the room. The other patrons crowded around her, taking in the graceful way in which her body flowed. It was as if she had captured the lines of Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night and displayed them in dance.
I went to call out her name but she was no longer there. In her place was the little ballerina my granny and dad took me to watch as a child.
I couldn’t speak, move, or even breathe as the little ballerina laughed and chanted, “We are going to be best friends.”
I screamed but I was no longer at the bar but in my clubhouse, covered in sweat and gasping for oxygen.
Shit, Lucas you’re losing it.
I sat up and pulled the earbuds from my iPod that had been on a constant loop of Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” for the last three days from my ears. Dammit! When I’d come across that song it put into words perfectly the way I felt when I was near Annie.
And not only did she see who I really was but she liked me for me.
“I thought I would find you here,” Candice said as she pulled herself up into the treehouse.
What is she doing? I told them all to go to hell in a handbasket.
“I didn’t know I was missing.” I leaned back on the couch and laid my arm on the sofa back, hoping she couldn’t see how torn up I was inside.
“You’re the only one. Your parents have everybody but the National Guard out looking for you.” Candice sat down beside me. “Lucas, why are you letting her get to you. She’s a nobody.”
Nobody, she’s Wes Carter’s daughter.
I jumped to my feet, feeling the anger blister up and overflow in me. Candice yanked on my belt loop hard enough that I was standing in front of her. “I’ll make it better.”
She stroked her hand over my groin, trying her damnedest to bring my uninterested dick to life.
What the hell? The way my life is going I will probably end up standing at an altar one day as she walks down the aisle.
I made the mistake of looking down at the top of Candice’s head as she easily undid my pants. Her blonde hair bounced as she licked the tip of my dick.
Holy shit! I didn’t want this ever.
It would never happen again with Candice. I only wanted one girl touching me. A beautiful brunette who was definitely not a nobody ... she was my damn sister.
Shit, that even sounds wrong.
Fuck, this is sick and twisted.
The only thing keeping me away from Annie was the fact she could never truly be mine. When she learned the truth, she would turn to someone else for comfort. I would be nothing but the half-brother. The brother who got the father. The father I didn’t even want.
I zipped up my pants and told Candice once and for all it was over and showed her the door ... or ladder.
Damn, being without Annie and having her near was hard.
Luckily for me, I’d learned at a very young age that self-preservation was the only way to survive with your heart intact.
Even I didn’t believe that lie — my heart couldn’t stay intact anymore. The biggest part of it was left with Annie.
I left it with her when we were small children and have dreamed about her smile ever since. Hell, my last thought every night when I closed my eyes had been her mouth.
I chucked my iPod across the treehouse and watched it slam against the wall, scattering a line of plastic and metal around the room. The treehouse used to have been my escape but if the last few days had taught me anything, it was there was no escaping the hell my life had been in.
I caught my reflection in the mirror on the other side of the room. It mocked me. My self-control went completely out of whack, I reared back my fist and slammed it into the glass. Shards embedded into my knuckles, leaving behind a trail of my blood.
I didn’t even attempt to wipe the blood from my hands as I tossed everything back in the duffle bag I’d packed three days earlier when I was ready to run. It was time I faced the truth, but first I needed a shot of liquid confidence.
Rejection had been the name of my game since birth, starting with my father and ending with the latest of the rejections — Lucas. I couldn’t stand it any longer, and needed to numb the pain.
I’d talked John into letting me borrow his Honda for the night. It wasn’t hard to get him to agree to the loan. I believe he would’ve done anything to make me smile again. Even the fake one
I planted on my face all day.
I pulled into the gravel lot behind Fast Jack’s and parked. Tammy had allowed me to drink all I wanted with Lucas, and despite my solo status, I was hoping she would be as accommodating. I needed to feel numb and forget life for a few hours. Alcohol was the only sedative I could think of that would work.
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