I’d worn the same sundress I wore that night Lucas first brought me here. The only difference was the red, six-inch heels I’d added to the ensemble.
I was going to drink until all my inhibitions were quelled, and then find a warm body to dance with. Never once had I had any trouble finding the companionship of a number of men.
I jerked the door open and stumbled backward. A broad hand caught me.
“Oh, God,” I screamed as he pulled me tight against his body.
“Not God, but close.”
Holy shit, my mouth went dry as I took in the brick wall holding onto me. A man on the edge of turning thirty dressed in a sharp dark suit held me as if I belonged to him. I squirmed to release myself from his grip and would have yanked his hair for added effect but the only hair he had was buzzed.
“Excuse me,” I said as I was freed from his arm. “I’m meeting a friend.” I pointed over to a girl sitting alone at the bar and prayed he didn’t know her.
I headed in the girl’s direction to escape but mostly to order my first shot of the night.
“Didn’t expect to see you anytime soon after Lucas’s little stunt the other night,” Tammy said and popped a top of a beer bottle.
I took the bottle from her hands and after gulping back a few ounces, I said, “Lucas is full of stunts.”
“So, I take it that you haven’t forgiven him for leaving you alone,” Tammy said and pulled a bar stool over to sit down behind the bar.
“I haven’t seen him to be able to forgive him.”
“Well, if you’re looking for him, you’re shit out of luck. He hasn’t been here, either.” Tammy leaned her elbows on the bar, studying me with an unknown look in her eyes.
“No, I’m looking more for the blue-collar type of guy tonight.” I slid my empty bottle over to her. “Please,” I said.
Her wrinkled mouth cracked open into some resemblance of a smile as she pushed a beer bottle in my direction. “Don’t get trashed and be careful. Something tells me that Lucas would have my ass if I let something happen to you.”
I flipped around on the barstool, unwilling to let her see how much those words hurt. Lucas didn’t care. He was what hurt me.
I poured back my third beer and the numbness had started to sit in. Lucas Carter seemed less important with each sip. I raised my bottle over toward Tammy who was waiting on my little greeter from the front door, Mr. Buzz Cut. If it wasn’t for the fact I didn’t want to be within touching distance from him, I believe I would’ve walked over and kissed her. For the first time in days, I felt some relief and my I-don’t-give-a-damn-attitude slipping back into place.
I didn’t need anyone except myself. I stood up and the floor shifted under my feet. I quickly regained my balance and walked over to the dance floor and started dancing, alone.
The song picked up speed. I lost my footing trying to keep up and fell over onto a couple dancing. The man had my dress bunched in his hands, trying to keep me from plummeting to the floor. When I regained my footing, he released me and started back dancing, never looking back once to see if I was okay.
“Beautiful,” was slurred into my ears and I twisted around to come eye to eye with Mr. Buzz Cut from the front door himself.
Overcome with terror, I leaned away from him, checking for a path in the crowd to escape through. I took a step to pass him as he stroked a finger down my arm and clutched my wrist.
“Nice heels, I love a girl with long legs in heels,” he whispered against my face. His breath reeked of whiskey and tobacco.
“Watch it, I know how to use these heels as weapons,” I warned, jerking my arm away, causing him to spill his beer down the back of my dress. I smelled with the stench of cheap beer. “Shit, dude.”
He didn’t know how to take a hint and went right back to stroking my arm again. “Kinky and gorgeous. My type of girl.”
I shook my head, promptly removed his hand from my body, and started to walk away. Buzz Cut couldn’t take a hint. His fingers dug into my hip, pulling me back against him.
“I’m not through with you,” he said and pushed his mid-section against my back.
I pried his hand off my hip and yelled, “Stop.”
No one heard my pleas over the music pounding in the room, and they only managed to grant a laugh from Buzz Cut.
I scanned the room looking for help from anybody and trying to push him off me all at the same time. The room became a chaos of bodies, neon-lights, and booze. I couldn’t distinguish the workers from the party-goers, and no one seemed to notice me scuffling with Buzz Cut.
He leaned in, wrapped his arm around my waist, and lifted me off the ground. “I bet you would be fun to bag,” he said then licked a trail down the side of my cheek, washing the scent of stale beer across my face.
I squirmed and screamed and kicked until he released me enough to let my feet touch the floor.
A bouncer standing in the corner finally took notice and started pushing through the people on the dance floor to get to me. I shoved against Buzz Cut and reached out for the bouncer all while simultaneously digging one of those heels into the top of his foot. Buzz Cut’s arms grew heavy and tight.
The bouncer made slow progress through the crowds. People started to step aside when the bouncer tossed someone to the floor in his attempt to get to me.
Buzz Cut never took notice of the commotion around us.
“You’re fucking unbelievable. I could stare in those eyes of yours all day.”
I closed my eyes when I felt his mouth close around the base of my neck. Rage boiled to the surface. I’d let someone use my body once before and vowed to never let it happen again. I twisted around and brought my knee up, ramming it into his groin.
He instantly released me as he doubled over, his hand automatically gripping the source of his pain. “You little bitch.”
Buzz Cut lunged toward me but was blocked by the bouncer. He yanked Buzz Cut by the collar and shoved him against a free-standing speaker. The speaker crashed to the ground as the bouncer nailed him with his fist repeatedly.
I stood by, watching, mesmerized by the sheer power of the bouncer’s arm as he came down again onto Buzz Cut’s face.
I couldn’t even divert my attention as Tammy escorted me back to a stool at the bar.
Chapter 29
Lucas Carter
I had pulled into the parking lot of Fast Jack’s and had started to climb off my bike before I even came to a complete stop. It had been the first time I’d rode it since I’d left Annie at that very place and all of it together made me sick to my stomach.
The accumulation of a lifetime of lies and delusions had finally killed the last of my black heart.
The heavy wooden door slammed at my back, and some blonde I was sure I’d been with in a past lifetime stumbled over in a pair of stilettos to greet me.
“Lucas,” she mumbled.
Her determined eyes met mine, causing me to doubt my decision to come. Even this place had become a tomb of what should’ve been.
Why did Annie even have to come into my life?
I pushed past the blonde and maneuvered around several more sorority girls and one very drunk cowboy on my way to the bar where Tammy was glaring at me. She slapped a towel on the bar as I mounted a bar stool. “I’ve got something you might like in the back room.”
I tapped my knuckles on the bar twice. “Already had what you have to offer. Not interested.”
“Oh, I think you might want this. That sweet little brunette you’ve been bringing in here has been making a spectacle of herself tonight.”
I bolted from my seat, my feet propelling to the back before I knew what I was doing. Tammy was on my heels every step of the way. As I reached the office door, she had gripped my arm. “Wait a minute. She’s had a rough night. Some guy tried to attack her on the dance floor then she got drunk and cried until she passed out.”
Instant rage consumed me. I pushed through the door. Annie had been through enough hell in her l
ife, and the thought someone was trying to hurt her again was too much. I promised her I would protect her. Yet, I failed her and knew I would continue to fail her. I couldn’t stop the past from destroying our future.
A lamp on the desk illuminated the soft profile of Annie’s face. She was curled up on a faded sofa in the corner. Her nose made the slightest, cutest, whistling sound. My heart ached in my chest. She was beautiful, and I’d once had the honor of holding her when she had slept like that.
I raised my hand to signal for Tammy to give me a minute then closed the door. I stood over her for a few seconds simply to take in the moment before kneeling to brush her hair off her face. Her eyelashes fluttered a couple of times before they finally popped open. Her puffy eyes were glassy and sleepy but spoke volumes to me. I reached my thumb over to wipe a tear away and smudged the mascara down her cheekbones. She had been living in the same hell that I had been in. I had promised myself I would never let a girl break me. I’d lied because as I lifted Annie into my arms I realized MS wasn’t the flaw that had broken me. It was loving the wrong girl. Lucas Carter was broken beyond repair.
“I didn’t like him touching me. I just came to forget. I wanted to forget the pain for one night.”
Hearing her sweet, innocent voice utter those words were the nail in my coffin. She had come to forget the pain of me leaving her and was hurt. I had to get us both through this nightmare. She was a living testament to the fact we could survive anything.
“I’m sorry, precious. I’m here now.”
I stroked a finger down the side of her face. Her warm hand encapsulated around my lower arm, and she scraped her palm around the gauze bandage wrapped tightly around my wrist.
“What happened,” she slurred and wobbled her head next to my chest.
“A moment of weakness,” I said and went to kiss her forehead, but paused; I didn’t have that right anymore.
“I think I could love you,” she whispered groggily and laid her head against my shoulder.
“I know I could love you.”
I squeezed her against my chest and imagined for a moment that I didn’t know the truth. But I did, and when she learned it, I would never get a moment like that again. I would always love her. Just not the way my heart wanted to.
My head ached like the pulse of blood behind a bruise, throbbing one second and lingering pain the next. I slowly opened my eyes and stared off at the far wall. I was in my bed, but had no recollection on how I got there. I pivoted my head to read the clock on my bedside table and caught a glance of a note propped up against a glass of water.
Precious,
I never wanted to hurt you. Anybody but you. I have to finally face the truth. I’ll be back as soon as I can to tell you what’s going on. I left you a couple of acetaminophen and some water. Take them. YOU WILL NEED THEM.
You look peaceful when you sleep, Lucas
I wrapped my arm around my torso to hold it in one piece. Bits and pieces of the night came floating back. That man treating me like an object not a person. The bouncer pounding his face in. Tammy sitting with me at the bar as I released the tension of the last few days. Not one memory of Lucas came to my mind. He had been there, though. The sheets smelled of his cologne. He had saved me; he had brought me home. I inhaled deeply to take more of him into my lungs and was hit with the stench of stale beer and cigarette smoke.
I quickly jumped out of bed, stripped, and sank down in the tub, hoping to wash away the stench of the night before. The warm water, the overflowing bubbles — nothing could keep my mind from wandering over the words of that letter in my head.
The truth, what’s going on, the truth, what’s going on, you look peaceful when you sleep
Lucas watched me sleep while debating a lie.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to quiet the screaming in my head, and cupped my hands over my mouth and nose. I needed answers. I needed to find Lucas sooner rather than later.
I drained the water from the tub, positive I couldn’t take a bath long enough to sort out the cluster-fuck in my head.
I changed quickly, not even sure I matched, sat back in the recliner, and switched on the television to fill the empty vacuum in the room. I didn’t watch it or even hear it. I simply sat and stared at the blank space above the fireplace. The doorbell chiming throughout the house was the only thing that brought me out of my trance.
I laid the remote on the coffee table and stood up when Lucas barged through the front door. I took a step toward him. He had his hands cupped around my face and his forehead pushed against mine before I was able to get a breath out.
“Precious,” he whispered.
Chapter 30
Lucas Carter
Being close to her was torture. So, close yet a million miles apart.
I’d spent the last two hours with Wes Carter, having my whole life turned on its axis. All I wanted to do was inhale Annie’s very essence and tell her what she meant to me. But first, I had a lifetime of lies to unravel.
“What did I do? Why did you leave me?” she asked.
It hadn’t even dawned on me that she would’ve thought I left because of her. Had she really spent the last few days thinking I walked away because of something she did? Damn, in my attempt to run from the truth, I’d forgotten the most important detail of them all — Annie.
“I ... I didn’t leave you. I realized something and needed to figure it all out. I sent Will to get you.”
“Gee, thanks. I only sit there for an hour scared.”
“I was scared and confused,” I confessed.
Annie let out a hard laugh. “Well, I understood perfectly. You left me. Luckily, there was a nice man there that kept me company.”
I cringed and stared into her expressive eyes as my heart fractured in my chest. If she was trying to hurt me, she succeeded.
I inhaled deeply to take her smell into my lungs before leading her to the couch. Annie didn’t hesitate when I guided her onto my lap. She straddled me. I moved my hands to cup her face like the treasure she was.
“It’s tearing me up inside that you could honestly believe that I didn’t want to be with you, or that every moment I’ve spent with you wasn’t the best time of my life. Because every second I've been with you has been the greatest.” I encompassed the base of her neck with my hands and stroked her jawline with my thumbs. “You mean so much to me and no matter what you always will.”
Annie twisted my t-shirt in her hands and her eyes met mine. “Why then?”
I didn’t deserve her understanding. I’d never deserved the time I’d spent with her. I also didn’t deserve to have my heart breaking, but it was. Then again, life had never been fair.
I licked my dry lips and realized my mouth had gone dry too. “I remembered you were my tiny dancer.” It came out more as a raspy whisper than anything else.
“Huh,” she said and placed her head on my shoulder.
Her warmth sipped into my cold heart. “When I was about eight or nine, my granny and dad.” I paused and shook my head. I shouldn’t have called them by that term but what else did I call them and get Annie to listen? “Took me to see some dance recital. There was this little ballerina in it. She had this big white bow in her beautiful brown hair and a smile that made my heart flip in my chest. I called her my tiny dancer.”
Annie's brows pulled together and her lips twisted into the cutest pout. Damn, I love her. Paying for a father’s sin had taken on a whole new meaning to me.
A flicker of light popped on in her eyes. “My biggest fan. You gave me those roses. I’d totally forgotten.” She started to slide out of my lap, but I gripped her hip, shifting her closer to my body.
“I haven’t. I’ve dreamed about your smile more than once, but I didn’t put the pieces together in my head. I don’t think I wanted to admit it to myself. But when I did and thought about the way Granny acted around you, how the sound of your name made Wes tear up, it clicked. Wes is …”
I had let my clasp of her less
en enough to give her the leverage to jump out of my lap. “Lucas, don’t tell me. If he’s mine. If you’re mine.” Her hands started shaking and her eyes filled with tears. “That’s how I know him. Your dad … he came to all my recitals.”
The tears flooded my eyes, and immediately, I regretted hashing out this crap sober. I glanced up at the ceiling, trying to hold myself together. I couldn’t even imagine what was going through her head, but I was sure I knew how she was feeling.
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