“How come he didn’t let you inside?” I ask.
“He wouldn’t say. He just told me to wait outside until they get back.” Cody hums the theme from the Twilight Zone and then laughs again, but he doesn’t sound relaxed. Something about it is forced. He’s nervous too.
“Weird. He didn’t give you any hints what this is about?”
“Nope.”
We get quiet after that. I think about going back to my car, sitting and listening to the radio at least.
But I don’t want Cody to think I’m being stuck up. So I just sit down on the front steps and fold my arms. Cody walks around the driveway, kicking pebbles.
“Where’s Jay’s dad and his sister?” I say.
“Don’t know. Seems like they’re not around much lately.”
“Well, his dad travels a lot,” I say.
“You ever notice Jay never talks about his mom? She died, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Did she have Cancer or something?”
“I’m not sure,” I lie. “We were in fifth grade so nobody told me what it was.”
I don’t say anything else.
But the memory from years ago floods back to me as we wait in the dark silence.
I remember how Jay called me and asked me to come over, his voice strange on the phone. And when I walked in his house, there were so many people around. I didn’t know why they were there, women cooking and making a fuss. Jay’s dad was sitting on the couch with a kind of calm, blank look on his face. The women looked at me with sad, almost pitying expressions, which I didn’t understand.
I went up to Jay’s room and he was on his bed flipping through a tattered copy of Sports Illustrated. Even back then he was bigger than me and his moods could be frightening at times—how quickly he could change from happy to sullen or even angry.
“My mom’s dead,” he said, still flipping through the magazine. Like he was talking about the Chicago Bulls losing a playoff game.
I smiled, thinking it was his idea of a joke. “No she’s not.”
In fact I’d just seen her about three or four days ago. She’d come outside and watched us try to build a skateboard ramp in the driveway. Jay’s mom was cool like that—she’d let you do something fun but maybe a little dangerous, unlike most parents who would instantly put a stop to that kind of thing.
“She is. She’s dead. She killed herself.” When Jay looked up from his magazine and met my gaze, I realized he was being serious.
I thought about all the people buzzing around downstairs and the look on his dad’s face.
I didn’t say anything. I was afraid that whatever I did say would be wrong, would somehow upset him and he was always unpredictable, even on the best of days.
After a long stretch of me not reacting, Jay smirked. “Cat got your tongue?”
I muttered something unintelligible in response.
“She hung herself,” he said. “I know because I’m the one who found her. She did it in her bedroom.”
Looking back on it—and I have, many times—I know he wanted someone to talk to about the whole thing, and who better than his best friend? But I was confused and scared, so I changed the subject and Jay let it go.
But he was never as friendly to me after that day.
I tried a few times after that to bring the subject up again, but he wanted nothing to do with it. And then he suddenly got busy and instead of hanging out after school together he was always playing hoops or baseball or somehow not able to include me.
It was hard on me because Jay was my best friend, my only close friend. And around the same time he stopped wanting to be friends with me, I got into a very weird kind of depression or something. I started to feel like I was worthless.
Jay lied about his mom’s death and I kept that secret, and hoped Jay appreciated it. But if he did, he never told me so. And instead of bringing us closer, we drifted further and further away from that point on.
I got used to being alone, eventually. It wasn’t even so terrible, aside from wondering what made me someone that people just avoid like the plague.
And yet, here I am, suddenly back in Jay’s world again. Being included again as if no time has gone by. It doesn’t make any sense but I’m happy to be here. Because being alone was only okay when I had nothing to compare it to.
Cody kicks another pebble that rebounds off the house and nearly hits me, breaking me out of my remembrances of the past.
As creepy as it is waiting in Jay’s driveway for him to come home, the memory of that afternoon where he told me about his mom has only made me more nervous. I start to wonder—and not for the first time—what exactly Jay might have planned for me tonight. Why are we here? Why do I feel this sense of doom and gloom hanging over everything?
Maybe Cody senses my paranoia because he comes over to where I’m sitting and pulls out his phone. “Check this out,” he says, and hands it to me. I look at it.
His phone is in video mode.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Just press play.”
So I press play and it fades in on what looks like Middlebury’s football field.
This must have been taken in late summer when the team was doing double-sessions, because they’re practicing without helmets or shoulder pads.
Cody is already giggling a little bit. “You can’t tell anyone I have this. They didn’t know I was filming it, I was just hanging out in the bleachers.”
Jay is throwing passes and the guys are all running routes. Everything looks normal until Leo goes out and does a quick turn and Jay throws low—whether on purpose or by accident—and the ball goes between Leo’s hands, hitting him in the nuts.
He crumples to the ground in a heap amidst shouts of surprise as his teammates rush over. Then the video stops.
I chuckle appreciatively. “Got him pretty good, didn’t he?”
Cody laughs. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.”
“Leo doesn’t know you got it on video?”
Cody shakes his head. “Hell, no. And I didn’t tell Jay or anyone else either. I mean, it’s funny to watch but they’d probably post it on Youtube and ruin his life.”
I think about this and realize that this is exactly what Jay would do if he knew the video existed. He’d do it because in Jay’s world that would be hilarious. He doesn’t always consider how it might affect someone else.
“I’m surprised you didn’t show anyone though. That’s a tough one to keep to yourself.”
“Leo’s a jerk but he’s not THAT big a jerk. Besides I didn’t totally keep it to myself. I showed you.”
“Let me watch that again,” I laugh, and hit replay. It’s even funnier the second time.
“Thought you might like it,” he says.
He’s about to say something else when headlights turn into the driveway and I’m momentarily blinded. I shield my eyes from the glare.
The SUV pulls up until it’s almost on top of us, and then stops abruptly. The engine turns off. Seconds later, Jay, Alec, Leo and Nick are all getting out of the car.
My stomach is all knotted and my throat feels tight, like I can’t breathe normally.
I could be walking into anything right now. For some reason this makes me think of that scene in Scarface where Tony Montana (played by a totally bad ass Al Pacino) and his friends go to do a drug deal with the Columbians, and they end up getting kidnapped.
One friend ends up being cut in half by a crazy Columbian wielding a chain saw.
Not that I think Jay plans to kill any of us with power tools, but I don’t like walking into this situation feeling so clueless about what he’s planning for us.
Jay sees me and pats my shoulder. “Real glad you came, Richardson.”
“What’s going on?”
He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he turns around to face the others. “Everyone wait outside.” He unlocks the door to the basement and goes in, leaving the five of us alone in his driveway.
I
can hear the engine of his car ticking in the dark silence.
Alec looks at me. “What’s that boy up to Richardson?”
Another flash of the scene from Scarface, and the bloody chainsaw. I try and shake the image off. “I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Well if Richardson’s here, it must be something pretty lame,” Nick says.
“True,” Leo agrees, then gives me a hard punch on the shoulder. “Maybe it’s Beat the Fuck out of Richardson Night.”
“Oh, I never thought of that,” Nick laughs. “Once a week we all get together and kick Richardson’s ass.”
Nick grabs me and pulls me into a headlock. I resist but he’s way too strong.
“Let me go,” I say, but it’s muffled. He squeezes harder for a few seconds and then releases me.
“Seriously, what the hell are we doing here?” Cody asks.
“No idea. But I’m getting some majorly bad vibes,” Alec says.
Everyone seems to fall silent after that admission from Alec, and we just kind of stand around waiting. I’m just glad that they didn’t really start to beat me up. It seems like the kind of thing Nick and Leo would do just to laugh about it afterwards.
A few minutes later, Jay emerges from the door to the basement again.
“Richardson, come with me.”
“Okay.” My legs suddenly feel weak. But I walk into the darkness.
Jay leads me into the main part of the basement, which looks pitch black and ominous. A feeling of dread overwhelms me. “What’s going on, dude? Is this an early Halloween party or something?”
“Don’t make a joke out of it,” Jay says. He sits me down on the couch in his basement and then my eyes start to adjust to the room. I can make out the familiar shapes of the television, the mini-fridge, the coffee table.
Jay stops and lights a match, then puts the match to a large white candle sitting atop the coffee table. The candle casts a small dull glow, which illuminates some objects sitting nearby.
My mouth goes dry.
On the table is a large hunting knife, a square piece of paper, and a gun.
I lick my lips. “Jay, what’s going on, man. Are you messing with me?”
“Come and sit in this chair,” Jay says, motioning to a single stool that’s been placed beside the coffee table. I walk over and take my seat, trying not to hyperventilate.
If he tries to cut me with that knife, so help me god…
“First, I’m going to ask you a few questions,” he says.
“Okay.” I laugh a little despite myself.
“Do you want to be a part of this family?” he says.
I hesitate. “What family? What are you talking about?”
“My family.”
I lick my lips, trying to think. Has Jay gone completely crazy? Like, really and truly crazy?
He seems to sense what’s going through my mind. “Richardson, calm down. I know what I’m doing here. Just trust me.”
“Fine.” I try to relax. It’s some sort of test, a game. He’s not going to do anything that would hurt me.
“I’ll ask you again. Do you want to be part of this family?”
“Yes.”
“And you understand that from this day forward you will listen to me and obey my words as if they were from god himself?”
I hesitate. Even if we’re just playing at this thing, it seems really weird to agree to that. But then I nod. Just tell him what he wants and get it over with. “Yes.”
“Now if someone outside of this family were to ask about us, what would you tell that person?”
“I wouldn’t tell them anything.”
“And are you ready to do things outside the rules of your school, your teachers, parents, your community, on behalf of your new family?”
Again, I find myself not wanting to agree. It occurs to me that this whole thing could be a prank to goof on me. He’s probably filming it for YouTube. Just like Cody said Jay would do if he had the chance.
“Are you fucking with me?” I try to smile. Maybe he’ll laugh and admit that they tried to pull one over on me but I caught on too fast.
He shakes his head, almost sadly. “You’re disappointing me. bro. Just get out of here. Go on.”
But I don’t want to go scurrying out of the room like a little bitch. If I tell him what he wants, it will all be easier. “Wait a second. I just got caught off guard,” I tell him. “I’m ready for anything. I’m in.”
“And you realize that the only way out of this thing is death?”
But now I’m scared all over again. I can’t seem to answer.
Jay comes around the front of the chair and looks at me, the candlelight casting dark shadows on his face. He looks menacing, cruel even.
“What did you think this was?”
“I don’t know what this is. You haven’t told me.”
“I’m giving you a chance to be part of something special.”
“But what is it?”
“La Cosa Nostra.”
“The mob?”
“Our version of it,” he smiles.
“So this is—what—some kind of initiation?”
“Oh, you are the smart one. Yes, Richardson. It’s a freaking initiation ceremony.
Now can we get on with it?”
“But it’s not real, right?”
“Oh, it’s totally real. I’m dead fucking serious.”
“I wish you’d told me ahead of time, so I knew what to expect.”
“Kind of defeats the purpose, though.”
“Yeah.” I run a hand through my hair. “Well, I don’t know. What will we be doing?”
“That’s enough discussion. You need to decide if you’re going to do this or not.
If you can’t hack it then leave.” His face is hardened now. A real ice grille. I understand what an amateur I am with my fake-ass cold stare. It’s nothing compared to Jay’s.
I take a deep breath and then exhale. “I can. I can hack it,” I say, as much to myself as to him.
“Then answer the fucking question already.”
“Okay. I’m ready.”
“And you realize that the only way out of this thing is death?”
“Yes.” I feel sweat beads break out on my forehead.
“Now you must prove your trust in me,” Jay says. He turns and takes the gun off the table. “I’m going to put this gun to your head and pull the trigger and you’re going to sit there and let me do it without moving a muscle.”
My heart is hammering in my chest. Is that a real gun? Christ, is Jay totally crazy after all? Would he kill me tonight--has this been his plan all along? What if he made a mistake and didn’t unload all the bullets? There could still be one in the chamber.
I should try to run but I’m paralyzed. It’s like a slow-motion nightmare where I can’t move or even talk.
He raises the gun. I’m shaking like a leaf and the chair is jittering on the floor.
The muzzle of the gun is pressing against my temple and I close my eyes because if this is where it all ends, I can’t bear to watch.
“Moment of truth, Richardson,” he says.
CLICK.
There’s no gunshot. Jay lowers the weapon.
I exhale violently and flop forward. “Jesus Christ, Jay. Are you insane?”
“One last thing, Richardson. You’re in the home stretch now,” he says. “Hold up your hand,” Jay says, and I do so.
He places the gun back on the table and picks up the knife. It gleams dully. “Oh, shit,” I say.
“It’s almost over” he soothes. He grabs my wrist. “Hold out your pointer finger.”
I do so, gritting my teeth and wincing in advance of the pain I know is coming. He cuts across the tip of my finger and a moment later, the blood starts to flow from the wound.
“Shit, that stings,” I hiss.
Jay takes the square piece of paper off the table now, and holds it under my bleeding finger. I see that it’s a small picture of a sain
t. The blood drips onto the picture and Jay smiles.
“This drop of blood symbolizes your birth into this family. Now we are one until death.” He puts the corner of the picture into the flame and sets it alight. “No backing out now,” he says, and drops the burning picture onto a plate where it quickly turns to blackened ash.
“We’re done?” I ask, praying that was the end of it.
“Come here, brother.” Jay holds out his arms and I stand. He embraces me and kisses both cheeks. “Like they do in the Old Country,” he says, clearly happy.
“Wow, that was intense,” I say, trying to catch my breath.
“How do you feel?” he asks.
“Actually, I feel pretty fucking amazing,” I tell him, and it’s the truth.
“Good. Now we do the others.”
***
I go out and bring in each of the others in order of rank. Jay has explained to me how this works; I’m the family’s Consigliere, his right hand man, which is why he did my initiation first. Alec is the Underboss, so he’s next. He’s more calm then I was, doesn’t seem to hesitate even the slightest, not even when the gun comes out. Maybe because he knows I’ve already been through it, and anything I can do, surely he can do.
After Alec comes Nick. He’s going to be a Captain. Nick tries to show some swagger but the gun unnerves him. Still, he gets through the ceremony and is excited to bring Leo in for his initiation. “Oh, Leo doesn’t like seeing his own blood,” Nick laughs.
“Someone else’s, he don’t mind so much.”
They bring Leo in. Leo will also be a Captain. His eyes are wide when the gun comes out, but by now he suspects that the others have gone through that part. When Jay holds up the knife, however, Leo starts to beg. “Can’t we just skip this part, bro? You know I hate getting my blood taken and shit. I’ll do anything, man.”
Jay is merciless. “Leo, either you sit there and finish the ceremony or you get the fuck out of here and never come back.”
Leo submits. Jay cuts his finger (and is it my imagination or does he cut Leo just a little bit deeper than everyone else?), lets it drip on the picture of the saint. Leo is crying now, actually crying like a baby. Snot bubbles come out of his nose.
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