I knew that knocking on Rachel’s door last night would change everything. I knew it would but still had no idea what to expect. Part of me was desperate to find her and demand answers but the other half of me didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to believe what Samantha told me and was dreading the moment when I would confirm it for myself.
It was Rachel’s mum who answered, startled when she opened her front door and found me on there on the doorstep.
“Well, well, well… this is a surprise.” Miranda gloated, a triumphant expression on her face.
It was clear she thought I had come back for Rachel. She figured I had somehow come to my senses and was back for her daughter.
“Cut the crap and let me in.” I barked, narrowing my eyes at her in contempt. “I need to speak to Rachel.”
“Rachel? Don’t you mean Samantha?” She mocked me, awaiting my response.
“Mum, who is it?”
I heard Rachel’s voice coming down the hallway and shoved the poisonous bitch aside. I was determined and was prepared to be forceful if that’s what was needed.
“It’s your ex-fiancé.” Miranda answered, staring at me coldly. “He’s finally returned.”
“Zack?” Rachel stood in front of her mum, staring at me in astonishment. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“Is it true?” I demanded. “Tell me it’s not true.”
“She told you?”
“Of course she told me. You really think she would keep something like that to herself?” I snapped, grabbing hold of the door frame with both hands.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Her mother interjected, a look of confusion on her face.
“Dad and I bumped into Samantha when we were in town this morning.” Rachel told her. “She saw me with Amber.”
“Look, I’m here to find out if I have a daughter!” I yelled, slamming my fist against the wall in front of me. “I’m also here to keep that sick monster away from her as well as Samantha. I will not have a child abuser around my daughter.”
“How dare you? How dare you come to my house and throw these accusations around like this!” Miranda cried, pointing her wicked finger at me.
“Zack, you’ve been told so many lies.” Rachel spoke softly, taking one step closer towards me. “She’s been lying to you all this time. My dad didn’t do any of those things to her.”
My fury was about to explode. I could barely look at either one of them but knew I had to stay and sort everything out for the sake of my daughter. I longed to turn my back on both of them and forget I had ever been involved with Rachel. However, the pull I felt when it came to finding out the truth was too powerful.
“I don’t give a shit if he’s your biological father or not. I will not let him go anywhere near my child or Sam for that matter. I’ll kill him with my own two hands if he tries to see her again.”
“Zack, he’s not here.” Rachel blurted out, placing one of her hands on my arm. “He’s gone back to Spain.”
“Not that it’s any of your business.” Miranda interrupted, scowling at me in disgust.
I glared at the older woman, despising her for everything she’s done. She destroyed the woman I love and every single instinct was screaming at me to make her pay for it.
“I need to talk to you alone. There are things we need to discuss and we can’t do any of that with an audience.” I said, struggling to control the rage I felt in her presence.
“Mum, can you please leave us alone so we can talk?” Rachel asked, barely glancing at her mum beside her.
“If that’s what you want.” She replied, somewhat reluctantly. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Mum.”
She left us alone which made me feel a little more at ease. Some of the tension I had been carrying left my body and I leaned back against the side of the house, closing my eyes for a few moments.
“What now?” I asked, raking my fingers through my hair.
“You come in.” She said, opening the door a little wider. “Come in and meet your daughter.”
I was consumed by memories as soon as I set foot inside the front door. They all came flooding back to me and I can’t explain how difficult it was for me to stay inside. Everything about that house was a reminder, a reminder of what it felt like when I couldn’t have Sam. A time when we couldn’t be together and I thought the pain of that would kill me.
“Isn’t she asleep already?” I enquired, following her down the hallway.
“She is but we won’t disturb her if we’re quiet.”
Rachel placed her fingers on her lips and smiled, making her way up the stairs. She poked her head around the third doorway on the left, beckoning me over.
“She’s in there?” I asked, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
I moistened my lips, trying to prepare myself. I knew that moment would change my life forever and could scarcely believe I was about to meet my little girl for the first time.
“That’s right.” She confirmed, watching me closely. “Are you ready?”
I nodded my head, wondering how on earth this could be happening to me before Rachel squeezed my hand, opening the door so we could enter.
There was a pink cot in the corner of the bedroom with a pink mobile hanging over it. I took a hesitant step towards it before I somehow managed to find my courage, making my way across the room so I could peek over the railings.
A small bundle lay there, covered in blankets with a dark tuft of hair peeping out. She looked so peaceful, breathing deeply as she slept.
“She’s beautiful.” I whispered, staring at her intently. “Unbelievably beautiful.”
“She’s ours, Zack. We created her together.”
Rachel joins me, reaching into the cot so she can stroke her hair.
“C-can I touch her?” I asked, longing to feel my baby’s warm skin against my fingertips.
“Zack, she’s yours. Of course you can touch her.”
We spent five minutes like that, gazing down at our sleeping child before Rachel lead me out of the bedroom.
“I’ll need a DNA test.” I announced, making my way downstairs.
“You don’t believe she’s yours? She looks just like you.”
“Rachel, I’m not saying I don’t believe she’s mine. I just need to see it in black and white so I can actually believe it.” I assured her, rubbing the centre of my forehead.
“There’s been no one else.” She revealed, sounding sincere. “I haven’t slept with anyone but you.”
“You’re not seeing anyone?” I enquired, surprised that someone like Rachel was still single.
“I’m not interested in anyone or anything but my daughter. She’s the most important thing in my life.”
We made our way into the living room, standing awkwardly until I decided to break the silence.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked, struggling to understand how she could keep something like this a secret.
“I needed to find out if you were still with the whore.” She snapped, narrowing her eyes at me in contempt.
“Don’t you dare call her that, do you understand?!” I grabbed hold of her shoulders and pushed her back against the wall. “My future wife is not a whore and you will treat her with respect. If you can’t do that then don’t bother mentioning her at all.”
I knew I sounded threatening because I saw a flash of fear in her eyes. I never handled her roughly before or even spoke to her so darkly. She wasn’t used to it but I knew I had to use force so she would listen to me and understand.
“You expect me to forgive and forget everything that she did to me?” She demanded, pushing me away from her in anger.
“I want us all to move forward now. It’s time we put the past behind us and try to figure out how we’re going to raise Amber.”
“She even told you what her name is?”
“Yes.” I sighed wearily, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Do… do you
like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” I replied, raking my fingers through my hair. “Just like her.”
“I thought you might have had your own baby by now.”
“We’ve only been together a few months.” I responded, reluctant to speak about my relationship with Rachel.
“Zack, you’ve always wanted children. I’m just surprised you haven’t been able to convince her.”
“Rachel, I’m not here to discuss my relationship with you. I’m here to talk about what happens next.”
I could feel my patience slipping away and knew I had to make plans before I left. I wanted her to agree that I could see Amber and finalise those arrangements later.
“The truth is I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. I came back to spend some time with my mum and dad while he was here.”
“I swear to God if that man sets foot in this country again…” I warned her, glowering at Rachel from across the room.
“Zack, he won’t be coming back here. His whole life is in Spain now and he only came over for a visit so he could meet his granddaughter. I doubt he’ll be back anytime soon.”
“He won’t have anything to do with her from now on.” I growled, clenching my fists at the thought of that pervert around my baby girl.
“I wish you didn’t believe her lies. I wish you could see her for what she really is.” She murmured, shaking her head sadly.
“I’m in love with Samantha and her heart is pure. She’s the only one I want to spend my life with and the fact that you and I now have a baby together will not change that.”
I stood up onto my feet, deciding it was time for me to leave.
“It could be so different.” She said, grabbing hold of my arm as I walked by her. “All of this could be ours, Zack. Our little girl is up there and the three of us could live in a big house like this. Don’t you want any of that?”
She still had hold of me, awaiting my response. I knew I couldn’t lie to her anymore and the only way we could all move forward was to be honest with one another.
“I do want that.” I admitted, pulling my arm from her grasp. “But I want it all with her.”
She exhaled slowly, allowing my words to sink in. I made my way towards the front door, hoping she would follow me so we could finalise a few things.
“I’m pleased you came.” Rachel said, taking me by surprise.
“When can I next see her?” I asked her eagerly.
“Whenever you want to. I won’t stop you from seeing her.”
“Thank you.”
I smiled weakly, overwhelmed by exhaustion all of a sudden. I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel so I could be with Samantha. I felt terrible being apart from her on her birthday and was longing to make it all up to her.
“So what now? What happens next?” Rachel inquired, interrupting my thoughts.
“I’ll need a contact number so I can reach you.” I told her, reaching for my phone.
“My number has changed but I’ll give you my new one.”
She scribbled down her number and handed it to me, trembling slightly when our fingers made contact.
“We can talk more about the DNA test tomorrow. I don’t want to insult you but I just need to be certain.”
“It’s ok.” She assured me. “I’m the one who’s been lying to you these past few months. I told you I had an abortion so I can’t exactly blame you for being doubtful now.”
“How could you like to me about something like that? I don’t understand why you did it.”
It kills me when I think about how much I’ve missed out on. I wasn’t there throughout the pregnancy or during the birth. There’s so many things I would have liked to have been a part of and now it’s too late.
“I thought it would be too difficult for me having you around.” She admitted, lowering her gaze. “My heart was broken and I needed time to heal. You can understand that, surely?”
“I still wish you had been honest with me. I’ve missed out on so much with her.”
“She’s a couple months old, Zack. You haven’t missed out on anything.”
“Haven’t I?” I challenged her, raising my voice.
“There’s still plenty of things to come. You’ll be around when she takes her first steps, says her first word and begins to crawl. You can be involved if you want to be.”
“You know I want that.”
“Then we’ll make it work.” She whispered, smiling hopefully. “We can do this together.”
There was a momentary silence between us before took off, realising I should have been back at the hotel hours ago.
“It’s getting pretty late. I should get going.”
“Wow, I didn’t even notice the time.” Rachel chuckled, glancing at her watch.
“I’m sorry for keeping you up and thanks again for letting me see her.”
“You can call me tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
I said goodbye and made my way up the driveway, trying to ignore the apprehension I felt when I looked back and saw her watching me from the window…
Chapter Seven
Samantha
We left the hotel a few hours later, trying to put the events of last night behind us. My birthday was an absolute disaster but that couldn’t be helped. A part of me just wants to get back home so I can forget everything which happened the day before.
We’re just pulling into the driveway of our apartment when Zack’s phone starts to ring. He switches off the car and reaches for it, glancing at the screen before he answers.
“I don’t recognise the number.” He informs me, frowning slightly. “But it might be Rachel. She gave me her number last night but I haven’t put it in my phone yet.”
“I see.” I murmur, turning my head so I can gaze out of the window instead.
“Do you mind if I take this? It will be about Amber.”
“Sure, go ahead.” I urge him, pretending I’m ok with it.
I attempt to leave in an attempt to give him some privacy. I make it halfway out of the car before Zack grabs hold of my wrist, pulling me back inside.
“Stay.” He implores me, still holding onto his phone with one hand.
He refuses to relinquish his hold on me, tightening his grip when I try to leave again.
“Fine.” I concede, forcing my wrist out of his grasp. “Talk to her.”
He nods his head before doing what I ask, greeting her warmly when he answers. I try to ignore the jealousy coursing through my veins, trying to convince myself that Zack’ optimism has everything to do with his daughter and not the fact that he’s speaking with my sister.
“I’m free this afternoon if that works for you.” He says, drumming his fingertips against the dashboard.
I watch them, fascinated by the simplistic rhythm he’s making. I don’t want to hear my sister’s voice and try to block it out, focusing all of my attention on the noise of his tapping.
“Zack, I should give you some privacy.” I whisper, begging him to let me go inside.
He shakes his head, vehemently against me getting out of the car. I acquiesce once again and exhale deeply, realising this is probably how things are going to be from now on.
“Rachel, I need to ask you about Sam.” Zack blurts out, taking me by surprise. “She’s a part of my life as well as Amber and it would mean the world to me if the two of them could meet soon.”
I wait for her reaction. I wait to hear her indignant voice down the phone but all I hear is silence.
I don’t hear what she says to him but I witness Zack’s response to whatever it is. He slams his fist against the dashboard he was just tapping and clenches the phone in his remaining hand.
“What is it?” I ask, remembering to speak softly so she doesn’t know I’m with him.
He doesn’t respond to me, listening intently as she continues to speak to him.
“Fine.” He snaps, rubbing the centre of his forehead so he can ease some of his tension. “I guess I don�
��t have much choice, do I? I’ll see you this afternoon. Bye.”
He cuts her off, hanging up the phone before he turns around to face me.
“I guess she didn’t like the idea of me meeting her daughter?” I ask him, smiling weakly.
I’m trying to make light of the fact that she’s banned me from seeing her. I know how important this is to Zack and long to make this easier on him if I can.
“She said she’s just concerned it might be a little much for her. I only saw her for a few minutes last night and she was asleep at the time. I’m still a stranger so I guess I understand why Rachel’s concerned about overwhelming her right now.”
“Zack, it’s ok.” I assure him, stroking the side of his face with my fingers. “I understand.”
We head towards our apartment, struggling to maintain the façade that everything is normal between us. I open the front door while Zack carries our bags and place the keys on the small coffee table in the centre of the living room. Neither one of us wants to address the issues we’re now facing and a part of me still wants to pretend that everything is normal.
“So you’re meeting up with Rachel later on today?”
“Yeah, she’s taking Amber to the park this afternoon and thought I might want to go with them.”
“I see.”
“Are… are you ok with this?”
“Of course.” “It’s normal that you want to spend time with your daughter, Zack.”
“Thank God it won’t be like this for us.”
“What do you mean?”
“Meaning I won’t only get to see our baby for a few hours at a time.”
“Zack…”
“Don’t.” “Don’t do this now. Don’t give me a list of reasons why we shouldn’t start our family. Don’t try and convince me that it’s not what you want when I know it’s been your dream ever since you were a little girl and don’t let the trauma of what happened to you when you were eighteen dictate the future you’re going to have with me.”
He startles me when he picks me up, crashing his forceful lips against mine. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I as he makes his way into our bedroom.
Twenty-four hours before, I was waking up in this bed. Zack told me how much he loved me and gave me a ring for my birthday. He knows it’s still too soon for me to even think about an engagement but he also wanted me to know that the ring he will use to propose is right there for me. He told me it’s ready for me when I’m willing to accept it and the memory of such a blissful time brings a lump to my throat and a pain in my chest.
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