And I dashed those hopes.
They rubbed their chest with one hand, hurt filling them on Ray’s behalf. As they gathered their belongings from the employee breakroom, they checked their cell for the time. Shit. I’ll barely make the bus as it is. Cornering Ray before they left work was out of the question. With one last, longing glance upstairs as they left, they swore to themself they’d fix things with Ray.
No matter what.
Ray glanced at his cell as he heard the ringer downstairs.
Yup. Their shift is over.
He decided it was safe to head downstairs to grab some coffee from the breakroom. As he loped along, he gave himself a pep talk. Fortunately, it had been busy enough that day that he’d been able to almost keep his thoughts off Cruella. Staying far away from reception had been a huge help in that endeavor.
But I can’t do that forever.
No, he had to man up and deal with the fact that Cruella wasn’t interested in anything beyond their work friendship. If he hadn’t been such a big chicken and waited for six months, he would’ve known sooner that he didn’t stand a chance with Cruella. Ray nodded at the night receptionist as he passed them to get to the breakroom in the back. Another heart-crushing reason for Cruella’s rejection came to him.
Maybe they were into me, but I waited so damn long to get up the nerve to ask them out, they found someone else.
Ray shut the door behind him then slumped onto a chair. He’d have to put on his big boy pants and move past the rejection. Cruella had the right to come to work every day without worrying about his mopey ass and whether he would turn their job into a nightmare.
He glanced at the old coffee in the maker. The idea of drinking the cold swill made his stomach lurch. He could always make a new pot, but he wasn’t in the mood. Letting out a mournful sigh, Ray gave himself permission to be butthurt for one night. Then he’d turn his attitude around and begin anew the next day.
I might have to sign up for acting lessons.
At the turn of the doorknob, Ray frowned. All he’d wanted was a few minutes of peace before he cleaned up his work area for the day. When Neal entered the room, Ray’s frown deepened.
“I thought you and Liam were out riding with Derek and Corey?” He couldn’t imagine why Neal would want to come back to the shop twice on his day off.
Neal strolled over to the coffeemaker but squinched up his nose once he realized it was ice cold. He joined Ray at the kitchenette-sized table instead, one of Liam’s many contributions to the shop once they had all officially purchased the business.
“We’re actually headed to Kiss of Leather for dinner in a minute, and since the shop is only a few miles from there, I thought I’d drop by and see if you wanted join us.”
Ray snorted. “Why?”
Neal arched his eyebrows. “Uh, because you’re my friend?”
Ray sighed. “Sorry. That was a bit snippy. What I meant is that you’ve never asked me to go to the club before.” He chuckled. “Are you trying to convert me?”
“Hardly.” Neal glanced down, tapping a finger on the table as he seemed to mull over his next words. “We can go somewhere else to eat if going to Kiss of Leather is too uncomfortable for you.”
A realization came over Ray. “Wow. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out.”
Neal shrugged. “Hey, there’s been a lot going on. First, all my time was taken up with my Dom training, then Liam, then starting a new business. It’s been crazy, man. I thought it might be nice if we got together outside of work for once.” Neal plucked at his goatee. “And I’ll come out and say this too—I feel like I walked in on something between you and Cruella today. The two of you looked as if someone had smacked you both. Everything cool between you guys? I mean, I don’t need details. I just gotta know if there’s some workplace damage control I’ve gotta do.” Neal leaned in and clasped Ray’s arm. “It’s cool, okay? I’ve been rooting for you guys. But besides all that, I think it’d be nice if we got together.”
Ray knew what Neal was doing and he loved him for it. He almost shrugged it off as being no big deal, but then thought better of it. He had always been curious about Kiss of Leather. He’d been to a leather bar once, years before, but it hadn’t been for any other reason than he was out of town with a group of friends and they’d stopped in to get a drink when they couldn’t find another gay bar.
But he doubted Kiss of Leather was anything like the place he’d been to. Neal had described the exclusive luxury club to him many times and it sounded pretty sweet. Even if he’d never gotten into the BDSM scene, having dinner there shouldn’t be that big of a deal, and might even be cool.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll go with you guys to Kiss of Leather.” He scratched his chin. “Is there a big cover charge? I might need to check my account.”
Neal shook his head. “No, man, you’re my guest. I’m allowed one guest a month with my membership.”
Ray shifted in his chair as another thought occurred to him. “I won’t… I mean, is there a way to indicate I’m there as a dinner patron only? And do I need to dress a certain way?” Ray chuckled. “I don’t exactly have a BDSM gear wardrobe.”
Neal laughed. “No worries. You’ll get a bracelet that tells other members you’re not playing and all you need is a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt. No tie or anything.” Neal waggled his eyebrows. “Or you could wear that pair of leather pants I know you have in your closet. I never see those out anymore.”
He’d bought the pants back when he was with Gianni for when they’d go out clubbing. He hadn’t worn them since.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I can do that. I can run home and change then meet you there in about thirty?”
Neal grinned. “Perfect. Message me when you park so we can meet up with you. You need a key card to get into the parking lot.”
Ray arched his eyebrows. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. Strict security there. Plus, they offer parking behind the gates to protect the privacy of the members. There are a few dudes there who would catch a lot of shit if they were spotted going inside. We have some big names who go there, from what I understand. Sometimes, I see members wearing masks and I asked Hunter—the Master who trained me and is one of the partners—about it, and he explained why.”
“Damn. Okay.” Ray found himself more intrigued by the club than ever. “I’ll let you know when I get there.”
As he pondered the interesting turn of events, a picture of Cruella in the sinful outfit they’d worn earlier came to mind, along with the hope that they’d be on his arm for a night out. He offered Neal a smile, but he was sure it hadn’t reached his eyes. If he could keep his focus on having fun with his buddy instead of brooding over what he couldn’t have, he’d be all right.
Yeah. Good luck with that.
Ray lowered his eyes so Neal wouldn’t pick up on his change of mood.
Neal patted his arm. “Come on. Things’ll work out.”
Ray pressed his lips together as he shook his head. “Nah. I don’t think so.” He lifted his gaze. “But, you know, life goes on and all that.” He shrugged, trying to telegraph that it was no big deal. “I tried. I asked them out, they said no. There’s nothing else to do.”
Neal furrowed his brow. “Wait. That’s what happened earlier? You asked them out and they turned you down?”
Must I relive this moment? “Yeah.”
“So, they said they weren’t interested in getting together with you at all, or just tonight?”
Ray rubbed his forehead, frustrated by the fact that Neal wouldn’t drop it already. “What difference does it make? They said no.”
“It makes a huge difference, man.” Neal’s eyes went wide “Oh, shit. Did me and Liam walk in on you guys right after you asked? Did you even have the chance to see about going out another night if they were already busy before we busted in on things?”
“No, I…” Ray frowned. A thread of hope coursed through him and he tried to tamp it down before it got
carried away. “I guess I just assumed…” Shit. Did I fuck this up even worse than I realized?
Neal groaned. “Dude.” He shook his head as if Ray were the biggest idiot ever.
I probably am.
Neal continued, “Look. Let’s go grab some dinner, give your rash assumptions a rest for the night, then you can give yourself another shot the next time you see them. Or for fuck’s sake, you could always call, you know.”
Ray worried his lip. Maybe… “All right.” He sighed. “Fuck. I don’t know why I’m freaking out like this.”
Neal offered him a compassionate smile. “Because they matter so much to you.”
Ray flushed. His buddy had never been so right.
Chapter Four
Cruella carefully wound their ropes in a figure eight between their elbow and hand. They leaned against the wall of the Kiss of Leather demonstration room, facing the mirror-covered one opposite them. The shibari class had gone well. They were at the point where they could do some basic patterns and a few knots. For the remaining sessions, they were supposed to bring a partner to use as a living canvas.
Yeah…
Cruella held in a sigh. How could they have been so stupid? They’d had to forego any extras to scrape enough together for the class as it was—which was why Elliot’s timing couldn’t have been any better on the offer of free cosmetics. But beyond any financial considerations, the need to have a partner for the last half of the sessions had been clearly stated from the beginning. Cruella had to come to grips with the fact that they’d secretly hoped to have a reason to invite Ray to something outside of work.
And I picked shibari as the ice-breaker, for fuck’s sake?
Not that they hadn’t wanted to take the class anyway, but the moment the instructor had announced the requirement at the beginning of the first session, that was right where Cruella’s mind had gone.
Ray doesn’t even care about Kiss of Leather or any of this stuff though.
If Ray had been inclined toward kink, Neal would’ve been the one to bring him to the club, not Cruella.
“Hey, Cruella, how’s it going?”
Cruella gazed up at Taro, the shibari instructor. He was crouched in front of them with his hands clasped, elbows resting on his knees.
“Oh, I’m fine.” They glanced around and realized that everyone else had already packed up their things and left. “I’m done. I just have to put on my jacket, then I’ll get out of your way.”
Taro shook their head. “That’s not what I meant. I noticed you hadn’t signed up your class partner yet. I need their name to get the passes printed up before next week.”
Cruella cleared their throat. “Oh. Of course.”
Taro stared at Cruella expectantly, his black eyes gazing back at them with compassion. “Are you having trouble finding someone? I know you’re not a member here, so I can ask around if you’d like. The only problem is that if I can’t find anyone, I don’t know how worthwhile the rest of the class will be for you. You’ll need to practice with them during the week.”
Cruella arched their eyebrows. “Oh?” They licked their lips, their heart racing at the abyss they were about to toss themself into. “Actually, I do have someone.”
Taro appeared as surprised by Cruella’s revelation as Cruella was. “Well…great. That’s wonderful. Their name?”
Cruella swallowed hard. “Ray. Ray Johansson.”
Ray had driven past Kiss of Leather several times, so finding the place hadn’t been a problem. Locating a parking space, however, had been a whole other matter. He’d finally gotten lucky when someone pulled out of a space about a block away from the club. After he nabbed the spot then shut off the engine to his compact SUV, he texted Neal to let him know he’d arrived and that he’d meet him at the gate.
Grabbing his leather jacket so he’d feel less conspicuous—even if Neal had assured him leather wasn’t required—he unfolded himself from his car then made sure it was locked up. Ray gazed up at the gothic-looking stone building rising up from behind an equally imposing stone wall. Adrenaline raced through him.
Quit overthinking this.
Going to a BDSM club shouldn’t be such a big deal, and all he was doing was having dinner. Neal had already shared with him that shows or dancing didn’t happen during the dinner hours of six pm to nine pm. Food was still available later on, but there were no guarantees as to what else might be going on at the same time.
Ray glanced at his watch. It wasn’t even seven. He’d be out of there in plenty of time. He shoved his hair back out of his eyes, telling himself that he most certainly didn’t hope things went on longer than planned and he got to see what really happened behind the closed doors of the now famous Kiss of Leather.
Ray picked up a rapid pace so Neal and Liam wouldn’t be stuck waiting for him outside on the street. While they were both members, Ray assumed that Liam wouldn’t be comfortable alone in the club because of his extreme anxiety. While Neal had always encouraged Liam’s independence, the sub’s kidnapping a few months before had clearly slowed his progress.
“Hey, dude!” Neal raised his hand in greeting as Ray approached. “Ready for some of the new chef’s kick-ass grub?”
Ray chuckled. “Hell, yeah. I didn’t eat much today.” Old chef, new chef. It didn’t make any difference to him since it was his first time there, but he’d heard Neal raving about the guy.
Neal regarded him with concern. “Then we’d better get you fed. I’m not used to you going without like that.”
Shoulda kept my trap shut. “No big deal. It’s not as if I worked out today or anything.”
Neal crossed his arms. “Yeah. And since you stayed hidden in your cubicle, you didn’t have to worry about burning too many calories by going up and down the stairs.”
Ray gave Neal a smirk. It seemed as though he wasn’t done giving him a hard time over screwing things up with Cruella. “I know, I know. I’m on it.”
Liam had been observing them both closely. “Does any of this have to do with Cruella? Because they seemed real sad today when we stopped in to get the deposit and I have a feeling we messed things up for you guys again and I’m really sorry if we did.”
Liam’s hands had begun to fidget and he’d become restless, his feet shuffling as he seemed to struggle with remaining in one spot. Neal draped an arm over his sub’s shoulder and tugged him to his side.
“Everything’s okay, sweetheart. Ray and Cruella have got it handled.”
As Neal jostled Liam, who wrapped his arms around his waist in response, he gave Ray a knowing gaze. Ray furrowed his brow. He wasn’t a fan of being pushed, but Neal was right. He’d make sure that he caught up with Cruella at some point.
I swear though, if I get shot down again…
Neal jerked his head toward the gate. “Ready to head inside? It’s getting chilly out.”
October was almost over, and the temps in LA had finally started to dip down. “Yeah. Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”
With a chuckle, Neal swiped a key card down a reader attached to the side of the walk-in gate. Right as he did, a car drove up and did the same thing for the large double gates to enter the parking lot. He had to admit the club seemed just as exclusive and classy as Neal had always assured him it was. The fact that the members were so carefully vetted—and going to the club as a guest always required being accompanied by an existing member—helped ease Ray’s nerves at entering a BDSM establishment. He didn’t have a problem with the lifestyle, and Neal was as chill a guy as he’d ever met, but the idea of hanging out at the mysterious club with a bunch of leather men intimidated the hell out of him.
“So, like I said, all you’ll be required to do tonight is sign in and get a bracelet that indicates you’re not playing, only observing.” Ray trailed behind Neal through the lot as he rattled off the same explanation he’d given him earlier. He undoubtedly sensed Ray’s nervousness as he continued, “As a member, if I fuck up and bring a dude who causes trouble, I get r
eprimanded and could lose my membership.” Neal glanced over his shoulder with a grin. “So, try to behave yourself for once.”
Ray frowned. “Har har.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and let his gaze take in the surroundings. The large, three-story structure that rose up at the far end of the parking area seemed even more imposing than it had from afar. Spotlights at the base of the building shone up the face, giving the rough-hewn stone sides an eerie feeling. Meticulously cut hedges lined the club, and a winding path leading to what would be the middle floor ascended from what appeared to be a pond of some sort.
Pretty cool.
“Master, look! It’s Cruella.”
Ray choked as he stumbled over his own feet, barely saving himself from face-planting on the asphalt. He tracked where Liam had pointed, and sure enough, his crush emerged from the shadows at the side of the club, their expression appearing as shocked as his own probably was. They stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity before the moment was broken by Liam’s enthusiastic blurting.
“Are you here for your shibari class? Did you learn any new patterns tonight? Are you going to do any demos? I bet Ray would like to see them if you do.”
Cruella blinked a few times, then turned to Liam. “I…” They cleared their throat. “Could you excuse me and Ray for a moment, baby?”
Liam’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Of course.” He peered up at Neal and tugged on his sleeve. “Master?”
It was then that Ray noted how Neal had placed his hand over his mouth and how the corners of his eyes had crinkled.
Yeah. Real hilarious, buster.
Ray lowered his gaze, shoving his hands even further into his pockets. He had to admit, running into Cruella outside of work was a great opportunity for them to talk without any pesky customers—or business partners—interrupting.
Neal leaned in and whispered next to his ear. “Take your time. And if you can’t make it to dinner, it’s cool.”
When Ray went to acknowledge Neal, he was stopped short by a wink from his best friend. Ray sighed, nodding. Rejection sucked on the best of days, but suffering though it in front of the people closest to him was brutal.
Kink Aware (Kiss of Leather Book 9) Page 3