Ray sensed that Cruella had more to add, but was still working out what to say. They kept tugging at the bottom of their skirt and shifting in their seat. At last they spoke.
“Baby, I’m sure you’ve noticed I don’t eat much. It’s something I’m working on, and is really just a bad habit more than anything. It started when I was modeling several years ago, then came back with a vengeance during my time with Tucker. He was adamant that I not gain a pound and made sure to remind me of that fact if I dared to eat anything he didn’t approve of.”
Ray swallowed hard. “Yeah, I noticed. I didn’t want to be nosy, but I’ve been worried about you.” He gritted his teeth before continuing, “I’m not gonna lie, every time I think about that rat bastard, I just want to throttle him.”
Cruella reached over and rested their hand on his knee. “I know, baby. But that’s all in the past now, and I’m over it, I promise. It may not seem like it since I’m still struggling with food, however, that was an issue that developed long before I ever met Tucker.” Cruella rubbed their thumb over his denim-clad skin. “Thank you for worrying about me. It’s going to be baby steps for me when it comes to eating, but it is something I want to fix.”
“Okay, thanks for sharing that with me. Just tell me if I’m being too pushy about it or if there’s anything in particular I can do to help.”
“This is perfect, baby. Liam’s right. Sushi is one of my favorites and I never feel guilty eating it. If I stick to healthy foods, I’m usually fine.”
“Are eggs healthy?”
Cruella chuckled. “Where did that come from?”
“Well… The other morning when we went for breakfast all you had was coffee and half a grapefruit.”
“Oh, I see.” Cruella paused. “I suppose next time I could try adding some plain yogurt, or perhaps a hard-boiled egg would be okay.”
“Awesome. I’ll make sure to keep that on hand at my place.” Ray gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I mean, I’m not trying to make assumptions, just in case, you know?”
Cruella squeezed his knee. “That’s all right, baby. I’d hoped that those were the assumptions you’d make.”
Ray grinned. “Good to know.”
After the initial awkwardness regarding Cruella’s issues with food had passed, they fell into conversation regarding what their respective days had been like. When Cruella detailed the meeting they’d had at Kiss of Leather with one of the members—who apparently had their own cosmetics line—their excitement was clear. He hoped it all worked out for them and they’d be hired to model the product when it came on the market.
Since Ray had called in a reservation earlier, they had been seated almost immediately at the popular, crowded eatery. He wasn’t much of a sushi guy, which he hadn’t wanted to share with Cruella, but now that they headed back to his place, he could admit to himself that the tempura and California rolls had been decent as far as he could tell. Cruella had seemed quite enthusiastic, though, so Ray mentally filed the restaurant way as a keeper for the future.
The closer they drew to his apartment, the more nervous Ray became. He’d had to splash cold water on his face more than once that day whenever he remembered that Cruella would be tying him up that night. Never had he anticipated he’d be so turned on at the prospect of having Cruella use the ropes on him. Not only had he never considered bondage with anyone, he’d never expected wanting it so damn much now that the idea had taken hold.
Cruella cleared their throat. “I want you to know that if you’ve changed your mind about being my partner for the class, it’s not a problem. I was sort of freaked out the first time I was tied up, so I’d understand.”
Do I seem that skittish? “God, no. I’m sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve been looking forward to this.” He squirmed in his seat. “I don’t know what’s up with me, but ever since you suggested tying up my hands the other night it’s all I can think about.”
“Yeah?” Cruella chuckled. “It seemed that way at the time, although it doesn’t right now. It feels like you’re about to jump out of your skin.”
Ray rolled his eyes to himself. Great. “I guess I’m pretty easy to read.” He let out an aggravated sigh. “I don’t know why I’m so damn nervous. I think…” Don’t charge ahead too fast. “I really like you, that’s all. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so into someone. I guess I don’t want to screw it up.”
“It’s been a long time for me too. Let’s just enjoy the ride, okay?”
Ray nodded. “You’re right. I suppose I’m a bit out of practice when it comes to dating.”
“Well, I think you’re doing great, baby.”
After baring his soul a bit more than he’d planned, Ray managed to steer the conversation back to less personal subjects. For the remainder of their journey to his place, he asked Cruella for more details regarding shibari and what the rest of the class would entail. His curiosity had driven him to look up some pictures online and while he was in pretty good shape, he’d seen some rather extreme poses he doubted he could hold for any length of time—especially anywhere he’d be hanging from the ceiling and suspended in midair. Cruella assured him that what he’d seen were much more advanced patterns than they would be doing, especially since Cruella was just a beginner as well.
Once he’d parked in his underground garage, he grabbed Cruella’s bag from the back seat and they made their way up to his unit. Ray had resumed being nervous again, but was determined not to show it. He gestured for Cruella to go inside first then went through the ritual of locking up, tossing his keys and wallet on the console and hanging up his jacket.
Ray clapped his hands together. “So, would you like me to pour some wine before we begin?”
Cruella approached him and laced their fingers together. “No alcohol. Taro, my instructor, he gave us a basic introduction to playing safely on our first night. One of the rules is no drinking when we play.”
“Oh, okay. Is there anything else I should know? There’s the safeword thing, I remember that.”
Cruella wrapped their arms around his neck. “Make sure you use your safeword if you have to. Since I’m not a trained Dom and you’re not my submissive, this isn’t about me trying to push your boundaries or anything like that. I’d feel better about doing this with you if you knew you could bring everything to a stop with just one word. If you’re not comfortable, don’t tough it out. Got it?”
Ray arched his eyebrows. Cruella could be quite forceful when motivated, it seemed. “I got it.”
“Good boy.” Cruella grinned. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”
Ray sputtered out laughter. “You caught me off guard. I’m not gonna lie, it was kind of hot.”
Cruella inclined their head. “Oh yeah? Then maybe you should give me more reasons to say it.”
Already Ray was getting hard and they hadn’t even begun yet. A subject change was in order. “So… What’s first?”
“Why don’t you go change into some gym shorts, or something comfortable like that, while I get my ropes out. Is it okay if I push the coffee table to one side?”
“Whatever you’d like.” Ray rushed to help Cruella with the piece of furniture. “Here, let me do this. You go ahead with your set up.”
Once Ray made space for them in the living room, he caught Cruella out of the corner of his eye, watching him perform the task. The most bizarre urge to please Cruella had overtaken him. He supposed the seeds of that desire had been there all along, but as they’d become closer over the past week, that compulsion had taken on a sharper edge. Cruella deserved to have someone put their needs first for once, and Ray wanted to be the one who gave that to them.
By the time Ray returned, Cruella had stripped down to a pair of leggings and a cropped T-shirt. They had pulled their long hair back into a ponytail, and as usual, didn’t wear any shoes inside. Three coiled lengths of rope lay on the couch next to each other, each one of them boasting a slightly different thickness.
Crue
lla peered up at him from where they kneeled on the rug. “It’s up to you, baby, but you might enjoy the experience more if you took off your shirt.”
Ray shuddered before he could stop himself. He’d already been imagining the ropes digging into the flesh of his wrists since the last time he’d been with Cruella. The added suggestion of them wrapped around his arms and torso, against his bare skin, made him uncomfortably aroused.
I hope I’m not sporting wood through that entire class on Wednesday.
He planned on wearing a jock. A really constricting one. Somehow, the visual of that was only making things worse. He let out a small growl.
Cruella patted the floor next to them. “Hon? Let’s get started. I promise you that you won’t be the only one in the room who gets aroused. It’s a class on erotic bondage that takes place in a BDSM club. If no one has an erection, then something is going terribly wrong.”
Ray snorted then lowered himself to the rug. “Point taken.” He yanked off his shirt then tossed it on the couch. “You know, it’s funny. In all the years I’ve known Neal, have been familiar with him as a Dom who hangs out at BDSM clubs, it never occurred to me that I’d get off on this stuff. I don’t know why, but I always assumed I was this vanilla dude, and since no one I ever dated suggested anything beyond a little spanking or being tied to the headboard a couple times, I never bothered tagging along with Neal when he went out.”
“He never invited you along?”
“Oh, he did in the beginning. But I was dating someone at the time who was deep in the closet and still not completely comfortable with gay sex yet, so a leather bar or a night of whips and chains seemed like it might be a bit much.”
Cruella laughed. “I’d say that was a smart move on your part.” Cruella averted their gaze as they picked up the thickest coil of rope. “But now maybe you can explore your interests in that area.” They cleared their throat. “If you have any, that is.”
Ray stared at his hands that he hadn’t noticed he’d been fidgeting with. “I have a feeling that I’m a lot more interested in this stuff than I’d realized.”
Cruella got down on their knees next to him, a smile tugging at their lips. “I have that same feeling about me, too. Why don’t we explore them together?”
Ray’s mouth went dry, excitement skittering through his veins. “I’d be up for that. Especially since it would be with you.”
“Same here, baby.” Cruella sat back on their haunches. “I do want to put a couple things out there, though, so we’re on the same page. I’m not saying that I don’t ever bottom, because I do, but it’s not my preference. And also…” Cruella bit their lip before continuing, “I won’t be letting you tie me up. It’s not something I enjoy.”
“Oh.” He shrugged. “Thanks for telling me, but it’s cool. I’m vers, and I’ve never even considered tying you up.” He grinned. “All I’ve been able to think about is you wrapping those ropes around me and me being under your complete control.”
Cruella leaned in and kissed his temple. “Then let’s not make you wait any longer.”
Ray watched in fascination as Cruella unwound the red binding, the circumference similar to a cable cord. Once Cruella had begun to work with the rope, their demeanor had changed, their focus narrowing as they became more serious. The room wasn’t bright, which helped to contribute to the serene atmosphere. When they’d first arrived, all Ray had turned on was the hall light and the floor lamp at the far end of the living room.
Cruella locked eyes with him. “For tonight I’ll be using a ladder tie on your torso and a simple figure eight binding on your wrists. Taro demonstrated it already on one of his rope bottoms, but none of us in the class have tried it on our own partners yet. This week we’re not incorporating our partners’ legs in our rope work, so you can sit cross-legged or with your feet out—whatever’s the most comfortable for you. But you do have to remain sitting up in the center of the rug so I can work around you.”
Ray crossed his legs and got himself settled. “Does this work?”
Cruella brushed the hair hanging down one side of Ray’s face back behind his ears. “Like a charm, baby.” Cruella continued to touch him with gentle caresses, using the hand that didn’t hold the rope. Their fingers trailed down his chest to his abs, then stroked back up his arm, across his shoulder and down his back to his waist. Every bit of contact, skin touching skin, helped him to relax into the experience instead of remaining tense with anticipation.
“That’s it.” Cruella rubbed slow circles on his upper back. “Steady breaths, in and out. This isn’t something I’m doing to you. We’re sharing in it together. We each have our part to play, but both of us are needed to make it work, to make it into something beautiful.”
Ray watched in fascination as Cruella took the extra-long piece of rope then folded it in half. They kept a couple inches of the looped middle pinched between their fingers, then gathered the ends with their other hand. Ray sucked in a sharp breath at the first touch of the doubled-up rope along his shoulder.
Cruella moved behind him then wrapped the hemp across his chest, just above his nipples. They pulled the rope against his skin with a quick tug of the loose ends and folded piece behind him. Ray wished he could see what Cruella was doing, but from what he could tell, they were looping everything together between his shoulder blades. After a couple more sharp tugs, Ray realized that his upper arms were secured to his sides with a knot.
Okay. This isn’t bad.
His breathing had sped up a bit, but he wasn’t in any distress.
Cruella ran their fingers underneath the two pieces circling his body, straightening them out, pulling up one section then adjusting another area downward. They moved into his line of sight, pursing their lips and frowning as they regarded him. After a minute or so, they seemed satisfied with their handiwork, then disappeared behind him again. They moved around him with the doubled length of rope, this time placing the woven fiber beneath his nipples before bringing the ends together just below his shoulder blades to create a new knot. Once he realized that Cruella had created a vertical stem running along his spine that connected the two sections circling his torso, he understood where the name of the pattern had come from.
The swipes of the cord as it was coiled around the stem between the two sections began to lull him into a trance. His only awareness was of Cruella’s fingers as they worked the rope against his naked flesh, the repeated tugs as they either wrapped or tied, the soft swish of the hemp along his skin as they continued to restrain him.
After Cruella had completed a final revolution above his elbows, they stilled. The initial tension he’d experienced when Cruella had made the first cross knot along his back had long since subsided. All that was left in its wake was a sense of being held so securely he never need fear being alone again. The surprising realization made his eyes burn as he struggled to control his emotions.
This can’t be right.
Being tied up by his lover was supposed to be fun, be really hot. What would Cruella think if he started getting all choked up over them messing around with some bondage?
Cruella wrapped their arms around him from behind. They didn’t squeeze or cling to him. It was more like Cruella was covering him with their essence, comforting him with their heat, the connection of their bodies. To his horror, the burning in his eyes increased and his throat began to tickle.
Cruella rested their chin on his shoulder and rubbed their cheeks together. They spoke in a soft voice. “My technique might not be the best yet, but you look stunning. How do you feel?”
Ray swallowed past a lump in his throat in an attempt to keep his words from cracking. “I’m not sure how to describe it.” His voice had come out huskier than he’d intended. “But there’s something so intense about being bound like this. Hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but it makes me feel closer to you.”
Cruella placed light kisses along the side of his neck. “Not at all. I was going to say the same thing to
you.”
“Wow.”
Ray didn’t possess much in the way of skill when it came to expressing his emotions. Pondering his feelings and sharing them out loud were two very different things. But he was willing to take that extra step into the unknown when it came to Cruella. He just wasn’t sure how expert he’d be at baring his soul.
“Thank you for agreeing to let me do this to you, baby.” Cruella ran their palms down his bound biceps before moving to kneel in front of him. Their gaze traveled over his body before lifting to meet his eyes. “When I get better at this, would you let me take some pictures?”
Oh fuck. Ray licked his lips as the blood rushed to his cock. “Yeah. I’d let you.”
Cruella gave them a knowing smile then picked up the thinnest of the ropes, a black length of cord about the same thickness as the cord on his phone charger.
“This rope is a lot softer than I thought it would be. For some reason I’d assumed it would be sort of scratchy.”
Cruella shook their head. “Ball your hands into a fist, thumbs out. Now press the inside of your wrists together. That’s it.” They poked one end of the thin cord through the small opening of his forearms as they began the next binding. “No, these are special ropes that are meant for this. This one is made of hemp fiber, which is a bit softer than the jute. I mean, people will use whatever to tie each other up, but Taro takes this seriously. He’s not just playing around for fun.” They had fallen into a rhythm of wrapping the cord in and around his wrists until quite a bit of the length had built up in neat rows. “I think that’s what I appreciate most about all the people associated with Kiss of Leather, at least the ones I’ve run across. There’s a level of respect regarding what they do.”
Cruella furrowed their brow, their tongue poking out between their teeth as they finished off the knot that would keep Ray’s wrists immobile. They wiggled a finger underneath the edges of the ropes on the top, the bottom then between, as if verifying they weren’t too tight.
“How is your circulation? Are you feeling any numbness or tingling?”
Kink Aware (Kiss of Leather Book 9) Page 8