“To me that makes it worse,” Chrasey said. “It would make me even angrier to know my husband spent the whole day with some woman five days a week.”
“I see both angles, and I do understand Omar’s issue. I just wish that life could be simpler. I wish that I could get credit for being a faithful and loving wife. There are women out there cheating on their husbands ... not being funny, Chrasey ...”
“Whatever—my situation is entirely different,” Chrasey defended.
“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Everybody’s situation is different. There are women staying with their men because of their money. I am faithful to my husband, and I love him. I receive offers from many rich, successful, and delightful men, and not once did I ever indulge in any of the offers.”
“Yeah, and you’re stupid for that, too. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Tell them to call me up,” Dakota said, causing the girls to laugh.
“I know, Dakota. You still never let me live down giving that guy back that pink and yellow diamond ring,” Jordan said, laughing.
“You damn right. Wouldn’t be me,” Dakota said.
“I won’t even lie, that was the hardest thing to do ... I felt like asking Omar if I could keep it, but I could tell by his reaction he wasn’t even hearing that,” Jordan said, laughing. “I’m just saying, I have had a client with fame and money practically beg me to leave my husband and marry him. Offering me expensive gifts and tickets for trips and things, and I wouldn’t accept any of his gifts. Here I am with my husband, out of love and not for material reasons, and my only crime is having a male friend that I am ‘too close’ to. I’m just asking, where is my appreciation for what I do? It just seems unfair.”
“Life ain’t fair, heifer. Stop with your complaining,” Chrasey said. “You’re driving me and Dakota crazy about this damn job and that damn Jayon.”
“If you want, send that fine-ass Jayon over to me. I’ll bang him for you and you can live through me,” Dakota said.
After they all laughed, Jordan said, “You get me sick, you dirty whore. I wouldn’t let Jayon no where near your butt.”
“You sure won’t because whether you ever use it or not, deep down you know that’s your emergency dick in a glass,” Chrasey said.
“You two are bugging—I’m not paying y’all any mind. This is about Omar and me. I’m not checking for Jayon—less than a year ago I was getting sized for a dress to be in his wedding,” Jordan said.
“Yeah, y’all both play the role so well. I’m not Omar—you don’t have to front for me,” Dakota said.
“I’m human—several people have caught my eye or made me wonder, but I haven’t done anything,” Jordan said.
“Jordan, I get it. Forget miss Dakota Diva over there. Don’t worry. You have been faithful to Omar and that’s all that counts. That’s hard to do in a marriage these days, so you don’t worry yourself,” Chrasey added.
“Thank you, Chrasey. I might as well have cheated, as much as he accuses me of it,” Jordan replied.
40
Done in the Dark, Comes to Light
Trevor was waiting at Red Lobster on Queens Boulevard, and Chrasey was trying to find a way to escape from home. She had already put the kids to bed and Keith was downstairs watching television.
She knew if she walked by and said nothing that she would give Keith an excuse to misbehave. She tried to always keep a certain image for Keith because any time Chrasey went out or did one thing that Keith didn’t like, he would do something twice as bad, like stay out twice as late. Although Chrasey cared less about Keith’s activities, she still hated wondering what he was up to when he was out for hours at a time.
Chrasey had been living on the edge with Trevor for about six months. Other than a guilty conscience from time to time, she was enjoying her Trevor extravaganza just fine. They had been to the movies twice, and out to dinner at least six times. They had been on more romantic dates in the past six months than she and Keith had been on in three years. They went to a comedy club, a boat ride around New York, and enjoyed a few romantic nights at the motel. Chrasey had begun to really like her secret life. There were times it depressed her, because she was ashamed of her actions. However, she knew she deserved the type of treatment she was getting from Trevor, and if she couldn’t get it from Keith because he didn’t want to do it, she had to do what she had to do.
As Chrasey’s relationship with Trevor became more intense, she had grown more afraid of the consequences of Keith finding out. Then she would realize just how little attention Keith paid her or what she was doing, and she realized he wouldn’t find out and he probably wouldn’t care if he did.
Even when she was being careless, and knew she could get caught, she felt justified and deep down wanted him to know. A piece of her felt like if he ever did find out, and he realized that his behavior pushed her to that point, he would feel guilty and try to win her back. She never really analyzed what would happen if he didn’t react that way.
She had spent so much time firmly believing that he was cheating, she never bothered to realize she had no proof whatsoever. Although she had strong suspicions, suspicions were no justification for infidelity in her marriage. Her vows said for better or worse, but yet when things got bad she was the first one sleeping around. Here she was tearing down Keith for being so unaffectionate and just plain rude over the past months, but who was she to point fingers when she was cheating? Although her time spent with Trevor often had no sexual activity, it had still become quite a romantic relationship. They had only slept together about six or seven times, but Chrasey knew that was more than enough.
Since Keith’s drastic change toward Chrasey, he had never given a heartfelt explanation. He was always short or just denied that he noticed a change. Chrasey was certain about her conclusion, but she had not yet found proof that he was cheating on her. Although there was no other logical explanation for his behavior, she had no real usable clues or concrete evidence, just signs and suspicions—definitely not enough. To make matters worse, over the past month or two, with her sneaking around with Trevor so much, Keith had become quite the family man, staying home with the kids, cooking, picking up where Chrasey was leaving off while she was creeping. All this time she was too confused to sit back and analyze the situation. She had fallen for Trevor, or at least for his attentions. Trevor made her feel like a woman again. He courted her, he gave her compliments and really listened to her when she talked. She could have a bad day at work, and Trevor would really listen and even give his advice. When it came to Keith, if she ever attempted to talk to him, if he wasn’t asking her to tell him later, he would just nod his head and it would be very obvious he wasn’t listening to a word she said. Any woman in her situation would have fallen for Trevor. She was just a mother at home, but Trevor made her feel like more.
The thing was, she never stopped to put things in perspective. If she had, she would have realized the risk that she was taking, that she was risking her whole family situation for a younger man who had nothing to offer her but some of his time and good sex. Not to mention that if she allowed herself to focus more on her marriage, maybe she could have received those things at home. The last attempt she made was when she suggested a trip for the two of them. She took care of travel arrangements, child-care plans and everything, and all Keith said was, “I can’t take time off work right now.” Chrasey pleaded for a few moments, but Keith made it obvious that her idea was not exciting to him at all; in fact, it was the last thing he wanted to do, to go away with his wife. Keith felt no need to even pretend they were happy. He never even tried to pretend they were like the Cosby family. He was there for the kids, but he wanted out or he wanted a different wife. At least that’s what Chrasey felt every time she was with him.
Chrasey had blamed Keith long enough, but now she really had to face the music. Here she was, sitting on Dakota’s couch hysterically crying because Keith had found out about Trevor and didn’t take it too well. He had walked i
n the bedroom with the downstairs cordless phone in his hand, and as Chrasey hastily got off the phone, her guilty look made it even more obvious. He had picked up the phone to make a call and instead overheard Chrasey talking to Trevor. She didn’t know how much or what he heard, but she knew he heard something from the look on his face. As he entered the room and dropped the phone on the bed, he simply said, “I’ll get out of the way so you can have your boyfriend over.”
She started making excuses and defending herself; she tried to make him think he was interpreting whatever he heard wrong. “He is just a friend of mine from work. We talk and hang out sometimes but that’s it.”
All the while, he just continued to gather some things and pack a little bag. Chrasey felt the pain of what they mean when they say silence is the strongest response you can give. He said nothing more, other than “I will see you guys soon” as he kissed his little ones before exiting the house.
As he walked out the door, tears ran down her face. She managed to leave him with the words, “I just needed someone there for me.”
Keith got in his car, threw his bag in the backseat, and drove off. As he pulled out into the street, he didn’t even look back—there was not an ounce of emotion on his face. Chrasey went back in the house and called Trevor back to tell him what happened.
“Aw, damn. I am so sorry if I caused any trouble. Is there anything I can do right now?”
“No, Trev—I just need to handle this on my own. You have done enough.”
That’s when she headed to Dakota’s.
41
In Retrospect
It had been almost a month since Omar found out about the incident with her and Jayon. Jordan was working on an important case with her new client she’d retained at the end of the year, so she had been real busy at the office for a couple of weeks. This didn’t make the situation better between her and Omar. He had said verbally that he was cool and believed Jordan, but his actions said something different. When she came home at night, he would barely talk to her and hardly ever wanted to have sex anymore. Most nights he would eat his dinner in the living room alone, and if she tried to join him he would just watch the TV like she wasn’t even there.
“It’s starting to take a toll on me,” Jordan told Chrasey and Dakota on a three-way call. “I am in bad moods all the time and I am depressed many nights, eating dinner by myself. It’s like I can’t get to Omar—he is in a totally different place and doesn’t care how much it bothers me.”
“Have you tried to have a sit-down talk with him?” Chrasey asked.
“I tried everything and he won’t give in. I even suggested counseling. I have popped up home in a trench coat with nothing underneath, candlelight dinners, arrived at his restaurant at closing time with a sexy chef’s outfit on ...”
“Look at you, you freak. I taught you well,” Dakota interrupted.
“Shut up, girl ... well, not that well, because it isn’t working. It may have been cool for the moment between us, but as soon as those moments were over, so was the happiness. We have been going through the motions and it is just making me miserable at home,” Jordan said.
“You may just have to give it time, J. You always want things to be perfect in your life at all times. That’s unrealistic. Marriages have problems ...” Chrasey said. “Hell, I just got caught cheating ... life can be a trip sometimes.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just that it’s getting to the point where my only happiness is at work where I can try to ignore and forget how bad things are at home,” Jordan said.
“Who you think you fooling?” Dakota asked. “You’re at work so much because that’s where Mister Jayon is.”
“Don’t even go there. Not now, when that is what all this drama is about,” Jordan responded.
“Please, just like back in college—you’re running to Jayon to be your strength to get through it,” Dakota said.
Jordan couldn’t deny that Dakota had a point. Jayon would come into her office and talk to her about everything, just like in college. He would let her get all of her complaints off her chest. He would never knock Omar; in fact, he would even defend Omar, trying to help Jordan see things from his point of view. Not that it helped, but even when Jordan would understand and go home and try to explain to Omar that she did, Omar still behaved the same way.
“I know y’all are going to have jokes ... but I will admit Jayon does make my days brighter,” Jordan admitted.
“I’m sure he does,” Chrasey teased.
“No, I mean it. Not in that way. He brings me my favorite ice cream to the office, he accompanies me to places so I won’t feel alone ... he fills my void to make the situation less painful,” Jordan said.
“That could be because he feels somewhat responsible for your drama, or Jayon’s smooth ass is trying to take advantage of the situation to snatch up Omar’s wife,” Dakota said, laughing.
“No, I know better than that. This is just Jayon’s nature. Y’all know he has always tried to be that kind of friend to me. Regardless of what else is in the picture, even when he has a girlfriend or he is with a slew of girls and enjoying his single life, Jayon always tended to our friendship ... Friendship! Instigators,” Jordan said.
“I know Jay isn’t a conniving guy,” Chrasey said.
“Besides, he is not desperate like that. He isn’t the type to plot to steal someone’s woman,” Jordan said, truly believing that in her heart.
“Yeah, but he is still a man, Jordan—he ain’t above that shit,” Dakota said.
Jordan heard Dakota’s point, but to Jordan, Jayon’s actions during this time were out of concern and nothing more. She and Jayon would talk about girls he was seeing, the ones he did like and the ones he didn’t. He had really been on the scene since his engagement was off. He gave her advice about what to do at home to work things out with Omar. Jordan knew that Omar knew he was only a small part of the problem; to Jordan, the bigger issue was Omar feeling neglected overall and Jayon understood that. He tried to explain to Jordan how men are. “It wasn’t his self-esteem, it was his pride. Every man wants to be king of his castle,” Jayon told her. No matter what they discussed, Jayon would never say one negative thing about Omar. It’s like he knew that was crossing the line, Omar was still Jordan’s husband, and regardless of how stupid he was acting, she loved him.
The reality of the situation was that Omar had felt like he was at the bottom of Jordan’s priorities. She worked too much, she found time for her friends and her son, but when it came to Omar, he got what was left. Jordan didn’t agree with that but that was what was bothering him. It was never directly said, but it was always insinuated. Omar felt like she thought she was better than him because she had a Juri’s Doctorate and a more “prestigious” career. He would always make sarcastic comments about her degrees, her being so smart, or just her successful career. It was rare when he mentioned any of those things without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Jordan knew that it didn’t help that she was around other men who had also earned the same accolades, accolades that he had not. All the celebrities and big-shot people she dealt with day to day never sat well with him. She always thought he took it better than she would, though; she would have had a fit if he were working with Janet Jackson or Oprah every day. So she could understand her working around all these rich, successful, famous, and handsome men was intimidating to him. Especially because he knew he could never give her what they could. What he never understood was they could never give her what he could. However, he allowed a wedge to come between them, which allowed her to see more than she would have been too blind to see otherwise.
One night, Jordan had a business dinner with Morris Chestnut and his agent. It was common knowledge that ever since Jordan was in college she’d loved Morris Chestnut. She knew when she told Omar, deep down he was probably a little uncomfortable and jealous. However, Omar was never one to admit jealousy of no man—he found other ways and words to express his disapproval. With these sit
uations, though, it was business, and he knew she always kept business separate from personal things. It’s all about the check. For some reason, though, on that particular night, when he saw her leaving in her black suit with the pink pinstripes, he almost lost his mind. Her hair was laid just right, makeup looking like it had been professionally done, and her breasts were peeking out of her pink shirt just enough to get the imagination running. As she walked through the bedroom, he said, “What are you wearing?”
“A suit,” she replied.
“You look like you’re going on a date, not to a business dinner.”
“Just want to make sure he knows I’m the type he can bring home to Mama, too,” she said playfully, before noticing that he really wasn’t in a playful mood.
Once she noticed it, she immediately went over to him in the bed, moving slightly on top of him, and said, “Baby, please—if you’re worried he is my fantasy man, just remember he is only the dream. I’m coming back home to you.”
Hands down, she thought she had said the line of the year. Until he said, “Oh, I apologize for ruining that dream for you,” and rose from the bed, forcing her to get off of him.
She didn’t mean it that way, but it was just the way he took things—for the worst. It was just Omar’s perception of his role in her life. He felt like a disappointment in her world of glitz and glamour. Like she was out in the world happy, and living the life, but then had to come home to reality, just Omar. It was almost like he felt out of place in her life. That really crushed Jordan’s heart, but she didn’t know what to do. She had no idea how to prove to him that he meant more than anybody or anything in her career. After his comment, he had sat on the edge of the bed watching the television screen intensely as if he hoped he could forget she was still in the bedroom.
Diva Diaries Page 18