Cole.
I clasped Julia’s hand tightly in mine as we rode toward our destination. It had been several days since I had apologized for being a colossal asshole. And in that time things had been simple and nice—well, as simple as it could be under the circumstances. The last few days had been some of the best in my life. Julia and I hadn’t done anything special. We’d mostly slept, her more than I. And I worked, too. I’d attended a few early morning board meetings that were long overdue, leaving her in bed with a full staff of guards just outside the penthouse door. Most times, I came home before she even got up.
We’d stayed in and ordered out, having all kinds of delicious foods delivered. We watched TV. We did things normal people did when they were in love—aside from sex. We didn’t do that. I’d wanted to. Fuck, I’d really wanted to. But I was intent on showing her I wasn’t a caveman. And it was hard as hell. Every time I looked at her I wanted to be buried inside her, with her moans in my ears. But I held back. Julia was this perfect, beautiful creature who had been hurt repeatedly by a man she thought she loved. She had barely made it out of that relationship alive, and then here I was claiming her, marking her, demanding she be mine alone and putting her down at the same time. It was appalling. And I didn’t deserve her presence, but somehow she’d forgiven me as if it had never happened.
I made it a point to show her more of me. To show her my love in ways that didn’t involve my body—even though it was hard as fuck, literally. She didn’t bring up the fact we hadn’t had sex, though a lot of the times she seemed a little lost in her thoughts. I would ask her if she was okay, and she would smile and brush me off, claiming to be overwhelmed.
Yesterday I had found her in the shower, sitting on the little seat bawling her eyes out. The sight ripped me apart and when I asked her what it was about, she had merely mumbled a few words into my chest. I only caught one of them.
Mom.
A vice-like grip had squeezed around my heart. After her first bout of crying in the car, she had seemed to brush the interlude with her mother away as if it meant nothing, but clearly it did. And it destroyed me that I couldn’t fix it. That I couldn’t just buy her a new mom. I almost snorted at the thought. I had already tried that for myself; hell, with all the plastic surgery my mom had gotten over the years, I practically did have a new mom.
I’d caught her sniffling again after getting out of the shower today and I decided I was going to take her out and show her my favorite things about New York. I’d doubled the amount of guards for the occasion.
“Come on,” I said as the limo rolled to a stop. We’d already had dinner at a hole in the wall Italian restaurant in lower Manhattan. It was one of the first places I had visited after moving to the Big Apple, and one of my absolute favorites.
“Where are we?” She climbed out. “Oh my.”
A boardwalk stretched out before us, with food stands and carnival rides illuminated with lights stark against the dark night, overlooking the ocean. People were scattered all over the place. Couples holding hands. Children laughing. It was a majestic sight, with the crashing of waves as background music.
“It’s beautiful.”
I glanced over at her. She was illuminated in the soft yellow glow of the lights, wearing a simple white dress that clung to her and stopped mid-thigh. White flats covered her feet and her hair was piled up on her head. Little blue tendrils brushed at the tops of her bare shoulders.
“Breathtaking,” I murmured, my dick twitching in my pants.
She smiled. “I suddenly feel like I’m in one of those romantic movies we watched.” I snagged her hand and started leading her forward.
“Maybe you are.”
She gave me a sideways look and shook her head. “Those movies aren’t about people like us.”
“What do you mean?” The thump of music from one of the carnival rides rattled the boardwalk.
“Well, for one, I’m a stripper, or…well, former stripper turned gas station cashier.” She snorted. “And you, well you’re—”
“A murderer.”
“Yeah…that.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out; my mother was calling. I still hadn’t spoken to her. I couldn’t even look at her after what she had done. Putting Julia up on that stage with Victor Marlin, potentially endangering her.
“Is that your mom?” Julia asked.
“Yeah.” I shoved my phone back in my pocket.
“Why don’t you answer it?”
“I have nothing to say to her.”
We fell into a lull of silence as we walked through the crowds of people. A man painted silver juggled three flaming sticks for a crowd of children, all of whom were squealing excitedly.
“She loves you, you know.”
I blanched. “Don’t say that.”
“She does. In a backward way, but it is love.”
The very idea felt wrong, but I pressed Julia anyway. “Why do you think that?”
“Because she told me.”
I had forgotten that not only had Jennifer put her up on that stage, but she’d also worked with her to do it. Meaning they’d talked to one another.
“She lies. A lot.”
“And she seemed to think it was hilarious that I would think Elaine was behind the attacks. She said you would kill her if you found out she had anything to do with it.”
“She’s right,” I said without hesitation. “No one hurts you and gets away with it. Come on,” I gestured to the ticket booth, “let’s ride the Ferris Wheel.”
“I don’t think Jennifer is the one behind my attack, or Mandi’s murder. She had plenty of chances to off me, or have someone else do it. But she didn’t.”
I considered this. It was puzzling that my mother would go to all the trouble she had if she was after Julia. I had felt certain at first, but then finding out Jay had worked with Kevin, and then Kevin going missing, had turned me away from the idea.
“Did you find out anything about the unknown number that texted?” she asked.
We hadn’t talked about this, not since the night I got the text message. I had the distinct feeling that Julia didn’t really want to know, which was why she hadn’t asked about it again. Like she wanted to pretend it hadn’t really happened.
“I did.” I’d found out the next day when I was leaving a board meeting. Jim had called with news that only made me more angry. But then I remembered I’d never told her about the name associated with the number. “The account is registered to my brother, Garrett Maddon.”
She gasped. “But—”
I pulled out my wallet and paid for the tickets, smiling at the lady behind the glass. “He’s dead. I know. Believe me. I killed him. But the messages both came from the same account. An account registered to him.”
We boarded the Ferris Wheel, getting into our own white basket that housed just the two of us.
She sat across from me, her gaze on me, but her eyes distant. “It’s registered under Garrett’s name…Kevin wouldn’t have known those things about you,” she said slowly, frowning. “He wouldn’t have known about your brother…and what happened. Plus, even if he did, I don’t see him going to all that trouble. He’s hot-headed, not conniving to a point that he would do something like that.” She leaned back against the seat as the ride moved up, allowing other people to board the baskets below us.
“I don’t know. None of it makes sense. My mom trying to help…” My mother’s definition of helping was questionable. She’d paid a considerable sum to get me into jail, and my arraignment held off for as long as it was. If she wasn’t trying to help, then what was she doing it for? I wasn’t giving her what she wanted when it came to Elaine, so I wondered if she was trying to hurt me on purpose by having Julia dance with Victor because she knew I would see it. That didn’t make sense either; even the judge admitted he wasn’t supposed to let me out until the next morning, but I’d paid him more than she had.
I rubbed my temples. Nothing made sense.
/>
“The person who is doing this was there. We know they were based on the text message.” Julia bit her lip and I could literally see the wheels spinning in her head. After several moments, she put her hand over mine. “I know you don’t want to talk about it…” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear nervously. “But I think you need to tell me about what happened that night with your brother and Sandy. Whoever this is knows your past, at least enough of it to know what would hurt you. Maybe what happened back then has something to do with this.”
She hadn’t brought it up since the night I’d apologized, seemingly okay with setting aside my brother’s murder for the time being. Part of me had hoped she would just let it go completely. That my demons could stay hidden. That the permanent bloodstain on my life would turn invisible.
“I…I don’t know.” I had never told anyone, not the full story. The media had their lies and their opinions. No one really knew, not even my mother who had seen the blood on me.
“It’s okay, Cole. You can trust me.” She rubbed her hand back and forth on top of mine.
I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I…” Scenes from that night flashed in my head. “Don’t do this, Cole. I’m your brother. Your only brother.”
I pushed his voice away. What would she think of me when I told her? How would she feel when she heard about how my brother had cried, how he’d begged for his life? I’d shown no mercy. Not for my own brother.
The Ferris Wheel stopped and we were at the very top, overlooking the Atlantic ocean on one side and the buildings of New York City on the other.
“It’s important.” She squeezed my hand.
“You’re going to think I’m a monster,” I muttered.
“Cole…I already do.” Her eyes implored me. “But you’re my monster.”
I stared at her intently, hoping, wishing she really meant those words. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand.
“It…” I sucked in a deep breath as the Ferris Wheel started to move more quickly. “It was ten years ago and I lived in New Orleans. Everything for Obsidian Spirits started there, so that’s where I had my main office. I lived there at the time. The company hadn’t gone international yet, but I was a good seven years into my business, and the last three years had pushed the company into the billion dollar bracket. The reality of that, of being the poor kid who’d saved up all summer to buy something, who now had more money than he would ever know what to do with, it was…exhilarating.” I could remember walking into a car dealership and buying a car outright with my debit card. A car that cost over fifty thousand dollars. “I built my mom a house. It was this big ridiculous mansion, with fucking trees imported from South Africa and a botanical garden that covered the third floor.”
“I saw it,” Julia said. “Pictures of it online. It’s beautiful.”
I snorted. “I hate that house. I wanted to burn it down…after everything.” I cleared my throat. “But anyway, I built the house for her, my sister Sandy, and Garrett. They lived there for about a year before everything happened. Garrett was a year older than me, twenty-six at the time, and Sandy was six years younger than him. I went there one night. I didn’t live with them. I couldn’t stand to live in close quarters with all of them, especially my mother. But Garrett, Sandy, and I always had a relatively decent relationship.”
“You always got along with him?”
“I wouldn’t say always. My mom and Sandy favored Garrett; they always had for some reason I didn’t get. Even after I spent millions on them, he was still the favored one.” I chewed the inside of my cheek at the raw feeling it gave me. “But I went home that night and…”
Images popped into my head and I was back there again. I was walking up the front step of the big Egyptian-style mansion. Humid warmth pressed against my skin, seeming to cling to every fiber of my body. I didn’t want to be there, but Elaine had left her cell phone at the house earlier when she’d had lunch with mom. She didn’t want to drive back and get it herself.
“You go get it, honey. Pleeeease? I’ll suck your dick when you get home.” The blowjob wasn’t what spurned me to go. I’d already fucked an intern in my office earlier that day. I didn’t need Elaine’s blowjob to satisfy me, but I also didn’t want to listen to her gripe and whine and beg for me to go get it all night.
I pulled out my key and unlocked the front door. It was a little after eleven, not late, but the front hallway was empty. I knew Mom wouldn’t be there; Elaine had mentioned she had plans and wouldn’t be back until the next day.
Mom had been trying to convince me to hire a house staff which included maids and butlers, people to answer the door, a complete live-in team. I had only rolled my eyes at her. What would she need that for? She didn’t work, what else did she have to do with her free time, but clean and answer the door?
I moved quickly through the hallway and into the spacious dining room at the end. It was past the tea room and the brunch room. What a fucking waste of space. I liked nice things, sure. But there was a point where it was ridiculous and too much. But I had built it anyway. My mom and Sandy had seemed so excited at the prospect of the house. Of having a place that was their own, a perfect building with everything they could ever want inside. My mom’s excitement didn’t mean a whole lot to me, but Sandy’s joyous face made it all worth it, even if most of the ridiculous things were Mom’s idea.
I didn’t see the Nokia phone anywhere in the dining room so I moved on to the tea room and brunch room. It wasn’t in either of those. Where could it be? I couldn’t very well call Elaine and ask where she left it, since our landline hadn’t been hooked up yet, so there was no way I could reach her.
This is fucking ridiculous. I wanted to be at home in bed, getting my dick sucked so I could fall asleep. I had a meeting with an investor in the morning who could potentially take the company overseas, which was just where I wanted to go. I moved down a spacious hallway that broke off from the brunch room. Big expensive paintings hung from the walls, depicting vast beautiful landscapes. This was probably the best part of the whole house. I didn’t stop to admire the pictures, though. I kept moving, heading for the smaller of the two downstairs living rooms. Mom liked to entertain in there sometimes, so Elaine’s phone was probably there.
I could hear the TV playing behind the closed door and someone moaning. A woman. I shook my head. Garrett was a major porn addict. I couldn’t even remember how many times I’d caught him jacking off to porn in our room when I got home from football practice in the afternoon. Now that he was an adult he had subscriptions to pretty much every porn magazine in existence; I knew because I was the one who paid the fucking bill now. He’d lost his job in construction work about three years ago and had yet to get another job. He seemed content to sit at home and jack off all day.
I pushed the door and made sure my eyes were focused on where I knew the TV was. “Okay, Garrett, put your dick up. I’m look—” But the TV wasn’t playing porn. It was playing some late-night sitcom re-run. I frowned and glanced at the couch, but the sight that greeted me wasn’t what I was expecting. I stood there blinking at it. At them. Garrett and Sandy. He had her bent over the arm of the couch while he pounded into her from behind. She moaned as their skin slapped together.
“What the fuck?” I shouted, drawing their attention.
“Oh my God!” Sandy screamed and darted away from Garrett over the back of the couch. Garrett’s face showed equal shock, his mouth gaping open as he stared at me.
“Look, Cole…”
I shook my head back and forth. This wasn’t happening. My brother wasn’t fucking my baby sister. No. No. No.
“It’s not what you think,” Garrett said, calmly holding his hands out as if warding me off. But I hadn’t moved. I stood completely frozen in the doorway.
“Then what the fuck is it?” I glanced at Sandy who had popped her head up from behind the couch. Her curly hair was messy. Her bottom lip trembling.
“I love her.”
I jerked my head back to Garrett. He ran a hand through his short dark hair. Even though we were brothers we hardly resembled one another. He was a little shorter than me, and leaner. He stood stark naked in the middle of the living room. Their clothes were scattered all over the place as if they had been desperate, needy, to get them off. My gut churned.
“She’s our sister, Garrett. You’re supposed to love her.” I shook my head back and forth. Unbelieving.
“I love her more than that.”
“No! Fuck!” I pressed my hand to my forehead. “No!” I shouted again. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No!” I lunged at him, my frozen state gone. Nothing was left in me. Nothing but anger. Vicious, raw, all-consuming anger. My brother had his dick inside Sandy. Our baby sister. Our fucking sister. “You fucking piece of shit!” I screamed as wailed on him, raining punches down on his body.
“No, please, Cole, no!” Sandy screeched, but I ignored her. He fought back, landing a punch right in my gut that made me double over, air whooshing from between my lips at the impact.
Garrett rolled me over and stood over me, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. “I don’t want to fight you, brother. Let’s talk about this.”
I scrambled off the floor. Sandy had come to stand at Garrett’s side. She was still naked. They both were.
“What the hell are you doing, Sandy? What the hell is going on?” I wanted her to deny it. To tell me it wasn’t true, that the things I’d just witnessed were a figment of my imagination, that I was in the middle of a big fucking nightmare.
“He’s telling the truth, Cole.” Her voice quivered. “We love each other. We’re in love.”
“But you’re related. You…you…you’re a virgin.” I sputtered the words pathetically. I had played the role of protective older brother all my life. From the moment Sandy was born I had treasured her, especially since I was her caregiver most of the time. Mom was always out, gone for days when we were kids. Garrett was too worried about himself and his own hunger, but I was the one who’d cared for little Sandy, an infant who couldn’t care for herself. As she grew up I had helped her with her homework, guarded her. I beat up the fifth grader who called her fat one time, even though I was much older. I kept away the assholes who’d just wanted to use her when she was in high school. She hadn’t been with anyone. I only knew this because she told me. She was saving herself for the right guy. That man who would come and sweep her off her feet. That was what she’d said several years ago, and as far as I knew she hadn’t even gone on a date since then.
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