“Who are what?” She turned away and saw Fiona coming toward them along with Keiran and the rest of her cousins. She lifted her skirts and started toward them.
“Why are ye lookin’ so prickly?” Fiona grinned at her.
“I do not look anything of the sort.” Clarissa stomped her foot, which was completely ineffectual in the sand.
Fiona stepped up to her and then pulled her away from the others. “He’s never going to court you unless you stop being angry all the time.”
“He’s not going to court me, he’s still considering you!” Clarissa nearly shouted.
Fiona gave her a perplexed look. “I told ye already we’re just not telling Da what—”
“Ye didn’t tell me anything. Not really.” Clarissa was near stomping again. This couldn’t be any more confusing. Because despite Fiona’s words at breakfast the other day, they appeared to be considering marriage.
“I lost me temper and told Colin Campbell I was marrying Ewan in two weeks’ time. I explained it to Colin after, but he seemed angry and I am worried that he’ll go and tell the entire village and then I’ll be ruined and embarrassed in front of everyone. Ewan’s only stayin’ around so that if it happens, I can publicly break it off with him and save face in front of everyone. Da will be furious, but it’s better than the alternative.”
“He’s saving you from public embarrassment?” Clarissa thought she might be ill. He hadn’t been untrue to Fiona at all. She hunched over, clutching her stomach. He saved her from runaway horses and broken wagon wheels. He was protecting Fiona from public humiliation.
Her arguments against him were melting and she couldn’t allow that to happen because if she did… she turned to look at him. His piercing stare pinned her to the spot. If she failed at a relationship a second time she was sure she’d never recover. She just couldn’t risk it. She had to build those walls back up.
A rake she could defend herself against. But a gentleman who had no interest in marrying an Englishwoman, what could she do about that? She’d sink under her feelings and still end up with a broken heart.
Chapter 9
Clarissa had his blood near to boil all the while she gave him nothing but cold stares and icy silence. He would catch her, when she thought he wasn’t looking, giving him intense looks of longing. It was sheer force of will that she kept up her chilly façade. That was her Scot blood. Stubborn till the end.
But now that he knew he and Fiona were not compatible, he had to find a suitable bride. He didn’t care about the dowry anymore either. It’d take work but he’d see it done. But Clarissa had underscored what he’d been feeling for a while. His life had been empty, cold, and barren. He needed someone to fill it with light. Make him dizzy with excitement.
The way Clarissa did. After she’d held him on the beach, he no longer cared that she was English. There’d be some issues to work out but they could do it.
He’d like to tell her all this if she’d ever stop throwing him icy glares. And she needed to melt soon because Haggis was growing impatient. He and Fiona had to tell him they weren’t courting because it wasn’t right to keep the truth from him. But a little voice deep down told him that if he kept up the lie a little longer, it was that much more time he got with Clarissa. Once the truth was out, he’d have to leave.
But he’d like to clear the air with Clarissa before he went. Hell, he’d like to take her with him. But he understood. He’d most certainly acted the part of rake with her, and he didn’t know how to explain that it was only her. He never normally acted so…wanton. That is to say, not for a verra long time. But he lost his senses around her.
Which was about the most fun thing that had happened to him since…well he couldn’t rightly remember, it had been so long.
Which meant he needed to speak with her again. He’d already ambushed her in the library. It was unlikely to work again.
Instead, he’d play her trick and slip a note under her door. Her’s was one of the sweetest prose he’d ever read. She’d thanked him for coming to her aid and told him how she would never forget him. It spoke of feelings she’d never expressed in person, unless kissing could be counted.
He waited till the house was quiet and hoped Clarissa was still awake. Then he slipped to her room. He jostled the door intentionally to alert her of his presence and then he slipped the note, catching the paper on the wood under the door. It made a number of scratching noises as it went and he grinned. It wasn’t so loud that it would wake the house but loud enough to let her know he was there.
A minute of silence followed and he worried she was still asleep but then the pad of her feet across the floor let him know his tactics had worked. He listened as she unfolded the paper and then nothing.
Holding his breath, he waited. Finally she spoke. “I won’t come out, Ewan.”
“Will ye talk with me at least?” He pressed closer to the door.
“About what?” she asked.
“Tomorrow, I tell Lord Ravenscraig I’ll not be marryin’ his daughter. I’d like to ask his permission to court you if you’d allow it. You don’t have to promise anything other than you’ll spend a little time getting to know me.”
Silence followed till it was near deafening. “Ewan, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I…I’m just not ready.”
His gut clenched. He’d been afraid of that. She was still too brokenhearted to see what was happening between them. “Lass, ye’re not committing to marriage. And if ye let me, I can help you heal, and perhaps you can help me too. Don’t answer now, just think about it.” He pressed a little closer. “Please.”
“I’ll think about it,” she answered finally.
He smiled, relief making his breath rush out. “That’s good, lass. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Clarissa was feeling anything but relieved. Why hadn’t she just said no? There was no future there. Maybe someday she could entertain the possibility of marriage but she didn’t see how. There was no way she’d trust like that again. Especially someone like Ewan who made her breathless and confused.
And so vulnerable.
So why had she agreed to think about it? But she already knew the answer. Because he lit her blood on fire. She was to marry Lord Davenport and he hadn’t inspired anything even close to that. And while she’d found men handsome or appealing, it was nothing compared to how wanton she became at his touch. Which made him all the more dangerous.
She sighed. She couldn’t risk it. He muddled her mind and she’d be too open to hurt. She’d tell him in the morning that she couldn’t accept his courtship.
With her convictions strong, she fell asleep ready to stand firm the next day.
The bright morning sun further bolstered her spirits as she sat at breakfast. Aunt Judith and Agnes decided to read in the garden to take advantage of the weather and she happily agreed to join them.
Ewan was giving her his penetrating stare, the one that made her shiver with desire, and sunshine seemed the best way to burn off the nighttime longings he inspired.
Ainsley and Emilia were plotting some adventure in the village. Clarissa now understood they were eavesdropping to make sure Colin hadn’t given Fiona away. While Fiona had yet to come down, which was odd.
Uncle Haggis was at his usual position with the paper. “I know you and Fiona wanted to speak with me.” He turned, grinning at Ewan. “It would seem she’s already acting the part of a married lady. Sleeping in her bed all morning. Perhaps we can talk later.”
Clarissa watched as Ewan’s face tightened and he turned to Haggis to give a nod. Clarissa realized that Uncle Haggis wasn’t likely to take the news well. He clearly thought Ewan and Fiona had made a match. Her nerves fluttered for him but she knew he could handle himself.
Then he looked back at her. “Since I’ve no meetin’ this mornin’, may I join you lasses in the garden?”
“That would lovely, Lord Dumfries,” Aunt Judith smiled.
Clarissa’s cheeks heated. Perhaps she’d been h
asty in thinking that time in the garden would give her a break from wanton thoughts of Ewan.
Sitting on a bench with her aunt and cousin, she watched the muscles of his back work as he spread a blanket down in some grass. Then he sat atop it with his book in hand.
“Care to join me?” He turned to her, his eyes holding her hostage once again.
Aunt Judith clucked her tongue and muttered under her breath, “How Haggis can still think he’s courting Fiona is beyond me. It’s so obvious where his interest lies.”
Clarissa warmed, her cheeks flaming at the words. Apparently it had been obvious to near everyone that Ewan had eyes for her and not Fiona. She’d have seen it sooner if her experience in London hadn’t clouded her judgment. She supposed Uncle Haggis had his own reasons for missing the truth.
She stood from the bench and walked over to where he sat in the middle of the quilt. She picked a corner and sat, arranging her skirts.
“Why so far away, lass?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.
She nibbled on her lip. “You’re dangerous, my lord.”
He gave her a wicked grin. “At this point, lass, call me Ewan.” He lounged back on the blanket, giving her even more space. “And here, in front of your aunt and cousin, I’m no danger to you.”
Oh but he was. He kept maneuvering past her defenses, his smile was doing it this very moment. Making her forget her promise to end any chance of a courtship.
Even now it whispered, what is the harm in courting? He said you didn’t have to make any promises. And that was a dangerous thought. But she made light of it. “Rakes always find a way to compromise a lady.” She knew he wasn’t a rake. But it was an easy defense now. Far easier than admitting her own fear of poor judgment.
Her resolve was weakening. With each passing hour, she grew more desperate to throw herself in his arms and forget the consequences.
He sat up again, his face going black. “Ye think I’m a rake? I’m nothing like the man who compromised you in London.”
Very true. Davenport ruined her without a single touch. Damaged goods because of rejection. Engaged couples were allowed time alone, it didn’t matter they had never touched. But Ewan, he had touched her and made no promises yet. And was not just involving her pride but her heart.
“You’re much worse.” She inched a little further away but he closed the distance between them coming as close as propriety allowed. She was trying so hard to be strong, to protect her heart but his nearness was making it hard to think.
“How can ye even say that?”
“Did you forget what happened in your room?” she whispered, her eyebrows rising to her hairline. How could he not know the effect he had on her? How she was losing her senses?
He had the decency to look abashed then. “But I’ve asked to court ye.”
“He courted me too,” she answered softly.
“Wait,” his face clouded with confusion. “Why didn’t ye just marry him? Not that I’m advocating it. But if he ruined ye, and he was courting…”
Her mouth was hanging open and he stopped, looking more confused still. He thought she’d actually been compromised. Of course, that’s what most thought, but no one had told him that she’d broken the engagement and that meant, to society, she was a fallen woman. “It wasn’t like—”
But she stopped because her Aunt Rhona came running into the courtyard, skirts held up in her hands. “Fiona is missing!”
Chapter 10
Ewan could have cursed aloud. He was worried about Fiona, of course. Though she was a lass with a penchant for fun and disregard for rules or safety. She’d likely taken herself on an adventure. But Haggis thought he and Fiona were still courting, and that did not bode well for him.
And Clarissa, she’d been about to tell him something important.
Standing, he held his hand down to Clarissa. “Should we start a search party?” he asked.
Lady Ravenscraig’s hands fluttered to her cheeks. “I’m not sure, I don’t know, I…”
“What’s all the ruckus about?” Lord McDougal bellowed across the courtyard.
“Oh Haggis, it’s Fiona. She’s not in her room. No one’s seen her. None of the servants or the girls. I’ve searched everywhere.”
Haggis levelled him with a glare. “Lord Dumfries,” he grated out.
Ewan stood straighter. “Yes, Lord Ravenscraig.”
“Where is my daughter?”
“I don’t ken.” Crossing his arms over his chest. “But I can help ye look, if ye’d like.”
Haggis glared at him for a few more minutes before finally giving his head a shake of agreement.
“Lady Ravenscraig, where have ye looked exactly?” Ewan gave Haggis one more glare before he turned to his wife.
She rattled off a list of rooms in the house that included the attic and the root cellar. But nothing outside of the house.
He gave a nod. “Assemble the staff. Let’s start with her favorite places. If that doesn’t yield anything, we’ll fan out.”
Within a quarter hour, they’d assembled all able bodies and made a list. The lighthouse, the village, the barns, and the horse fields were where they would start.
Agnes, Emilia, and Keiran went to check the lighthouse, while Haggis and two servants went to the grazing pastures.
The aunts headed off to the village while Ewan and Clarissa made for the barn. They walked silently side by side and Ewan was aware of her every movement while lost in his own thoughts. He wanted to court her but somehow, he couldn’t untangle himself from Fiona. It was maddening.
“Ewan,” Clarissa’s voice trembled slightly.
“Aye, mo chridhe?” He rubbed his eyes.
Her hand fluttered to touch his arm. “You seem worried. Do you think Fiona’s hurt?”
He swore under his breath. He honestly didn’t think she was hurt but still, he should be thinking of her rather than himself. “I think she’s fine but I am concerned about the repercussions of this day.”
“Me too,” she admitted softly. “Uncle Haggis thinks that you…”
He glanced over to see her face shadowed with worry. “I had nothing to do with Fiona’s disappearance.”
“Oh, I didn’t think you did.” She stopped, looking over at him. “Fiona would not be out of the house if you and she had been—” Her cheeks flamed pink. “But Uncle Haggis is suspicious and if he thinks you’re responsible you’ll have to leave and—”
He reached for her hand. “Ye want me to stay?”
Her mouth opened and closed several times before she finally answered. “Lord preserve me, I think I do.” She took a breath and then the next words rushed out. “I promised myself that I would tell you no but I just can’t. I’m not saying yes, but I can’t say no either…I’m sorry to be so—”
“That’s enough of a promise for now, lass.” He pulled her a little closer. “I’ve just got to make sure yer uncle doesn’t insist I marry yer cousin. I was trying to help the lass but I’ve landed in a right bit of trouble.”
“She told me what you did for her. It was verra kind.” Her body had moved closer and she was smiling up at him in a way that made him weak in the knees. When she spoke with a burr, he near lost his senses. His lips began drifting down to hers.
“Ye’re out in the open, ye know?” Fiona called from the entrance of the barn. “Are you two just goin’ around kissin’ all the time?”
“Fiona McDougal,” Clarissa stepped away from him hands on her hips. “Where have you bloody been?”
His blood heated even more as she chastised her cousin.
“What are ye talkin’ about? I just got up early and headed out to the barn for a ride.” Fiona’s cheeks colored.
“Is that why ye’re wearing the same dress as you were last night?” Clarissa stalked up to her. “It’s fine if you want to get yourself into a whole pile of trouble but yer father thinks Ewan is responsible for you being gone.”
“It’s Ewan now, is it?” Fiona crossed her arms.
> “You’d better go change right quick. And don’t let anyone see you because Ewan is done covering up for you. You have to tell Uncle Haggis today that you’re not getting married.”
Fiona huffed a breath, “And why is that?”
“Do you want to marry him? If you do, then pray, continue.” Clarissa gave her cousin a furious stare.
Ewan pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. It took a lot to win an argument with a Scottish woman but Clarissa was winning.
“Maybe I’ll just tell Da you want Ewan for yourself and that’s why I can’t marry him.” Fiona was near shouting now.
Clarissa stepped even closer, her voice rising to meet Fiona’s. “And maybe I’ll tell him that you snuck into the barn to meet Colin Campbell.”
He tried not to laugh. It wouldn’t help either of the angry women in front of him. But there was a little pleasure in seeing Clarissa put Fiona in her place. That little trickster needed it.
But she was getting her due now, because her skin had gone ash white under her freckles. “You wouldn’t.”
Clarissa was right in her face. “All this time, I was so worried I was taking something from you. But you have been trying to take something from me. You’re ruining my chance to play another one of your little tricks. Fiona McDougal, you’ll come clean this instant or—“
“It’s a chance, is it?” he grinned calling over them.
“That isn’t…I mean it’s not…I didn’t…”
He approached them both. “It’s all right, lass. But don’t be too hard on Fiona. I’d likely left days ago if it wasn’t for what she said to Colin.” Putting his arm around Clarissa’s waist he whispered. “Help Fiona get into a riding habit quick. She went for a morning ride. Nothing more. Needed to clear her head because she’s decided she just can’t marry me.” He winked. “Now go, both of ye and make it quick.”
Clarissa’s feat flew down the lane to the castle as she and Fiona kept a sharp eye for any family or staff. Sneaking into the back door, they ducked into a broom closet as one of the maids came down the stairs and into the kitchen. Then they scampered up the servants’ stairs.
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