by Kami Kinard
Know what? I’m worried.
Wednesday, January 24
Before breakfast
Complained of hurt knee and begged out of running but promised to go tomorrow. Didn’t sleep well last night.
Sixth period
Today Tabbi met Evan in front of school and wrote Property of Tabbi Reddy on his hand, like she’s done every day since they started going out. She added a big heart with a red Sharpie in honor of their two-week anniversary. That’s supposedly some kind of milestone. As she gushed about how it has been the best two weeks of her life, it made me a little sick. Just like it does every time she gushes about Evan. So, you see, today started out like a very normal day.
Surprisingly, even Maybelline was acting fairly normal. Sure she glared at me when I got out of Dad’s Honda, but she pretty much does that every day. And she “accidentally” kicked my desk a few times when she got up to sashay to the pencil sharpener, but she does that about every day, too. And at least she’d stopped that annoying sniffing! I wondered if things between Maybelline and me weren’t going to be too too much worse than they already were. I even thought maybe my confronting her yesterday was a good thing. Hey — I’d rather have my desk kicked a few dozen times than listen to sniffing all day long.
But that was before lunch.
At lunch I sat with Anna Johnstone and Dianna Leroy, just like old times. I really did not want to sit with Tabs and Evan on their highly publicized “two-week anniversary.” I noticed Anna was reading a book called The Mediator, which is about a girl who has a crush on a handsome ghost who is, like, two hundred years old. I loved that book! So we got into this great (but weird) conversation about the top ten ghosts you would consider going out with, and lunch flew by without my taking notes on any more subjects. So it wasn’t until fourth period that I got clued in that something was very wrong with my world. Here were my clues:
Tabbi did not come to class.
Evan did. But when he raised his hand to answer a question, it did not have writing on it. All that was left of his temporary tattoo was a pale pink blob where the heart used to be.
After class, Evan started walking toward my desk. “Where’s Tabs?” I asked. He shrugged! Then he passed my desk and stopped at Maybelline’s.
Next, Evan picked up Maybelline’s books and walked toward the door!!!
And Maybelline hooked her hand in the crook of Evan’s arm and walked with him!!!!
Maybelline looked over her shoulder and gave me a big, exaggerated wink. “Told you I’d get a boyfriend,” she said.
I couldn’t move. All of the times that I’d felt sick listening to Tabbi talk about Evan didn’t compare to how seriously ill I felt at that very moment. It was like someone had spread Gorilla Glue on my butt and I was going to be stuck in my desk forever. I was cold. And shaky. Tabbi was somewhere (probably home) crying her eyes out, and it was all thanks to me. Maybelline wanted to get back at me, and since I didn’t have a boyfriend she stole my best friend’s.
I might have stayed in that seat forever if fifth period hadn’t started filing in and Mia Willers hadn’t said, “Get out of my seat, girl, before I dump you out.”
Now I’m in the instrument room pretending to fix a stuck valve. Even though I could get suspended for it, I’m taking out my cell phone and dialing Tabbi’s number.
She doesn’t answer.
I wonder how long I can stay back here before Mr. Waldorf notices? I do not feel like making a joyful noise today. . . .
Bedtime
After trying Tabbi’s cell a thousand times and only getting voicemail, I was finally able to reach her by calling her home number and talking to her mom first.
As soon as I said hello, Tabs started sobbing. It was hard to understand what she was saying, exactly, but eventually I managed to get the whole story.
Basically, Evan is a jerk and Maybelline is a fiend. Get this — at lunch, Maybelline just sashayed up to Evan and Tabs while they were celebrating their two-week anniversary and asked Evan to go to the spring dance with her! And right in front of Tabbi, Evan said yes.
Tabs said she asked Evan if he liked Maybelline so much, why hadn’t he just asked her out a long time ago? He said he would have, but he didn’t think a girl as pretty as Maybelline would say yes!!!
Poor Tabbi. She was all tears. “You’re still looking for your soul mate, Kara, but I’d already found mine. Maybelline didn’t steal my boyfriend, she stole part of my soul.”
I feel like the worst friend in the world. If I hadn’t been having that ridiculous conversation about dead hotties, I’d have noticed my best friend running from the cafeteria in tears.
I’ll tell you what, though. Even when Maybelline does dump Evan — and I’m sure she will since he’s obviously (to everyone but him) her rebound guy — I am done researching him. There are some things you never know . . . but I know for sure that my one and only true soul mate will not be someone who treats people like Evan treated Tabbi. I honestly can’t believe that I used to like that guy!
I guess if Evan and Tabs weren’t meant to be, it’s good for Evan that he figured it out before he got his hand tattooed.
Thursday, January 25
Lunch
James and The Vine are no longer going out. This status change doesn’t have nearly as much YAY power as Alex’s did, but in the interest of being objective with this study, I need to note it anyway. I don’t know how he managed to disentangle himself, but Gina is now ignoring James and openly creeping around other guys.
And though it’s still hard to imagine how I could ever like someone who willingly let himself fall into The Vine’s clutches, it is easier to observe James now that he’s free.
One thing I just noticed about him, for example, is that he no longer has a unibrow. I heard him telling Alex L that his mom plucked it for him. My first thought was: Eww! I couldn’t really believe that he admitted this. Then again, it was so obvious that it had been plucked — since now he has two eyebrows instead of one — that I guess he may as well have.
And speaking of admitting things, I have to admit that James looks a lot cuter these days. It might be that he walks differently. Like he’s more confident or something. His new duo-browed look doesn’t hurt, either.
I pointed this out to Tabs, who agreed that he was cuter, but argued that he still wasn’t nearly as cute as Evan, before she ran to the restroom teary-eyed.
After school
Maybelline is making sure to flaunt her new status as Evan’s girlfriend every chance she gets. So today has been particularly rough for Tabbi. It’s really, really hard to see your BFF looking so sad.
Friday, January 26
Before first bell
Passed Dylan Hudson in the hall this morning and thought I may as well unobtrusively observe him then and there since I have NO classes with him and rarely get a chance to even see him because he is SO popular and SO athletic that he’s always barricaded by fans. He’s one of those guys I never really think about. After all, he hasn’t said so much as “hi” to me since he moved here in fifth grade. He thinks he’s too cool to speak to girls like me (he is). But there are plenty of girls he does talk to and he’s always dating one of them. If it’s not the most popular girl in seventh grade, it’s the most popular girl in eighth or even sixth. Age doesn’t matter to Dylan. Popularity does.
I whirled around and started casually following him while trying to go unnoticed. As we walked toward the gym (he must have PE first period) about a million people spoke to Dylan.
“ ’Sup, Dylan?”
“Yo.”
“Great game, Dylan.”
“You’re d’man.”
“Dude.”
But no one spoke to me. It turns out that when you’re walking in the wake of someone as magnificently popular as Dylan, you don’t have to worry about gettin
g noticed. When I thought about how easy it was to go unnoticed in Dylan’s wake, it was kind of depressing. . . .
Dylan eventually went through the doors of the gym, so I stopped following him. I’ve done a lot of things I normally wouldn’t do for this research project already, but I draw the line at spending extra time with Coach Little.
Third period
Guess how I found out James Powalski is no longer single? By reading his hand! That’s right, James strolled into second period this morning with Property of Tabbi Reddy written on his hand. I whirled around to look at Tabbi, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was staring at James and silently giggling. Blech! You’d think it’d take longer than forty-eight hours to get over being dumped by your soul mate.
I managed to ask Tabs about it when we were changing classes. She impatiently ran fingers through her short blond hair and said, “I was wrong about Evan. Anyway, just yesterday you mentioned that James has gotten a lot cuter.”
I admitted that I had. But I added that I couldn’t see how she could like someone who used to let The Vine climb all over him. She rolled her eyes and said, “You can’t judge people by who they used to date, Kara. I certainly don’t want to be judged by that loser.”
She nodded toward Evan as we entered Mrs. Hill’s class. He had his arms locked with Maybelline’s. Then Tabs stalked away to wrap her arm around James’s shoulders. I guess they had gotten cold after The Vine uprooted.
Even though I was annoyed with her, I didn’t have the heart to tell Tabbi that standing arm in arm with a girl like Maybelline hardly makes Evan look like a loser.
Lunch
My social life has hit rock bottom. I, Kara McAllister, am sitting alone at a table. This wouldn’t be so bad if the table didn’t have room for twelve. And if it wasn’t located in the cafeteria surrounded by full tables, one of which Tabbi is sitting at with James and his friends.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m going about this research all wrong. Maybe instead of observing boys, I should be observing girls. Girls who’ve had relationship success, that is. Maybe by watching them, I can figure out what I need to do to get a boyfriend! I may as well start now. When you’re alone at a table for twelve, it’s crucial that you look busy. Like you’ve actually chosen exile.
Gina Johns (AKA: The Vine) is newly single and she’s probably already planning to do whatever it is she does to get boys to like her. So I’m starting with her. She’s currently giving Alex L a hug. Man, does he look uncomfortable. His eyes keep wandering over to Tiffany Davidson (AKA: The Sponge) who either
(a) is ignoring him.
or
(b) has forgotten he exists.
Wait. Alex is tapping Gina on the shoulder. She’s letting go. Now he’s backing away from her. He must have told her he had to go or something, to get her to loosen her grip. The Vine doesn’t seem bothered by this obvious (and public) rejection! She’s heading toward some guy whose name I can’t remember. He seems to like being hugged like a stuffed toy.
Hmmm. In the time it took me to write this card, The Vine has moved on to yet another boy! There is kind of no point observing her anymore. She just does the same thing over and over again. So I’m moving on to Maybelline. Thanks to Tabbi, I already know what her boy attraction method is. Plus, I have a great view of her.
You know what really stinks? Maybelline doesn’t really have to do anything to get attention from boys. Right now she’s at the popular table with Evan, who looks completely out of place. The Sponge and three other guys are sitting there, too. Maybelline’s talking. And every male at the table is looking at her like her conversation is fascinating. Which has to be a total act. In all of the years I’ve know her, I’ve never heard her say a single interesting thing! It’s not fair!
Poor Gina has to put all kinds of energy into getting guys to look at her (by getting so close to them that they can’t look anywhere else) while Maybelline just sits there. Then when she sees something she wants (Evan) she just walks up and takes it with no effort at all.
Whew! Lunch is almost over. If I go to the bathroom before walking s-l-o-w-l-y to class, I can escape my exile now.
Saturday, January 27
After breakfast
Unfortunately for me, Julie even runs on the weekends and guess who is expected to go with her?
It didn’t exactly make me feel any better about getting up at the crack of dawn when I realized that Julie looked even less happy than usual to see me and my seventy-eight-dollar shoes come down the stairs. As soon as we got out of the driveway, she explained.
“Look, Kara, I know you want to use your new shoes and all, but I need you to stop running with me every morning.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to start running with Lyle,” she sighed. (I knew it!)
“I can see why — he’s totally cute!” I said.
Julie smiled. “I didn’t think you noticed stuff like that.”
“Of course I do!” I said. “The only reason I even bought these sneakers was to get another chance to see this guy who works at the mall.”
Julie laughed and stopped running . . . to hug me!!! Julie’s not exactly the touchy-feely type, so I was kind of surprised by the hug.
Then she gave me all of the details about her and Lyle. Last night they went to the movies with a bunch of friends. Julie claims it counts as their first date since Lyle held her hand the whole time.
I was more than happy to agree to give up running! So we devised a plan. I will wear my running shoes to school every day and try to wear them out in a hurry (I know I’ll look like a dork, but it will be worth it if I can stop waking up at 6:00 a.m.). Meanwhile, she’ll try to think of some way for me to get out of our morning run without getting either of us into trouble.
We ended up at Lyle’s house, of course, and he came down the driveway in brand-new running shoes! He gave Julie a quick kiss before they took off, leaving me behind — a third wheel rolling along in the distance. I didn’t mind, though. Maybe Lyle is Julie’s soul mate and maybe I’ll find one too when I’m sixteen. And I was also happy to know that one of my plans actually seemed to work, even if it didn’t work for me, because it looks like buying new running shoes might be helping Lyle find a soul mate!
Afternoon
Since Julie is the only person anywhere near my age that I’ve seen today, I thought I might as well make a card on her. The method she uses to attract boys is now pretty obvious to me.
The more I think about it, the more I’m not sure this particular research strategy is worth continuing. So far, I’ve observed three girls. One gets boys to notice her by hugging them. One gets boys to notice her by being beautiful. One gets boys to notice her by running.
I know for sure that none of these boy-getting strategies will work for me. First of all, I can’t help my looks. There’s nothing I can do to make myself look like Maybelline. Second, I can’t stand running. I’m RELIEVED that Julie doesn’t want to run with me anymore! Finally, I am not about to go hugging random boys to get one to notice me. That’s just not me. If I started acting like that, I wouldn’t be Kara.
Sunday, January 28
Bedtime
Tabbi called me last night to see if I wanted to go to a get-together at Dianna Leroy’s and to ask if she could spend the night afterward. We always try to have sleepovers at my house because it’s not much fun at Tabs’s, thanks to her mom’s obsession with early bedtimes. I said yes, of course.
Anyway, I’d just gotten my fourth e-mail from Bebe Truelove, along with another ad.
To: Kara M
From: BebeTruelove
Subject: Tip #4
Dear Soul Mate Seeker,
It’s not what you look like, it’s how you look. No man can resist the following trick!
Tip #4
: Give him the bug eye.
Good Luck in Love,
Bebe
Wear Red!
Sure, looks aren’t everything, but you will look your best in this red velvet bikini!
Click here to order now!
♥ Red ♥
(Must be 18 years of age to order.)
I took Bebe’s advice to mean that you go up to a guy and tell him you have a bug in your eye. Then when he touches your face to help you get it out . . . sparks will fly! Maybe.
So I went to Dianna’s with Tabs (who spent the entire time with James) just to try the Bug Eye out on a few guys. It didn’t work the way I thought it would at all.
After the party I found out why the Bug Eye didn’t work for me. As soon as we got to my room, I turned to Tabs and said, “Did you have to spend every minute with James?”
“Yep,” she laughed. “I knew I’d get to talk to you after the party.”
I groaned. “I’m tired of being the only one who doesn’t have a date. It’s so awkward.”
“First of all, you weren’t the only one without a date. Only two people there had dates. And second, if you want a date, why don’t you try harder to get guys to notice you?”
“I am trying!” I practically yelled. “I even did the Bug Eye test during the party and no one was interested.”
“Kara . . . What’d you do?”
“I went up to four different guys and told them a bug had just flown into my eye. And none of them touched my face like they were supposed to or got any closer to me to help me out.”
Tabbi tugged at her bottom eyelid until I could see the slimy, red-veined part. My response was pretty much the same as Subject #6’s.